Kathy K.

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17 month anniversary! Got quite a surprise on the thyroid ultrasound! My thyroid has a dominant solid mass on the right that Dr. K wanted biopsied. OMG. I guess I’m really being tested as to how much stress I can deal with given losing my old job, trying to get a new job, losing Molly, getting a new puppy, maybe having to move and leaving my dear house, and now, maybe having thyroid cancer. For 2 awful weeks, I had to wait for the biopsy to be done and the results. WHEW! Thyroid biopsy was negative for malignancy! What a relief! Stress, stress, stress. 

At least I’m pretty stable with the weight now, 132-135. Still nervously eating sf mints until I have such stomach cramps and diarrhea I can’t stand it! Lost 3 lbs in a week down to 132 at this late stage which is too much in my situation. I really am eating. Made a wonderful Thai chicken with low fat peanut butter and a honey substitute that was still a lot of calories for me. And I am munching more, taking extra spoonfuls of my fruit salads and entrees. Even ate out at Applebee’s having a wonderful parmesan tilapia, rice, and veggies. Ate it all over 2 meals, including all the rice. Go figure. Might be all the stress I’ve been under, but I truly am eating just as before, if not more, calorie-wise. Sometimes close to 1200 calories. I hate to hear myself say it, but I really must gain a few lbs! Mission accomplished. Went back up to 133.6, LOL. I’ve been fluctuating between 132 and 135 since Feb so I guess this is where I should be. Not hungry, but stress snacking has reared its ugly head. I’m choosing good snacks, though, with crinkled carrot chips or zucchini slices with my no-cal ranch dip or sf popsicles. Not every day, either. Doesn’t look like I’ll be able to be on metformin alone. Blood glucose goes up to the 140s pre-lunch if I don’t use a little Humulog with breakfast.
 
Quite a bit of progress in resolving when I lose my job. It looks like it will be the end of April!! Wow, all of a sudden probably less than one month left. It is still unconfirmed, but MDI staff were told they’ll be out by then, so, if logic prevailed, so will we. Also with the teleconferences we held with the new company it was clear the other company wants the transition sooner rather than later and can handle it, too. The transition of the dept to Atlanta is finally taking a few steps forward, still with an end of Apr goal. 

Busy time on the new job front, too. In addition to the company near Gurnee where I’ve applied for 2 different positions and interviewed for one, I sent my CV to 3 other companies, two local jobs and another in northern IL in Deerfield. Heard from 2 of the companies and had phone screen interviews within a week. After the phone interview I was invited down to Deerfield for one of the jobs, and had a full phone interview with the hiring manager for the local job the following day. The Deerfield interview went fantastic and the job went up to #1 on my list past the other Chi area job. They called back twice and said I’d hear about next steps early next week. The phone interview for the local job was quite interesting, too, moreso than I thought, and the chief medical officer wouldn’t let me off the hook when I said I wasn’t that interested in hands-on CRO work again, since he was extremely interested in my background starting a new dept. So I told him I’d let him know of my interest to take the next step of an onsite interview in 7-10 days. I’m leery about the travel that would be involved with that job, even though I’d be able to stay in my house. And I heard the work-life balance at GE Healthcare was very slanted toward work, work, work. Hopefully I’ll know more about the timeframe for the Deerfield job by then. Then I got another onsite interview from the first Chi job prospect, but decided to wait until I hear more from the Deerfield job. I’d only been waiting 3-4 weeks for them to schedule an interview! 

I’ve been getting weekly pictures of the puppies, still not knowing which is mine. 

I'm certain I wouldn't have had the confidence, looking the way I used to before WLS, to really interview well, concentrating on my experience and value to the company instead of how fat I was, sweating, and huffing and puffing walking between appointments. I used to be so obsessed with 'oh, I'm so fat' all the time before WLS. Even people at work now say my personality has changed, more open and engaging, smiling all the time. I don't notice it, but others sure have, I guess. 

Well, here it is my 16 mo anniversary already. This month has gone by fast. I missed my latest 2-week update. I’ll probably reduce the updates now to every 3-4 weeks. I’m not doing very well mentally as the stress level escalated significantly with layoffs starting at work last week and Molly’s condition worsened, so we visited the vet again about putting her down. We started her on a 10-day trial of a new arthritis NSAID that should show some improvement by 7 days if there is going to be any. There hasn’t been any improvement on day 7 so I think the inevitable will happen this week. (She was put down on the 7^th.)

Some stress has been relieved as the folks are becoming more accepting of the fact I might have to get a job out of state, relocating and having to sell the house. Now they just hope it’s Illinois and not No. Carolina, New Jersey, or California. But it is a major breakthrough. I don’t want to move either, but I must work and haven’t found anything worth applying for here in Milwaukee. 

Am down to my lowest, 151 lbs lost, 26 lbs below surgeon’s goal and 16 lbs below even mine. Lost over 10 lbs over the last two months. Weight loss has to stop. Enough is enough. Sometimes after a shower I think I look like a starving malnourished skeleton like they show in developing countries on TV with my bony clavicles and even my scapulas sticking out in the back and drooping skin. But I still mainly focus on my protruding abdomen due to the skin and think I’m fat. But the mirror image in the morning IS rather frightening. And I really am eating, sometimes too much, I think. Munching on carrots and no-cal ranch dip in the evening sometimes before my pudding. And eating ¾c of fruits and veggies instead of ½c to increase carbs. Always 90-100 gm protein, very little fat, around 1000-1100 calories. No exercise routine to use up calories outside of normal activities and purposefully parking far away so I walk a little more when I go shopping. I’m up till 1-2 AM every night lately, it seems. I do fall asleep when I go to bed, but I’m just not going to bed at a decent time, online looking for jobs and houses. 

