Lady_Q

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Hey Everybody....

Its been so long sense I've last posted, I feel badly about it because its not nice to keep people out of your life.. lol. At least good people like you guys.
I hadn't had my surgery yet. I did though, very much enjoy my trip to Hawaii.... I've been too busy and got side tracked and will have my next appt with my Dr. on the 1st of July..... on that day, I believe we'll just go over some things and he'll be sending in my request for surgery to my insurance people and I'll be waiting for my answer,.... Finally.

I'm a little scared. Not about the surgery, I'm so ready for it, but I don't hear of many people being denied surgery unless their insurance people are a'holes or theres a glitch in that persons ability to have surgery. So..... the wait is on.

O, well I know things hadn't been sounding too good for me lately, but, I have to say all things must go on.  right?  lol..... so I planned me a trip to Hawaii, well I was invited to Hawaii and yes, I accepted. Although this trip is exciting it definately isn't coming along without worries.    I don't have a fear of flying, definately not scared to leave from home, I'm just worried like every other large person when it comes to planes.  I mean airlines these days are increasingly becoming more and more strict on LARGE people.  

As you can imagine my flight is already expensive, I'm flying from N. Caroline to Hawaii... lol.   yes, it was over a grand.  I had been reading around that sometimes they make you pay for TWO seats.. two?   I'm like..yes, I'm large, but I'm ONE PERSON... one... don't treat me like this.  What about people with rawdy children who scream and cry, or those who are just plain annoying. I know there are plenty of them... so why not make them pay something extra? .... n e way. I know when I get there, they will NOT make me pay for another seat, or should I say, I'm PRAYING they won't.   I just know that either way, I'm going to be incredibly uncomfortable.   15 hours on a plane with arm rails digging into my sides, my knees into the back of the seat behind me, cause I'm 6 ft tall...... I'm definately going to dread going to the bathroom. Oh the HORROR stories I hear about those.  This about the time where I wish I was a guy and could use the restroom standing up, cause I'm sure I'm going to have to come up with some death defying act in there to use it...  geez.  

Man, the more I talk about this trip, the more I'm not wanting to take it.  Ok, but down to the nitty gritty. The real reason this trip is either going to fun or not at all, is My appt to see my doc for my final say so, is Tuesday my trip is Wednesday......    ^&*$^%*$(((#&(#&*$%#&*($&*(%$ argggggggg!!!
yes, I'm feeling like, whatever....scared, nervous, excited, weary.. you name it.  its happening to me.   

oh well........ things happen all for a reason. I'm just going to wait to see what the outcome is and I'll keep you all posted. 

Lady Q

Well, its crunch time...     Been keeping things tight on myself, working hard and all getting that extra cash for my trip... trip? yeah, I'm going to Hawaii this 15th of March, right after my dr. appt with Dr. Carter on the 11th.  That will be the day I get my answer as to whether or not he's going to do my surgery. 
I hope and I pray and I've got everything on this one thing.  So, I'm totally stoked and excited.....  and scared... and nervous, and well... I dont know, theres just so many things going on right now its just nerve racking.  

Oh well, I'll keep you guys posted!!

Lady Q

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Hey everybody, 

I'd like to say first and formost I am happy for myself to being doing so well up until this point  I did go from 461lbs from Jan 6th to 443lbs Feb 10th. Although I had a few troubling obsticles lately. 

I just had a few things I needed to get off my chest.  I had a wedding to go to and also do behind the work for too and I have to say with all the stress and running around and all the cake food and well you know and understand if you've ever been to a wedding. 

First it started with the bachelorette party then the before the wedding blues and the wedding itself and afterwards I couldn't get myself back into the swing. 

I cheated, I had two drinks at the club, I hate cake twice, I ate more than I usually had been handling for the past few months and because of my relapse I'm having difficulty eating good again.  Any tips? 

any one have advice for going to events and restraining yourself from all the festivities goodies?

I'm sure I've gained if not some most of my weight back, Ok, I could be over exagerating with all of it , but thats how I feel for cheating.  So now I'm scared to go to the doc and weigh myself.  Its been a long time sense I've been able to see my weight go down rather than going up and I think this would so hurt me. 

January 6th.. I had my appt with my new surgeons office and I had a weigh in that I was not too happy with.  I stepped on their scale and I was 461.6 lbs. I didn't know if I should had been shocked or lucky.  Lucky that I didn't weigh more, shocked that I'm close to 500lbs.   I don't know which to chose.  I don't look it....  well of course, to myself I probably don't.  I don't know .... do you look into the same mirror as me?  The one of denial? Thats how we all got here today, right?.. well I'm ready to stare into a different mirror, the one of tomorrow.  I've been working hard for one month and I've lost 13lbs.  I've never seen those kinds of results so fast in just one month.. and I hadn't even had my surgery. I've been a strict diet that my doc. gives every one to be on.  Its practically most of your green foods, eggs, salad and Protein 95 only.  I've been eating chicken and turkey though with it and have some cottage cheese for a snack kind of feeling, but its definately working.  Amen

Lady Q

Well,  January 26th was my birthday and I celebrated my 22nd year alive on this world.   I have to say that I'm very blessed to have lived 22 years being in the physical shape that I am in.  I'm also happy that I'm having a oportunity to have gastric bypass and hopefully it will happen soon so that I can continue to celebrate many more years to come in a healthy body and a new and improved lifestyle that doesn't exist of my house and work. 

