jkbuckner51
Personal Profile
Ever since I could remember I have pretty much always had a weight problem. It really started to hit when I was in Jr high. I still remember when my father had a talk with me about my weight. Jennifer how much do you weigh? I remember lying telling him I only weighed 120 lbs. I was 12 years old and I really weighed 150. And he would give me these lectures about how I was too young to weigh so much. All that did was make me feel worst. And I got my comfort through food.I had a horrible childhood growing up.Disfunctional is not a good word to even describe what I went through. My parents split up when I 12 1/2 and us kids moved from Cali to Virginia with my Mom. It was very hard on all of us. The only good thing that came out of that year of separation was the fact that I went down from 150 to 124 lbs that year. That was thinnest I ever been. But it didnt last long. A year later My parents got back together. We moved back to Cali and within the 4 years I was in highschool I had gained 50 lbs. I always felt fat in highschool. All my friends were size "0" and here I was in a 14. I Felt like the biggest cow. Looking back now I really dont think I was fat. How I would love to be a size 14 again. After highschool I would constantly diet. Gain loose gain loose. It was this never ending battle. I always had to watch what a put in my mouth. And being in a family who loved to eat? It was almost impossible to loose weight.
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Everything we did revolved around food. It still does today.When I met my husband I was 160 lbs. And I felt good about my weight. It wasnt till I got pregnant until things really got out of controlI went 160 lbs to a whopping 224lbs... I couldnt believe it.. And whats pretty sad about it now is I wish I was 224 now and not the 270 I am today. After giving birth I gradually lost some of the weight. I got down to 180 lbs and soon was pregnant with our second child. Fortunately I didnt gain as much with him. I pretty much stayed in the low 200's . Loosing the weight was a tough battle after my second child. after a few months of loosing I started to gain. I got all the way up to 260 and decided to see a Dr about it. I was on Phen phen for almost a year . I did really well with it . Was exercising eating healthy. I stayed on it for almost a year. Then they took it off the market. I gained all that weight back I had worked so hard at loosing in less then a year. I was devastated.I have tried all the fad diets imaginable. Mayo clinic, Atkins, Cabbage Soup, Slim fast,Apple cider vinager, weight watchers , you name it I did it. I would loose a few lbs from all of these and quickly gain it back and then some.I always felt like the black sheep in my family. All my siblings are thin and here I am this obese person. That was always hard to deal with. I felt I got the bad end of the stick. Lucky me I got my fathers genes. His whole family has weight problems. My Grandfather died due to obesity. How did I end up with all this and my sisters didnt? They eat like pigs!! I absolutely hated it.I always felt like the outcast when it came to my sisters. And it all had to do with my weight. All of them are outgoing.There personalities are amazing. And here I am. Very quiet and timid. And thats how its always been because of my weight.
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The worst thing about being overweight is being very limited when it comes to being active with my children. I feel aweful that I cant go bike riding or rollerblading with my kids. I want my kids to have fun with me. And I want them to be proud of there Mom.And I know as they get older it will come to a point where they will be embarrassed of me. And I dont want that for them. I dont want that for me. I want to be healthy not just for me but for my kids. Being overweight I have dealt with the prejudices. It's amazing to me how I can simply be ignored in a store and yet a thin person gets the quick and friendly service yet i was waiting there longer. Last time I checked I was a human being. There are so mnay insecurities about being overweight. And being treated like a dog just makes you slip into a depression feeling so worthless. People have this concept that because you are fat you are lazy. What kind of stereo type is that? I noticed when I lost alot of weight from the phen fen all the sudden I got this attention from strangers I never got before. I ended up feeling bitter because they would not give me the time of day before and now that I'm thin all the sudden I'm worth the friendly "Hello may I help you today"?
I found out about this surgery 4 years ago. I met a neighbor who later became a very good friend of mine who had it done. She was 5"3 300 lbs and dropped down to a 124 lbs. I couldnt belive it. But I wasnt really interested then in researching it myself. I kept trying to loose weight on my own. Which of course didnt work. My friend off and on kept suggesting the surgery to me. And it wasnt until 2 years ago I started doing research on the net. This site was very helpful. I even went to a couple lectures to learn about bariatric surgery. From there I was hooked. I mada a lot of calls to recieve information packets from different hospitals. From there I picked Pacific Bariatric. I went to one of there lectures and really liked how they explained everything.
