kangaroo5
*JIG* *JIG* *JIG*
Apr 07, 2008
Doing a happy dance
I have lost 8 pounds since friday!! That's only 4 days!! surgery is getting closer every day!!
I have lost 8 pounds since friday!! That's only 4 days!! surgery is getting closer every day!!
LISTEN
Apr 05, 2008
LISTEN to the embarrassment we
encounter in our every day life. The name-calling,
stares, rude comments and looks of disgust we endure
battling the last acceptable form ofdiscrimination. People
we meet that give us a far wider berth than we need
when passing us on the street, in the hall; in life.
Afraid that somehow our disease of obesity might be
contagious.LISTEN to our apprehension as we expertly eye
the chair. Will we break it, or will we fit. Will we
ever fit into life, as "normal" people know it?LISTEN to
our agony as we just walk and perform the simple
activities ofdaily living on joints screaming in pain from
incredible burden they were never meant to
carry.LISTEN to the pain of our humiliation when ridiculed by a
doctor for "allowing" ourselves to get so fat.
Realizing even the doctor’s office is not a "safe" place; we
tend to neglect our heath even more. Hey doctor,
didn’t you take an oath to help?LISTEN to our
hopelessness after being turned down over and over fora job or
promotion because we don’t "match the corporate
image" of the person they envision for this position.LISTEN
to our guilt. Because of our size, we feel we’ve
cheated those we love out of the parent, spouse, child
or friend we feel we should’ve been. Our
embarrassment has now become theirs as well.LISTEN to our
anticipation as we eagerly embark on yet another diet. THIS
will be the one. This time IWILL SUCCEED!LISTEN to our
frustration as once again we fail at another attempt to
lose weight, reinforcing once again our feelings of
worthlessness, failure and defeat.LISTEN to our fear
for what life holds if we don’t have this surgery. We
try to ignore it, to stuff it down, but when we are
brutally honest with ourselves, we realize an early
death is an almost certainty.LISTEN to our indecision as
we do extensive research, trying to outweigh the risk
of complications (up to and including death) versus the
chance of a new life. A chance to improve our health,
move without pain, play with our children, the
opportunity to just "fit in" to society.LISTEN to our
indecision as we second-guess our decision to have surgery.
As we ask ourselves, "Should I try just one more
diet?" And tell ourselves, "If Ionly had more
willpower."LISTEN to us as we eagerly meet with the surgeon, with
our five-page, single-spaced, list of questions in
hand. Let down by the medical profession in the past, can
I really trust this person who looks at me with
compassion, as he assures me I’m a "good candidate" and he
can help? Please God, I want to believe him, tell me
I’m not setting myself up for failure once
again.LISTEN to ourfeelings of helplessness as we place our
future in the hands of an insurance company. Fully aware
that with a simple denial letter, all the work we have
done to this point, may be pointless. This surgery is
not without cost, physical, emotional and
monetary.LISTEN to our joy as we open the long awaited "approval
letter" or obtain financing to make this dream a
reality.LISTEN to us as we grasp for a chance atimproved
health, of moving with ease and just living life as a
"normal" person.LISTEN to our renewed hope of living
long enough to see our children grow up, get married,
play with grandchildren and grow old alongside our
mate.LISTEN to our fear as we roll into the surgical suite.
The sights, the smells, the needles, the faceless
people behind the masks. Do you care? Do you understand,
or will you toomake cracks about my weight once I’m
asleep? My life is now in your hands, please take care
of me. I have a brand new life ahead of me, and so
much to live for.LISTEN to the sigh of relief as we wake
up in pain but alive! Stand up, walk a few steps,
cough and deep breathe. Sure nurse, whatever you say, I
can handle it because I’m alive!LISTEN to our delight
as the weight starts to drop off, realizing this isfor
real. We are actually on the loosing side.LISTEN to
our misery as the body we once knew so well, now
betrays us with nausea and vomiting when we attempt to
eat.LISTEN to our frustration as we attempt to do something
as simple as drinking a glass of water.LISTEN to our
panic at the first plateau or weight gain. As that
little voice inside tells us, "Once again I’m a
failure."LISTEN to us relax and let out our breath as we
watch the numbers on the scale edge down once again.