I had my appt. with a new doctor about a week ago.  I had to change doctors because the other one I had didn't want to do surgery on me.  If you want to know why, I'll say it in two words (MILITARY DOCTORS).... any way.  I won't discuss much about that any more I've gotten my wish, which was to be transfered out and the military doesn't do that any more, so I'm lucky.  

Any way,  I got to see the other doctor that I was refered to and had my check up, weigh in and all that other hoop laaa they make you go through.  Uhm, I've actually gained more weight, which I'm not suprised, I've been extremely stressed out with my luck of MURPHY's LAW hanging over my head.... don't ask how I got it... I think it started with my car accident and went down hill from there.   Well, the funny thing is the nurse he had told me... before they could do my surgery... I have to lose 60 lbs..  great. I weighed in at 462lbs and I'm here for WLS... and your telling me I have to lose close to 100lbs before I can have surgery.  Wheres the Irony in that......    

I think if people would have stopped pushing me around and bullshitting me back when I first started the program in 2005 when my BMI was only 53, which now its 62... I would have not been having to do this.   

I'm not upset, I'm just confused.  I just shake my head at people who just don't understand.......

Hello to everyone who is reading this.... 

I just so happened to be sitting on my bed the other day and was thinking a lot of about myself.  I use to be a really vibrant person, long before I began to deteriorate.....    what I mean by that is, back in school despite the hardships I went through as a big person and being the biggest person in your school I also went through things that never had an explination, or at least not until this year.  I found a doctor who has been dealing with the last four ulcers I have accumulated in the past year.  I thought after my first one that took 1yr 3 months to heal, I would be done, but a few months later I had another, 3 yrs and 7months spent 7 months bed rest in the hospital, 13 surgeries and two skin graphs.... and 3months following to learn to walk again.  I've had 5 little minor ones sense then and finally the answer to my problem is I have Limphadema.  Sadly, that'll never go away but may improve if i lose weight.  Any way off track.   

I am here to write my vows to myself.  Not to a love one, not to my family, nor to friends and people alike.  Myself is what matters and myself is who I love.   So, whenever, however and if - ever I have my surgery, I vow to myself to never be lazy again.  I only became lazy when my body made me.  

- I'm making a promise to see every movie my eyes wish to see and not worry about fitting in the theatre seats...

- If I see a game, opera, orchastra, play, or anything happening at our local Arena, I promise to go and have a good time and not sit on ONE CHEEK while getting a bruise on the other. =0)

- I will FINALLY enjoy myself at the wonderful world of Mickey Mouse. I have never been to Disney and would never make it through the park at my weight now.

-When I reach my 300lbs mark and not a pound or a half early, I will go back to riding horses again.  I use to ride a lot from 11 -16yrs. but I had legs ulcers and gained a lot of weight.  

- I promise to enjoy every scenic walk I possibly can even after I have had a busy day. My dogs need to walk and so do I.  

-I promise never to be scared to go after ANY JOB just because of my size.  

-TV., Computers, Lazy Boys, Food.. will no longer be my comforts, they will be limited additives to my life.

-I will learn to now what I want... when people ask me what I would like and not act like I don't want things and feel needy.  If someone offers I will accept, if someone gives I will take and be happy.... for denying those will only be disrespectful to those who are giving. 

- I will RUN to every Fair in town and enjoy all the rides.... I will not think twice about asking what the weight limit is or how much does this thing hold. 

- I will never think twice about getting into a friends car... (A NEW Guy Friend) or think twice about my dates vehicle accomidation.   I will gladly jump in and  enjoy myself. 

- I will never be scared of whether or not i fit into a restaurants booth.

-I will sit infront of a room, whether its for school, any type of theatre seating or whereever instead of hiding in the back. 

-I will promise to do everything I do now and to NEVER LOSE MYSELF....  continue to only get better.

Well, I had my appt. with the docs my nutritionist and again I had been foiled.  If no one has ever felt the extreme unforgiving tongue of people you have known for years to let you down, then you would never know the feeling of pain.  More powerful than any physical pain I have ever felt.  And I've had some extreme physical pain in my last 7 years.  A few days, well let me not lie, a few weeks after I got my final answer, which was no.....   I had almost fell apart.  I think I was going into a mental melt down. 
Well apart from the fact that there are many other things going on in my life that have been contributing to it.... work, my love life, my friends, family, and even my own body. All these things just seem to want and go down on  you.  I can't see how I go through it all day to day and still keep a cool head. I totally should be insane by now.  I have to confess though, I had a breakdown a few days ago. I'm kind of embarissed to admit to it, but... I suppose I was a bit overwhelmed with everything that had been going on, the holidays and just the fact that I totally feel helpless now and forgotten about, I sat down one day and was so spaced out with a million or more things running through my head.  My body just gave out and I wound up urinating on myself and really didn't realize it.  I don't know exactly know how much stress your body can take until it reaches this point....  but it was horrible. I think I'm far too young to go through anything like this and it sucks when ppl don't think much of it.  I don't know what to do about it any more.  I really don't....................................