loinrc

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Gosh I want to do this.... sad to read old posts where I was so optimistic and never did reach goal..... Just 26 pounds now. Compared to the mountain before, it is nothing. When I reach my goal of 145, I will have lost 185 pounds. I have kept off 155 pounds.... nothing to sneeze at!  Jeez, how hard I can be on myself. I am a compulsive overeater. That's why I had the surgery. I will make it. I WILL!  Then I want to have a brachoiplasty and breast lift. My stomach has been done with 10 pounds of skin removal. Even though at 5 ft. 2, 145 pounds is still overweight at this point, I don't care. I come from a long line of hefties. My mom never weighed less than 140 and I was never less than 160 in my younger years. Started gaining at 4 years of age and dieted when I was 18 to my lowest adult weight.

trying to control myself again. I am amazed how many times during the day I want to eat. I've allowed myself to graze and have gained 13 pounds over the last few years. Am always an extreme person so trying to severely limit my cal. for a few days just to see if I can drop pounds quickly like I used to. Have a feeling I will be disappointed but I need to try because somehow it makes me feel better about myself. Am reading a book called Shrink Yourself about emotional eating and I really like it so far. Today I keep telling myself will eating really help? Its ok to be uncomfortable, nothing is more important than re-gaining control of myself. etc. I'm scared about making it through the day. So far I have had a protein shake and an apple, plan on having a burger, veggies and yogurt later today and maybe one sweet treat of some sort this evening at a book club meeting. I know I should not allow myself that but I'm going to. I should have never tried sugar because I am hooked and am able to eat it without too much distress. Have a feeling I will be blogging a lot to give myself an outlet other than eating. Weighed 164 this am and would like to get to my goal of 145 by Jan. 01, 2007. I will still be considered "overweight" but so much better than my all-time high of 330.