gettin' my skinny on!!!

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6/25/08 Marked my 9 month anniversay and I am down 120 lbs. That sounds good and looks good, but I want more. I always want more. I am pleased with the loss, but I have stalled for about a month and a half. I have slacked somewhat on the eating habits, have started eating more carbs. I have started losing hair again, so I have made a commitment to myself to get in more protein...will shoot for 80g/day but haven't made that goal yet. I don't eat enough, so its hard for me to get in that much. My Dr has different ideas about how things should be, he has no protein requirements. Its hard when you have been programmed one way to start doing things a different way all of a sudden, but I have to try something. This isn't working for me right now.

weight today 230 (keeps fluctuating b/w 223-230)

Lots of emotional stuff going on right now, kindof hard to deal with. At least I am not alone, although I feel like it sometimes. I can't help but think that I am a burden to those around me, talking about the same things over and over again. But that is who I am, I am a talker. I like to talk it out instead of holding it all in. Some people understand me, some people don't. Sometimes I don't understand myself, even before surgery. So after surgery things are just intensified. I LOVE the jorney that I am on, I just have some hurdles that I need to get over and get back on track. Transfer addictions are sneaking up on me, but I have recognized it and can hopefully overcome them.

I think my hair has OFFICIALLY stopped falling out!!!! It started falling out later in January and it is the 1st week in April, so about 6,7 weeks....something like that.  That is such good news for me, especially since my hair has idenified who I am for YEARS! I know that it no longer should, but it kinda does. It's still a big part of who I am.

I just have to say that I went out last night and had the BEST time. I am slowly coming out of my shell and am more outgoing. I was asked to dance, and I ACTUALLY DID! I have RARELY been asked before, but I have always been too self conscious to actually do it. I had so much fun! 

I really have to learn how to accept attention and enjoy myself. It is really something new to me...and I'm lovin' it!

Well, here I am, 6 months later. At this time 6 months ago I was getting my pretty little surgical hat on, getting my IV in, waiting for my 10:00 surgery time.  Dr. Pilcher came in and talked to me and made sure I was ok. Anything after that is pretty much a blur to me. I vaguely remember coming out of anesthesia, hearing a couple of the nurses talking about me starting my period (how embarassing) and then going back to sleep for a bit.  I started walking right away at the hospital, I was scared to death of getting a blood clot.  For the most past all has been good. If  eat STRICTLY protein, I am fine. I seem to do better with seafood, like salmon and shrimp. Depending on how chicken, beef and pork are cooked I do ok with those, but if they are dry~OUCH! The meat gets stuck and it really hurts.  I have only thrown up and had the foamies once, that was enough to cure me of not making sure I chew VERY WELL!!  As of this morning I weighed 255. which is 92 pounds lost since surgery.  A friend of mine recently pointed out that I had told her that I weighed more than the 347 at some point before surgery. She said that 356 rings a bell with her, but I honestly don't know if I blocked that out or just don't want to remember it....I know that I was retaining A LOT of water a couple weeks prior to surgery and that I probably was over 350, but I don't remember the number, so I am using 347.  

I can't wait for the next 6 months and to see what I lose in that time frame.  I am such a "want it now" type of girl.  I get impatient with myself and want to be "perfect" in everything I do. I am slowly learning that I am not perfect and that if I do make a mistake, then I just need to brush it off and move on, and do better tomorrow~or the next hour!

I have made some wonderful friends here on OH~I am so thankful that I have come here to get support, I might have gone COMPLETELY insane had it not been for all the love and support and guidance that I get from here!

You guys are my rock when I am tired of being the rock~~THANKS! 

Well, I didn't do so well with the goals that I had previously posted.  I am currently weiging 270 and as you can see I wanted to be at 275 in December.  That didn't happen.  What I am being told is that my surgeons expectations are too aggressive and that I need to be a little bit easier on myself for not meeting the 5-7 pounds a week.  As of tomorrow, I will be 21 weeks out.  So roughly 5 months.  I have lost 77 pounds so far and I think that is terrible.  That averages to 3.6 pounds a week.  The more weeks out I get the less the average gets because I am not losing fast enough.  I am discouraged and frustrated.  I know that I have never lost 77 pounds on any diet that I have ever been on, so that I am thankful for.  I just don't want to fail.  failure to me would be to not get to my goal weight.  I know that for me 135 pounds is proabably an unreasonable goal, so I think that I would be happy at around 150-160.  If I take the higher number of 160, that means that I have 110 pounds more to lose.  I cannot wrap my brain around that.  I am trying not to be a pessimist, but I really don't see how that is going to happen.  As I am writing this I am thinking that maybe it will happen, it just won't happen as quickly as I would like it to.  Maybe that is my problem, I want faster results so I can get to the payoff sooner.  

