LeeLee72

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So, sorry about that. Well....its been a bumpy ride so far.  I think I haven't blogged much because I am usually on my tablet, the laptop seems soo heavy after using my tablet.  And typing from there is a beast lol! But anyway...I am still struggling with my wound healing. It's getting there. I saw the doctor yesterday and he told me just to start going more shallow when I am packing the wound. WAIT....let me BACK UP!!!

When I got out of the hospital the first time, I had to go back.  I was in excrutiating pain. EMERGENCY!!! I couldn't even get up to move or anything. My son & husband called the ambulance for me. So, they had to do a CT scan and found "fluid" under my skin.  Now, they didn't know if it was blood..which if it was, then it would re-absorb into my blood stream OR it was an infection. So, I had to stay at the hospital 3 more days with that. When I was released, because I was able to at least move, I went home and PUS started coming out of my larger, main incision. So.....ding ding ding...we got our answer!!! Well...I went to the Dr and he had to OPEN UP THE INCISION.  Ouch!!! And since then, I have had to change the packing inside the wound daily and take antibiotics. I have been really tired, dizzy, haven't been able to walk much because I was always in pain.  But now..I'm getting better.

Sooo...back to what I was saying.  I went to the mall yesterday.  The walk felt good.  I am going back today as well because my doctor wants me to start moving around a little more. I think that it will make me lose weight better too.  I have only lost like 26 pounds so far...which to me isnt really a lot. I know some people drop it fast but for me, not so :(  I am trying not to get discouraged and I think I am attributing the slow loss to my 2nd stint in the hospital. All those iv's and stuff. Plus, the infection.  But since I am feeling better, I am going to try to get out more.

Well...I'm done for now.  Will try to be on OH more now that I am feeling a bit better.

 So..today I figured out that I am going to have to take the pain meds until this subsides.  No way around it and no needto be in constant pain. And after I took the meds, I feel soooo much better.  Even my mood lifted.  Today, I had broth and water and tea.  I'm trying to make sure I don't get dehydrated. Hubby made soup..well..he calls it "boiling".  Basically its chicken, yam, dasheen, carrots, potatoes and cabbage. So guess what...I had some of the broth. O-M-G.  It was soooo good. Its like I was eating real food and not that artificial bouillion.  I didn't realize how much I missed real food.  Tomorrow, I start back on the protein shakes to try to get my protein in.  And I'm going to try to do powdered milk in my cream of wheat in the morning.  

I was talking to my girlfriend in FL today.  She is so supportive! was just telling me that this is going to lead to a better life. Being healthier and even helping the kids.  She said that they stopped eating red meat.  Now..idk if I want to give up all red meat..but I actually did before when I had lost quite a bit of weight and it was ok.  It's like I didn't even miss it.  But we'll see :)  So not there yet.  Long as I can eat seafood, I'll be fine.

My aunt came over yesterday when I was just getting home from the hospital.  She scolded me a little..which is why I didnt tell too many people about my surgery.  She said that I should have talked to her first and she would have told me that I didn't need surgery. That I wasn't big enough for surgery.  UGH. Why can't people keep their thoughts to themselves sometimes.  Especially when I was feeling like WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST DO!  Yes..I had a little buyers remorse yesterday.  I really think it was the pain though. I'm wondering if a belly band would help?? 

 I almost vomited..which I definitely didnt want to do! I dont like doing that period much less after having bypass surgery. I had taken some liquid pain med ..just 1 and I told the nurse to take the other away. I have been drinking alot so maybe I was just overly full. IDK..but I told her I would deal with the pain versus vomit. Anybody who thinks this is easy..please believe that its NOT!! I havent even thought about getting on a scale because I'm mad swole hee hee.

so..last night I watched My 600 pound life for the first time and I was happy, mad, sad...just ran the gamut of my emotions. Of course, I couldnt really relate totally to the young lady on the show because I was nowhere near her size. But I got a little ticked that she had the opportunity to have gastric bypass and literally got angry afterwards because she didnt want to get out of the bed. I was happy for her when she started getting on track and then flipped the script when she started eating heavily again. But what took the friggin cake for me was her MOTHER!! I wanted to jump through the tv and slap that fool. She had the nerve to be teasing her. Talking about the yeast rolls she wouldnt be able to have at thanksgiving and then ragging her about being heavy. UGH! How dare she. Im hoping some of that is sensationalism..but thats reason for me not to wath those kind of shows. Obese people get enough abuse..

