Angie H.

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The last couple of days have been real downers for me. Seems like everything breaks at the same time and money is no where to be found. My husband hurt his back and is moving slow and I can't stand to see him in pain. He says it is getting better. Muscles take a while. Kids are good and I am still losing weight. YAY! I am down to 195. 5 more pounds and I am gonna have that party.

I do have to confess though, I had cookies. I also had some peanut M&Ms. I guess I am not going to be a dumper. I will not eat sweets much. I figure maybe once a week have a small treat.

I am wearing a size 16 loose. I am going to need new clothes before long. I did buy some shirts the other day and they were XL in misses. That is an improvement over 2X's.

Everyone is starting to notice the weightloss now. I have told a couple of people that asked how that I had surgery. I have told a couple of people that have asked that I was on a strict doctor supervised diet. I feel awkward when I tell them that but some people I don't know that well and figure they really don't need to know.

I am liking the change. My hair and skin are looking great. I hope that continues. I was really hoping since I didn't have major problems with the surgery and since I am eating pretty good that my hair will not fall out. I can only hope.

August 18, 2010

I give away my love to everyone
When it is time to love me, I have none

When I see your face, I can’t help but grin
But look in the mirror, where do I begin?

I’m getting old; my hair is turning grey
“That really shouldn’t matter” is all they say.

I weigh too much and hate the way I look
I can’t help it; I am really a great cook.

I don’t like the freckles or the age spots
Freckles are for kids, and age spots are not.

I try over and over to love me
But loving myself is not that easy.

I know God loves me, which should be enough
I’m told that’s plenty, but it’s still too tough.

It’s easy to love people so freely
How can I love everyone…except me?


I am feeling better about myself and loving me a little more each day.

August 16, 2010


Well, for me this took some thinking. I like to think of myself as a pretty "deep" person but it took me a minute or two and even reading a blog or two to wrap my head around this quote. I never said I considered myself smart, just deep.

Anyway, what the quote means to me:

First thing that comes to mind are those instances when you are dealing with your children or your spouse and you really could use a hand with the laundry or the dishes or just taking out the trash, but because you don't want to intrude on their time you do it yourself and not say a word to them, while all the time thinking "surely they will see me working hard and step in to help". Well, nope they don't, why would they? Did I ask them to do anything? No, so they should not feel obligated to do anything. This can lead to resentment on my part for sure. I do all this for them and they still can't spontaniously do something to help, why should I have to ask them to help, can't they see what needs to be done?  

I have always been the peace maker in the family, I have always been the one to clean up or take care of my siblings when mom and dad were not around. I took care of my mother-in-law and father-in-law when they were ill and had to live with my husband and I. I feel that obligation that so many people don't feel to help, to do things for people to make their lives easier. I feel obligated to hold the door open for someone coming in behind me, or to say excuse me when I bump into a person at the grocery store. Why don't other people feel it? This should come natural to folks, right? Well it doesn't and I have a hard time understanding that. 

 One of my resentments in years past was I was living for everyone else and not really putting too much time into taking care of myself. I wouldn't say "I need you" to anyone. I was the one who would take care of everything and didn't want to inconvienence anyone by asking for help.

This year I decided I would make a change. I was getting heavier and heavier, and more and more unhealthy. I knew that if I didn' t make a change and start thinking about myself I wouldn't be around to enjoy grandchildren. I really want to see grandchildren one day. I spoke up, it is my time. This is what I am going to do, please help me. Yes, I said please help me.

At first there was mixed response. From friends, I was encouraged. From family, not so much. My husband could only see the risks until he spoke with the Surgeon himself. My parents could only see the risks and thought I was being a little selfish. This is the first time I have went against everyone and said.. "this is what I am going to do". Believe me it wasn't easy, and the thought of failure or of something going wrong and all the "I told you so's" to go along with it made my decision even more difficult.

I did it and God has been so good. I have flourished and I am doing wonderful. Things are changing and I am very happy. Now, if I hadn't spoke up and stuck to my plan I would still be wondering and harboring feelings of resentment toward myself and my family. 

I am finally realizing that life can include caring for others while taking care of yourself. This year I am also learning to ask for help and not expect it. This makes me a much happier person in the end. Time goes by too quickly in this lifetime to spend even one hour resenting anything.  

Enough rambling for one day.