Saw Dr. Kelly on the 6th. Started metformin 500 mg twice a day. Still can use Humulog with meals if needed. Troublesome increase in liver enzymes that I’ll have repeated in a few weeks. Also TSH quite elevated (meaning hypothyroid) in spite of the Synthroid dosage increase in Dec so the dose was increased again and a thyroid ultrasound and antibodies scheduled on the 9^th because the gland appears to be asymmetric on palpation. Wonder what that’s all about. We’ll see. 

Just passed my 15 month anniversary! Time is sure flying now. Not much happening. Down the few lbs I was up last month and am now at my lowest, 13 lbs below goal! Am finding I just can’t munch on anything – if I buy sf candy or mints, I pretty much eat them all, sometimes to the point of severe diarrhea and gas from the sugar alcohols. So I just can’t buy them anymore. Have been munching more on baby carrots and crinkle cut carrots with my no cal dip or dressings. ME eating raw carrots! Never in a million did I think I’d be doing that! LOL.

Saw Lynn on Fri. Pretty much the same message – eat more to stop losing. Not enough to gain, but enough to stop losing. It’s not like I’m trying to lose anymore, just following the program. Maybe it’s all that water I’m drinking lately for this latest burst of loss. Drinking a ton of fluids lately, 170-200 oz! Lots of hot drinks and flavored waters. I think it’s due to stress and nerves. Not much doing at work lately so I’m drinking a lot at work.

Took some pictures for a 15 month record. Hadn't taken any since 12 months. Now I know what people are talking about. My face really is starting to look haggard compared to even 3 months and only 8 lbs ago. Bodywise it's about the same even though I’ve lost a few more inches in total. Even though my BMI at 21.5 indicates normal weight and I wear size 8 bottoms, I still see an overweight person in the pictures, focusing on my pot belly abdomen. Wish I had the time to have my TT done.

Celebrated my birthday on Superbowl Sunday as usual. Everything was good food I could eat, my tex-mex chicken chili, grape salad, and a nice orange dream cheesecake made with sf jello that actually would be good with any flavor jello and maybe a fruit topping in the summer. Mom bought me both the amethyst lacy sweater and the blue cashmere. I had asked for one or the other.

The stress level at work is heightened this week since they will be announcing the first round of layoffs on Fri. One employee is hoping she’s in the first group since she has little to do anymore. But one who probably will thinks her job is secure. That one will be difficult to inform that she has to leave.

Cut my hand really bad on the slicer. Needed 13 stitches and may need skin grafting to close the wound. We’ll see next week. It doesn’t look too bad right now in that the skin edges are meeting in most places. Certainly there will be a major scar but I can live with that. Went to see the hand surgeon who took the stitches out. It is healing nicely and won’t need skin grafting. A major scar but it’s a closed wound. Whew!

Jan 1, 2007
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Last Christmas I weighed 248, now 141. On Xmas eve, I ate a bit more than I normally do. Not to excess in quality – still lots of protein and minimal carbs [one cracker and one tortilla chip] but more quantity, probably about 1200 calories by my estimate because I had no knowledge or control over the content of some of the appetizers. Deb’s Xmas day brunch was a challenge. Couldn’t eat much, as I figured, since she doesn’t even try to make something that I can eat. Had a little piece of quiche that was good, but had to pass on the meat pastry and french toast. Made a pig of myself later that day eating all 4 remaining sf raspberry cheesecake tarts in one night just to get rid of the temptation, although they were all sugar free and supplemented with protein. The only difference from my daily pudding was the graham cracker tart shell. Don’t know why I did that. Just like my old behavior. Ugh. 

However, on the bright side, I did manage to get back to my usual eating habits the rest of the week except for Sat’s WLS support group party. There I had 2 small pieces of shrimp pizza, chicken salad and 2 crackers, a couple small squares of cheese, and some turkey cold cuts. Nothing forbidden. Today this eating thing will be over – having Italian beef, ricotta-stuffed potato, blueberry raspberry sf jello. Made a great-looking Snickers pie for everyone else, that I surely cannot have. 

Blood sugars creeping up into the low 100s pretty consistently, with a few prelunch or presupper in the 130s and one of 143. For Xmas eve, Xmas, and a few other days this week I used some Humulin again, sometimes my old dose of 8 U and 6 U, sometimes less. Knocked the sugars down again to 80s and 90s. I’ll probably call Dr. K around the 8^th after being without Humulin for about a month with my 7-, 14-, and 30-day average and see if he wants me to start metformin now rather than waiting until March. 

Didn’t quite lose the water weight as quickly as I thought. Could be I’m just done losing and it’s normal 1-2 lb fluctuation. My feet are getting better in terms of the edema, but you’d think they’d be back to normal since it’s almost two weeks since I stopped the Lyrica. Maybe it isn’t just the Lyrica. My feet were really swollen a few nights last week and a little puffy last night after standing cooking all evening, but they are much better. Looks like this will be my final weight, 140-142. I’ve been in this range for a month now, since Nov 20. 

