justjess
My story is like so many others that I've already read on here, and that's both sad and encouraging at the same time. I'm 28, and I've been overweight my entire life. I've read in a few places that as many as 85% of women who elect to have WLS were victims of abuse at one time...you can count me in on that number. I was sexually abused by my father and step-father, and I was sexually assaulted seven years ago. However, I've worked hard over the last 10 years to move through it, deal with it, process it, and move on. I don't know as that you ever put something like that behind you - it stays with you and is a piece of who you are. When you are in the midst of fighting those battles in your head and in your heart, you feel like it is the sum of who you are...but it isn't. I've heard the healing process from abuse is like a tornado - you move up through it, but you cycle, just like anything in a tornado's path. You bounce from one issue to another, coming back to the first, but with each cycle, you're stronger. I agree with this metaphor, at least from my own experience. I feel now like I'm at the top of the tornado - I've been through the worst, and even though I have my days when I feel off kilter, those days are few and far between now compared to how I was years ago. I'm pretty sure that those of my friends that knew me back then would agree with that statement. 
Anyways, I'm not here to write about abuse. It's a piece of me - not all of me.
The reason I bring it up, though, is because people who are abused cope. That's how they become survivors. How we cope is based upon who we are and what we are exposed to. Some people are exposed to drugs. Some, sex. Others, gambling. For me, it was cheese. I live in the dairy state, what can I say? From my earliest memories, I can attest to being a cheese lover. Our state fair has so many different kinds of things fried, covered in cheese, and put on a stick. Not that I blame the dairy industry for my butt. All I'm saying is that my coping strategy of choice was to find anything that was cheese, had been cheese, was next to cheese in the grocery store aisle, anything...and eat it. Don't get me wrong...I'm an equal opportunity kind of person...chocolate, ice cream, chips...these all got a fair share of my attention as well. Ok...so maybe eating AND humor are my coping strategies. 
The thing is, I learned a long time ago that the saying "you can either laugh about it or cry about it" would be a big part of my life. Believe me, I've cried. I still do. But, hey, if I get a vote, I choose laughter any day of the week. I can be serious, and I am serious enough of the time. So many of the profiles out there are filled with serious issues, serious concerns, serious heartache, and my heart goes out to each and every one of you. I feel like I know so many of you because I hear myself in what you write. And some people think that humor is a defense mechanism, and I agree with this as well - Lord knows I've cracked joke after joke when I'm uncomfortable or to establish my personality in a group, because darnit, if you're fat, you better be funny, right? Have I mentioned I can be sarcastic sometimes? 
There are only a few people that, over the years, I've let in to see who I really am. I'm working on this, and I'm getting better. My list of people today is definitely bigger than it would have been 10 years ago. My husband - he really gets me. He gets my humor and throws it right back, but he gets my serious side, too, and I love him for that. I can tell him anything, and I have. I wouldn't be on this site without him.
So here I am. I have done a ton of reading and research on gastric bypass surgery, and I really believe it's the right thing for me. People have said to me, "Jess, you'll never be able to have french fries again. You'll never be able to have a hot fudge sundae again. What about cheese, Jess, what about cheese???" (Ok, I might have added that last part). But I say back, "Hey, I know what fries and sundaes and (sigh) cheese taste like. I've had enough for a lifetime. I do NOT know what being thin feels like." I really need to know.