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6 months ago I finally decided this was it. Time to change my life. I was sick of the yo- yo dieting . And the fact that I have over 100 lbs to loose became very depressing. I was afraid of the scale going up and up and it would be so out of control that I wouldnt be able to do anything about it. Also I have noticed that I was moving around slower, having a hard time sleeping, my knee's are just killing me like crazy. I'm popping motrin like its candy. Doing the simplist things I get tired and out of breath.I woke up and realized this is not good . I am only 30 years old and I am having all these problems.I want a healthy life. I want to stick around for my kids. I want to feel good about myself.I am now ready for a brand new healthy me.
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I am looking for a surgeon who takes my insurance"Tricare Prime" there are very few who do. If anyone knows of any in Sandiego ,I would appreciate the info.
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5/7/02
Well, I got approved for 3 consults to pacific. So far I have done the labs and the ultrasound. And they recieved them. I got a call from them yesterday to go over the written exam and my history. Now I have to wait a few days to here back from them with appt's. I cant wait to here back from them as I have just been so ansy toget the ball rolling. Will post more after I here back from them. =o)
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5/23/02
Well, Yesterday I had my 2 consults. One with the psychologist and one with the surgeon. They went very well and I am very happy with my surgeon. Dr Mary Murphy. I have heared nothing but good things about her and I feel very confident in her performing my surgery. Now I play the waiting game for the approval.Dr Murphy said it should not take too long and if all goes well I can have the surgery as early as 2 months. I am so excited. So now i have to start my vitamins, procomplex and read over the new materials she gave me . My excersise must now be increased to more then walking. I will work my way up to aerobics. And now I am slowly weaning my self off coffee. So far things are looking good for me. Please keep me in your prayers everyone!
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6/19/02 Its been a while since I last wrote in here. Last week I had my internist appointment and EKG and everything went well. Today I got a call back from Pacific saying that I have been approved for the Surgery.. WHOO HOO!!! Now I am waiting on a call back to find out the date of the surgery. Everything is finally sinking in and i am getting really excited. Now its time to get back into my walking routine and get into some shape so I can be healthy and ready to go under the knife. I will add more when i know of the dates.
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7/12/02 I GOT A DATE!!!! AUGUST 9TH. I cannot believe how lucky and blessed I have been through this whole process.I started this Journey in April and have had no problems with referals for the consults and surgery. God is good.
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8/9/02 Today is my surgery for Open RNY. Having surgery at Scripts Mercy Hospital in San Diego Ca at 5:30 am.
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(POST-OP JOURNAL)
8/12/02 Home from the hospital. No complications at all. A little sore and tired.
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8/15/02 Feeling sorry for myself. Watching my family eat and snack has been hard on me. Sleeping has been a nightmare. My back is killing me. Pain is very low in my incision. I feel blessed with that. Having trouble dealing with the emotional aspect of food.
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8/16/02 Post-op appt today down 10 lbs =o)
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8/23/02 20 lbs lost on soft foods and feeling so much better.
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9/26/02 7 weeks post -op tomorrow and down 40 lbs. life is good. Energy level is much higher. Keeping up on my walking and doing great. Food is not so much emotional for me though I do have those bad habits of lurking in the pantry.The head hunger has been a trip. I am still on soft foods but now am able to have cereal, fish and poultry. Having those make the food not so boring. I am still a bit sore in the abdoman but its tolerable. If I exercise too much I seem to get more sore. Also I have really irregular periods. Have had 4 since surgery. I feel satisfied with the food I am able to have and it feels so wonderful. I can't tell you how long it had been when I got the full feeling. I love this "TOOL" I started at 269 lbs and am now 230 lbs. Wearing old clothes I forgot I even had... =o) Life is great!
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Oct 8, 2002 Down 45 lbs. Still low on energy but otherwise feeling great!
