marlene

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February, 2004
My name is Marlene, I am currently waiting for my consult appointment with Dr. Williams, on June 2. I am not too hopeful that I will be able to have the surgery. I had a C-Section, and then 7 years later a hysterectomy, where the doctor had to scrape my uterus off my bladder, due to adhesions. SO, my PCP, as much as she is the one that suggested that I have the surgery, is not sure it is even possible. So, I am not getting my hopes up. I currently have a BMI of 51. I have been heavy since the age of 10, never succeeding on any diet pass losing 2 pounds. I am currently taking Merida and following Atkins. In the first month I have lost 23 pounds, so am hoping that maybe by the time June gets here, I would have lost at least another 30. I would still qualify for surgery, but at least I would be a little lighter by then. I need to lose weight, as at the age of 35, I already know that I will need to have knee replacement surgery in the next 20 years. I am terrified of this, as my mother passed away at the age of 59, after a knee replacement. She threw a blood clot. I am also worried, as much as I dont have any heart problems at the moment, because my sister, who was nine years older then me, and not more then 50 pounds overweight, died of a massive heart attack this pass August. She was never diagnosed with any problems with her heart. My brother, who is 8 years older then me, has had two minor heart attacks. So, this has really got me worrying that I need to do something. SO, I wait for the consult, and hope, like a lot of you, that I can have the surgery. Due to my adhesions, my PCP thinks the Band, without cutting or stapling would be best, even though it will be slower then the gastric bypass. I tend to agree with her, but even she says, it is a question I must wait to talk to Dr. Williams.
So, will post soon, I plan on calling Dr. Williams office weekly to see if there are any cancellations, so that I can move up my appointment for the consult.
Good Luck and I hope Good Health to ALL!
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February 28, 2004

Hello again! I am currently still waiting for my consult June 2. I think the wait time is a good thing. I am really having doubts about surgery. On a good note, I am continuing to lose weight with taking Meridia, and following Atkins. I have lost another five pounds. I started to ride my exercise bike. I think the thoughts of having surgery scared my brain and/or body into working a little better.
I am glad I found this site, I dont think talking to the surgeon would give me as full as a picture of the "after" life of WLS, as all the posts here has. I applaud everyone one of yours that have taken this journey, and still am seriously considering it. But, the more I read, the more I realize, as much as the surgery allows you to lose weight, it is still up to the individual person. So, until I am sure I can do the things that are required for surgery, I think waiting is a good thing. I have thought about having some of the tests needed before I see the surgeon, but my PCP and I have decided to wait and see what the surgeon says first. My adhesions are bad, but what is more worrisome to both of us, is the adhesions this surgery will cause. I have enough with them already. So,while I wait for the consult, I will continue to lose weight, Not Try, I am gonna do it. And hopefully, either way, it will work out.
Take care, and hope that everyone is healthy ! Spring is just around the corner...Thankfully.
Marlene
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March 1, 2004

It seems I might have left out information that could be helpful to some of your if I ask for help.
So here goes:
2 children, 1 regular delivery 1 emergency C-section, tubal ligation,hysterectomy, 2 pins in right ankle, athritis in knees and ankle and hands. Will need knee replacement eventually.How did the doctor say it, if I lose weight, in 20 years, if I don't then in 10. He is all for the WLS. Gastorparesis, asthma(very mild, only have used my inhaler 2 times in last 8 months, thanks to Singulair), Cyst on both ovaries, that no one will operate on until I lose weight, adhesions, badly,Reflux,I think that is all my medical, oh wait, at the age of 16 was diagnosed with high blood pressure, went right off of salt, and except for when pregnant, no more problems. I also was diagnosed with high blood sugar at the age of 22, so went right on the diet for that, and for the last 12 years, it is usually low now. Ok, one other thing, had my tonsils and adnoids taken out when I was 30, and somehow, my gag reflex was damaged, so extremely hard to vomit now. When I finally do, I have a bloody nose, extremely pale, and need to go to bed for a while. But I must say, it takes me hours, before I even can throw up, that crappy feeling that your going to but can't. I can't even spit since my tonsils and adnoids.
Oh, my support system, an fiancee who wants what is best for me, but after reading all the stories here about after surgery, he only wants me to get the BAND. My niece, 23, who lives with us, and 6 kids, ages, 16 to 2. My youngest is 9, the little ones are my great nieces, but I still babysit them while my niece works. But she is planning to take time off of work while I recover, to help me and be with her kids. My best friend, Nancy, who will more or less move in while I recover. SO, physically, I am covered. Emotionally, my girlfriend and fiancee are the only ones that want me to have the surgery. My dad and grandmother, who I see everyday, DO NOT want me to have it, any way shape or form. If they bring me over one more way to lose weight, or more article about the dangers of WLS, I might just scream at them. Regretting telling them I was looking into it, should of waited until I decided, had a date, and then only the day before, maybe....Oh well, can't take it back.
My weight lost efforts in the pass:
weight watchers, three times
nutrisystem, one time
phen phen, for two years
meridia, one time before, and currently doing it again.
Atkins, first time last year, and currently now.
Diet patch
Numerous diet pills