And then there the story of this 700lb young man on youtube asking for help from "anyone". I hope in addition to physical help, they get him some emotional help. Because you have to get over your demons first. set the eating aside and choose to live healthy. My girlfriend came up to see me today. We had a long convo about it becaue she is diabetic..but eats quite a bit of sweets. She want surgery..but I just told herto choose wisely. I did the rny because of the restictions. I dont want to eat sweets and garbage like that. I want to eat healthy and in small portions :) Ok..I've purged now..whew..I had alot to say..I think I'm getting over the blahs :)

 I'm stuck here for another day. I been having some issues with peeing.  They wanted to re-cath me because they said I didnt have enough output.  Then, they brought out  a sonogram machine and looked and I really didn't have any in there!! I told them! It's not like I have to go and cant..there's just nothing to push out.  So this is really tmi..but they gave me a suppository to try to make me pass some of this gas out.

So..I'm feeling kinda blah today.  Not that I am upset about the surgery..just like I thought I'd be happier.  But in reality, I feel like a patient. I think I'll pick this up a little later.  Maybe my mood will change.

 my chest still hurts though. like i cant catch my breath when i'm reading outloud. i use the spirometer or however you spell it. i think the anesthesia is going away too. i'm not as beat as i was yesterday. oh..if they ask you if you want pills or liquid pain medicine..do yourself a favor and get liquid. its nasty but the pills hurt going down. YUCK!! I'm gonna try to drink a little broth now. so far today i had 3 spoonfuls of jello. maybe 6 tablespoons of water esp since i had to take the pills and thats it. i have no desire. oh my husband on the other hand, had 2 big pieces of pizza with everything on them for lunch and oxtails, rice and beans, and cabbage for dinner. sitting 2 feet away from me HAHAHA..the oxtails smelled good..but still..no desire. one of these days if beef dont make me dump, he can bake some for me till they fall off the bone and i can have a lil bit. 

broth time..see if i can get it down.

Well....I made it.  Today is day after and just relaxing after surgery.  My blood pressure little low, I'm very VERY tired and hurting.  My dr came in and said that I did well (though I distinctly remember fighting them when I was coming out of anesthesia. My liver was shrunk.  he said that I did good on my diet. Nurses were trying to send me home today.  He said earliest tomorrow but maybe stay one more day.  Im weak so I am going to take him up on that. I cant drink much at all.  They want me to  do clear liquids but I'm just not feeling it. I did walk today and took a shower. Yesterday my girlfriend came out to see me and she said I was so out of it..she couldnt wake me.  MORPHINE IS NO JOKE!!! The hospital of course is nice.  This is the only one I come to for my babies and my hysterectomy so it was natural choice.  They have a full bariatric ward. Which is cool because the nurses are specialized..know what everyone is going thru.  One nurse told me she had lap band.  She looks good too :)

Oh...the stuff they make you drink for the xray O-M-G...the stuff is absolutely nasty.  But its necessary to make sure there are no leaks.  There weren't any praise God.What else can I say? My husband stayed up with me all night...even though we aren't on good terms. I told him I appreciated him being here..which I do.  Oh..use the breathing thingy.  I didn't want the oxygen..but I know its important to keep your lungs clear. 

They are really on me about not eating/drinking. UGH!!I just dont feel like it.  And about to take some lortab so I probably wont be able to write much more anyway.  I just wanted to blog about whats going on so far.  Tell all my peeps who are about to start that it's all good.  You will do fine, especially if you have a great staff & hospital like I am in :) If I can keep my eyes open, I will blog more later

I am scared. A little. But I just got finished taking pics, with and without clothes and surgery is needed hahaha!! I don't even care about the loose skin.  I will have a tuck to get rid of that.  But all this belly fat is atrocious.  You don't really know what you look like till you take naked pictures. Lord! I feel sorry for my poor "friend" ;)

Anyways...I been watching movies all day.  I thought I'd do that to take my mind off everything.  And it was working till I got in an argument. Ugh...one thing at a time though. Divorce papers to follow soon.  I'll just be happy to be healthier and at least feel better about ME when other people are constantly putting me down. So TAKE THAT!!!