Blessings, Angie



 

August 12, 2010


Finally made it!! I weighed 199 this morning. I wanted to cry. It has been a VERY long time since I have been in the 100's. I am not going to know how to act when I reach 150. I am very excited but at the same time a little scared. I know that sounds crazy but I am venturing into the unknown, the I haven't been there before stage. I can finally feel bones under my skin, and that is so crazy to me. I will need to start buying some clothes now so that should be exciting. I had size 16s in my closet, but only a few from when I lost weight 5-years ago. I wouldn't get rid of them because I was so proud when I wore them last. I could only get down to 210 before the weight started creeping back on.

This is real. How am I supposed to feel? Everyone said be prepared for a wild ride. It is a wild ride.

August 10, 2010


Ok, I stepped on the scales this morning and I am almost there. Praise the Lord. I am losing again and feeling great. I will have to go looking for new clothes before long because I will be shrinking out of my "in the back of my closet skinny clothes" I am loving this.

Food was not my friend yesterday, but I think it had something to do with me being sick and not wanting to eat anything and when I did it just didn't go down right. Things are much better today.

Party time when I reach 190!!

July 30, 2010


I am now one month post op and everything is going great. I went to see the surgeon yesterday and he is very proud of my progress. I am happy too. I just can't wait to be under 200. I told my husband that I was going to throw a party when I reached 190. That way I know I am far enough down not to creep back up over 200.


My weight at the Dr.s office was 206, my scales at home first thing in the morning is 204. I have been going with my scales and my original highest weight so, I have lost 36 pounds since I started my 2-week liquid diet. I notice that is about what everyone else is loosing so I am ok with that. Heck, I am ok with that anyway.

I have actually pulled my size 16s out of my closet. I thought I would never get back into them.  Happy days. I am feeling great and off of 3-meds now.

This is one of the best things I have ever done for me. I just pray that all continues well, and that God will watch over me and keep me healthy.

Will write more later.

July 25, 2010



Well it has been almost a month and I am doing well. I fell good and am eating good. I have had a couple of bad experiences but that was because I ate too fast or I wasn't eating the right things. I think I am really learning how to know what my pouch is telling me. Pasta is not my friend.

I weighed in at 206 this morning so tha makes 34-lbs lost, 24 since the surgery.. I am so happy. I did go through a stall and I am trying to come out of it but everyone tells me this is normal. I am still not complaining. I am finally starting to see the weight coming off myself now. I have an appointment with my surgeon this Thursday so I hope he will be happy with my progres..

Still loving my RNY!!

July 10, 2010


I am so happy that I feel good and am eating good. I measure out the food and eat without any problems so far. I have had squash, cheese, egg salad, crab salad, refried beans and I tolerated them fine. I am loosing weight every day, this kinda freaks me out a little. I know it will stall around the 3-week mark so I am getting ready for that. I weighed 214 this morning, and I haven't been this close to 200 in a long time. I am going to have to start pulling out the old clothes in my closet and trying them on because the other clothes are getting too baggy. I just hope an pray that this continues to be a good experience. I am so thankful that I am one of the lucky ones who seem to do well. I have prayed so hard for this to be the right thing for me to do and for God to watch over and guide me. I know with all my heart that is why I am doing as well as I am, because I have the Great Physician taking care of me. Praise God! I will write more later. I have an appointment on the 15th so I can't wait.

July 7th, 2010

I did it, I did it, I did it!!!!

The surgery went very well and I fell great. I did have to stay an extra day in the hospital because I was running a slight fever but that was not a big deal. I am actually  back to work and doing well. I do get a little tired at the end of the day but if I rest and recover I am good to go in the morning.

I was not sleeping very well the first few days but with the help of some benadryl I have been sleeping great the last couple of days.

Ok the weight......oh my goodness... it is scary!!! I am down to 218 already and can't believe it. This surgery is really working.

I can't wait to see the surgeon on the 15th of July and progress to some more options for food. I am craving seafood like crazy!!!!

June 24, 2010


Went for the pre-op appointment today and everything is a go for Monday. The hospital will call me Sunday afternoon to let me know what time my surgery is. I am soooo nervous. I think about the things that are going to be changed and it makes me cringe. I am praying and praying that I am doing the right thing here. I guess this is what you would call getting cold feet.

Oh boy!!!