I am probably forgetting some fad diets I tried, and have forgotten.
I am 5 feet 6 inches tall.
I weighed 342 on January 22, 2004
319 on February 19, 2004
314 on February 28, 2004
So, that is it, I think. Feel free to email if I missed something. Hope everyone is having a nice day, it is close to 70 here, and I am going out to play with my great nieces.
Marlene
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March 2, 2004
Hi, thought I would write a quick something.
Well, from the looks of things it will be a long while until I have surgery. The Band is not covered by any insurance in Pennsylvania at this time. I will keep an eye out for when, if ever it is. It seems to be an issue with the insurance companies that it is adjustable. I have really ruled out gastric bypass at this point in my life. Maybe in the future it will be something I am interested in, but not right now.
So, will continue to check into this site, and see what is new. In the meantime, I will continue with my Atkins and Meridia, it is working.
Take care, and hope all are enjoying good health.
Marlene
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March 5, 2004
Just a quick update, I am down another 2 pounds, which for me is something. I continue to wait for consult June 2, but am still interested in the Band, so consult will probably be a waste, but who knows.
Take care and, and hope all are enjoying good health.
Marlene
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March 12, 2004
Just a quick note, I am still waiting for June 2 to get here. I am going to stick with Dr. Williams, but still not sure for exactly what. I am still losing weight on the Meridia and Atkins. No cravings or anything. My three favorite foods, Pepsi, Skippy peanut butter, and KfC Chicken, opps, forgot Popcorn, have not eaten or thought of eating them at all since January. Which is a miracle to me.
So, I am waiting, at this point I would at least like Spring to arrive. Oh, and I am making wedding plans. I am getting remarried on July 10, to my honey Frank.
I went for a walk last night, only about ten blocks, but it is something. I am looking into Curves, my niece is going to go with me, but everythime I mention it she giggles. She went there before for four months with her friend, and all they did was giggle. She wont tell me why, so am waiting for her to answer me if she will go or not.
Good luck to everyone!
Marlene
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March 22, 2004
Hi everyone! Just wanted to update my profile. After much talking and considering and seeing my PCP, I have decided to have surgery, I am looking toward Lap-Band because of health problems, and my PCP agrees. I am currently waiting for my PCP to gather my information to send to the insurance company. The Lap-Band is not approved in PA at this point, so I can't get an appointment without approval first unless I want to pay upfront. I am considering paying for surgery if I have to. Still have the appointment for the surgeon for Gastric Bypass on June 2, and my PCP wants me to keep it for now. SO, am waiting on a lot of things. My PCP is keeping me on Meridia, I am continuing to lose weight. I have stayed on the Atkins since January, except for two times of cheating,and they weren't too bad. SO, here I wait...
Marlene
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March 24, 2004
DRUM ROLL PLEASE!
Since January 22, I have gone from 342 to 306 as of today! I am so happy! 6 more pounds and will be under 300 for the first time in 10 years. I have gone a size in pants and two sizes in clothes!! I will continue with this until my consult in June. Who knows what will happen?
Marlene
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March 27, 2004
ANOTHER DRUM ROLL!
304 Today, and went shopping at Kmart, went from a 28 to 24 in pants, and a 4X to a 1X in shirts! I am so very happy! been walking as much as the weather will allow too, with my honey!
That's it for today!
Marlene
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April 3, 2004
AT 302 today...not been a good couple of days..my sister who died in August, it was her birthday yesterday, and my mom, who died in 2001, it is her b-day on 4-24. Missing them both really bad right now...Been really bitchy towards everyone.

Still waiting for PCP to write letter to insurance. I have now found more then one person that was approved by insurance for the Band in PA. Beginning to think there is hope for me yet. Funny thing is, I have been on Atkins and Meridia since Jan, and dont have cravings. The only cheating at all is dam french fries. I get a salad if we go out, (kids, so usually place is Wendy's or McDonalds), but I find myself picking at the kids french fries...not many, but it bothers me..

Was out last night for hours, going store to store, looking for a Gazzelle. Can't find one, probably gonna order one online today and pay shipping...

That is it for me today..two weeks off of school for me, and one week off for the kids, so gonna be busy..
Marlene
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April 5, 2004
After the last two days of stress with my son and ex, I havent been able to eat. Everytime I do, I get sick. This is new to me, usually I eat during stress. So, anyway,,, down to 300.
Not sure it is going to stay at 300, hoping to eat something today without getting sick. WOnder if I am getting an ulcer? If not ok by tomorrow, will call the doctor.

Marlene
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April 8, 2004
Ok, down to 298, haven't been under 300 in over ummmmmm..I think 10 years...OMG! My new jeanes are starting to be loose. Things have settled down with the my son and my ex.
I am waiting to go to my PCP next Friday for an official weigh in. She also should have spoken to the insurance company by then, so hopefully will find out if they will pay for the band. I know they pay for the RNY, but not sure about the band. Will just have to wait and see. That is it for now, my break from school is over Monday, and will I am glad we had the break, I am glad to go back, and glad my kids are once again returning...even if summer is right around the corner.
Marlene
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April 11, 2004
Since I know I won't be online much tomorrow...I wanted to say HAPPY EASTER!

