Kathy L.

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Hi everyone!  YES, I am still alive!!  Sorry I have been so out of touch lately.  Nothing's wrong, I've just been busy.  My husband has discovered Facebook so he dominates the computer alot at night.  (and that's not a complaint, he would gladly hand the laptop over to me if I asked).  Like I've said before, I just get too busy at night to think about it sometimes.  Life is good though.  The holidays were great.  A 3 year old makes it magical!!  I've avoided catching the nasty cold/flu bug that's been going around (despite most of my family and my son having it).  Food wise, I pretty much ate what I wanted through Christmas and New Years.  Which means I ate too much.  I didn't gain though, so that's what I'm focusing on.  Of course I didn't lose either - lol.

My goal for 2009 - besides losing these last 60 lbs - is to STOP SNACKING SO MUCH!!!  That is my "old habit" that I'm dragging into 2009.  I have to stop.  No whining, no complaining, I just have to stop.  I don't know why I do it.  I can't figure out why I eat out of habit.  I'm NOT hungry, so why do I do it?  I guess if I knew that, I wouldn't be doing it huh?  I think it's just a matter of willpower.  Just DON'T DO IT!  I know I've blogged this same type of blog before but it's still that monkey hanging on my back.  Eating out of habit instead of hunger.  I've read some articles about postive affirmation lately - I've always that was a bunch of b---s---, but this morning I looked in the mirror and said - outloud - ok, you can do this.  You can have a DAY of eating right.  Yeah, it felt corny (and does even more so when I sit here and type it and read it) but it's true.  I CAN have a day of "eating right".  Or as a friend of mine puts it - EAT CLEAN.  I think I like that phrase better.

I did start back to the gym this week and I've gotta say - I didn't realize how much I MISSED going!!  A year ago I would have never said that.  I really did miss the exercising.  I'm hoping to stay on a good schedule for 2009 again.  I feel so much better when I go!

Ok, so that's my update!  I haven't taken pictures in 2 months because there isn't a lot of change.  I will probably take some again in a month or so.  I do need to do measurements again.

Life is good, I am very happy and I hope you are too!

I just uploaded the picture we took tonight in front of our Christmas tree to use for our Christmas card this year.  Last year I only took a picture of Jason and Macymoo because there was NO WAY I was going to put my FAT SELF in the picture.  This year I took one of all of us and I'm very pleased with it!!  Not bad for us putting the camera on the table and setting the timer huh?  This was the first one we took too.  I can't believe even Macymoo is looking at the camera!!  If you get a chance, go back and look at some of my other pictures.  I have one the week before surgery of me, Ken and Jason.  WOW! WOW! WOW!  What a difference!!!

Not "perfect" but much better.  And I'm ok with that.  I felt more in control.  I think putting it out there for everyone to see helped hold me accountable.  I stopped myself from eating a couple of times today when I wasn't hungry.

I had a follow up with the liver dr today.  What a waste of time.  I didn't even see the doc, saw the pa.  She asked a bunch of questions, poked on my stomach to feel my liver, drew blood and told me to come back in 6 months.  Well at least it was a nice break from work this morning - lol!

Tomorrow is another day and hopefully another good one.  Thanks for your support!

I'm lucky to have a lot of family and friends that support me.  I didn't realize how many people read this blog that haven't had surgery - those family and friends I just mentioned - until one of them happens to tell me that they read my blog.  So, having said that, I would really rather they didn't read this post because I don't want them disappointed in me.  I feel like I need to put this out there, in writing though, to see if it will help me.

I am eating too much.

There.  I said it.  I admit it.  I am hanging my head in shame at myself.  And no, this isn't some pity party, feel sorry for myself kind of thing.  It's a true confession.  I feel like a food addict or something.  Like I should be in a 12 step program (and I'm NOT knocking those programs).  I am slowly sabatoging myself by eating too much.  I see it.  I am aware of it.  I just plain eat too much.  And I don't mean volume wise, I mean that I eat too often and the wrong things.  I eat too often when I'm not really hungry.  It is a habit.  Nothing else.  I KNOW THIS.  So why don't I stop it?  I feel like I'm going into the same eating mode that got me to the point of needing this surgery in the first place.  I don't want to go back to where I came from.  I want to rise above.  For the past month, every day I say - I'm going to do better today.  And then I don't.  I eat too much over the course of a day.  And too many sweets and bad things.  I don't know how to stop but I know I need to.  Once again, I am hoping for a better tomorrow.  Maybe tomorrow will finally be the day.  I hope so because I'm so tired of feeling this way.

......that didn't LOSE WEIGHT over Thanksgiving.  Sheesh.  I mean, I'm glad for those of you that seem to lose no matter what you do, but I'm not one of them.  I guess I'm jealous because that's not me.  I'm staying the same.  I'm sure it will start going down again soon so I'm hanging on.  Had a good Thanksgiving and even took an extra day off today.  We did a little shopping and went to the movies.  We saw "Four Christmases" and it was good.

Hope everyone has a great week!

Nothing new going on my way.  Weight is the same.  It's my fault - eating too much, not exercising enough.  I'm not complaining, just stating the facts.  I haven't been to the gym this week because Ken's overtime freeze was lifted and he's able to work some overtime.  Right now the $$ is more important than the exercise. 

Looking forward to the holidays - this year not for the food but for the time off and time with family.  Thankfully mine and Ken's families are all local!  No traveling more than 30 minutes for us.  I love it.

I took a stupid nap today - got off early to help with Jason's preschool Thanksgiving lunch and ended up sleeping in the recliner for an hour after we got back (he was napping so I did too).  Naps are NOT GOOD for me because it's midnight right now and I'm not the least bit tired.  Yet, the alarm will be going off at 5 am (FIVE FREAKING HOURS) and I'll have to get up and get ready for bed.   Oy vey!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO EVERYONE! 

Ok, so it took an extra week, but I made it - I'm below 240!  FINALLY!

It's almost midnight and I have to be up at 5 am so this will be short.  As you know, I skipped the 7 month pics but I took 8 month pics and put them up.  There is only a difference of 11 lbs, so I don't notice any difference at all (neither does Ken).  I did measurements and noticed a bigger difference.  I lost another 10.5 inches in the last 2 months.  That  makes 65.5 inches since the journey began.  I know a lot of my problem in pictures is probably the clothes I'm wearing but it is what it is.  I have too much skin hanging on my stomach and from my arms to wear anything tight.  I could probably wear some smaller things but I'm not spending any money right now on new clothes.

I'm feeling good and have no complaints (at least right now - lol).

I'm still working on the "magic number" this week but with my monthly visitor expected to arrive any day, I have my doubts.  I'll keep you updated.

Was supposed to see the liver doctor tomorrow for my 6 month check up but it seems the dr is stuck at a conference somewhere (flight was cancelled) so they are going to reschedule the appt.

Well, you win some, you lose some.  I lost the candy battle this weekend.  Didn't each TOO much but more than I wanted to.  I didn't make it to my magic number goal either, but I'm still thisclose so I know I will make it this week!!  Overall, I did lose 3.5 last week, so that is a victory for me! 

Well this is turning out to be a crappy week (work wise).  I'm stress eating.  Not good!  Must STOP!!