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Oct 18,2002 49 lbs gone. Dissappointed that its coming off slow now. But happy that it is coming off. Need to stay away from the carbs. Hoping this may help to take the weight off faster. Need to stick to the water rule. No water 30 minutes and an hour after a meal. Doing good on my walking but need to walk at least an extra 1/2 mile. I walk 5 times a week and it feels great. My back doesnt even hurt anymore when I walk.I am wearing all my old clothes now that did not even fit me for the last 3 years. There all loose on me now. Probably need to buy new clothes by next month . I am able to tie my shoes without struggle, wash my back when showering, paint my toes without huffing and puffing, sit in a movie theater seat without turning in it sideways first to fit. Put my shoes on without struggle. Its amazing how these little things make you happy. I have had no problems at all with food. I am eating everything the Dr said i could like, the soft foods, poultry, fish, overcooked veggies, pasta and rice. Nothing has made me sick. Except if I dont chew well. And this has only happened a couple of times. The feeling of soemthing being stuck was something I NEVER wanted to experience again. I seem to get bored with the food though. I need to learn to be more creative when it comes to cooking.People are really noticing the weight loss now. Feels great to get compliments now. I am so greatful for this tool. The headhunger is still tough but I seem to be dealing with it. Whenever I feel like snacking I walk or make some herbal tea. Seems to work. I will try and post in the next couple weeks.
11 Weeks Post-op 218lbs
15 weeks Post-op 205 lbs. A loss of 64 lbs total.As you Can see from my 11 weeks post op loss things have been VERY slow for me. I feel good but find myself a bit discouraged with the slow weight loss. I do my walking 2 miles everyday and drink as much water as I can. Yet I find myself snacking sometimes.It's hard dealing with my head hunger demons. I don't dump and basically can eat what I want if I tried. It scares me knowing that I can sneak a piece of my kids candy from halloween and nothing will happen. Knowing that sugar has no effect on me makes the will power even harder. I havent been to bad as far as sticking to the rules. But I have those days where I cant pass up the kids candy bag and I will take a bite size snickers and have no effect. The guilt is overwhelming but the head hunger is much stronger. I dont do this all the time . Maybe once every couple weeks. But it's failure to me and I jsut keep thinking I wont loose anymore. Today is a brand new day so I am going to try my hardest to stay on track. Hopefully about talking about these demonas of mine it will help me somehow. I can eat more of a portion size now which I know is normal but it scares me to death.I keep thinking that I will stretch this pouch out and gain the weight back. I dont overeat. I eat till I get full. But it just seems that it takes a little more food to get full now. Think I am done venting now. Hopefully my next post will be more positive.
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5 1/2 months post op 180 lbs...
Well its been over a month since I have posted. I have been busy moving out of state ,working, taking care of my kids etc.The good news is that I am finally under 200 lbs now. I weigh 180 as of this week. I pretty much eat what I want now just in smaller portions. Havent been excersising since we moved so I need to get back on track with that. Other wise things are going great for me. I went from a size tight 24 /loose 26 to a size 14. I feel great!! Never thought I would ever see 14's again.Looking forward to here everyone else's success. everyone here has been doing such an awesome job with there WLS.
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6 months post-op 94 lbs lost... I weigh 175 lbs now a size 14. I feel great! Its coming off slow now but thats ok. I pretty much eat anything but the sweets. I try my hardest to stay away from those. I focus on the protein first. Just eat smaller portions. Going back to work has slowed down my exercise so I need to get back on track with that. Having this surgery was the best decision I ever made for myself. I have so much more energy and confidence. I'm happy . =o) I have had no major side effects from this surgery. No dumping. But on occasion I get an upset stomache if I ate something that didnt agree with me.I'm almost 2 my goal of 160 lbs.. Havent weighed that since highschool. I'm sure I will loose more then that but I won't be trying to when I get to this point. I'm a little nervous about getting too thin..