Also, I am down to 295! Yippee!! Feeling better each day!
Still waiting for the PCP appointment on Friday and see what the insurance company has to say about the band...
Good luck to all!
Marlene
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April 14, 2004
I am still 295, but considering that I cheated with some potatoe salad on Easter I will take it. At least I haven't gained any. I am still working on finding time to work on my Gazelle. Between visiting relatives, and starting two new classes it has been rough.
My appointment with my PCP is Friday, so hopefully some good news.
That is all for today..off to do Algebra for school...UGGH!
Marlene
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April 19, 2004
Well, I went to the PCP, according to her scale I lost 12 pounds this month. We are still waiting for the insurance company. They haven't out right denied me, so maybe. Thing is, the PCP said that if I lose another 60 pounds, then I won't qualify for surgery. So, we shall see. Nothing else new here.
Marlene
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April 20, 2004
Well, I am still the same weight, been for the last 9 days. Hope the scale moves soon. I did lose inches in my waist. I am gazelling when I get the chance. Trying for at least 5 times a week. Just a quick update.
Marlene
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April 23, 2004
I am down another 2 pounds, to 293, yippee! Still gazelling. I also am walking more. I did something the other day, and didnt realize I did it until later. I ran up the steps. I usually have trouble just walking up the steps, but actually ran up them the other day after my 2 year old neice. My jeans which barely fit in the beginning of March, I am now able to pull them down without unzippering them. Yippee!
Still waiting for insurance.
That is it for today!
Marlene
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May 5, 2004
The scale finally moved, only one pound, but I'll take it. I called the PCP yesterday, the insurance company wants more information about "why" the PCP doesn't think I should have gastric bypass. So, the PCP is off to write and document with xrays and such why gastric isn't for me. I am getting frustrated. But hopefully soon they will have a decision. In the mean time, I am planning my wedding, finally picked my wedding gown. It might need to be altered, but am waiting to July 1 for that. I have about another three inches of zipper to go. The lady was going to alter it last week, but I had her wait. Already the zipper has moved up more, so I have 7 weeks for it go all the way...And I will do it...
That is it for now...Off to do homework.
Marlene
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May 13, 2004
I haven't updated because I have nothing to report. I am going to my PCP on Monday, and hopefully will hear something then. I did call the insurance company, and they said it is still in review. I guess that is a good thing, they havent just denied it. I am stil at the same weight. Getting pretty frustrating. I am trying to up my exercise, but can't seem to get on a regular schedule.
Well, that is it for now. Will update after Monday's appointment.
Marlene
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May 20, 2004
My PCP is still fighting with the insurance company. I am approved for gastric bypass, but am fighting for the Lap Band. Anyway....
I am down to 290. Finally the scale is moving again. Things I have noticed since losing 52 pounds:
I can move easily.
I ran up the steps.
I haven't used my inhaler in over two months.
I can walk more.
It isn't a chore to gazelle or ride the exercise bike.
It isn't a chore to clean.
Sex is enjoyable again.
I am looking forward to my wedding.
I am able to do more in general.
My knees and ankle don't hurt anymore.
I can actually wear flip flops and not just my high top sneaks.
I went from a size 28 to a size 18-20 in shorts, and a size 28 to a 22 in jeans.
My fiancee can put his arms around me.
I can shave my legs without breathing heavy.
Ok, that is not it, but that is all that I can think of at this
moment.
Take care everyone!
Marlene
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May 21, 2004
Just a quick update. I know we shouldn't weigh everyday, but it works better if I monitor myself daily. Maybe once I am Banded, it will not be needed, but for now it does. I am 289 today.
And thank you Dee ! who was banded on the 15 of May and is doing great. She is such a good support person. I wish you all the luck in the world.
Marlene
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May 27, 2004
Just thought I would take this time to post. I just realized that my consult is next Wednesday with Dr.Williams. I have waited for months for this. Now not sure he can even help. PCP still wants me to go and see. OK, will.
I am still losing. I went and tried on my wedding dress the other day, and the zipper went all the way up. I was so amazed my this. I am surprised that I am losing. If I can continue to lose for the next month, with all the wedding plans going on, I will truly be amazed. I would of liked to be down to 250 for my wedding, but not happening. I am just happy that I haven't gained. I would be ok if I was done to 275-280 for my wedding. Will keep on biking and gazelling and see what happens.
My wedding plans are going good. Not as easy as I expected but ok. Funny, was so worried Frank's family wasn't coming, and here it is, they just about all responded, and my family hasn't at all. Isn't this nice. I am ready to cry, but what the hell is the sense.
Well, my kids are coming home now, so off to do homework. Thankfully, school is out in 10 days, so not much more of that..
Marlene
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June 8, 2004

I haven't updated for a few, so figured I would bring this up to date. Getting really frustrated with my insurance. I had a consult last week with Dr. Williams. My insurance would not give me a referral. Dr. Williams doesn't do Lap Band, so since I am fighting with my insurance for it, they wont send me to him. Fine by me, was only going because my PCP wanted him to document that I shouldn't have bypass too. So, now no surgeon, just haven't figured out how to remove Dr. Williams from my profile. Still waiting for insurance. Getting frustrated.
I am still at the same weight. Figure between stress of school and last minute details of wedding, at least I am not gaining. Can't seem to find time to use my Gazelle. This term of school is just about over for me, so hopefully it will ease up.
Well, got to run...Trying to figure out how to post pics here.
Marlene
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Hi Again everyone! Sorry I haven't been posting or updating much lately. Between school ending for the term and wedding plans, July 10 is so close, I haven't had much time. My pics are posted, thanks OH. Having a bad hair day in the one pic, but can see the difference. I couldn't until I cut and pasted them next to each other. I bought a pair of 20 jeanes two weeks ago. They went on, but the button was about three inches apart. Well, I put them on yesterday, and they button, and zip, just not comfortable enough to wear yet. I can't remember the last time I wore a size 20 in jeanes. Started at a tight 28. I am off to the PCP today. I am hoping for a decision one way or the other. My wedding is in OMG 11 days. If I dont have a decision by the time we are home from our honeymoon, they we are going to save for self pay. I have been doing good with Atkins, but still wanting the LapBand. PCP thinks I should still have it too. I have been on the platuea from hell, but finally the scale is moving, but slowly.
Well, off to get done for the day. Will post after I see the PCP today!
Marlene
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Well, it is now just down to a waiting game. Insurance has been sent final letter, should know within three weeks. At least the limbo period will be over.

I got married on July 10, gonna try to post pics, not sure gonna work, but will try.
It was great. It turned out beautiful other then the video I paid close to a thousand dollars for. Half of my video is my three skinny cousins dancing, and most of that is their buts from the waist down only. Complained loudly and waiting for manager to get back to me. I want my money back. I paid for 6 hours of recording, unedited. I got 90 minutes of in camera editing. There was point where the Dj got me and my groom to sing to each other, the video idiot went from us singing to the caterer singing, and cut most of it out of us. When we had the cutting and feeding of the cake, all she got was the back of my head. I am so disappointed. The same company took our pictures, just a different person. They better be good or I am going to kill someone. This was our wedding day. Besides that everything went fine. We went on our honeymoon to the Trop in Atlantic City . Four fun filled days with no kids in sight, at least not any that were ours. We did good on the diet too, we did cheat a little with potatoes, but no snacking, no binging, most times we left food on the plates. Alchol was another thing. Most valuable lesson I learned, when in a casino, if your betting any kind of money, they serve you free drinks. We had a blast. We parked the car the day we arrived and walked for the next four days. We both had leg cramps, but were otherwise ok. We actually walked the one day over 5 miles on the boardwalk until it started to thunder, then found a cab to take us back to the hotel. THe driver thought we were crazy for waliking that far. We were soaked and laughing the whole time.
I did manage to gain 4 pounds on my honeymoon, but it has already left a week later. Right back on Atkins when we got home. I did stay away from Pepsi at all cost, and fortunately the gift shop sold individual Crystal lites with their water. I totally forgot to pack any.
Well, not much for weight loss this time, but had to post.

Marlene

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July 21, 2004

It is time for the weekly weigh in on the Lap Band board.
I actually lost the weight from the honeymoon, plus one pound. It satisfied me....

