LauriTheRN

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 It has been forever since I've come back to post here and I'm sorry that I let the stressors of life stop my focus of health. I will be three years out from my sleeve surgery in June 2012 and I'm maintaining my weight in the 180's. I can't seem to get anymore weight off. I am trying to make smart food choices but end up going back to old habits that are not supported by my lower metabolism. I have to remember that it doesn't take as many calories to maintain 180 lbs as it does 280 lbs. I've lost my focus over a year ago when my 46 year old husband had a stroke. My life as I knew it has changed and I'm still trying to adjust to a new normal. Not only am I adjusting to a new body and a  husband that has changed into a new child like person I am now a grandmother. My 25 year old daughter had a baby boy  last April. My daughter, my grandson and the baby daddy moved into my home last Sept. This has been beyond stressful for everyone in my house. In addition to this, my husband, who was on disability following the stroke in January 2011 and  subsequent brain surgery to remove an aneurysm in August 2012 was laid off from his job. When he was to return to work in January 2012 his job in construction was gone. He was laid off and has been off work for 7 months now. Not only that, my 25 year old daughter and her boyfriend are both out of work. I’m the only one that is working full time. My two other daughters are working part time but do not help financially. My home, which should be a safe haven is now the most stressful part of my life. I feel that my home is no longer my home.  I’m currently struggling with feelings of depression and anxiety and have come to the conclusion that I no longer can use food, alcohol or cigarettes to self medicate. I’m forced to feel these emotions and have no idea how to handle them. This is why I’m back to this board. I started coming to this forum a year before my surgery. At that time I had so much hope that once I had the surgery and lost weight my life would be perfect. But I was wrong. The surgery has changed my life and I do not regret it one moment. I must commit to come back to this forum often and get my focus back to myself and my health.  The moral of this story is that the surgery does change your life but life continues with all the stressors that come with it. The trick is to learn to roll with the punches, to experience the emotions, both good and bad without using food, or anything else to comfort and mask these feelings. I’m attempting to reach out through this forum, as I did years ago and feel that sense of hopefulness that my future is bright and that change is inevitable and constant and obtainable towards positive goals that will be reached. I’m back.

My weight this morning is 186.5 lbs.

Well... it's been a long time since I've posted. My current weight is 181 lbs. I got down to 174 but lost focus and gained a few back. It's a lot tougher the further out you get from surgery. I am able to eat so much more but not nearly the amount I used to. Now is the time that I have to focus on what I put into my mouth. I still have a goal to get into the 150's and I know that I will make it there. I have tried over and over to focus on eating a lot of fruit and veggies but the fruit and other carb foods make my me hungry. I know that my body works better when I watch the amount and type of carbs I put into my mouth. For this reason I'm going to start counting my carbs and see if I can't make it to goal by my two year anniversary from surgery.

This mornings weight is 214.5 lbs. It's not my weigh in day but I wanted to blog because I want to get back on track and I think that yesterday was my start day. The holidays were tough but I did continue to lose even though I ate pretty much what I wanted. I'm back to paying attention to my life. I had a Revelation this week that my pattern is to lose focus and gain the weight I've lost in the past back. I'm determined that this will not happen to me. I realize that I need to pay attention to everything in my life for my life to thrive. This means paying attention to my diet, my exercise routine, my relationships, my job, my home. When I close my eyes and put my life on automatic pilot I spiral out of control. The only way to keep control is to pay attention to every moment.

So here is to paying attention and to making my life what I want it to be, not what it turns out to be.

Here I come onederland!

I haven't been on here in so long and I want to change that. It seems that I have lost a bit of momentum in my tracking of my weight loss but I'm happy to say that I'm still losing despite me eating what I want over the holidays. My weight this morning is 216 lbs. I was down to 214 this last Saturday but I guess I'm holding onto a bit of bloat. I did participate in the 5K last month and I finished in 54 minutes - not very fast but I did it. I realized that running on real ground is very different than on a treadmill or running in place. My bro wants me to do another 5K in February and I think I am going to do it. I hate to say it but I continue to smoke. I once again have this monkey on my back and I feel that I'm fighting two wars - one with weight and one with smoking. I know that a lot of non smokers can't understand the addiction of cigarettes but it has a hold of me and I'm struggling to stop. I made an appointment with my primary MD for February and I want to ask her for another prescription for Chantix. This drug helped me to quit for over 2 years and I need some type of help.