I did a little bit of math, and I figured that if I lost the same amount of weight in the NEXT 21 weeks, that would put me right around 200 pounds by July 15th.  I wanted to see that number by the beginning of summer time.  

With that being said, I went to the DFW Red Hot Dinner/Dance on Saturday.  I got to meet some people that I hadn't met face to face before, and I got to catch up with people that I have not seen in a while.  I had a wonderful time and can not wait for the next one already!!!

DATE   WEIGHT

11/11      310  
11/18      303
11/25      296
 12/2       289
 12/9       282
12/16     275

now i am not really concerned about the week to week loss, as long as the end result by the 16th is 275!!

is this do-able, SERIOUSLY?????

ok, here we go...weigh in's will be on monday, so it will be the day after what i posted earlier w my goals....

DATE   WEIGHT
11/12      308
11/18      307
11/26      304  im supposed to be at 296 :(  8 lbs short of my goal...
12/13      293  it ha been a while i know!

that sucks huh?

Ok, so I am not very consistent...but I hardly eat anything at all so I dont really see the point in keeping a food journal, but i guess it will be a good hadit to get into, so...today i have had:

30 or so oz of water
1 vitamin
1 caltrate tablet
1 b-12 tablet, under the tongue (i think i could get addicted to the rush these give you)


3 chicken nuggets from chick-fil-a
2 waffle fries
a few sips from the fruit punch

so, how do i calculate that?  thats what im having trouble with right now, if i want to know how many calories/carbs i am consuming, how do you do that with such small amounts of food?  especially if it is something that is homemade and you eat 3 or 4 bits of it.  i guess i am getting a little obsessed over it becasue the scale still hasn't moved; it's been almost THREE WEEKS people and I still have not lost a single pound.  IN THREE WEEKS?!?!?!  I have lost some, the first two weeks, but then nada, zilch, zip.  Depressing.

I had an idea, to keep my food journal on here.  It might help me see what, if anything, i might be doing wrong.
as of 1:30
1 slice oscar myer ham
1/2 slice american cheese
1 prenatal vit
1 bottle water
as of 10:55pm
an egg roll
1 1/2 bottles of water
1 prenatal vit
1/2 c mashed potatos

well...i see the problem already :)

OK, my first blog, here it goes...

I went to the Dr on Mon for my 2 weeks post op visit and they said everything was going good.  I weighed in at 325 at the office, which is a little higher than what the scale at home says, but thats ok.  It was still down 19 pounds from the date of surgery.  The PA pulled my strips off the incisions cuz they hadn't fallen off yet and that made me a little nervous, especially since I was told to leave them alone, they will fall off when they are ready.  Only the top incision was completely healed with a little bit of a scab left.  Three are almost completely healed, they have pieces of scabs that are not ready ro come off yet. But there was one that when she took off the strip it peeled some of the scab off and it was an open wound.  It had healed most of the way from the inside, but still...LEAVE THE STRIP ON WOMAN!!  I kept telling her that she was making me nervous and that I didn't want them off, yet there she goes....pulling them off one by one!  Anyway, doc said Im look alot better (had to go in the previous monday for dizziness, blacking out, not being able to focus) then I did and that i had color back in my face and my eyes looked better so now I go back in 4 weeks.  Now I am contemplating going back to work.

~~FYI, the visit the week before turned out to be that my body is in the 1% of people that doesn't adjust well to the changes that it is going through.  I didn't have high blood pressure or high blood sugar when this all started, although I was teetering on the high end of normal and high.  So, my blood pressure has dropped as well as my blood sugar (68) and  my body was just having a hard time with it that day.  By that evening I was ok and it hasn't happened again since.