Marlene
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September 19, 2004

Well, it has been a while since I updated. Lots has happened, but surgery or approval has not been one of them.
Lets start where I left off....
Got married to my soul mate on July 10. It was great. And fortunately for the photographer the pictures came out beautiful.
After getting married, it seems all HELL has broken out.
1) Women my husband was careing for died on July 23. Leaving us financially broke. She paid him well and he was her sole caretaker. We hadn't been able to save as we had to gut and remodel our whole house. THe only room we hadn't been able to start was our kitchen. What we had saved we spent on our wedding.
2)August 4, the day before my brother's bday, My Dad had emergency surgery because he herniated his disk and piece of bone broke off and was pressing on his spine.
3)August 11, went down the shore to my parent's house, had a terrible time. My mother died in 01, and she is everywhere there, the memories had me depressed.
4)August 16, while sitting on the beach, cell phone rings, stepdaugter, who is on the beach with me, her test results came back, she has thyroid problems and bleeding problems. Needs further test, scheduled for September 30.
5)August 23, My dad's bday, my brother had emergency surgery for the same thing as my dad.
6)Got a failure notice from my professor. Do I care? Got bite by a spider, I think, and my calf was bigger then my thigh. Rash spread up my leg too. Was put on steroids. Can u say weight gain??
7)Took my daughter, who had Chiari Malformation Type I to the eye doctor. Long story short, either it is getting worse or she has a brain tumor. Either way she needs brain surgery. THe final test is on 9-22. SO we wait.
8) My grandmother's mammograph showed a lump. Made us wait two weeks to redo it, that one is negative.
9) Crowning glory, I have mono, my chronic fatigue syndom is flaring up, I have shingles, not the spider bite that I thought. I am also having Migranes again. PCP said this is all stress related, but me on 5 new medicines. ALso, if some other symthoms don't go away, she is really beginning to think I have Fibromyalga (hope I spelled that right).
10) Insurance company has decided my life. NO LAP BAND. Only gastric bypass. Saw Dr. Meilhan, he says he can do the gastric bypass with all of my adhesions. SO, now need to save $600.00 for program fee, then will have testing and off for gastric bypass.
I have realized that I have to do something. During all the above, I stopped Atkins, And meridia, and in one short or should I say long month, I gained 19 pounds back. So, I am now at 304 again. But Dr. Meilhan said he was impressed that I lost from 342 and wants me to lose another 20-25 before surgery so that my liver is not fatty and I am a better candidate for lap.
So, my husband and I went back on Atkins yesterday, Gazelled and biked last night. My finals are over. Off of school for the next two weeks, unless my daughter is really ill, then taking a leave for a while. Hubby started a rapid course to become Certified Nurses Aide with Job placement. He should be working my October 10. My dad is helping us until them. Thankfully.
So, this is my update...
Now back to life.
Marlene

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January 4, 2005

Boy, after reading my last update, it is a wonder I have been depressed. But things are better now. Brother and father both recovered nicely, but now we aren't speaking to my brother because of his wife. She is causing all sorts of trouble. Oh well, this too shall pass.
My husband finally went back to work two weeks before Christmas. It was a rough couple of months. And a week after Christmas we received his severance pay from the lady he was caring for. So I was able to pay the $600 program fee to Dr. Meilhan, mailed it out last week. Waiting to hear from his office to schedule all the testing. I am becoming more nervous, but have been talking to a couple of Dr. M's patients and feel better about it.
I have gained back about 15 pounds total. It is an up and down battle, but am trying to work at it again. My husband and I are going back on Atkins this week. We have to do food shopping and clean our cabinets of all the holiday junk. Last count, too many chips and cookies in there.
I did have an upper GI and ultrasound. My PCP figured why not, it is at least one thing we can get done in advance. All was fine. My gall bladder is perfectly normal.
I think that is all the update I have. I have an appointment for cardio clearance tomorrow, due to taking Phen Phen in the pass. Will post when I return home.
Marlene
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January 29, 2005
Well I have gained more weight. Can't seem to stay away from bread and potatoes. The more weight I gain the more it hurts to exercise. I really am trying to put my mind to it, but it seems the Meridia was more of a help then I realized. The PCP is willing to put me on it again, but Dr M don't want me on it anymore. So I struggle.
My cardiologist appointment went great. He said he is all for gastric bypass. He does insist I have a stress test. My older sister, who wasn't more then 20 pounds over weight, died of a massive heart attack two years ago, she was oly 43. He said that since she had no known heart problems, this is serious. The quiet heart problems tend to run in families, so while my echo and EKG were fine, he just wants to triple check. No problem here, the more docs agree I am healthy the better I will feel. Temple finally sent appointments, and called about 20 times to schedule things. The only appointment not set up was the psyche, and that is only because the appointment book wasn't available. I have to call them Tuesday for that. I will be very busy the next month or so.
It seems I can have surgery on my break from school in APril, because if I don't have it then, then it can't happen until my next break in July. Can't afford to miss time in my last nine months. Fortunately, my insurance usually approves within days.
I have made some great friends here at OH, and it has helped alot.
Well, off to do homework...
Take care until next time,
Marlene
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February 11, 2005

Well, as I read back my profile I sit here and get depressed. I now weigh 317. I need to lose 35 pounds before surgery I think. Must call them on Monday and check. I went back on Atkins again..see if I can stick to it. I know, if I want the surgery, then I should damn well be able to stick to it. I did order protein drink samples today, and hubby bought diet stuff last night.

I had my sleep study, what a blast, my pulmonary function test, someone could have warned me the CO 2 would make me sick, and the doppler on my legs. All is fine except I snore. Tech told me that the surgeon would probably require me to get my tonsils and adnoids out before WLS. Funny, had them out close to 6 years ago. Waiting to hear from surgeons office. I don't have sleep apnea.

Opps, just noticed the time, must pick hubby up from work.

Till next time,
Marlene
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March 26, 2005

Well I figured it was time for an update. I have been so busy and depressed that I havent' had much time to do anything. Well it seems that sometime in the past I have had a heart attack. My lovely stress test, which made my chest feel like it was blowing up, showed that to my cardiologist. At least that is what the radiologist sent him, but the report ended with it might be a technical problem. SAY WHAT?? So, my cardio doc wanted the actual films, so off I go the hospital and pick them up and drop them off to him, to only find out he is away for the next 9 days, coming back on March 28. UGGGHHH...So I wait. Everything else is done. I just need cardio clearance or a plan in place so Dr. M can decide what to do from there. So much for surgery on my break which is from April 4-18. I know, everything happens for a reason, but gheesh??

