Kelleybell

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Man Ive been struggling latley ! I feel like Ive lost ME since surgery..I have alot of "CANT'S" in my life now which make me feel like Im in more of a prison than my weight had me in before surgery. I actually know deep in my heart that I did the right thing by having surgery but honestly alot of the time I wish I never did. Cant smoke cant drink cant eat carbs cant eat sugar now my life has become nothing more than alot of things I cant do & to top it all off my family thinks I am crazy b/c of the mood swings Im having because of this. I knew before surgery that I couldnt do these things,yes, but it doesnt make it any easier going thru the day to day motions of NOT doing them. 
  Does anyone else know what Im going thru ? I feel soo alone here. Im disabled so "normal" excersise is almost impossible which in turn makes me a very slow loser but Im ok while Im losing but I havent lost anything in 6 weeks now. I really hate this.

Im doing good IMHO anyways...Ive lost 52 pounds since surgery still not smoking and doing more activities now too :) My pouch absolutely LOVES chicken & if I cook the heck outta red meat in the crock pot it likes that too :)  I feel as if Im a slow loser but thats ok as long as Im losing Im ok with that. Im still having trouble figuring out what side dishes to eat that dont bother the pouch but its getting better little by little. My boobs are saggy & my but is flat but I love shopping in my own closet still...havent had to do alot of store shopping only a few blouses so far. The weight off of my legs is an awesome thing but have had markedly more neuropathy in my feet & legs since surgery I would have thought that would go away. Appaently it happens alot something I should have investigated further before surgery but probably wouldnt have changed my mind about having it. Im enjoying the new me & am very happy with my choice ! I'll put some pics up soon :)  

Im doing ok. I thought I was really well until I started feeling tired & run down & very weepy eyed. Every time I turned around starting 2 or 3 days ago I was crying or sleeping. Not too helpful in the way of getting fluids in. I dunno if I'll ever reach that 64 ounce goal ! But Dr Shebani says to do the best I can so thats what Im doing. Anyways back to the crying jags..apparentley its something called hibernation syndrome. My body basically telling me Im a selfish byatch for taking away its food. My body will get used to it & I'll be ok in a few weeks. Just in time to be able to eat decent again. I cant wait for an egg & some cheese ! Im ready for some beans & cheese too ! The applesauce is starting to turn my stomach literally ! Ive lost 15 pounds so far. I feel as though its a bit slow comparatively speaking. Ive looked around the boards & seen 20 & 25 pound losses the first 2 weeks. Oh well, at least Im losing ! I can tell in my face & my belly a little bit. This G-tube hasnt been so bad up till now either. I think from what Ive heard that there is too much water in the balloon holding it in & it needs to be taken out for some relief. Problem is I live an hour away from the Dr. & if I can wait I think I'll do that. I should be getting it out on the 13th of Feb. so I'm gonna try to wait. The heating pad helps for a while. Well guess thats about it for now. Thanks for reading :)

Im really gonna have this surgery Ive waited & prayed for for 2 years ! My date is January 8th ! Im excited ! Wish me luck & pray for a speedy recovery ! Thanks to all OH members who have had a great impact on my journey so far :)

Someone in the forum asked what did we do to quit smoking, I really thought on my answer & thought it was worth putting here too ::

I am using Chantix right now, It really does work but remember ONLY on the nicotene addiction NOT the habit. Like after you eat or in the car or at parties..you STILL want one but you just want the habit not the nicotene. Ive found myself lighting up even though I dont want one just because I am in one of those circumstances. I was at karaoke & thats what I do when Im at karaoke I smoke inbetween my turn to sing. The cig really didnt taste good so it wasnt that I wanted the nicotene taste it was just there ya know. So before you go out & get Chantix just know that there is not a pill in the world you can take to get rid of the "habit" just the addiction. It'll work if you want it to work ! I loved it b/c the withdrawels after 20 yrs of smoking aint fun ! The mood swings were horrible I felt I lost a part of myself. But the Chantix, I dont know how, curbed all of the anxiety I had & now I just smoke a few a week compared to a pack a day & the few a week are MY responsibility not the Chantixs' I have to work on ME to say to myself I am not addicted anymore so why do I keep smoking. I am getting better at analyzing WHY I do things that I do as I go thru this process. I love self analyzing now it keeps me accountable alot of the times but sometimes I do fail I am only human. I just pick myself back up & try again. I will be delivered from this thing I just know it !  