I’m a surgery angel for someone in my WLS group who has surgery on the 2^nd. Will probably go visit her on Wed night. She had a hard time with the liquid diet for one week! Have L4L meeting on Thu, I think. I may or may not go. Will wait to see what the agenda is.

Jan 15, 2007
Passed my 14 month surgiversary on the 7^th. I got back to my eating routine after New Year’s.  Feel fatter, although that may be psychological since I know the numbers have been creeping up. Clothes fit the same. At least that sugar free candy kept my bowels moving, but the gas was atrocious. The good news is I’ve stopped gaining. It was only a few lbs but that’s where it must stay, only a couple of lbs. I still suffer from swollen ankles almost every day. Sat was a major exception – no edema at all. Could be because I was on my feet all day long, very active putting away decorations. They’ve been really swollen on work days where I’ve been sitting all day, except for the hourly bathroom runs, LOL. Feel thinner again toward the end of this week; I’m not so bloated and gassy from that candy. Still gassy but that is a permanent situation; at least it is not as bad as it was the past couple of weeks with the candy. What a mistake that was. Oh well, live and learn.

Stopped using the Humulin again after New Year’s Day. Blood sugars creeping up again taking 2-4 U Humulog but just one over 120 at 126 before lunch; highest fastings only in the low 100s. I took a peak at my 7, 14, and 30 day blood sugar averages since going to prn Humulog. Although I get upset at some of the numbers in the 120s – 140s and some jumps of 19-20 points from breakfast to lunch, the premeal 30 day averages were all below 105 so my HbA_1C should still be pretty good, at least at this point. Still need 2-4 units with each meal but maintaining good blood sugars pretty well. 

Went to group this week but Dr. Cindy didn’t show. Had a good small group discussion, though. It’s hard for me when the main discussion is about being off track since I’m not off track. But most of the time I do get some wisdom from the discussion because, although I’m not off track, the temptations certainly are there to start buying foods I haven’t had in a year to try them out. Like that stupid sugar free candy. Enough said about that!

Jan 29, 2007
This period’s theme is ‘is Kathy losing too much?’ Megan called me at work concerned about my continuing weight loss 20 lbs past Dr. E’s goal that I talked about at group on the 17^th along with Amy who is also losing way past goal. We’re both getting comments asking if we’re sick and that we shouldn’t lose anymore. For me it was Mary C last week who told me not to lose anymore – and that’s from the thinnest, fittest, health conscious woman at the company! And this week Tracey told me about 2 other co-workers who asked her if I was ok, that I was getting so thin. Guess I just don’t see it the way others do. I told Megan things have been pretty steady now for the past 6-8 weeks, up or down 2-4 lbs. She was happy to hear I had a few up weeks of 2 lbs. I’m not so happy about that! Not trying to lose more, either. This week I’m back at essentially my lowest weight, losing 4 lbs the past 2 weeks. We’ll see what happens next. 

Ankle swelling is down more; that is a good thing. I don’t feel as bloated as I did a couple of weeks ago. Not as many fat days as a couple of weeks ago, either. Blood sugars are pretty good on Humulog 2-3 U with each meal. High for last week was 116. Had a few blips with 2 prelunch blood sugars of 139 this week after fastings in the 90s. One was more of a postprandial reading, but no explanation for the other. A neighbor stopped her van and noted how thin I was while I was all bundled up in suede and fur shoveling snow! That was nice of her to notice and not be judgmental when I told her I had gastric bypass surgery.

The job stress is really starting to get to me, though. I just don’t want to move and sell this house. But I also can’t think of a job in the city that will keep me here. So when I think about working somewhere else, like Abbott, I get nauseous thinking about moving and just can’t imagine commuting to northern IL from where I live. Then there’s Molly who is not doing very well again, limping and whimpering and sitting or laying down all the time, even laying in the snow. Losing my job, my house, and my Molly all at once – don’t know how to cope with all the loss. At least I’m not eating!

Dec 4, 2006 
Had a good 2 weeks. Went out to lunch at Olive Garden again with the folks. Had the chicken scampi. Very good. Even had a few bites of the pasta. My Thanksgiving dinner was great. Didn’t eat the stuffing or rolls but ate a few pieces of Italian sausage from the stuffing leftovers. Why do fatty things taste so good?! Gave most of it away to Mom. Had a little of everything else, glazed carrots, creamy cauliflower, garlic mashed potatoes, turkey, cranberry applesauce, pumpkin mousse pie – well, I saved a bowl of the pudding filling and didn’t actually have the graham cracker pie crust. Made a great Italian bean and turkey dish with the leftover turkey. Felt really full on Sat when I had leftover potatoes, carrots, turkey, and cranberries. Thought for sure I’d gained 3 lbs. After all that for 3 days, no weight gain! My only regret is I had all week off and didn’t exercise at all except a few short shopping trips. Oh well. Maybe someday when I start gaining again I’ll get it into my head that I have to exercise. 

This week, Tracey told me some people at work (unnamed) have been asking her if I was sick, that I look so thin. She said many months earlier in the spring when I was losing really fast, people would come and ask what was happening. Now, she said, it is more concern that I’m sick rather than curiosity about the changes happening to me. Wish I could see what they see.