On a personal note, my neice and her two children left my home. Actually I had to throw her out. My nephew, her brother, kinda moved in on Feb. 17, without asking at all, just showed up and stayed. Well, he is/was a recovering heroin user, not sure if he is clean or not. But anyway, money is missing from our home, alot of money. He has legal problems, I have been trying to help him with and it turns out he was lying to me all along. DUHH. Anyway, my neice who had been here 18 months, and was my best friend next to my husband, lied for him too. When I confronted him, she took his side, so I kicked them all to the curb. I really tried for the last week or so before this all happened to talk to her, but to no avail. I miss the kids, and I hope they are ok, but I have four kids of my own and drugs and lies don't go with teenagers. I have tried talking to my neice since then, but she took off 400 miles away and refuses to come back. She pulled her kids out of school and now is writing bad checks, something my nephew has done jail time for before. So, not much I can do but pray.

In the mean time, I can't seem to find the energy to do school work, house work, or much of anything except eat. I swear I am going to lock my cabinets and fridge.

I just wish I had answers to my health and at least could talk to my young neices, 3 and 6. I am like a grandmother to them, especially the youngest and she has been crying for me and my hubby for two weeks now, and my neice only would let us talk to them twice so far. On top of that, the 6 year old was sexual abused by her father, who is now in jail for other offenses, and what is the first thing my neice does when she is back in his area. Takes them both to see their father in jail. The 6 year old is scared to death of him and the 3 year old don't even know him. It is so frustrating.

Well, enough rambling. I will post as soon as I hear from the cardiologist on Monday.

Marlene
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April 6, 2005

Well it is way past Monday. I have been dealing with a lot of stuff right now. First off, Children and Youth Services are looking for my neice and nephew and the kids. She is in a lot of legal trouble, but will yet talk to me. We all miss the kids terrible. I just don't know what to do about that at this point.
Will just keep waiting.

I finished all my bloodwork today. I am now waiting for the date and insurance approval. It can't come soon enough for me.

I managed to finish this term in school, lower GPA, but at least I don't have to retake a class. Law school will have to wait while I pull up my GPA. This too I will manage.

If anyone is reading this and needs a diet buddy, pre op, email me, even from another state, we can call and email each other. I am currently following Atkins.

Oh, my cardio update. Seems I did not have a heart attack, even if waiting 10 days for the results might have gave me one, I did get clearance from the cardiologist.

I am in the process of writing a living will and a will. After Terri Schiavo, I don't want my wishes unclear to anyone.

Well, that is it until next time,

Marlene
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May 7, 2005

Well, I am approved, just waiting for a date. It seems my pulmonary doctor did not write his letter yet. And the hospital can't find my test results for the doppler on my legs. Yet it was done at their hospital. I saw that one of Dr. M's patients received a surgery date in June. I know it is only next month, but was really still hoping for May. Oh well!

On the family front. My neice started emailing me two days ago. Right in time for my birthday. Not making much sense, but what can I do. She offers to call, let us see the kids, and then nothing. Won't call, and won't give me a number so I can call them. I have no idea where they are except in Upstate PA. I am trying to not go crazy about all of this.

Still in school, my grades are better. I am determined that they stay up.

That's it for now. No earth shattering life experiences or anything. Just feel like I am stuck in some kind of limbo. Waiting. Waiting for surgery, waiting for my neices..Waiting for something.

Waiting...

Marlene
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May 10, 2005

Well the wait is over. I have a date. May 24, 2005....It could have been next week, but I need time to get my house in order.
All of a sudden my stomach is in my throat. Nervous is not the word for how I feel right now. So much to do, so little time.

14 more days.

Marlene
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May 18, 2005

Well, I have had it. I am so tired of this shit. I have given until I am blue in the face. Since I was 10 years old I have tried to be what everyone else wants me to be. By the age of 12 I was raising two kids that weren’t even mine. Dropped out of school. Everyone but my gram will say it was because I hated school. They will never admit it was because of the kids and Kathy. What does it matter? Kathy and mom are dead, I feel like I will soon follow if I don’t have this surgery. Why can’t anyone see this but me? I am miserable, everything in my body hurts. I was so mad at Frank this weekend. Not because of any other reason other then I have been hurting for weeks, and can I flop my ass on the couch and say forget it. No. I have given everything. To everyone. Why cant they support me for anything. Sure school, why, because it will bring in money. No other reason. A year of my life, wasted. A year of shit. Wasted again. No this time it was pain. Them damn test hurt. No one gets it.

37 and now it is too late. The only other thing I did for me was Frank, and what did that get me. Two evil step kids.

Eventually something will happen to let them see what they have all done. Until then, I am stuck in a miserable existence. Lost because I can’t lose the weight on my own. No matter what I try, it won’t work. I was willing to risk surgery if it meant the pain went away.

I have lost, it just don’t matter anymore to me. This is not how it is suppose to be 6 days before surgery. I am suppose to be relaxed, and stress free. Not happening.

I give up. I will call Dr’s tomorrow and cancel. It doesn’t matter anymore. It will never work. All I want right now is pepsi.

My son, the pain he is, is sitting downstairs pissed at me. Why? Because he is mad at me for not being allowed to go with to the support group, so he threw a typical fit, and now I am not going. He has voiced it enough for the last week that he doesn't want me to have the surgery, none of them do. After all their support before, WHY wait until the week before. Why not just say it to me before. I would have shut up, hid it, and did it myself. Now, they are all acting like crap. Of course, they are all skinny. Not one of them have had to deal with weight issues.

Kicker is that two weeks ago my daughter's new doctor finally was able to diagnos what she has had for 17 years. Mitrocondria Mytophy, hope I spelled that right, and I have it too. He said that is what is wrong with my joints, back, and everything.

I just can't write anymore.
I appreciate what everyone has done for me. I don't know what I am gonna do at this point.

Marlene

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May 21, 2005

Boy after reading my last entry, maybe I should update what has been happening.