March 24,2003
7 months post op 102 lb loss.. Physically I feel wonderful. I was able to do an 8 mile hike yesterday on Superstition Mountain. I would have never been able to do that 100 lbs ago. I feel good, maybe a little to good as I am finding old habits creeping back up. A bite of chocolate here, a cookie there. It's very easy for me to slip back into those aweful habits so I am trying my hardest to fight this whole mental thing. It's been very hard for me.Even with my food issues I would have not backed out of this surgery. This was the best thing I have ever done for myself. I never thought in a million years I would be in those size 12's again. I am so blessed to have this new found freedom. I didnt realize how much my fat got in the way of not only my happiness but my lifestyle. I am so much more active and free now. I enjoy the outdoors with my kids now where as before I would just sit and watch them play. LIfe is good. Now If I can only keep those food demons from haunting me. I have this fear of blowing the use of this "Tool" and all the weight coming back to haunt me.But then I have this other side of me that is scared of loosing anymore weight. I am afriad of getting "Too thin" I was never really thin in my life and I don't know how I would handle it. I feel great at the weight I am and would be happy if I didnt loose another lb. I will update my photo soon.I really need to put my before pic on here. I have my halfway point pic and a picture that was taken a couple months ago. But not one at my starting weight. I will look for a photo and get it on here soon..
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April 25,2003
8 months post-op 109 lb loss.
Weight 160 lbs.
It's been a long time since I have posted. First off I would like to give a congrats to all the pre-ops and prayers for a save surgery to come. Post-ops Keep up the good work. I'm proud of you all.
Though this process has been very very slow for me the last few months I must say I never in my dreams would have thought I would weigh 160 lbs. I have not weighed this since Highschool and back then I was considered the fat one of all my friends. I look in the mirror now and I am so happy with this person staring back at me. I finally weigh less then my husband , which I know sounds silly but I have always been heavier then he. It feels great to slip on his clothes and they actually be too big for me. The last few months since we moved from Cali to Az have been very hard for me. I have been slacking in the exercise department since I started working again.Also I see my old eating habits are coming out. The whole mental roller coaster with food has been a trip. In the beginning post op it was easy for me to say no to things. Easy because I knew if I ate something I would get sick. Well as the months went by the more I healed the easier it got to take that bite .A taste of this a nibble of that. I find myself lurking in the pantry when I'm not hungry. I really need to get back on track and use this "Tool" the right way. I have stayed away from Soda's, Caffeine, Ice cream, juices. I only drink Water and Decaf teas. My problem is saying no to candy from time to time. Easter came and my kids had there chocolate. And I couldnt not resist the temptation of having a bite. I feel scared that I will gain all this weight I worked so hard to loose. I am so disappointed for these bad habits I just can't seem to shake. I remember my Dr telling me that by body will change but my head wouldnt. Boy was she right. Everyday is a constant battle to say No to certain things. If there is anyone else going through these head demons I sure would love to here from you. Any advice would be appreciated.Other then the evil head demons things have been really great. I am more active with my family, I have lots of energy,Am actually taking long hikes, bike riding, swimming ,roller blading. I just need to do it more often then I do. I thank god everyday for this "TOOL" Now if I can only get my head back on track. I will update my picture soon. I am 20 lbs less then this picture you see.
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August 8, 2003
Happy Anniversary To Me!!!
150 lbs. Size 10
It has been 1 year ago today that I had WLS and what a year it has been. My life has completely changed for the better. I new there was a happy person trapped inside all that fat and I found her again. So many things have happened since I have had surgery. My husband retired from the service , we moved to a different state, bought a home I got myself a job after not working in 6 years. That was a big milestone for me. I felt so uncomfortable in my weight I felt embarrassed to even work outside of my home. Thats pretty sad isnt it? How we let society control our actions? I have a job that I love! Working with babies everyday.I feel like I am contributing to this family again after all these years. Don't get me wrong I I did a great job with this family taking care of the house and my children, I just didnt get paid for it. It's nice bringing money home now and we can have money to just "Play With" I have a nice work schedule where I am still home when my children get home from school so that is a bonus. Life for me this year has been wonderful. I am healthy again. More energetic, outgoing,happy. The list can go on an on....I went from 269 lbs to 150 lbs and I owe it all to this surgery. I never could have succeeded with this weight loss without it. I owe it all to Dr Murphy . She is a awesome surgeon! I thank all of you from Obesity Help for making this journey with me. This is a wonderful site full of great people, hope and inspiration.