Looks like I’m settling in around 140-142. Lost about a half a lb, about 4 lbs for the month again. That’s quite alright with me! Hope I can maintain it. Afraid to buy too many size 8s in case I gain, but most 10s, even my 6 pair of skinny jeans, are rather loose, even after washing them, hoping they’ll shrink! Am I really writing these words – 10s are too big???? 

Dec 18, 2006 
Surpassed my 13 month anniversary on the 7th! Surprised to lose another 5 lbs from Nov 7 to Dec 7 and another 1.6 lbs since then. Saw Dr. K on Dec 7. He took me off insulin except for prn Humulog with meals! Chances are I will be put on an oral drug, probably metformin, but for the next few weeks or so I won't be on ANY diabetes meds. This is totally unexpected since both he and my surgeon told me not to expect to be off insulin totally due to my age, duration of diabetes, and the doses I was on preop - 345 U a day on 4 injections a day! We all expected good control which I have had since the beginning - my A1Cs since 3 months out have all been below 6%. So I can be SO happy and grateful for this chance to be on a tablet instead of injections. MY goal for WLS was good control of my diabetes which I have achieved. How long I'll be off insulin Dr. K can't say, but it has now given me new incentive to keep on track and desperately try to prevent the 10% or so bounceback weight gain that might precipitate going back on insulin - and then the additional weight gain associated with insulin therapy. 

Didn’t gain last week in spite of the company Xmas party. We had the company Xmas party on the 8^th that was very nice. Great food. I actually got full eating 6 big shrimp, some cheese slices, veggies and 1T dill dip, and a couple of meat roll ups. I’m sure I went over 1000 calories and my blood sugars weren’t too good on my first day off insulin. Wore my new black/red skirt and black lurex dolman top. Pretty snazzy. 

Started Lyrica (pregabalin) for my neuropathic feet. They are so numb, sometimes I can’t feel them on the floor. Lyrica can cause edema and weight gain in 4-5%. It’s my choice to try to treat my neuropathy so if I gain too much I will stop it. I have had swollen ankles the past few days and gained almost 3 lbs in the past week, not due to any excursions off my meal plans so… I guess I’ll just have to deal with the neuropathy. I didn’t notice any improvement anyway, so the risk of the edema and weight gain for me outweighs having no perceptible benefit. May talk to Dr. K about Cymbalta in March. It was my decision to try a med for neuropathy so I can stop it as it is not medically necessary. 

Also went to my first Losers 4 Life group meeting at Elmbrook on the 7^th. It’s a much smaller group focusing on keeping the weight off. Not sure if I’ll go every month but will for a few more months weather permitting. 

I just can’t believe how tempted I am in the grocery store these days. Going down the candy, snacks, and crackers aisles looking at those awful carb-ridden snack foods. Haven’t done that at all in the past year, now all of a sudden… My appetite is back! I have recently tried some sugar-free hard candy. Weird because I never ate hard candy pre-op! But I really like the Baskin-Robbins chocolate mint or vanilla cream hard candies and Sweet n Low’s gourmet coffee flavored candies. And they’re therapeutic – the sugar alcohols, sorbitol, maltilol, xylitol, etc, have gotten my bowels moving! I don’t have that many a day, maybe 3 or 4 max, just as a treat. 

I’m sure I’ll be on an oral diabetes agent very soon. I keep having to supplement with Humulog to keep the blood sugars below 140. Fastings have been pretty good, high of 105, but that’s with 2 U Humulog at supper. The highest premeal blood sugar was 135 the first day off Humulin. But pre lunch and dinner values are sometimes around 110s and low 120s. Actually not that bad considering, but I do supplement with 2-4 units Humulog with the meal, depending on the value. That’s ok – we knew being totally off insulin was not a probability. I just hope the oral med(s) are the answer.

Nov 7, 2006
1^st surgi-versary! What a year of change! Loss of 140 lbs. Had 6 tubes of blood drawn and spine and hip bone density done on the 1^st. Everything was normal except the doggone iron. But my iron stores were actually high and red cell indices normal, showing no clinical signs of anemia. B₁₂ was so high I can now take it every other day instead of daily. And my bone density was normal, as was parathyroid hormone and Vit D so my Ca metabolism is fine. Whew! I was a little worried about that one, afraid I wasn’t taking enough supplementation since I eat a lot of dairy products. And last, but not least, my HbA_1C was 4.1%!! Dr. E, who I saw on the 6^th was very pleased with everything, noting I see you’re below even your goal, losing 112% of my excess weight. I provided Dr. E with my 7, 14, 30, 60, and 90 day averages for my pre-meal blood glucose values which were extremely tight and that control was reflected by the HbA_1C. We also had a good discussion of pouch size, roux limb length, and degree of malabsorption now that I’m further out and approaching maintenance. He would like me to be at around 1100-1200 calories for maintenance and said I could probably handle 1400-1500 calories. NOT!