Yesterday I went to my last appointment before surgery, seen Dr. M, had pre admission testings. Everything is set. Came home, sent my son to boy scout camp for the weekend, THANKFULLY! Told him to have fun and STOP thinking so damn much. I took him to his counselor on Thursday nite. It was a hard two hours, but we got to the root of the problem. My mom died in 2001, right after knee replacement surgery. My mom was like the head of the family. What she said went. Well, he wants her to tell him I will be alright. We explained that for all the doctors have siad I will be alright, but can't 100% promise. Hell, if I do not make it, the rest of the family will be unable to do anything with him, with the bi polar and autism, he takes everything literally. So, the counselor, who we have been seeing since 1996, is a blessing, and explained to my son that I NEED to do this. That mommy takes very good care of him, and that even if something should happen to me I have made plans for him to be safe. Then he broke all the way down. Seems he is so stressed because if something happens to me, he will have to go live with his biological father. Now, as much as I can't assure him that I will be fine, I can assure him that he will never have to live with that man. He has been abusive, tried to run me and my son off the road, arrested for it, and has tried repeatedly to hit my son. He will never live with him. Children and Youth services has restraining orders against him.
So, we settled that and he seems much calmer. In fact, the phone jsut rang, it was him from camp, he is fine, and having fun.

At the doctor's yesterday I had gained 10 pounds since I saw them in August of last year. The first lady that came in explained the doc might cancel the surgery until I lose that. Well, the doc came in, I explained I put the 10 pounds on since stopping Meridia. He understood that, and even said that is exactly why I should have surgery. So, I am relieved and scared. Tuesday if fast approaching. I am thinking of sleeping through Monday, Liquid diet all day. It would be ok, but I still have to cook for the kids. But at least it is only for one day and no bowel prep.

So, off for now. Homework to do and cleaning to be done.

Marlene
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WARNING, IF YOU DONT WANT TO READ NEGATIVES ABOUT THIS SURGERY THEN LEAVE MY PROFILE NOW. THE FOLLOWING IS NEGATIVE, AND WHILE I THINK EVERYONE SHOULD READ ALL NEGATIVES, SOME JUST DONT WANT TO! SO THERE IS MY WARNING....

May 31, 2005

Well, I made it. I think. The jury is still out on that. There is no easy way out. IF you think WLS is, then don't do it. I am only 7 days out. Yep, I know, wait, it will get better, wait until all the weight starts to drop off. Please....I do hope it gets better...I do hope the weight falls off...but right now..I just want to feel better. Guess I should explain......

Had to be at the hospital at 6:30 am, got taken back finally at 9:30. Was given gound, briefly spoke to surgeon, anesthia, nurse and said bye to hubby, who by this point was crying and I know wanted me to leave. Boy do I wish I trusted his eyes just that once. Was taken to per op and holding, where the nice anesthia started to prep me for Fiber Optic inculation. This is were the problem started. My blood pressure was fine, my pulse ox at that point was 99. Should have left. First anesthia guy came at me to explain that he was going to numb my throat. OK, got that. So, it at first was like a nebulizer treatment. Hell, use to them, I have asthma. Well, the med started to numb my throat so much I felt like I was swollening my tongue. 10 minutes of that, how nice. Then the second guy came at me to spray my nostrils with numbing. Missed my nose and got it in my eye, not once, but twice. That shit burns. And a spray in my throat too. Ok, now the fun thing, suck on the tongue depresser with the vasoline like substance. It will numb me good. Ok, ten more minutes of that. All of a sudden, I can feel it, sitting in my chest, rattling like the worse asthma attack I ever had. I tell, as much as I can, as my whole face, throat and mouth are numb, to idiot # 1 & 2. They look at my pulse ox, 79. Suction!! No shit! So, ten more minutes of them sucking and telling me to spit. Can't spit stupid, I am NUMB! Ok, so off to the OR. Are we kidding? Aren't you morans gonna cancel or at least wait and see??? Nope your good to go, this is normal. Fuck it is.

Wheeled into the OR, put on the bed. Surgeon is there, with assistance. Little thin thing. Gonna hold my hand while they put the tube in me. I have to be awake, Yes I know that. My chest is killing me. No one understands me. They shove a bite thing in place so I don't bite my tongue and the idiots don't break my teeth. The tie my arms down, safety measures. I am squeezing the thin thing's hand. SHe keeps saying it is ok. I am trying to get her to make them stop. Oh No! Get the other doc, we can't see in her throat. So, now 4 ansethia idiots are fighting over the scope, the tube, my neck, my jaw, one calls the other a jackass. Hello people...I am still awake!! Finally something happens, they grab my face, just like on any tv show you have seen, and drop the table, put the long shoe horn thingy in my mouth,,,and finally I fade to dark. I have to this point been given NO pain, NO sedation, NO shit, other then numbing shit.

I wake up, to me about 5 minutes later...same 4 idiots are now standing over me telling me to breathe. Seems they can't do that either. What the fuck is my insurance paying them for??? Ok, a moment later, the skinny lady says to me surgery is done, but you can't breathe on your own. YOu have to try. At this point all I want to try to do is die. No pain meds at this point, they dont want it surpressing my breathing. Can we say 8 mack trucks one right after another hitting me, and i am too stupid to lay down. Finally, they bring a vent in, hook me up. Let me tell you, nothing worse then hearing vent, your name, and watching your hubby's face die ten thousand deaths.

After three hours, idiot #2, the nicest, tells me he is going to pull the tube out, i have been breathing on my own now for about 40 minutes..Couldn't someome move the fucking clock?? But if I don't breath, he is gonna have to reinsert it back in. How fun. I want a gun. I want to shot this asshole off the face of the earth. Ok, one, two, cough..........

Hubby comes in, glad to see the tube out, crying. I can't talk. Must breath. They spend the next three days telling me to breath.

It is now 8 pm, in my room. Pain meds are welcomed. I get the nurse and hubby to take me for a lap around the hall. I make it half way.

Hubby leaves...I don't sleep all night. Wish hubby could have stayed...

Ok, my strength for now is gone, will finish this later...

Marlene
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I want to explain something I seem to have forgetton on the previous post. Blame it on drugs. OK?? cool.

I did know about the way I was to be intrubated.
I did know I would be awake.
I did know about the pre numbing.
I did know that I had a higher risk, for whatever reason the anesthia thought. I wanted them to be comfortable. I was to be at their mercy.

What I didn't expect was to be ignored when I complained of rattling in my chest.
What I didn't expect was for 6 doctors not to have the common decency for the person laying on that table.
What I didn't expect was the fact that in the end they would wind up doing it the other way, with me AWAKE!