My new years resolution is to keep my calories at 1200 a day and to exercise 5 days a week. I need to get my momentum up because I know if I take my eyes off the prize and stop working  toward my goal I will never reach it. My short term goal is to get under 200 lbs by February 4th.

Excuses and fear. I am working out like crazy at the gym. I"m up to 1.5 hours doing eliptical and treadmill. My brother wants me to run in a 5K next week end - Dec 12th and I have promised myself that I will walk it. This way I can get a feel for the culture of a race and also say that my first 5K was 4 days after my birthday. As I was saying in my last post - old habits sneak back in despite the best intentions. I'm smoking again. I have about 3 a day and I'm sick over it. I'm not telling anyone about it (of course this is the exception). This mornings weight is 221 and I'm so close to getting under the 200 pound mark. I never thought that I would ever achive that goal. I was 250 lbs in the 8th grade and 208 when I got married. It's hard to wrap my mind around the fact that I actually will make it below the dreaded 200 lb mark. I have people noticing all over the place. I even had a guy come up to me as I was at my county car in front of a client's home and ask me if I was married. When I said yes he asked me why I don't have a wedding ring on my finger. I didn't have the guts to tell him that I've lost so much weight that it doesn't fit anymore. I am also noticing that I'm getting looks/smiles and doors opened for me from guys that never noticed that I was alive before. This sure is a bumpy ride but I'm loving it.

I'm back to recording every calorie I put into my mouth. I don't seem to lose much if I just eat as I want and let my tummy decide how much. I still have a problem stopping when I'm full. It seems that I overstuff myself at least once a day and I get the foamies and that pressure in my chest - to the point that I think I should go make myself sick to get rid of it. I haven't done that except for a couple of times. I fugure that the feeling is my punishment for eating too much in the first place.

I'm able to eat about 1 cup of food to the point of fullness. I know that I should also slow down so my body can sense that full feeling, which takes time but this is one of the old habits that I struggle with.

My weekends are a struggle as well. I tend to drink wine or overeat the wrong foods and this has slowed my weight loss down. I guess this is going to be a life long struggle for me - dealing with old habits, new habits and keeping my life in check. I was hoping that I would eventually get to the point where I won't have to be on a diet but I'm thinking that I will be playing with the pounds the rest of my life. It is my cross.

Fridays are my new weigh in date cause I felt that Mondays just showed my loss of control with food/exercise and alcohol over the week-end. I know that I will struggle this weekend because it's my birthday on the 8th and I'm thinking that my family might have something planned.

My goal for this week is to keep the drinking down to a minimum or not at all, to exercise 6 days this week and to record everything I put into my mouth. I will also try to come here and blog as much as I can. I think it will help.

I'm officially 5 months out from my surgery and I've lost 63 lbs since just before my surgery. I realize that old habits sneak in if you allow them. This mornings weight was 225.75. Old habits seem to sneak in despite the best intentions. Last weekend I drank a whole bottle of wine through out the day and have been taking hits off my husbands cigars. I"m two years out from smoking for over 29 years and I'm now craving cigarettes.  I'm afraid that I will have to quit all over again (which was the hardest thing I have ever done). I"m not tracking my food intake any more. I feel that if I can hit my goals of calories burned (2650 cals), steps (10000) and meeting 1 hour of exercise a day I should continue to lose weight. I'm now facing Thanksgiving and I'm nervous what I will put into my mouth (food and alcohol). 

I also realize that losing weight is all about calories in and calories out. My body is a wonder and it will do all it can to keep me at the weight that I'm at because it is in survival mode. I watch Biggest loser and even with those people eating 1200 calories a day and burning 6000 calories a day many of them only lose 3 lbs a week. I'm doing a fraction of that and I'm losing between 1 and 3 lbs a week so I guess I can't complain. I'm loving my new life and I'm constantly learning and changing for the better - as long as I keep these old habits in check.

I'm 5 months out and owe a new picture which I will update soon.

I am always in such a rush in life. It seems like I don't have much time to do much but I am allowing time to exercise almost everyday and time to measure and calculate my food. I'm finally giving myself priority. My weight this morning is 233 1/2 on my home scale which is approx. 54 1/2 lbs. since just before my surgery. I want to blog about what I've struggled with these last few weeks and that is making excuses for my slow weight loss or my lack of weight loss. I do however need to get ready for work so I promise myself that I will come back by this weekend and blog my experiences.