Saw Heidi instead of Kris, my nutritionist today. Basically, she said if I really don’t want to lose anymore, to eat more! Target 1200 calories or if I’m not comfortable with that, try 1100 calories. Do it by increasing carbs, like another fruit and veggie serving and a little more fat, since I have dry skin [well, it is winter, too, causing my dry skin]. I really haven’t had any margarine/butter in the past year. I don’t cook with it and don’t have bread so I’ve had no need for it. She mentioned nuts and peanut butter for fat, too, but they seem so high in fat. I have started putting almond slivers on my salads when I don’t need the beans for added protein. What I can also do is eat cheese and cottage cheese that is rf instead of ff that would increase fat content and calories. I still eat ff cottage cheese and mozzarella. I have graduated to rf cheddar, colby, sour cream, and cream cheese for months now. The key is that I don’t want to eat more, mainly because I get full on what I’m eating now, but I can change the fat content, and maybe eat a few more veggies and fruit. Other than that I’m doing well nutritionally. 

Mom was over on Sat, the 4^th to celebrate her 78^th birthday. I made my wonderful Italian zucchini crescent quiche without the crescent crust and a fantastic raspberry cheesecake pudding pie. While getting ready in the kitchen, she started crying all of a sudden, pleading, “Please don’t lose any more weight.” I was so taken by surprise! I laughed and said, it’s only because I have Calista Flockhart clavicles now. She did not laugh. It is true, my neck bones are quite prominent, and you can sometimes see my rib bone ripples on my upper chest if I’m wearing a lower cut top. I did raise up my sweater and showed her the sagging skin ripples and lower tummy protruding to show her I was not all skin and bones. I told her she's just used to me being fat and wasn’t used to seeing me relatively thin. I guess I’ll have to wear turtlenecks when she’s around, LOL. 

Some random thoughts on the past year – it’s all about health and QOL, non-scale victories:

· I met my primary goal of surgery – control of my blood sugars. My last 2 HbA_1Cs were 4.2 and 4.1%!!

My general health is much improved – LDL cholesterol and triglycerides normal on diet alone; blood pressure improved on only one antihypertensive; no back pain, and knee pain very much improved without any need for pain meds; no more Achilles tendonitis; vision improved (needed new glasses because they became too strong!); no progression of diabetic retinal microaneurysms. I no longer wake up in the middle of the night coughing and gasping for breath, nor do I wake up in the middle of the night with acid reflux burning my throat.

· My functioning is greatly improved. Because I have no more back pain I can walk without pain or having to rest after short exertion; I can do things around the house requiring being on my feet for long periods (like cleaning the basement or washing the deck) or walking through the airport without sweating, feeling short of breath, and needing to rest my back spasms. My physical limitations due to weight have resolved. I have so much more energy to do things instead of observing things happening around me. I can take more than one trip down the driveway with the garbage without having to rest between trips, sweating, and getting short of breath [or driving it down in the car]. If I’m on the floor with the dog, I no longer wonder how I’ll get up off the floor. I can cross my legs without kicking the person next to me because now my leg is perpendicular to the floor, not parallel to it! I can go into a restaurant with booths without eyeing them up wondering if I’ll fit into that small space between the table and the seat bench. I haven’t broken any more toilet seats or chairs in the past year. Yes, I used to always have a spare toilet seat handy just in case.

· I no longer feel I am the fattest person in the room; well, maybe just a little sometimes. I still have my fat days. But my self-image and self-confidence are improving. Two nights before surgery last year I dreamt about two incidences back in the 1970s where someone hurt my feelings because of my weight – when I was getting fitted for a bridesmaid’s dress for my brother’s wedding, and some jerk’s comments about my size when I was at a Brewers’ game. Even after all these years, the hurt is still there subconsciously or consciously.

I don’t feel embarrassed and shame about my size so much anymore. I used to lie about my weight, and I don’t have to now – except maybe to my Mom who is so concerned that I’m losing too much now. I’m actually less than my driver’s license weight now!

I don’t turn down invitations for social functions because of my weight anymore. And I certainly don’t run away from the camera anymore – I have more pictures of myself from the past year than in the whole rest of my life, I think, LOL.

· Now a few words on the scale victory. I am able to wear normal sizes and shop in normal stores, perhaps too much, LOL. I can wear skirts and pantyhose again. I’ve discovered bones I could never feel before – xiphoid, rib, hip, jaw bones. Quite a change. 

Absolutely no regrets! I just hope I can maintain this weight and level of success.

Nov 20, 2006
Lost another 3+ lbs, still averaging about 1 lb a week. Ate a little more, especially the new SteamFresh garlic cauliflower. Doubled up on the servings. Yummy! Also tried a new scallops recipe to die for. Several more people at work have commented on my weight loss. I confessed to one of them that I had gastric bypass and she already knew! So I guess the word is out. A CRO representative who came in for a presentation asked if I had lost weight. I hadn’t seen her for over a year when she worked for another CRO. I told her about the surgery, too. It is easier for me to admit it now that I am successful. I was so worried in the beginning to tell people in case it didn’t work, and I’d look like a failure. Funny how cautious I was about being successful. Probably from a lifetime of diet failures. Still more friends from the group are telling me I’ve lost enough and ‘you’re not going to lose any more, are you?’ comments. Funny how I don’t necessarily see it. I feel I’m eating more now, especially at supper with larger salads and mostly 4 oz meat. And I’ve added another fruit or veggie serving at supper but I sometimes feel really full, which I shouldn’t do. I should just feel satisfied, not full. So I felt pretty fat most of the past week although I lost another lb. 

