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Today I feel very run down and very tired.  Yesterday I was able to get several walks in.  I am still not able to get all my protein or all my liquids in.  It's really hard to fill out my menus and see where I'm falling short.  I've decided that I really don't care for Lactaid milk.  It is way too sweet.  I'm glad that I have a checkup on this Wednesday, maybe they will release me to eat "slider" foods.  It would  be nice to have something other than sweet flavors and broth. 

It was knd of hard yesterday, my hubby and I took some people from our church out to lunch and after everyone got their food ( all of which I would've ordered in the past), I looked at my bowl of French onion soup (naked of course) and had a bout of sadness, I think.  I'm really not sure what the emotion was.  But I decided if they wanted to clog their ateries then it was fine by me.  Actually it makes me kind of sad, because they were HUGE portions.  I'm seeing what my habits were before and I am glad that I am learning new ones!  YAY ME!!

Wow, a lot has happened since my last post.

I was readmitted to the hospital @ about 1:30 Monday the 14th, for a GI bleed.  I was vomitting about 3-5 oz. at a time.  Also I was having bloody stools.  Dr. Nair admitted me over the phone so all I had to do is show up, no paperwork or anything.  I continued to vomit until they got an IV w/ anti nasea meds into me.  Dr. Nair scheduled me for an endoscopy first thing as soon as the specialist could get there.  I ended up having 3 ulcers cauterized.  They couldn't go to the other new connection further down because I was in too great of pain.  I don't remember it because I was sedated.  I had to stay in the hospital until Thursday because I was still losing blood.  Dr. Nair was concerned that he'd have to give me blood tranfusions because I was losing so much blood at such a fast rate.  Thank God he didn't have to.

So I was discharged on Thursday, but I still feel very weak.  Yesterday I talked to Debbie one of the nurses, and she said that I would feel like that for a couple of weeks.  So far I haven't been able to get anything down except water.  I am worried a bit because I am not getting any protein.  The clinic isn't worried about it as long as I stay hydrated.

I was very worried that I would die on Monday In the emergency room.  My husband and I prayed and I felt an awesome sense of peace.  I know that it isn't my time to go yet.  I know that God is going to use my experience in a mighty way.  I pray that I will be sensitive to His prodding.  I am thankful that I am home and able to testify to His great healing power!  My God is good!

Has anyone had buyer's remose?  I sure am!  I don't think it's about the surgery or losing the extra weight, it's basically what will I miss?  I know I'm not going to miss anything, because all the things I will eventually eat are good for me and I like them (veggies, whole grains, ect.).  I am finally learning just how much of an emotional eater I was.  I need to come to terms with why I used to or still want to run to food to make me feel better. 

 

I figured out how many pounds I have lost and or gained.  The day before surgery I made it to the 30# mark!!  But while I was in the hospital, I gained 21.2# back!!  I Thank God that it is all fluid retention!!  If Dr. Nair hadn't prepared me before I would have flipped out.   I am still sore, I have huge bruises all over my stomach and sides.

 

I have been having a hard time getting my fluids and protein.  Each day is a little better.  I am so thankful that I came out of surgery ok.  Apparently I am very funny when heavily medicated.  My friends and family still are telling me about the things I said.  I'm glad I have the support group that I have!  They are awesome!!

I am home!!  My surgery went well.

 I am very tired and sore.  Apparently the soreness is from when they spread my ribs apart.  Most of the soreness is in my back.

 I walked a lot in the hospital and I have walked down the block and back so far.  I am only on Extra Strength Tylenol, and I feel pretty good.

 I had to count the staples down my stomach, there are 28 of them.  I look like I have a built in zipper! 

My follow up appt. is next Wednesday.  I should have all the staples and the JP drains taken out. 

Energy is slow to come back, other than that, I feel pretty good!

My God is so good!  I really have a sense of peace about all of this!

So tomorrow is the BIG day!!  I am so excited.  However it feels very unreal to me that I actually having anything done at all.  I not really nervous except for coming out of the anesthesia.  

I have to say that, if there is anyone that thinks that this is the easy way out, they are very mistaken.  i challenge anyone to do the 2 week liquid diet that I was on and not to feel like they are going crazy.  Our culture focuses so much on food and you can't escape it.  It's like the drug addict having dope waved in front of their face several times a day and someone saying - you can't have it.

 Ok, enough of my ranting, can you tell that I'm hungry?  I will see y'all on the other side!!

I only have ONE more week until my surgery!!  Woo hoo!!   I feel like I'm finally on the home stretch.  I CAN do this! 