I'm a happy camper today. I'm 12 weeks out from surgery and I have officially lost 45 lbs. Todays weight is 245 which is a 6 lb. loss for the week. I completed the 5 day pouch test two days ago with a huge loss. ( I don't recommend doing the 5dpt long term though as I was light-headed, saw spots before my eyes on the 4th day and had lost some of my short term memory). I see a trend when it comes to my weight loss. I do not lose anything, and sometimes gain the week of my period. This is what happened last week and why I didn't blog my 11 week update. I was so depressed by not losing anything for my 11th week and for the slow as molasses loss that I am getting famous for. If I try to keep my calories up to 1200, like my surgeon wants me too I either lose super slooooow or don't lose at all. I do better if I keep my calories below 900 like most on the OH boards. I struggled with doing as my surgeon advised or doing what was working so well for so many on the boards. I guess it all comes down to figuring out how my body responds and formulate my diet according to that. Water is a must and so is exercise. I have been reading up on the Body for Life program which involves alternating cardio exercise with weight training 6 days a week and eating healthy for 6 days out of the week and having a free day at the end of the week. I have not started the program but I like many of the principles of the program. It recommends that we consume 10- 8 oz. cups of water a day - and if I have caffeine (which I just started to do in an attempt to increase my metabolism) I need to increase my water intake even more.  So far I'm not doing too badly with my water intake. I also started doing cardio interval training last week where I walk for 90 seconds and run for 60 until I complete a 20 minute workout. I plan on increasing my running and see if I can get up to three miles. Once I do this I might run in a 5K coming up in 7 weeks in my community. What a frightening and exciting goal. I've also discovered a few low carb foods that I love. One is a low carb tortilla by a company called La Gloria. I'm hoping to make pizzas, wraps, tacos etc... with these wonderful tortillas. I also found soy noodles that only have 40 calories per package and something like 3 grams of carbs. Olive Garden linguine Alfredo they aren't but they will satisfy my taste for pasta. I"m also using fat free Fage Greek yogurt with ranch dressing mix for dipping veggies and serving on my salads - yummy. I'm also loving fish. I hated fish before my surgery but now I think that fish is probably my favorite food. I can't logically explain why removing part of my stomach would change my tastes. There is so much to learn about this surgery and I'm so happy to be a part of this life changing surgery. My sleeve is my support. It gives me the ability to make good choices and to walk away from the food that  fueled my addiction and made me morbidly obese  with my obsession for it. Because of my sleeve I have control - food does not control me. So now it's all about choices.

My plan is to make the best choices the majority of time. I will allow myself a taste of the "bad stuff" once in a while if I so choose but I will always be mindful of what I am putting in my mouth. I will eat a small amount of food every 2 hours and walk 10 minutes every two hours when possible. I will exercise a minimum of 3 days a week. I will give my all to getting 10 cups of water in a day and I will do the 5 day pouch test once a month after my period to jump start my weight loss.

Goals: Lose 2 lbs this week

This morning I am officially under 250 lbs. I was under 250 for about 5 minutes just before my wedding but have not been under 200 ever, or as far back as I can remember. I am so happy. I'm feeling convinced that I actually may get this weight off.

My mind is so accustomed to failing at weight loss it's hard to wrap my mind around the idea of getting it off. After-all Lauri is, and has always been fat. How can my brain logically believe that I will be something that I have never been but have always wanted. It's frightening and thrilling at the same time.

Yeah Me!!

I'm 10 weeks from VSG as of today and I've lost another 2 lbs this week. My weight this morning is 250. I really wanted to get below 250 by the end of the week but I can't complain about a two pound loss. I guess slow and steady wins the race. I hurt my back again this last week. I worked out two days (last Sunday and Monday) and woke up on Tuesday and couldn't get out of bed. My lower back now pops when I move a certain way. One of the nurses at work thinks I may have arthritis. So... needless to say I have not worked out at all since the injury. Guess I can't complain about only losing two pounds when I spent most of my week sitting at a desk.
I'm expecting my period in the next week and my record is showing that I don't gain during this time. As a matter of fact I usually gain during this time. I think I'm prepared for this but when it happens it sure feels like I've lost all the weight I am going to. I guess this stems from my past record of diet failures.

I'm trying to eat pretty healthy. I've started eating lower carbs this week to see if I can jump start my weight loss. I want to keep my calories up to 1200 but when I'm not getting that many carbs I really don't get in enough calories. I've only had about 900 and change today. I wanted to eat more but couldn't fit any more in.

This week will be a great adventure on a very interesting journey. I'm loving my sleeve.