Had a nice dinner at Olive Garden with the Milw WLS group on Nov 13. Dan is still beaming at losing 200 lb in a year. Just think, between the two of us, we’ve lost over 340 lbs! He had seen Dr. E that day. He’s in a 2 week trial off insulin and will probably go on an oral agent.

I received a note in the mail from Dr. K on the 16th. He had gotten a copy of all my labs. He said that at my Dec 7 appointment he may take me off insulin! Wouldn’t that be a great Christmas present!! Maybe, just maybe, for the first time in 19 years I won’t have to give myself a shot, or 3 or 4! May switch me to one or more oral agents from his note. I know in Sep he mentioned metformin. I just don’t want one that causes weight gain, like Actos or Avandia. Maybe Januvia?? It may be just a temporary thing – I don’t think I’ll be off insulin forever – but it is certainly the biggest WOW moment ever, if it happens!

I was the facilitator for the 0-3 month post-op group at support group on the 8th. Wish I could do it more often, but it was only because Barb couldn’t make it. Most of them were nearer 3 mo out so were eating pretty well and past the initial month of liquids and pureed foods. Megan also asked me to speak in Aug at the info seminar. I will also be joining the Losers 4 Life group in Dec.

Went to see a dermatologist for my psoriasis flare on the 13th. Saw him all of three minutes , I think, and I was a new patient! He didn’t even look at the plaques up close, only from his chair. Wrote a script for a Dovonex combo ointment that cost $438!! I only had to pay $25 but how ridiculous is that cost! Not much change so far in a week, just everything’s very red because the plaques are reduced. Will see him in a month, on Dec 12. He thinks I’ll probably need photo therapy. Problem is getting to the office 3 times a week. Might have to switch to a different derm closer to the office. I certainly have no endearing relationship with this guy! The Arm & Hammer baking soda/peroxide toothpaste is working well on my teeth stains. Very noticeable difference already. Whew!

Oct 2, 2006
GOAL!!! I actually made it 2 days ago when I weighed for support group but at least it’s confirmed today with another 1/2 lb since Sat.!  It took a while since I had no weight change last week. -135.4 lbs! A great feeling after a totally awful week emotionally, as I learned the company was sold and I’m about to lose my job. I just don’t want to relocate to Georgia and I don’t even know if I’ll be offered a comparable position there. Nothing will be known for a few months so I’m not going to overreact, but the thought of leaving my house really distresses me. I don’t know if I can find a job here locally. I just hope I don’t start emotional eating after finally reaching goal.

Gee, I ‘organized’ my closets again and have 4 bags of new clothes to toss. What a shame. There were a few stragglers that were 1X and 3X, but most were XL and a few L. Some were favorites that I’ve now replaced with S. Yes, SMALL or size 10. I bought 5 pair of jeans at Penney’s that are size 10 with NO elastic that I can actually zip up, button, and feel comfortable. Just totally mind-boggling to me that I can wear a 10 in some things. But sad to think of all the money I’ve wasted in the past 6 months on my shopping sprees. Especially with no job looming ahead. But who would have thought I’d be a size S-M? I just couldn’t visualize it.

Blood sugars were pretty good. Had a wonderful crustless turkey pizza last week that really kept the numbers down amazingly. Some days I was down to 10 U in AM and 8 U in PM, but more often 11 and 9. Still, at least I’m still tapering down even though I’m virtually at goal.

Eileen from the over 50 board came to visit while on her way to visit her brother in Hartford. It was a very nice visit with a lot of talking, lol. And I made plans to meet two other friends on Wed for lunch.

Oct 16, 2006
Truly in the 140s now (!), a solid 149 after the past few weeks skirting 149.6 – 150.6. No loss last week, in fact a slight gain. Had quite a few low blood sugars this week, some symptomatic and some not, 50s and 60s. 60s are low for me, sometimes asymptomatic. Went down to Humulin N 10 U AM and will try 7 U PM starting tonight. I know I shouldn’t get upset if my BS goes over 100. I’ve become so spoiled if it’s not in the 90s; I overcompensate if it’s in the low 100s. Have only had 2 readings 100-106 in the past two weeks. This week they’ve been in the 70s a lot, even fasting in the AM so it’s time to try to lower the supper dose.

Another insulin-dependent diabetic, Marti, from Madison, found me online and is having RNY with Dr. E on Oct 24. She is hoping her insulin-dependent diabetes will be “cured”. Went to group on Wed and met Marti and her husband. This week I didn’t stay for the breakout group. Just didn’t feel like it after last month’s downer experience. Plus I just HAD to go to Penney’s as long as I was out that way to try to get another pair of gray jeans since I ruined them on Sunday cleaning the deck with a bleach product, lol. They didn’t have any in a size 10, but I bought the black ones and a few other pieces. They found a gray pair at Southridge so I picked those up on Thu. It’s like I’m obsessed with new things that fit well.

Had a fun week doing the What’s New thread on the Over 50 board. Posted one of my recipes each day that everyone liked and some even tried already! Had a nice lunch with Joyce S. who had WLS the same day as I did, her husband John, who also had WLS in Dec, and her daughter. Patti couldn’t make it. Found out Propel now has the powder strips like Crystal Light. OMG, how wonderful. One big reason to go to my new Super Wal-Mart.