So, I am sorry if I scared anyone, Amy I am especially sorry for your indecision because of my experience. But I will say this, If you are at all not sure about this, then DON'T DO IT! I have researched it for over 2 years, been a member here for part of it. I changed my mind, canceled appointments, changed docs. No one, no one but me could change it or make it up for me.

Am I still regretting it? Right this moment?? YES. I do hope that with the decrease in pain, but more importantly, it would be nice to walk across my living room with out my lungs feeling like they are exploding, so if that happens, maybe then my mind will change.

But, I took the risk, I take responsibility. I would never recommend this to anyone. Never.

The food changes haven't even hit yet because I am on full liquids until I see Dr. M today.

And yes, I still think Dr. M is the best. Would not switch him for the world. His death rate is 0. This was not his fault. He even told me he didn't understand why it took that long to get me out.

I trust him, and will continue too. I will jsut be very much more careful about the antiseia part of the any operation ever again in my life.

Now, the rest of my hospital stay.....if you want more details email me...dont want to upset the apple cart again....

My three day stay in the hospital was fun and painful. If your expecting a painfree experience with Open, forget about it. I walked as much as I could. I breathed as much as I could. And let me tell you, it wasnt enough. DId my breathing exercises, walking, and all. My chest still hurt. My adomen, well hell, I learned to live with that. I wasn't even 24 hours out of surgery they took me for a leak test. Funnest 45 minutes I ever had. But NO leaks! Thankfully, because that would have of meant another trip to the OR. And at this point in my rationale thinking, i think I would of opted not to go back to the OR.

Funny thing happen on day 2. Idiot #1 came in, said I had no complications, as I sit there sucking on Oxygen, and said have a happy life. Where is that damn gun??

Funnier thing happen on day 3. Idiot # 2 came in, said he was really sorry for what happened. I was given meds and shouldn't have remembered anything. OK. I asked him if it was him who called Idiot #1 a Jackass. He smirked and apologized again. I told him that I did complain to idiot #1 before being taken to the OR about the crackling in my chest. He said he was never informed. He would take care of it. Yeah Right!!

So, Day 3 I went home. 7 pm at night. All I wanted was out of there. Still wasnt convinced that I would make it through all of this, so I wanted to be home.

So, Day 4,5, I spent fighting migraines. Seems they came from the codiene.

Day 6,and 7 spent fighting everything else. Mainly my asthma. Yesterday was the worse. Spent most of the day in the house. The pollen was too much around here yesterday.

So, I am off to the surgeon. Be weighed. Have my lungs checked.

Will post later.

Marlene
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June 2, 2005
Ok, I am back from the surgeon.Actually yesterday was a long day and forgot to post. My lungs are clear, but traumatized. Cool, just like the rest of me.

Dr. M was happy with my progress, but not enough to take out my tube. That has to wait until June 24. Ok, what else is there for me to do buy wait. He also changed my pain meds and said that should help better. It did until he tightened my tube against my skin because it was lose. Now feel like I have a clamp on me again. Uggh.

Drum Roll.......I lost 18 pounds. Ok, must say that was nice. Today is a good day, am happy I did this.

Well, off to finish homework.

Marlene
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June 10, 2005

I am doing much better. I have been having mild moments of morning sickness. I started keeping saltine crackers by my bed. Strange to have morning sickness and not be pregnant, but hopefully this too shall pass. Other then that and the heat making me ill, I am fine. Doing ok on the food intake, still haven't found the protein drink for me. Still looking.

I have been doing weekly weigh ins at home. Ok, Ok, I weigh everyday, but only record weekly.

I am down to 289. My starting weight at home was 320, at the doc's it was 328. So, do the math either way. My hubby measured me too. All total I lost 17 inches so far. My friend who hasn't seen be for 10 days saw me last night and could not stop staring at my face. It has thined already and the acne is clearing up. She was amazed.

Time to take kiddies to school. Yippee, only three more days then summer vacation and no more 5 am.

Marlene
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June 28, 2005

Well, I am down to 280. I am hoping to up the lost when I start back up on protein drinks. That is if the Soy ones I can stomach. I have had a interesting couple of weeks. First, my G tube had to be removed early. Seems my body was rejecting it. Woke up one morning, thought either it was the day of surgery again, or someone stabbed me during the night. The nurse said my body was rejecting the tube and pulled it the next day. The pain went away instantly. I also have been having trouble getting any protein drinks in at all. The consensus of opinion at my support meeting is that I am allergic to the Whey, so switching to soy. Waiting for it to get here.

Besides that I am feeling better. Been walking and working out on my Gazelle. I have went down to a size 22 from a 26 already. It is so cool. I have had a couple of vomiting episodes. Seems my pouch dont like chicken, but boy does it like Wendy's chili, which I personally hated before surgery.

Everything else is better. School is done for me today, then off for two weeks. I need the recoup time with the kids off now. Gonna spend it fixing some things around the house and floating in the pool.

Well, off to finish things for today.

Marlene
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July 21, 2005

Well, I haven't updated in a while. It has been a frustrating month or so. Not adjusting to the surgery or new eating habits. But my personal life.
I was a little frustrated that my weight was stuck then bounced up and down, but at least now it is going down now.
I did have an interesting problem last week. My J tube was removed on June 19 but would not heal. It kept draining and draining. Finally last Friday it got awful sore, always something happens on the weekend or after hours. Anyway, I was trying to wait it out until Monday, but Saturday night when I went to bed, I was cleaning it again, and noticed it had something black on or in it. My hubby thought it was fuzz from my shirt. I was wiping it with a wash cloth and it started pulling out of my body. It was a 1 inch stitch. My disolvable stitch did not dissolve. Once it came out the pain went away and the hole closed over night. Waiting to go to my surgeon tomorrow to ask him about it.
I have been having episodes of vomitting or the foamies. It seems to happen a lot after I come in from the heat and drink or eat. Learning to wait until I cool off a bit. Chicken is something else that makes me sick. Badly.
Well, that is my update for now.

Marlene
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August 12, 2005

Well it has been awhile since I updated, and haven't been posting much. I have been busy with my school work. I am to graduate in September with my Associates Degree but due to a technical problem I also had to start working on my Bachelors Degree this term too. So loaded down with school work. And to add to that the kids are off for the summer, they go back September 6, and we have one hectic house right now. Hubby is working over time and we are about to remodel the kitchen from the studs up.

