Jessica A.

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I'm still here. 

I like to look back and see how much my life has changed. Got married, bought a house and added a couple cats to the family.  Still struggling with my weight, but this time I'm getting help with the mental instead of the physical.

I started doing little changes a few months ago to my diet and exercise that have added up significantly to really work well with the changes to my mental health.

I'm not sure if I'm articulating this well, but hopefully some of you understand what I'm trying to say.

In addition, doctor told me I'm salt difficiant so I try my best to regulate that because when my salt gets low I faint and get really sick. His exact quote was "I need you to drink less water and eat more chips" he was dead serious but I don't like chips and I love that American flavored water so I just started to eat a lot more salted sunflower seeds and that has worked perfectly.

Stopped drinking cow milk. No special reason, just always honestly thought the concept of cow's milk was creepy. Switched to almond milk. That being said, I'm not super anal about it. If there's no alternative I'll have some I would just rather not.

Sorry if this blog sounds disjointed just trying to get my thoughts out there before I forget. I've also been awake almost 24 hours because of an emergency (everyone's ok). It's 6am and I have to be up in 4.5 hours to go to Raleigh for a LARP. It's worth it though.

Thanks for listening... I always appreciate when someone takes the time to read what I wrote. May much good vibes head your way.

I'll be honest, I forgot about this site once I didn't need it anymore ugh... I feel so guilty!  This site has been here for me and then I just dumped it like a bad boyfriend lol.  I didn't mean to, just been so busy with life things!  So anyway, I'm not going to pretend that everything went smoothy and according to plan.  I never got down to my goal weight of 150.  The lowest I got was 226, then I gained up to 250 and that's where I've hovered for these 2 years.  Thankfully, still nowhere near the 317 I started at!  

Dissappointed, because I followed all the rules and still do, but I can't really do anything about it.  Although, I did get (finally) diagnosed with ADD and the medication has helped me in other aspects of my life.  However, my confidence level is outrageous now!  It's so crazy!  I've went on to do acting, LARPing and I even got a pinup shoot done that landed me a spot in a charity calandar! (It hasn't released yet, but it can be pre-ordered at https://shop.learnlarp.com/product/new-world-magischola-wizard-pin-up-calendar/ ) I don't know what month I am yet, but it's still cool :D

Even though I didn't meet my goal, I would do it all over again 10x over just for the rise in my self esteem.  Trust me, that's the best part.

Next month will be a year since I had my surgery, and I'm only 74 pounds from goal.  I've lost 93 pounds so far so I'm more than halfway done!  Things have been great, and it's been really easy for me to adjust to the changes in my diet.  My stomach and my wallet certainly are grateful for the changes, and I would never trade it for anything.

When I look in the mirror I can't believe that it's me looking back.  I feel great, I look great, and I don't think I've ever had the self confidence that I do now.

It's so weird, to pass a mirror and not cringe.  I even started livestreaming on camera, which I never would have done before. Www.twitch.tv/gamergrill if you're interested.

I am down 2 pants sizes and 2 shirt sizes, which is just crazy to me.  I haven't bought anymore clothes yet though, since I know I still have a long way to go.  I just... I don't really know how to handle it!  But in a good way!  Everything I've went through is just so worth the results I'm seeing now, and it's so wonderful to walk from the parking lot to school and not be out of breath.  I'm so grateful!

Starting Weight: 317

Current Weight: 264

My week has been filled with ups and downs.  I had a really bad episode at work on Friday which rendered me almost completely useless for about two hours... I (like a stupid idiot) forgot to eat before I went to work (I used to never eat breakfast, and changing my habits to include breakfast has been touch and go, but this was the first time I forgot).  I'll tell you what, I certainly won't be forgetting again anytime soon, because I started work at 9, then when just about 9:45 rolls around, I break out in a sweat all over and things start getting blurry.  Now, I've only almost fainted one other time in my life, so I knew what it was, but then all the sounds started to get muffled, and of course, I was right in the middle of helping a customer with something.  Thankfully, one of my managers was close by, and I called for her help.  She came over and got me a chair, and finished helping my customer.

After sitting in the chair with my head between my knees, it got better but it didn't go away.  Another stroke of luck was that I happened to be training a new cashier that day, so I was able to just sit by the register while she did her thing.  Around ten o'clock, I managed to walk to the break room and get a pack of peanuts.  I know I wasn't supposed to eat solid food yet, but I had to get some protein in my body.  I chewed it up thoroughly and only went through half a little pack, but at about 10:30 I was feeling so much better.  No lightheadedness, no sweating.  Around 11 I was completely back to normal and didn't need the chair anymore, but by that time a lot of people had come into work so the boss told me I could go home.

I decided that I could stick it out a while longer, and actually stayed until around 2pm (I was supposed to get off at 4pm).  Anyway, that story was long winded, I apologize, but I honestly have no one to talk to about the surgery here.  My "surgery helper" aka my mother, is so busy all the time because she's in school for her masters degree AND she teaches full time.  So... anyway, it's Sunday so I just weighed myself.  Another 9 pounds down!