Finished cleaning the deck and started cleaning out the basement, finally. It’s amazing how I can do these things now without having to rest and can stand for hours without my back hurting, running out of breath, or sweating into my eyes. Now that the weight loss is essentially over, what do I have to look forward to? Maintenance? Hmmm. Looks like a new mental adjustment will be necessary. 

Oct 30 
Down 140 lbs! I have a feeling Dr. E. won’t like it. Or maybe it’ll be ok. I’m sure he likes successes like this for the group’s statistics! One more week and it’ll be a year! Just unbelievable. A year ago this week I was starting my liquid protein diet. No more Cheetos or Fritos with ranch dip or soda. But, for the most part, haven’t missed them, either. 

Really having serious head hunger problems now that I’ve reached goal, though. I want to eat. It’s almost as if, since I’ve reached goal, I have this need to revert back to old habits. You know, OK, now the losing is over so go back to eating. I haven’t given in, but I sure am tempted. I overate a bit at dinner on last Sat having a meat, a salad, and  ¼ c mashed potatoes and felt very uncomfortable. Still under 1000 calories but inching up into the 900s now, still with good choices; just more food like ½ cup instead of 1/3 cup or 6 oz chili instead of 4 oz. Then on Sun I felt really fat and wore my very loose old size L jeans with elastic. Just couldn’t get myself to put on my skinny jeans. Don’t know why this is happening. It’s like a switch turned on in my mind going from the losing phase to the ‘it’s over’ phase. Even though I still have a few periods of weight loss. Head hunger not as bad this week. I like feeling thinner. I actually bought a size 8 pair of pants with no zipper and tried on a size 6 with elastic that also fit! Of course, the 6s ran a little big, but still a 6! I didn’t buy them, but did buy the 8. LOL.

My bottom teeth look like they’re becoming stained from the chewable iron. I’ll have to try some baking soda toothpaste or baking soda alone to see if the stains improve. And I’m really having a major flair of my psoriasis, including the scalp. Unlike anything in at least 10 years. Probably from the stress of losing my job. Blood sugars are just fine, a couple in the low 100s this week but that is perfectly normal; I guess I am spoiled now with mostly 80s and 90s. Steady at 16 units a day, 9 in AM and 7 in PM.

Found a potential job a MCW. Certainly not likely to even be considered for it because it’s an academic appointment, and I’m so far removed from academia. Haven't had an academic appointment since Texas and Michigan in the 80s. But the job is in my area of clinical quality assurance and regulatory compliance. But just the fact I considered it is important because a year ago, being morbidly obese, I wouldn’t have given it a second thought. Of course, a year ago, I had a secure job, too! LOL.

Aug 7, 2006
Happy 9-month anniversary! I have given birth to a new ME! Originally I had hoped to be 160 but the slowdown in weight loss has been major the past two months. But I’ll take 163. Weight headed downward again, whew!, but it will be the lowest monthly loss so far. The honeymoon is over. At least it is back in a downward trend. BMI is almost normal, 25.5! But even friends of mine out 9-11 mo said they have gained a few lbs now and then so I guess I don’t feel so bad. Well, I do, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I know the gain was NOT from eating the wrong things or ‘cheating’. And it does seem to be only a one week aberration. I MUST start exercising regularly!

Lost another 3” for a total of 77”, most dramatically in the waist/hip area with 17” lost each. Went to get a few rings resized, down 3 sizes. It’ll be a while before I get them all done at $22 a ring. I have over 30 rings! Have toyed with the idea to sew some skirts. They can be sewn in 45 minutes once cut out and some are soooo expensive. I found a couple of pieces, a nice black tweed for fall and a beautiful cream/rose crochet that would make a beautiful skirt if lined with georgette or something like that. Now to find the time! Went shopping at Marshall Field’s probably for the last time before it becomes Macy’s. I did see a few new clothing lines that belong to Macy’s that were pretty nice and bought a skirt and top on sale from the Macy’s line.

Finally got my insulin stabilized again on 12 U AM and 10 U PM with a few extra 2s of regular once in a while. Went hypo 3 times last week in the evening between 8:30 and 10:30 with blood sugars of 38, 42 and 40 using 2 U with supper. Guess I’ll stop that for a while or try 8 U Humulin N??? Had our WLS group picnic on the 30th. It was very, very nice; we were worried about the heat, but due to storms earlier in the morning, it stayed slightly cloudy and in the 80s instead of 90s. Great, very moist grilled chicken, burgers, dogs, and corn, and lots of other salads and fruit. And celebrated Dad’s 80th birthday by taking him to South Woods. They were very accommodating letting me substitute cottage cheese for salad and veggies for pasta. Still not comfortable eating out.

Aug 21, 2006
Ooooooo….. getting closer! Another 3.4 lbs during this 2-week period! Dr. Tracy McCall spoke at support group this month. Seems I misunderstood her at the OH conference. Just a tummy tuck is only around $7K, not $12K. That makes it more doable financially, but I’m still not sure if I’ll go through with it. Have to be at a stable weight for 6 months so it’ll be a while in any event, maybe next summer/fall. Had a small WOW moment on Sat, the 12th. I went to Mayfair again to look at fall coats. Stopped in J Jill. Didn’t know they had a store there. I was looking at a little cardigan and cami top. I’m a M or 12 in most things and L in some tops. It almost seemed like I was BORN a size 16 and never wore less than that except for a few months in 1988 when I had a few outfits in a 14. It is a strange feeling shopping now because store clerks don't look at me like 'what are you doing in this dept, fat lady' anymore. At J Jill the clerk asked if I wore a small, that I could probably wear a small in that cardigan. SMALL???? No way. I'm thrilled to be a M and am having problems wrapping my mind around that! Ended up they had no smalls for me to try and the M was just fine. But it made me feel good that a stranger thinks I’m a S-M! I still see myself as pretty large even with my monthly pictures. Took 4 more rings in to be resized.

