Marie79
I'm 28 years old and have been heavy my whole life. I was even chubby as a baby! I gradually went from being a chubby baby to an overweight child and then onto become first an obese then morbidly obese teenager. I have made many attempts to lose weight on and off again from the time I was 8 but I failed everytime by eventually gaining back even more weight in the end. It was also getting harder and harder to lose the weight each time. I'm sure that there are many people out there with a similar story. However, long story short, by my 27th birthday, I had reached 350 lbs.
My journey toward weight loss surgery began many many years ago. I've been overweight for so long, it was an option I had considered. I had looked into bypass surgery and quite frankly it scared the crap out of me. I wanted no part of it. So I kept trying the old fashioned route several more times and just kept failing. I eventually just gave up and kept on gaining. In December 2005 I found out that one of my best friends was getting married. I was happy for her, but I just kept thinking about what a whale I would look like in that bridesmaid gown. I decided to try "one last time". I managed to drop 12 lbs and then I fell off the wagon again.
In August, about a month after my birthday, my parents and I flew down to the US for this special complete health check-up. They had heard about it from a friend of theirs and thought that it was a really good idea. This is where I met a doctor that for these purposes I will call Dr. Insensitivity. We went through a whole bunch of tests and all that the tests told me was that yes I was completely "healthy" but I was fat. However, it was during my consultation with Dr. Insensitivity that I felt like my world came crashing down.
I have to say that before I met with Dr. Insensitivity, despite being fat, I was a pretty happy person. I have a great family and great friends. I have a good job and a beautiful home. I felt pretty good about my life. Then I met with Dr. Insensitivity and everything changed. Despite all the teasing, the looks, the staring, and the whispered comments that I have had to put up with over the years, I have never been made to feel as bad about myself as I was during our 30 minute consultation. I'm very good at controling my emotions but this was the first time anyone had made me cry because of my weight. From the minute she started talking I felt like I was being attacked. Her main point that she kept hammering at in her 30 minute spiel was that I had no reason for being fat. I had just met this woman (I might add that she was skinny as a rail and has never had a weight problem in her entire life) and she kept telling me repeatedly that I was overweight and being lazy. And that if I didn't do something soon that it would kill me. First of all, I have been seeing doctors, nutritionists, exercise specialists, etc. my whole life. Further to that, I am not a stupid person. Did she really think that I didn't know that obesity kills?
Then I was told that I have no life (i.e. no husband or children) so I should have no problem going to the gym for at least an hour to an hour and half every night after work and that I should be able to whip together a healthy meal in 15 minutes when I get home. Then she went on to say that because I have no man in my life or any children that I am wasting my life and hiding from the world because I am fat. By the time she finished her rant my self esteem was at an all time low. I was crying during my consultation and then it took me about an hour in the bathroom to calm down afterward. I felt fat, stupid, and lazy and all I could think about were the negatives in my life. After I left the office, I fell into a funk that I had a really hard time getting out of. I felt like such a loser.
I felt horrible about myself. I tried to hide it from people as best as I could. I put a smile on my face and continued with my life. But everywhere I went I felt self conscious. I didn't really like going out with my friends anymore. I wanted to stay in most of the time because I always felt like everyone was staring at me. It was the first time in my life that I had actually felt like I had stopped living life and yet again I lost my motivation to lose weight. I stopped going to the gym and started eating take-out all the time. I figured what was the point in trying anymore. I didn't bother to weigh myself anymore because I figured that I'm just going to be fat anyway.
Then in December I was a bridesmaid in my friends wedding. What should have been a really fun time was actually torture for me. I was already feeling bad about myself and then I had to add to it by standing in front of 150 people all day and then give a speech where everyone was focused on me. However, I made it through the day and I was okay. Until I got to see the pictures...
The photos taken by the photographer finally arrived in February. I was absolutely horrified. I looked like a total whale. Everyone kept telling me how pretty I looked, but all I could see was fat. That night, I finally got up the nerve to step on a scale again and I realized I had ballooned up to 363 lbs. I started to cry. And I cried myself to sleep every night for a week.
By the end of the week, I had just about cried myself out. I was up late Saturday night after yet another crying jag sitting on my bed just staring at the TV in the wee hours of the morning. I just sat there for two hours staring blankly at the TV. I just didn't know what to do anymore. I had tried diet after diet and nothing worked at least not long term. I tried just eating properly and exercising and that didn't work either. I still couldn't handle the idea of the bypass either, but I wasn't sure what else I could do. I was completely lost.
Then around 3:30 in the morning I was completely exhausted and just about to turn off the TV and go to sleep. But as I was getting ready for bed, a commercial flashed on the screen for the lap band . I had only vaguely heard about the lap band before and I only caught the tail end of the commercial. So, I stayed up until 4:15 until I could see the commercial again. After watching it, I felt new hope for the first time in years. I copied down the web address and began my research the next day.
I knew right away that this is what I wanted to do. I just didn't know how to let others know. Unfortunately weight loss surgery has such a stigma about being a cop out. I felt that people would view it as me taking the easy way out. I was wrong. I finally got up the nerve to tell my family and my friends and I have had nothing but love and support from everyone. Some even helped me research it. My dad is actually the person who found Dr. Cobourn's clinic for me. I contacted the clinic at the end of April and the next stage of my journey began.
I haven't looked back since. I had new hope and for the first time in a very long time I was motivated again. My attitude improved and I was feeling better about myself knowing that I had made the right choice for me. Prior to surgery, I was told I had to go on a three week all liquid diet in order to bring my weight down and shrink my liver which would make the surgery safer. It was exceptionally tough, but I made it through and was banded on June 13, 2007.