July 7th 2004
Well it's been almost a year since I have last posted. I have been so terrible about keeping up with my profile. Things have changed a lot for me since WLS. I am very active and seem to be very busy these days. Funny how my weight slowed my life down . I have really enjoyed my new freedom of not being obese.I am healthy energetic and most of all happy. I enjoy my family much more since I am able to have more fun with them. Especially my children. Water parks, roller coaster rides. You name I can do it and it feels wonderful. It has been an emotional struggle to keep my mind right with food. I battle this constantly wanting to snack all the time. You body may change but your mind is still the same. I deal with this demon every day. I have gained 7 lbs since last year. It seems to go up and down within those 7 lbs but nothing over that. Thank God. But its really scary for me. I am currently 155 lbs. So I have actually lost the 2 lbs so far. It all depends on my demon for snacking. If I cut snacks out it goes back down. I know everyone can say to me. Stop snacking.. Believe me I try everyday. I find myself falling into old habits and I am scared to death. WLS was the best thing that ever happened to me and I will be damned if I fail with this tool because of snacking. I am currently seeking some support out here in Az. Hoping to have some support and give some as well to fellow WLS patients.
December 26, 2004
158 lbs
Well it's been many months since I have posted. Seems like life just gets so busy these days. It has been a little over 2 years since my surgery and as you can see I have gained 8 lbs. Did this over the summer. I must say it's all my fault. You feel over confident in your new body and feel you can eat what you want.My exercising has been very limited. Again my fault.It's weird how those nasty head demons for food never leave. I really am able to eat whatever I want without any side effects. Which can be very scary. I promised myself that both my husband and I are going to change these bad habits and get back on the "Program". The last thing I would ever want is to gain it all back and I already have nightmares about being in my old "SKIN" again. And this is something I don't ever want to go back to again. I feel very good in my new skin. Not just because I am thin and more accepted but because of my health. This is the most important. I really can do so many things now that people who were never obese take for granted. Who would have though trying to tie a shoe or paint your toes would be such a challenge. Or even trying to run. I must say it is very fun being able to play with my kids, ride bikes, roller blade. Everything I could not even imagine doing when I was obese. With that said, as a reminder to myself.. Time to get back on track and back in shape. The next time I post I plan on having a better update on myself and those 8 lbs I ate will be GONE!!
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March 1, 2007
Well, It's been over 2 years since I have posted on here. I have had battles with my weight these past 2 years. I got stuck in the snack rut and had my weight up to 176 lbs as of last July. The good news is I got back on track this past October and dropped to 155 lbs. Then Thanksgiving and Xmas came and I gained back 5. I am currently at 160 and stuggle with my issues over wanting to snack. It's a never ending battle I deal with every day. I do manage to get out there and exercise at least 3 days a week. I also am focusing on more protien and veggies and try and stay away from the carbs as much as I can. This is how I dropped the weight again. My goal is to loose 10 lbs and be at the 150 mark again like I was a year out after my surgery. It has been over 5 years since I had WLS and still have no regrets. The only thing I have to say I beat myself up over is the fact that I abused this tool I was given and aloud myself to get back into the old habits of eating. This is what put some of the weight back on. What got me back on track again is hearing other peoples stories about gaining 50% of there weight back. This put a scare in me to change my ways. I find it a never ending battle with all my old habits of eating. Your body changes but your mind doesnt. I find it very hard to have to "Think" about what I put in my mouth. I also have to be aware of everything I eat. I am very grateful that I have achieved such a great weight loss due to WLS. I am also very thankful that I have had this "TOOL" to help me loose this weight. I have been very healthy since the surgery. My blood work looks great every year. I have had no side effects other then the dumping every now and then. Which is rare now .I have had no plastic surgery though I would love a tummy tuck. My Dr said my insurance would not cover it since I have had no medical problems with ths extra skin. I know if I would not have this tummy I would be one size smaller. My clothes are a bit awkward on me . Loose in the legs. Tight in the belly. I am currently a size 12.