This past week my blood sugars were starting to be wild! I had a 116 before lunch, used 4 U regular insulin and had it drop 70 points in 2 hours to 46! Last night it was 92 before dinner, yet with dinner and a pudding snack at 9 PM and using my usual 10 U Humulin N with no Humulog, it was 39 at 11 PM; AND despite taking 3 glucose tabs (12 gm sugar), it was still 62 in the morning. Got back on my bike for one day at least and went a little over 5 miles in 30 minutes.

Went to see Dr. E for my 9-month visit. Essentially have lost 100% (100.3% to be exact, lol) of my excess weight and normal BMI. Told Dr. E about my July fever and blister, and fluctuating blood sugars. He was kind of surprised I was still on insulin. He seems to think I might be able to try Lantus or an oral agent or oral combination. We’ll see what Dr. Kelly thinks on Sep 5th. I know he mentioned the possibility of an oral agent back in Feb but didn’t bring it up in May. Dr. E is a little concerned about my thyroid since the TSH crept up in May to 4.85. Will repeat it next week with the HbA1C to see if I need the Synthroid dose adjusted.

Jul 10, 2006 
Wore the cutest new outfit, vest, tee, and Coldwater stripe pants in size MEDIUM. Kari’s graduation party was Sun, the 2nd, at the Leisure Center. Didn’t have much protein to eat so I had to resort to a Power Crunch Bar. I’m glad I don’t eat them very often. I’d rather eat real food. Tomorrow is my favorite, seafood kabobs, just in a different marinade that I don’t eat anyway. Wore another cute outfit I got this week, a little chambray set I plan to wear to the WLS picnic at the end of the month. Feeling pretty good, getting more wrinkles due to excess skin on lower trunk and, ugh, my face near my mouth.

Had the week off for the 4th. I remember last year’s July 4th vacation week. I spent ALL my time on the internet researching RNY. Dr. K had recommended it again at my Jun 24 visit. I had not given a second thought the year earlier when he mentioned it in 2004 because anything related to obesity was excluded from my insurance policy. I had talked to my folks about it on the 4th last year in 05 and they said they would help me financially to self pay if I really wanted it. I knew so little about it, so I was a sponge for info that week. I found 2 programs at Columbia-St. Mary’s and Elmbrook that had info seminars in July. I registered for Elmbrook’s because it was a week earlier, Jul 20 vs 27. The rest is history… AND I didn’t have to self pay after all.

Finally got all of my closets cleaned out of old clothes and all bags off to Goodwill or the Viet Vets! And I finally know what I have, organizing all my nonstop purchases since Apr. Had a water exercise class this week, but not with Maureen. The two sessions she missed will be made up later. It was a shallow water class, a bit different from the deep water class. Some of the exercises were similar, though; it’s just you could touch bottom instead of floating. Maureen should be back next week, they say.

Got sick for the first time since surgery on Fri. Fever, chills, dizziness. Not much in the GI area, though, so not likely food poisoning. It came up VERY quickly about 2 hours after dinner. At first I thought it might be dumping, but it lasted and lasted through Sat. Didn’t eat or drink much on Sat. Tried to down a protein bar late in the day but couldn’t finish it. Didn’t drink much either, maybe 20 oz. Should have had a protein drink to kill two birds with one stone. Blood sugars were high (121-203) on Sat AND Sun despite higher doses of insulin. Ugh. But I’m feeling better. I think it’s passed. Weight still trickling downward with a little bump from the illness, but I’ll probably gain that back a smidge showing little loss next week.

Jul 24, 2006
Not a good period for blood sugars. Found I had a toe blister that popped, probably from the shallow water aerobics, although I inspected my feet when I got home. Knew I might have problems because of the rough pool bottom and the persistent walking we were doing. So my insulin went up to 14 U twice a day with Humulog quite often added, even up to 6-8 U a meal, and I still have BS up in the 120s-130s sometimes. Not all bad, some 80s and 90s, too. But a setback at any rate. The Y canceled the class for good since Maureen just got out of the hospital on the 13th and is still hooked up to wound vacs and tube feedings. Maybe will try again in the fall.So it’s back to the bike, and WATP when the blister improves. Within the week the blister pretty much healed and was not draining anymore. Still have fluctuating blood sugars, mainly in the low 100s with a few up to 118-120 before supper, and on 12-14 U twice a day with additional regular 2-4 U. Late this week, I started going hypo and tried lowering the PM dose to 10 U again. We’ll see if it can stay there. Had a surprising 2 lb weight GAIN this week although I didn’t feel it. I know it’s not muscle from exercising, that’s for sure! Maybe due to all the extra insulin I’ve been taking. Hopefully it’s just a temporary blip or could be the beginning of a plateau.