jwinrrtx

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I've only blogged a few times before because I'm not soo good at this but today is a very special day.  I reached my goal of 100 lbs lost today.  I told Dr. Ganta on my 1st visit that if he could get me to under 200 lbs I would be happy with that.  WELL that is not entirely true.  Once I had surgery and started losing I realized that what I really wanted was to hit this goal more than anything else. 

What this goal means to me is that I will NEVER be the morbidly obese, bedridden person I was heading for.  Will I ever be at my ideal weight (according to the charts)??  I have no clue...what I do know is that I have changed my life and am now the person I always wanted to be.  I can shop in normal stores and not have to hunt down the plus sizes that don't look like I'm 90 years old.  I can take care of myself & hope to be able to into old age.  I can walk without having to stop and rest.  So many things I never thought I would accomplish before WLS.

I have a long way to go emotionally.  I think it's natural to believe losing weight will improve your overall life.  I've learned that that's bunk.  I've learned that is just society imposing the view that obese people are losers at life and that being thin is the only way to acheive anything.  Such crap. Can't believe I spent my whole life thinking I was sub-human and inadequate.  I look back on me as a fat person and realize that was a view I also imposed on myself.  I wasted lots of time because I thought I wasn't supposed to be happy fat. 

So...where do I go from here?  I'm going to continue to work on becoming the person I should have always been--fat or thin.  My goals now have nothing to do with that number on the scale!!!  I'm going to focus on my life and making it better.  I want to stop shutting people out.  I'm tired of being alone and being a hermit.  I want friends.  I want to fall in love again-God willing.  I want to get out and be a part of society again and do things to make the world I live in a better place to be.

I want to add my measurements and inches lost also:

October 19, 2007          June 1, 2008

Bust: 51"                      37" (total lost 14")

Waist: 44"                    31" (total lost 13")

Hips: 58"                      41" (total lost 17")

Total inches lost  44" lost!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok so things are better now.  Did I mention that I have no patience?  My weight is slowly moving again.  I have 12 lbs to reach the century mark.  I need to lose 8 or 9 lbs before May 9th--that's my 6 month post-op visit.  Dr. Ganta wanted me to lose 15 lbs by that visit...then I hit a 3 week stall/slow-down...whatever that was.  He'll just have to take what he gets on the weight loss though.  I'm still shrinking and that's what matters to me.  I'm healthier than I have been in years.

Oh well.....just wanted to post a follow-up since the 1st 2 posts to my blog were so negative.  I can really work myself up. lol

I was thinking last night how since surgery my whole entire life has become how much water I drink, how much protein I get in and what does the scale say?  How long did I walk today also?  God it sucks.  And I'm so angry & frustated this morning because the scale is NOT moving.  I just have no more patience for this because I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do and getting nowhere fast.

I want my life to be about more than this.  Something needs to give.  At least I have to go to training today & can think about that for 8 hours.  Geez.

I haven't blogged up till now because writing usually intensifies my feelings & I have depression issues anyway.  BUT...this is a new situation for me & maybe it will help.  I have not been the fastest loser since having this surgery but this last month has been this most frustrating yet.  Since my last appt with Dr. Ganta I have only lost 4 lbs--that appt was on 3/28/2008.  My 6 month appt is on 5/9/2008 & his goal was a 15 lb weight loss.  I just don't see it happening & quite frankly I don't want to hear what he has to say about it.  If the scale does not start moving this week I am going to call the nutritionist at his office & send her my Fitday for her to look at.  I just don't know what else to do.  I have upped my calories because of some advice I got on TMB--people I trust because they have done so well.  I've upped my exercise, my water, blah blah blah.  Still nothing. GRRRRR

I'm amazed by what I read people eat on this board.  I have not for one second strayed from Dr. Ganta's program & I think it just pisses me off that other people can eat whatever & the weight falls off of them & I follow the program to a T and am getting nowhere fast this month.

I am happy with my weight loss up to now but I need the scale to move.  I'm not losing inches either. I'm just stuck. 

Okay...enough.  I need to get back on the positive track.  The weight loss I've had till now can't be it.  More has to come or I've done this surgery for nothing.