Yesterday I spent the day at court with my ex idiot, sorry will never refer to him as husband in anyway again. I noticed something when he arrived and we had to wait our turn. I was embarrassed to be associated with him. It use to be that I was embarrassed for him to be associated with me. But losing 66 pounds and 70 inches has made me think. He walked in yelling again, complained the whole time we were there. How dare I file contempt of court papers on him. Duh! SInce January I have received a whopping $82 in support. WHo the hell does he think he is? Oh and the top of the shit was after 16 years of being married, divorced in 2003, two kids, now 12 and 17, both severe special needs, he decided to contest paternity. What the fuck? So, the hearing master told him they would do the paternity, but since he waited so long, he would have to pay $1000. a kid, right then, or go on record agreeing he is the father. Well, Mr. Asshole went on record agreeing that he is the father. THen proceeds to tell me and the hearing master that he is fighting the child support when our daughter turns 18 in October. She can live on her own according to him. I wonder if we still were together would he have thrown her out? She is mentally retarded, acts like a 12 year old, is in a Life Skills class, even learning support is too hard for her. But she can live on her own he thinks. She tries to take homeless guys home all the time because they are cute. She is overly sexually curious. She needs to be watched all the time, or she will go with the first willing male. SHe has a boyfriend, who is the same as her, and we watch them all the time. So, I guess it is back to court in October when he files his petition. I am so tired of his shit.

On the WLS front, I no longer regret it, best decision I made, all the pain and stuff from the beginning is fading from my memory. I even made friends with CHicken again. It is a little scarey, I can eat anything. The one thing I haven't tried, not even a little, is sugar. DOn't want to know. But nothing else is making me sick now unless I eat too fast,that is still a hard habit to break, or I don't chew the food enough. Never noticed until this surgery that I gulp my meals. WOrking on it.

My hubby and I were laying in bed the other night and he said "Do you know how proud I am of you?" Then he went on a twenty minute explanation of everything I do that amazes him. I so love this man. I wish I could explain that to him as easily as he explains it to me.

Well, homework is calling my name...till next time..

Marlene
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October 12, 2005

Boy, I haven't updated in a while. For anyone following my story I apologize for that. It has been a busy couple of months. To update my last post, my ex idiot has finally decided to pay steady child support. Yippee! But he is still in arrears of thousands.

I now have my Associate's Degree in Paralegal Studies. I started working on my Bachelor's Degree.

The biggest news is my baby turned 18 this month. I can't believe it. I have no idea where the time has gone. My other baby is going to be 13 in January. My step daughters are 11, 14 and 16. I just can't believe it.

On the WLS front, I am very happy. I am 247 today. The scale just keeps moving DOWN. Not use to that. But learning to live with it, yeah I am.

I have noticed so many things in the last couple of months. Gonna list them just so I can look back on them later and reflect.
1) Noticing how much other people eat.
2) Admitting to myself how much I use to eat.
3) Jeans falling off my ass has never felt like this, hell I have never felt that at all before.
4) My bras and panties are becoming so small. Actually confusing some of my clothes with my daughters' clothes.
5) Hubby's arms can go all the way around me with room left over.
6) Sex has never been better.
7) The normal things no longer tire me out.
8) Did you know your shoes will shrink too? What fun!
9) Have become addicted to earrings. Thirty pair and counting since surgery.
10) Why didn't I do this sooner?
11) That outfit in the closet that was just a dream is fast becoming a reality.
12) The friends I made here at OH are awesome.

I guess that is it for now. I am off to do more homework.

Till next time,
Marlene
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January 20,2006
Boy has it been a while since I posted. Been really busy with kids, hubby and life. This is going to be a quick post until later as my hubby and son are about to go camping for the weekend with Boy Scouts and I must go say good bye to them, but I wanted to post pics finally. They were taken on Christmas, I am down from pre op from 342 pre op, day of surgery 328, and today I am 229. Catch ya all later.

Marlene
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Ok, so maybe I should explain why I haven't updated in a while. Someone close to me has left my life, taking her two young children with her after living with me for 18 months. I have tried everything to get her to at least let us see the children, but she won't. I can't travel to her as she lives in a small community and it aint safe there for me or my family. Long story...anyway, she is related to me...and refuses to listen to common sense. But she was calling about ever three weeks as she is the world's worse "has to know what is going on", even if we aren't allowed to know anything about her or the kids, if they are safe or not. And it is a real worry as her one daughter was sexually abused more then once, and she is now around the guy constantly. So anyway...my family and I have cut all communication off to her in hopes that her curiousity would get the better of her and she would come back or at least call again. We have no way of getting ahold of her. Anyway, I have not updated my pics or profile, or posted much, as she knows about this site, being here with me until two months before surgery. When she was calling, she was very concerned and then curious as to how I was doing and what I looked like. So my silence was to not give her any information. Well, I give up. I really don't care much what she knows or where from. I have been living in a hell concerning her and her kids for months. Recently my husband was diagnosed with Bi polar and new meds are doing great. And my grandmother,on the same day that I went for a mammo, was diagnosed with double breast cancer. Well, she was very fortunate. She had a double mastecomy on Dec. 15, is now cancer free, it did not spread and she did not need kemo or radiation,which is a good thing, as she is 85 and probably would not have survived them do to a mild heart condition. Also, my husband had emergency back surgery on Dec. 14. He had three ruptured disk, a leak in his spine, and floating pieces of bone in there. He is looking at not returning to work before March 1, at the earliest. And it was not work related, so no pay either. His daughter just spent 10 days in a hospital because she is bulimic. She is 11, and weighs all of 79 pounds. SHe has reversed puberty and her teeth are rotting out of her head. She is home now, on meds, and not doing much better. Eating disorders suck. We are watching her closely.
But good things happened to. I am down from my heighest weight of 342 to 229. I had to go on Paxil about two months ago, is it a wonder? Anyway, it caused a stale in my weight loss. I have been fluctuating between 225 and 231 for the last 6 weeks. So my PCP is taking me off the Paxil. I have tried the platuea buster diet, but all it did was make me have low blood sugar. Go figure. So, I am not upset about the stall, everytime I go on an antidepressant I usually gain at least 30 pounds, so at least I didn't do that. Also, I got a job for the first time in years. I start on Thursday...I am looking forward to it.
I really miss chatting to everyone on the boards. I