Plateau over. Renewed hope. Maybe I will make it after
all.LISTEN to our efforts to move as we slowly and
painfully attempt to exercise in a body that is still
morbidly obese.LISTEN to our confusion as our emotions wreck
havoc with us. Why am I crying? Why do I feel
depressed? Why am I mean and snapping at the ones I love? I
don’t like this person that has taken over my
emotions.LISTEN to our sense of accomplishment the first time
we walk a mile. Itrivals the high of any runner
completing their first marathon.LISTEN to our depression
when we realize we can no longer soothe our emotions with
food. We now have to learn to feel and deal with
these emotions.LISTEN to our tears as we mourn the loss of
that brief but satisfying sensation of gratification
we once obtained from the "comfort foods" we can no
longer have.LISTEN to our obsession surrounding the
scale, vitamins, protein drinks and carb counts,
determined not to fail "this time".LISTEN to our sense of
accomplishment as we pass up that calorie laden, high
carbohydrate treat, telling ourselves, "My new life is
sweeter than any dessert."LISTEN to our elation as we
reach that "century mark" that once seemed so distant, but
now is a reality.LISTEN to our resolve to reach our
goals. Moving the weight on the scale down another
notch, reaching a new "century" of numbers, wearing the
dream outfit and attaining our "goal" weight.LISTEN to
the gratefulness in our hearts as we thank our surgeon
for not only their technical skills, but equally
important, their understanding and compassion for the
morbidly obese. Thank you, doctor, for the opportunity to
rejoin society and live life.LISTEN to our amazement as
we come to the realization that "reaching goal"
wasn’t the most important thing in life. It was the
lessons we earned, the friends we made and the sense of
accomplishment we gained along the way.LISTEN, don’t
talk, don’t give advice, don’t judge, just listen.
And then, maybe then, you will start to understand the
life of a morbidly obese person.
encounter in our every day life. The name-calling,
stares, rude comments and looks of disgust we endure
battling the last acceptable form ofdiscrimination. People
we meet that give us a far wider berth than we need
when passing us on the street, in the hall; in life.
Afraid that somehow our disease of obesity might be
contagious.LISTEN to our apprehension as we expertly eye
the chair. Will we break it, or will we fit. Will we
ever fit into life, as "normal" people know it?LISTEN to
our agony as we just walk and perform the simple
activities ofdaily living on joints screaming in pain from
incredible burden they were never meant to
carry.LISTEN to the pain of our humiliation when ridiculed by a
doctor for "allowing" ourselves to get so fat.
Realizing even the doctor’s office is not a "safe" place; we
tend to neglect our heath even more. Hey doctor,
didn’t you take an oath to help?LISTEN to our
hopelessness after being turned down over and over fora job or
promotion because we don’t "match the corporate
image" of the person they envision for this position.LISTEN
to our guilt. Because of our size, we feel we’ve
cheated those we love out of the parent, spouse, child
or friend we feel we should’ve been. Our
embarrassment has now become theirs as well.LISTEN to our
anticipation as we eagerly embark on yet another diet. THIS
will be the one. This time IWILL SUCCEED!LISTEN to our
frustration as once again we fail at another attempt to
lose weight, reinforcing once again our feelings of
worthlessness, failure and defeat.LISTEN to our fear
for what life holds if we don’t have this surgery. We
try to ignore it, to stuff it down, but when we are
brutally honest with ourselves, we realize an early
death is an almost certainty.LISTEN to our indecision as
we do extensive research, trying to outweigh the risk
of complications (up to and including death) versus the
chance of a new life. A chance to improve our health,
move without pain, play with our children, the
opportunity to just "fit in" to society.LISTEN to our
indecision as we second-guess our decision to have surgery.
As we ask ourselves, "Should I try just one more
diet?" And tell ourselves, "If Ionly had more
willpower."LISTEN to us as we eagerly meet with the surgeon, with
our five-page, single-spaced, list of questions in
hand. Let down by the medical profession in the past, can
I really trust this person who looks at me with
compassion, as he assures me I’m a "good candidate" and he
can help? Please God, I want to believe him, tell me
I’m not setting myself up for failure once
again.LISTEN to ourfeelings of helplessness as we place our
future in the hands of an insurance company. Fully aware
that with a simple denial letter, all the work we have
done to this point, may be pointless. This surgery is
not without cost, physical, emotional and
monetary.LISTEN to our joy as we open the long awaited "approval
letter" or obtain financing to make this dream a
reality.LISTEN to us as we grasp for a chance atimproved
health, of moving with ease and just living life as a
"normal" person.LISTEN to our renewed hope of living
long enough to see our children grow up, get married,
play with grandchildren and grow old alongside our
mate.LISTEN to our fear as we roll into the surgical suite.