I am so thankful for God's strength this past week.  I know that if I tried to do this by myself that it would have been SO much harder!  I have had moments where I WANT to be rebellious, and WANT to please my fleshly desires.  But each time I deny myself I feel like God is smiling down upon me, like He is proud of the things I'm sacrificing.  I am the temple of the Holy Spirit.  That is what I have to say to myself each and every time I want something that is not on my diet plan.  It is becoming easier and easier.  Imagine if I can do this with my eating what else can I accomplish?  With God's strength, of course.  Without Him I am incomplete.

I went and weighed in today and I am down another 3#.  I know that is fantastic, but I am a bit disappointed.  Only because I thought I'd lose more after 5 days of liquids only.  I am only taking in about 400 calories a day.  I know that puts my body into starvation mode.  I just can't help being a wee bit down about it. 

So after I left the clinic I decided that if I could lose more weight when I eat solid food vs liquid, that I would stop and have a cheeseburger.  I wrestled with myself, back and forth.  Well I finally opted for a iced green tea w/ 1 splenda from Starbucks.  I knew that only God and I would know if I ate solid food.  I also knew that the guilt and shame would be too much.  After all this is about self denial.  It's about learning to deal with my emotions without the aid of food.  Really where did we all get this idea that food helps us with our emotions?  It's really stupid.  I know I need to lean more on God and His power to get me through the things that come my way.  I was trying to tell myself that it wasn't a bad thing, but the Holy Spirit would remind me that "my body is His temple".  Who would I be serving if I gave in?  I would be serving myself, just when I am getting in the hang of denying it.  So it would be a bad and horrible thing because I broke the rules given to me by my DR.  Also I wanted to be proud of myself for doing this and succeeding.

I only have 10 days until surgery!  I have to focus on the positive and say it out loud!  I have officially lost 19.6#!!  It's been a while since I saw these #s on the scale.

My God is so good to me.  He even cares if I am struggling to stay on my liquid diet.  I am blessed, truly blessed.

Well, I am on the third day of my liquid diet, and things could be better.  It's not horrible, but I wouldn't mind chewing something.  The only time I have a problem is when I see a commercial on TV or go by a restaurant.  They HAVE to make everything look so appealing on TV, and it's only the commercials for Red Lobster.  And when you drive by a restaurant, oh the smell!
Yesterday I went To Red Robin with a few friends, and I didn't have a problem.  I had the French Onion Soup w/ no bread, cheese, and had them strain it.  It was marvelous!  It tasted so wonderful.  Most everything liquid (protein powder, milk, etc.) is sweet.  So to eat something that wasn't was awesome! 
On Friday I should know how much I lost, I actually cant wait.  I am very proud that I've made it this far.  Only 12 more days, it seems a lifetime when you are on a liquid diet!  After I'm off the liquids (even after surgery) I don't think I want to see sugar free Jello again!  Or protein shakes either!

I went to weigh in today and I was down another 3#!!  I am so very excited!  I also got a call from my insurance and they approved everything!  So I am all set to have surgery on July 7, 2008!!  How awesome is my God!?!

 This is what has happened since I posted last:

I weighed in and lost a total of 8# more.  I also had my pre-op appointment.  Although when I got there I couldn't meet with Dr. Nair because he was in emergency surgery.  So I went on the 13th and met with him.  I found out that he is going to bypass 150 cm of my intestines instead of the usual 100 cm.  Apparently because of my BMI, I am in a bracket that has better results with the larger bypass.  That means I will lose a significant amount of weight at first then I will level off and continue losing like a usual bypass patient.   Hopefully I understood correctly and I am relaying the correct info.  He also said that my surgery will take from 2-3 1/2 hours, then I will be in recovery for about 2 hours.  I start my liquid diet on Monday the 23rd.  I think I will do okay with it, but not looking forward to it. 

On a different note, I am so excited and looking forward to after surgery.  I am a clothes horse.  I absolutely love to shop.  Can you imagine being able to walk into the GAP or to Ralph Lauren and be able to shop for myself instead of someone else?   Also I am a makeup fanatic (the reason I sell Mary Kay) I figure since the company just launched all the new eye and cheek colors, I can play around with them in between my walks and what not while I'm in the hospital!  LOL!!  I could also give every nurse a makeover and actually pay for my surgery that way!  LOL, LOL!!!  Ok, I know I am a little off my rocker today!  I am getting a little nervous and getting a lot more excited as time passes.

Seriously, God has been so good though all of this.  I have breezed through everything and except being vitamin D deficient I have passed everything.  When I went to the last support group most everyone had to sleep with a CPAP machine.  I don't even have sleep apnea.  Like I said God is good!