Starting Weight: 317 (October 6th 2014)

Last Weigh In: 295 (October 26th 2014)

Current Weigh In: 286 (November 2nd 2014)

So, I finally received my surgery a week ago, on the 23rd.  My life... it's finally all coming together.  I can't believe that after trying to get the surgery so many times that it has finally happened, it almost seems like some weird dream!  Believe me, I'm not complaining in the least!  So now I have 2 more weeks of liquid diet, and an appointment on Monday with the therapy group.

Right now, my main thing is just trying to drink all the water I'm supposed to in addition to the shakes I'm supposed to have.  I'm going to be honest and say that it's been extremely hard to get all that liquid intake I'm supposed to, and I don't think I've hit goal one day yet, but I'm not giving up.  Each day I try to balance my shake and water to try and reach my goals, and each day I get a little closer as my stomach expands a tiny bit.

I haven't had any other issues besides that (and the pain obviously).  No trapped gas, no dumping, nothing that I have been unable to deal with yet.  I'll update after my group therapy meeting if I need to.

Starting Weight: 317 (October 6th 2014)

Last Weigh In: 295 (October 26th 2014)

So I'm going on day 3 of my all liquid diet.  My surgery is on the 23rd, and I have to have 5 Optifast shake boxes a day.  However, now I seem to be plagued by wicked horrible migraines, and I can't take any Ibuprofen.  Did anyone else get any weird side effects from starting their Optifast diet?  What should I do about the headaches?  

If you've read my profile or any of my previous blogs, you'll know that I've had a lot of Bypass approvals, that inevitably fell through.  However I'm happy to report, that this one might actually happen!  MY INSURANCE HAS APPROVED THE SURGERY!  I have a general physical on monday the 6th (in 3 days!) Start my liquid diet on the 8th and have a surgery date for October 23rd!  I've been so scared to tell anyone for fear that I would jinx it, but maybe *crosses fingers* maybe this time I'll be able to finally do it after 9 years of trying and failing!  Wish me luck everyone! :)

About two weeks ago I finally met with the nutritionist for the last time.  Then, on Friday (2 days ago) I met with the surgeon for our "decision visit".  Turns out my insurance only pays for one kind of surgery, so the decision was pretty easy to make.  I'm getting the full on Gastric Bypass surgery, not the sleeve.  In all since I've started this journey, I've lost 3 pounds on my own.  Sounds lame, I know, but hey a little is better than nothing.  Now I start the little bit of wait it takes for my insurance to actually approve the surgery.  Since I've done all the things required, and my BMI is (way) over 35 (it's at 53 right now) my surgeon seems to think that I'll get approved without having to fight for it.  Still, the waiting game is so irritating.  I'm so close... so so close and now I'm afraid some random act of fate will take it away from me.  That's why I haven't been very vocal about the fact I'm getting it, and I haven't been optimistic at all.  Simply going through the motions, because deep in my heart, I know something will come forth to take it away from me, just like the other 3 times I attempted to have it done.

Granted, this is the farthest I've ever gotten to getting it.

Wish me luck everyone, I'll update again when my insurance comes back with an answer.

So let me start off by saying, it's been a crazy intense couple of years.  I ended up NOT getting the surgery on 2012, because my insurance stopped paying for it at the last moment.

I started going to school full time doing Cosmetology, and this is where the story begins...

A customer came into my chair one day and we were just talking, making conversation, when she brought up that she had had the surgery.  She showed me a picture of herself from before she had it, and I told her my story of getting so close to getting it, only to be denied at the last moment.  She showed sympathy toward me, and told me I should try again, just to see what happens.  I went home that night and told my mother about this customer.  My mother, being very headstrong, decided to look up my insurance again.  She found out that at the beginning of the year, they started paying for Bariatric surgery again.

Very pessimistic, I decided to get another referral through my doctor to go to Greenville.  It was easy, since this was the 3rd time I've been approved to go.  I went to the appointment in May and met Dr. Pender.  He's a very blunt man, and made me cry.  He told me that getting the surgery would not solve all my problems, I had to do a lifestyle change as well.  He was right, and I began to work on that immediately. Dr. Pender wants me to lose 38 pounds before the surgery, just so that I can prove to him that I have what it takes to keep up the lifestyle change and not relapse back to my obese self afterwords.  I have lost 7 pounds since that appointment, and I go to the gym 3 times a week (sometimes more).

I met with the nutritionist in late May, and she gave me this big list of blood work and other tests I had to get done.  Last week I got all my blood tests done, my chest xray, barium swallow and EKG, and just today I had my abdomen sonogram, so I'm finished with all my tests.  Next week I have my 2nd appointment with my nutritionist, and also I have an appointment for my Psychiatric Evaluation.  I'm not worried about failing it in the least, maybe that makes me crazy LOL.

I'll write again after these appointments with an update.