Marilyth
I Hate This Part
Jun 05, 2009
So, starting out is the worst part. Granted I don't start the program until June 30 and have several weeks until I meet with my surgeon. All that considered, I don't know my future as of yet. I'm trying to do the preparation that is recommended prior to surgery, so when I finally see the doctor, I have everything under my belt.
I re-joined Weight Watchers AGAIN. This is my 4th attempt in 15 years. I am not very optimistic. I feel I'm spending money to go to meetings to feel like the youngest person in the room, amongst a bunch of 50-70 year old women (no offense). Most of the women in one of my meetings already met their lifetime goal, or were just short of it. It's very difficult for someone like me, very tall, not looking like I'm obese, to trust the process. I actually dislike WW very much. I don't like how I feel because I already know what needs to be done, hell I've done it, it's just not working for me!
For 6 months (last August thru February) I was active at the gym 3-4 days/week, two of the days I worked with a personal trainer for 30 minutes. I monitored my food. Admittedly, I wasn't always good with food, but I did calculations for weeks, and found that I should have been losing 1-2 lbs per week. After 12 weeks I lost NOTHING!!! Yeah, my clothes fit differently, and the crap about muscle weighing more than fat, but I lost NO WEIGHT. I hate this process.
Everytime I think about food I want to cry. Even if I'm good, and I have to log my food, I want to cry. Geez, I want to cry right now!
Right now my only positives I can think of are the wig fitting yesterday went well. I found the wig online with the color recommended for over $50 cheaper. I can get it now, and even wear it (I have VERY thin hair already). I also found a dress for a wedding (or whenever) for $29.99. I couldn't resist that price. It was marked down from $70. I'm still looking for something because my mom said they'd pay for it, and wanted me to get something nice & modern. I'm going to wait to hear from the bride on her opinion on the color. If she's ok with black, that opens a LOT of doors for cute dresses.
So with the negative I found a positive. Oh, I'm also meeting up with my friend from Poughkeepsie who had her WLS last August. She understands that I want to keep my decision under wraps, so won't tell my bf. Her husband also knows it's on the down low. I'm excited to talk to her, and to get my WLS book hopefully tonight or tomorrow.
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I re-joined Weight Watchers AGAIN. This is my 4th attempt in 15 years. I am not very optimistic. I feel I'm spending money to go to meetings to feel like the youngest person in the room, amongst a bunch of 50-70 year old women (no offense). Most of the women in one of my meetings already met their lifetime goal, or were just short of it. It's very difficult for someone like me, very tall, not looking like I'm obese, to trust the process. I actually dislike WW very much. I don't like how I feel because I already know what needs to be done, hell I've done it, it's just not working for me!
For 6 months (last August thru February) I was active at the gym 3-4 days/week, two of the days I worked with a personal trainer for 30 minutes. I monitored my food. Admittedly, I wasn't always good with food, but I did calculations for weeks, and found that I should have been losing 1-2 lbs per week. After 12 weeks I lost NOTHING!!! Yeah, my clothes fit differently, and the crap about muscle weighing more than fat, but I lost NO WEIGHT. I hate this process.
Everytime I think about food I want to cry. Even if I'm good, and I have to log my food, I want to cry. Geez, I want to cry right now!
Right now my only positives I can think of are the wig fitting yesterday went well. I found the wig online with the color recommended for over $50 cheaper. I can get it now, and even wear it (I have VERY thin hair already). I also found a dress for a wedding (or whenever) for $29.99. I couldn't resist that price. It was marked down from $70. I'm still looking for something because my mom said they'd pay for it, and wanted me to get something nice & modern. I'm going to wait to hear from the bride on her opinion on the color. If she's ok with black, that opens a LOT of doors for cute dresses.
So with the negative I found a positive. Oh, I'm also meeting up with my friend from Poughkeepsie who had her WLS last August. She understands that I want to keep my decision under wraps, so won't tell my bf. Her husband also knows it's on the down low. I'm excited to talk to her, and to get my WLS book hopefully tonight or tomorrow.
Just Starting
May 29, 2009
I feel ill, and want to cry. I made the appointments for the educational sessions required before seeing a PA, Nutritionist, Dietician, and the Surgeon. I'm scared that my bf is not going to support me, and continue to press me on the "natural" way to lose weight. I've been doing that for over 10 years now, and it's obviously not enough. I worked with personal trainers last year for over 8 months, and lost 10 lbs in 8 months!! Ridiculous!!!!
I'm beginning to gain weight again. Probably because of depression and emotional eating. I did mention it to my therapist, but did not go into detail. I simply cannot continue on this path of unhappiness and dependence on food. It HAS to stop.
I am going to do this for my health, and for me. It is my life. It is my body. It is my choice.
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I'm beginning to gain weight again. Probably because of depression and emotional eating. I did mention it to my therapist, but did not go into detail. I simply cannot continue on this path of unhappiness and dependence on food. It HAS to stop.
I am going to do this for my health, and for me. It is my life. It is my body. It is my choice.
