lips92115

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well in the last few months i have been waiting for my bacterial infection to clear out my stomache vefore i can have the surgery and it has not cleared up so i have kinda gave up til i move back to california cause these doctors in texas is not helping me. i changed my doctor and switched to traditional medicad in order to see a doctor in arlington but because of this infextion in my stomache aint nothing he can do for me and im like wow if the medicine they giving me aint cleared it in four months wouldnt they want to send me to the hospital and let them give me some through a IV but i guess not. On top of that i was suppose to get the ivc filter placed in me in july but my family acted like they didnt wanna take me to the hospital to have it done so i feel i have no supoort at all but im not giving up im still walking and eating right  and praying for some kind of change

hey everyone i know i havent been on here in a while its because im really upset one week im told i lost 15 then the very next week i gained three back somehow some way and what do i do when i find that out well i got mad and kinda gave up. i'm like this aint no game.i have to loose fifty pounds before i loose weight and at first it seems easy but its hella hard. like i told my doctor my sister in the car eating wendy's my favorite and i had a protein shake for breakfast and yet i'm the one gaining 3 pounds are you serious. i go see my surgeon this coming saturday and i wanna tell him so bad look i really need this cause if it were not so i would have lost the weight already. anyhow my point is i been back to eating regular food against the doctors orders cause i am mad i feel like i failed already and my family see me giving up and they feel like they have failed me cause they be eating around me all the time which then makes me feel like they dont want to eat around my fat ass. now the protein drinks was not bad at all in fact i did not really feel hungry after drinking them and i do feel real gassy and have lots of bowl movements from eating regular food and i want to stick with the plan the point is im going crazy trying to loose fifty before surgery and the fact that its going up one minute down the next is killing me. not to mention she now says i have high blood pressure something i have never had a problem with

ok i went to my first consult with my surgeon on 2-14-09 and he put me on a diet. it is a protein drink in the morning a salad at luch and a protein drink at night. i'm fine with all that i mean i found a protein drink i like and  salad is alright. the problem is he wants me to loose fifty pounds before i can have my surgery and i'm feeling like thats alot if i could loose fifty pounds i would not need to have weightloss surgery i mean i'm just sayin i cant remember a time in my entire life that i have lost fifty pounds hell i cant even remember ever loosing twenty or ten let alone fifty pounds. so just pray for me cause im a need it all. and i been reading on here and i never heard of any one having to loose so much weight before surgery maybe twenty or thrity but never that much. i tell you this though i am thankful and truly blessed to be able to even have the chance to start over with this wls so i wont complain and all i can do is try my best by sticking to his plan and just praying about this. the fourty minute exerice a day is no problem i'v always been the one to walk alot never been the tired lazy type so i'm down with all that. and of course he said stop smoking right away like when i leave his office i'm like ok first you take away all the good food and snacks and soda and candy now you take away my newports oh me oh my. i aint gonna lie that one right there is hard feels like im a crack addict and i'd be lieing if i said i stoped that day. did i want to yes  did i try yes did i stop no still smokin but really trying to stop they just be callin me when im hungry stressed or annoyed with people around me steady telling me you cant have none of this dont this look good and im like look i know what i was doing when i made the choice to do this i knew i would have to end my love affair with food. i dont need you eating a hamburger or taco in front of me saying ummm this is so bad for you or smacking on chips saying oh my thjis the new kind. im like look ill still cook for yall go to the store with yall and still have will power