I'm hungry today.  I thought I had kicked the hungries but today they were there in living color. And I come in the house...and he had cooked CURRY CHICKEN AND RICE!!! It's like come on dude...seriously??? Now that I got that off my chest though..how can I be mad because they have to eat?  Maybe if it wasn't smelling so gawt dawg good, I wouldnt care much.  I think that he can modify recipes to include me though.  He actually doesn't use much fat or salt in his meals..for me, it was the junk food. I'll make it!

2 more days! It's really HERE now. Tomorrow at 6 I switch to clear liquids and nothing after midnight. Brush teeth in am. I intended to get my nails and stuff done today ...but that will have to wait till tomorrow. Late at work :(  I wonder if I have lost any weight.  Like 4 or 5 people at work said it looked like I had already lost some weight (?) I cant really see it..but they say they do.  I don't own a scale so I have no idea whatsoever.  Might be good if I get one huh??  lol!! I was never really tied to a scale though.  I always knew if I was losing/gaining when my size 18 would either get slack or tight hahaha.  Seriously though, I know I will have to get one now. I have to take some pics and measurements..hmm..maybe I'll do that now. 

it's about time for me to be up anyway so it's no biggie.  We have a lot of high wind here at home.  I woke up early to that and worrying about my roof.  There go my friggin shingles again!! We have been fighting to keep them ON the roof versus on the ground. And the bad thing is it's a  brand new roof.  The roofer did them shoddy and now you can blow on them and they come off.  I really dont want to keep putting money in this house.  I want to move.  But it is what it is.  Cant do anything about it other than repair.  Next place I move into with the boys, it will definitely be a rental!

I really don't want to go to work today.  I loathe working on Saturdays.  Today is my last day for work before my surgery.  And they never give vacation days on a Saturday so I might as well buck up...jump in the shower and put my big girl panties on.  Speaking of...I can't wait to get some new panties hahahaha!  My obsession with underclothes is going to be off the chain now. Cacique was always so expensive...and sometimes not very sexy.  So now, I will have more options. 

Ok...this is crazy to think I know..but I hope I don't get TOO skinny.  Like Jennifer Hudson, weird, bobble head-looking skinny. I like being a curvy woman.  I can't really remember what I looked like at 150.  Well..kinda..but I wasn't a woman then.  So maybe it will work out.  I mean..i HAVE had three kids..so maybe I will keep a little something. 

Today the prep starts.  I have to go get my feet done.  No polish..well..maybe I can sneak some clear hee hee. Or a matte clear so they wont notice.  Dang...even when I had my hysterectomy, I wore polish.  What gives! I dont even know what my feet look like without polish.  Anyways..I have to get my stray hairs off my face.  Which reminds me..they said that we go thru hormone changes with this surgery.  I'm like...I cant afford anymore male hormones over here!!! Might have to go to the dermatologist and get some Vaniqua or whatever that stuff is..because I refuse to be hairy.  Be done scared somebody with all that nonsense.

Alright..rise and shine. Positivity today.  It's a good saturday mornin.  

 to verify my appointment. Just to confirm that I was going to be there Monday morning at 8am...and I CRIED!!! what the hell is wrong with me?? I had to text someone to calm me down. My friend was like just think positve thoughts. Easy for him to say.  He is not voluntarily rearranging his innards.  Lately I havent had an appetite either.  I been screwing around with my tablet for the last 2 days so I haven't been thinking about hunger or even drinking my shakes. 

Oh....I booked my cruise for September!!! YAY ME!! I literally cant wait.  Not that I am rushing to be the big 4-0 hahahaha...but the cruise with my girlfriend will be nice.  I am gonna feel a little guilty leaving my boys..but they will get over it. 

Early day tomorrow...beddy bye time.