The sights, the smells, the needles, the faceless
people behind the masks. Do you care? Do you understand,
or will you toomake cracks about my weight once I’m
asleep? My life is now in your hands, please take care
of me. I have a brand new life ahead of me, and so
much to live for.LISTEN to the sigh of relief as we wake
up in pain but alive! Stand up, walk a few steps,
cough and deep breathe. Sure nurse, whatever you say, I
can handle it because I’m alive!LISTEN to our delight
as the weight starts to drop off, realizing this isfor
real. We are actually on the loosing side.LISTEN to
our misery as the body we once knew so well, now
betrays us with nausea and vomiting when we attempt to
eat.LISTEN to our frustration as we attempt to do something
as simple as drinking a glass of water.LISTEN to our
panic at the first plateau or weight gain. As that
little voice inside tells us, "Once again I’m a
failure."LISTEN to us relax and let out our breath as we
watch the numbers on the scale edge down once again.
Plateau over. Renewed hope. Maybe I will make it after
all.LISTEN to our efforts to move as we slowly and
painfully attempt to exercise in a body that is still
morbidly obese.LISTEN to our confusion as our emotions wreck
havoc with us. Why am I crying? Why do I feel
depressed? Why am I mean and snapping at the ones I love? I
don’t like this person that has taken over my
emotions.LISTEN to our sense of accomplishment the first time
we walk a mile. Itrivals the high of any runner
completing their first marathon.LISTEN to our depression
when we realize we can no longer soothe our emotions with
food. We now have to learn to feel and deal with
these emotions.LISTEN to our tears as we mourn the loss of
that brief but satisfying sensation of gratification
we once obtained from the "comfort foods" we can no
longer have.LISTEN to our obsession surrounding the
scale, vitamins, protein drinks and carb counts,
determined not to fail "this time".LISTEN to our sense of
accomplishment as we pass up that calorie laden, high
carbohydrate treat, telling ourselves, "My new life is
sweeter than any dessert."LISTEN to our elation as we
reach that "century mark" that once seemed so distant, but
now is a reality.LISTEN to our resolve to reach our
goals. Moving the weight on the scale down another
notch, reaching a new "century" of numbers, wearing the
dream outfit and attaining our "goal" weight.LISTEN to
the gratefulness in our hearts as we thank our surgeon
for not only their technical skills, but equally
important, their understanding and compassion for the
morbidly obese. Thank you, doctor, for the opportunity to
rejoin society and live life.LISTEN to our amazement as
we come to the realization that "reaching goal"
wasn’t the most important thing in life. It was the
lessons we earned, the friends we made and the sense of
accomplishment we gained along the way.LISTEN, don’t
talk, don’t give advice, don’t judge, just listen.
And then, maybe then, you will start to understand the
life of a morbidly obese person.
hoops jummped!
Apr 04, 2008
So I went to my dietician today, It went well, I did gain a few pounds since the last meeting but she didn't dwell on it. She sent off the information to Minneapolis and now I just wait. She gave me a good web site to go to that makes it really easy to keep track of the food I eat. It's pretty neat actually. You enter your weight and stuff and it keeps track of everything for you. If you enter a food you ate that day it tells you how many mins. of a certian activity you will have to do to burn the amount of calories in that food, according to your weight. Anyhow it's www.thedailyplate.com
April 3rd
Apr 03, 2008
Well tomorrow is my last dietician appt. I hate to think about what she is going to say to me. I have put on some weight since the last time we met. I hope it goes fast, all I need her to do is send off the letter to my ins. Then I just sit back and wait...well, not really sit. I'm going to start working harder on losing. Now that the weather is a little warmer I'm going to try and get out for more walks, and really kick it into high gear. That way when I see my sergeon he will see that I have lost "X" amount of weight since the last dietician appt. Then maybe I wont have so much to lose b4 he schedules the surgery.
My first post....
Apr 02, 2008
I'm not sure what to say here. I've read alot of other stories and posts on here and I guess I'm just going to write about what is going on in my life. I started this journey back in Aug. My Twins were only a couple months old. I put every thing on hold for a while because I kept thinking that I would loose the weight on my own, but I just kept gaining, it's almost like my stomach streched while I was pregnant, and I can eat more than I ever could. I came to realize that I can't do it on my own. I don't have a surgery date yet but I am thinking it will be soon. I hope to God it's soon! Thinking about it pretty much consumes my life right now. I have my last diet. appt. this friday. After that all the hoops my ins. company requires me to jump through will be compleated.