Ijust smoked my last newport today hopefully and i go for my first visit with the surgeon on this saturday i can't wait i have not been sleeping well at night cause my mind is so focused on getting my health on point that it seems like i have no time to rest i be thinking about how i'm ready to Do what so many others have done which is have wls and work their tool. i am a little scared that maybe God might get mad at me for doing something to my body as serious as surgery cause i think he may have meant for me to be the way i am meaning he made us all differant sizes and i'm just as gulity as the ones getting their booty titts and lips done. i am and have been praying that he forgive me for the damage i already did to my body by becoming obese and lead me on the right path if it be his will. i am going to write letters to all my family before i have the surgery to let them know how much i love them. THEY THINK I SHOULD TRY OTHER THINGS FIRST IM LIKE JUST BECAUSE I DONT TELL YALL EVERYTHING I DO TOI TRY AND LOOSE WEIGHT DONT MEAN IM NOT TRYING. I HAVE BEEN TRYING SINCE I WAS A TEENAGER. THEY DONT KNOW CAUSE I'M THE ONE THAT HAD TO LIVE WITH BEING OVER WEIGHT AND GETTING TEASED FOR IT ALL THE TIME. FEELS LIKE ALL MY LIFE I HAD TO FIGHT LIKE OPRAH SAID IN COLOR PURPLE. THATS HOW I FELT I WAS ALWAYS FIGHTING AND NOW I'M STILL FIGHTING BUT THIS TIME IT'S A FIGHT FOR MY LIFE. I'M NOT HAPPY EVEN THOUGH A PERSON COULD NEVER BE ABLE TO TELL. I WALK AROUND WITH A SMILE ON MY FACE ALL THE TIME BUT INSIDE IM REALLY SAD. I WANT CHILDREN I WANT A FAMILY I WANT GUYS TO STOP CHEATING ON ME. I FEEL LIKE ALL THE GUYS I EVER DATED CHEATED CAUSE I WAS FAT THAT HAD TO BE IT BECASUEI WAS I DAMN GOOD WOMAN ALWAYS SO WILLING TO DO WHATEVER TO PLEASE MY MAN THATS JUST ME TRYING TO MAKE EVERYBODY ELSE HAPPY BUT WHAT ABOUT ME AND MY HAPPINESS. I WENT TO MY FRIEND CHRUCH FOR THE SECOUND TIME ON SUNDAY AND THIS MAN ASKED ME THAT AND HE DONT EVEN KNOW ME LIKE THAT HE SAID YOU ALWAYS TRYING TO MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY 24 HOURS A DAY 7 DAYS A WEEK BUT WHAT ABOUT YOU AND HE IS RIGHT I AM 27 ITS TIME I START THINKING ABOUT ME. TO BE HONEST THOUGH AFTER SO LONG OF BEING FAT YOU GET TIRED OF TRYING TO GET SKINNY AND I HAD STARTED TRICKING MYSELF INTO BELIEVEING I WAS SKINNY AND I AM ON THE INSIDE BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY I'M OBESE AND I NEED HELP AND THIS IS MY LAST CHANCE. I WILL MAKE IT I CAN DO IT AND GOD HAS GOT MY BACK SO I'M GONNA CLAIM MY BLESINGS AND TAKE BACK MY LIFE THE DEVIL CANT STILL MT JOY EVEN THOUGH HE TRYING HARD TO. LIKE I MIGHT NOT BE ON HERE FOR A WHILE CAUSE IM RENTING A COMPUTER FROM RENT A CENTER AND THEY PUNKING ME SO TODAY THEY WILL BE GETTING IT BACK UNTIL I CAN AFFORD TO BUY ONE BUT I'LL BE BACK TO UPDATE MY PAGE SOON AS I CAN THATS JUST THE DEVIL TRYING TO TAKE AWAY MY SUPPORT SYSTEM

i been fat all my life i cant remember a time when i was smaller then other people around me
im just so ready to see myself healthy cause i always thought i was cute fine sexy and all that but never could i say i was healthy
i stop lookin on here and readin people stories cause i was happy but at the sametime it was getting depressin
 like ok it already happend for them what about me where is my magic wand
my tool that will help me get better live longer run around  with my neice climb mountains run upstairs
its like everything i been wishing for has came true for others and it gives me hope
 and hurts like hell to know it could be a chance i wont get approved or might die or have a heartattack or stroke all while trying to help myself man i do know this WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE if you reading this just say a lilttle prayer for me 27 years old 386 pounds 5'5

i need all the support i can get right now. m just gettin started i have a appointment with a surgeon next month on valentines day and my stomache is in knots just hoping that he tell me somethin to keep me goin and really i want a date set for wls when i see him but i done gave it to God put it in his hands and i know with him all things are possible its crazy that i have to sit back and let the fate of my life be in other people hands meanin i got to get approval for something that i need so badly and it could take forever but one thing im learning by reading other people stories on here is that sometimes the best things in life are worth fighting for and i will fight for my life it feels so good knowin that you all have fought for yours and are so willing to help others thank you and after i have my wls i wont forget where i came from and get all big headed i will help others like yall are helpin me