Soo the 6 month diet is done & I am on my last thing before getting a date I think . I have the NUT eval today. Hopefully I'll have a date soon. The thing is is that I am scared now. After all I have been thru in the last 6 months I feel like I want to back out of all of this. BUT I KNOW its just nerves. Nervous that it wont work like all of the other things Ive tried. I dont know why I think it wont work for me, when I know at least 3 people personally that it has worked for. I mean I am no bigger than they were. But I know its not really about that its about discipline, changing forever. I am ready to but man is it hard trying to tell yourself that in the middle of all these doubts. Just thought Id check in & let other pre ops know that if theyre having the same feelings Im sure its normal & they are not alone...Im here :)  

Well I didnt realize I had sleep apnea but I do !! I went last week for a split study but didnt sleep long enough for them to use the c pap machine, so I went back last night to sleep all night wiith the c pap & I LOVED it ! I feel so rested today !! The people there were sooo nice & helpful & informative ! The room & bed was comfy. I cant wait to sleep with the c pap & no wires tonight !! My hubby was quite sure I had it seein as he watches & hears me sleep. I had no idea but the Dr says I woke up 40 times in one hour on the first night only got 30 min of REM sleep ! NO WONDER I'm always tired !!! Sooo thats being taken care of thank God ! AND seein as I do have it, medicare will most likely pay for my surgery ! YAY !! Sux that I am a bit relieved that I have such a horrible condition but I was a bit concerned about the financial part of WLS. Now Im just waiting on the NUT eval. & the dreaded 6 month diet to be over with ! Im getting excited though. Im doing ok on the 6 month diet. I have lost 8 lbs so far. I quit drinking soda all together which is an accomplishment for me !! I will be quitting smoking at the end of this month. I know I know I should just put them down now ! BUT..( ya know there has to be a BUT LOL) But..I really have no excuse I just dont want to yet. I am totally confident I will be able to just put them down, its the start of a new me so I WILL do it !!  Anyways....( changing the subject FAST LOL) Im exercising in the pool almost every day unless its raining or my legs are killing me & I like that too ! Its been 5 years since our pool died on us & when I decided to to WLS I decided it was going to have to be fixed. In debt to our eyeballs now, its done &  I love it !!  Well thats all going on with me these days except for the normal house & kids thing. Went school clothes shopping this weekend for tax free week, WHEW ! Glad thats done !! Also went shopping for bathroom tiles ours are needing redone badly. Like I said nothing new with us, Its always something !!

Im on my second day of  the 6 month diet my PCP put me on. I am finding it hard to eat breakfast & lunch. I hardly ever eat those meals. So eating when Im not hungry just seems weird to me but I know I'll have to have a regular schedule for this after surgery also, so Im doing it. Im also trying hard to eat healthy AND eat the amount of calories th Dr prescribed. I think I could probably eat what I normally eat & get real close by cutting a "few" things out but eating the things Im "supposed" to eat is a different story. The reason the pcp wants me not to go so drastic is my metabolism might shut down. Makes sense. I did a few little excersises in our pool yesterday. PCP doesnt want me doing any strenuous ones b/c of all my past injuries from the car wreck,as if I could do strenous excersises anyways !  I am hopefully going tonight to get some "tools" to live with for the rest of my life. I want to get an aqua jogger & water weights, a new scale to measure food with, measuring cups & spoons and I think I'll get a recipe book too LOL ! A friend of mine gave me a whole months worth of Nutra system meals breakfast lunch dinner & snacks. Im telling ya this stuff is yucky but man does it have alot of protien in it ! Thats a good thing ! I tried the meatloaf & potatoes last night & it had 24 grams of protien ! YAY !! I'll be going to sample protien shakes now before I really "have" to so as to not have that shock of "yuck"  when it comes time to drink them. I have the initial consult appt with Dr Shebani on 7/16. Im anxious but not getting my hopes up b/c I ALWAYS do and most of the time come crashing down. But I am praying SOOOO much ! I Even have my chuch family & friends praying for me. I am a firm believer in the power of prayer it has shown itself to me time & time again. I love that HE can do what I cant. HE will prevail whether its meant for me to have the surgery or not. My faith has gotten me thru some tough times in the past & this is just another chapter, just another step in "getting right" with Him. I would soo appreciate all of your prayers during this time of waiting I need patience to know that this isnt going to happen over night. That its going to be tough and that I CAN do it ! Thanks bunches :)