mctready
6-16-08 8-6-08 9-25-08 Well here is to fortune in the second month.
Wow this is a huge blank page. It finally feels like this might be real. Like I might have some reason to fill in some of this page.
I am 44 with a wife and two kids ages 6 and 4. It is time. I have been over weight since I can remember. My mother had me on a diet at age 5. Food was always ‘no’. But it was always the thing for socializing and comfort. I can cook just about anything. It is part of what I felt kept people liking me. I have to kick that habit. Any way I have lost and gain multiple times like everyone else. Always with that next gain being more than before.
Well my weight is now up over 270 and I am only 5’4” so BMI is 46 or so. I can not play like I want to with my kids. I just got diagnosed with high blood pressure and diabetes and those two seemed to be what has me over the top. I carry my weight pretty well several people say WOW when I tell them how much I weigh. It is all in my belly and my neck. So I also have acid reflux and sleep apnea. I had many stressors in my life and let the food issue go completely unchecked as I addressed the major ones. Now it is time. Kinda, like the stars all lined up. LOL. What ever I am starting. So
I started at the gym yesterday. I have a bone spur under my Achilles tendon and can not do any kind of extra walking at the moment while physical therapy is progressing. I hope they can do something or that weight loss helps but damn I do not want to deal with this for the rest of my life. It will be a bitch to try and lose weight and not be able to do any serious walking. Today June 16th I got the approval to begin the full intake process at my surgery center. Mean I pay them $500 bucks to meet with each and every one of their staff prior to surgeon visit. Their screening process. Nurses, Medical Dr and dietitian and therapist. I should pass on all accounts. They also said they have had no issues with my insurer so long as BMI is over 40. I meet their initial requirements.
I am nervous and excited all at once. I feel like this is my last chance and I do not want to screw it up! I need to get it right to be alive to see my kids grow.
6-18-08
WOW. I got my initial appointment scheduled for July 28th but yesterday morning they called and asked if I could make a 2 pm appointment if someone ‘did not show’ as they anticipated. Yippeee for me too bad for them. I work very close by so I was there in a heartbeat. It felt like interviewing for college or something. I have not felt that nervous in years!
I had my visit and now have scheduled for Nutritionist, therapist, ECHO, and abdominal ultra sound to look for gall stones. I will have finished all of that by July 7th!! I am wired for sound!!! Then they meet and review my record and see if there are any concerns or move to meet surgeon and set date!! I could have surgery as early as late August!! Holy Shit Batman!
Wow it has been almost two months. I would not have guessed that. And now it is only 19 days till my surgery. I have lost 8 pounds on my own with only changing my breakfast and lunch. Still saying goodbye to some foods for at least the short term and some for the long term. Kind of a compromise position. Next Monday starts the Dr's 2 week diet. Consisting of 3 shakes and a small lean sensible dinner. That should be interesting as I have my vacation that week just prior to surgery. But hey this is my new life and I want to make sure my liver is as small as it can be for the Dr to do the RNY laparoscopic.
Well the top entries looked all messed up but I can't seem to fix them. They look right in edit and wrong by the time I save them. Oh well.
Well this has been a wild ride and today is only my one month anniversary. I lost 14 pounds preop. Since my surgery I have lost 31 for a total of 45 pound. That is just two bizarre. I am down 2 pant sizes and had to go out and buy a new SMALLER belt! This is too funny.
I do need to stop weighing my self every night and ever morning. It is talking longer for me to see any chance. Like several days. It seeeeeems so slow. But I know it is coming off and that is what matters. I am having a hard time getting exercise in. My Achilles tendon is flaring up bad and probably needs surgery. I am wearing this stupid boot for 6 weeks and then they decide. I feel like an idiot at the gym on the stationary bike with it on. But I have to go. I have had a cold and did not go these past two days. I have to go tomorrow. I need the routine. But I started back at work yesterday so I am getting used to full days and that has been overwhelming. SO I probably just need to give myself a break and stick to my food as my number one concern.
In eating my most difficult thing is remembering that I had RNY and I MUST eat small bites very slowly. The pain when I do not is very hard. At least now I am not fighting myself not to eat a bite of what ever the kids have and spitting it out after I chew it a while. That is a plus. I had to taste it but I felt like a big cheater or a big mental problem.
May I drop at a continuing rate. And I hope to hit the gym more consistently even if I feel like the gym idiot. Can' even do arm weights because of my shoulder.
10-31-08
Well two months out I am down 57 total pounds to 215. I did count in that my 14 pounds I lost the two weeks before surgery. I have my new belt that I had to get. I started on the 1st hole and now I could use a new hole as I have gone through all 5 holes. This is wild. The weight is coming off slower but it is still wild to see the changes in my clothes. I am now down to a very loose fitting 40 waist. So I could probably fit into at least a 38. I bought the relaxed fit last time and boy are they baggy in the hips and butt.
I love buying new clothes but I have refrained. I could probably get rid of all my XX shirts but then I would have nothing. I want to fit really well in a large before I buy any. I am not sure I fit into those yet. I like a lose fit around my belly. But the ones I have now could fit around me twice.
One thing I find though is that I am freezing all the time. This time of year in New England I would still be wearing short sleeve shirts laughing at those people in hats and coats and sweaters. Now I AM those people. No matter what I wear I am cold. I drink hot drinks and still I am cold.
Eating is still iffy. I can eat most anything I want it is just that I must remember to eat it SLOWLY. If I don't it is very painful in my chest till it passes. It is funny now though. I look at a Philly cheese steak sub on the TV and all I see is pain. That is so weird. I used to want to go out an buy one right then and there. Part of me still does but the pain avoidance part of me says no F*&%ing way. It was funny to sit at the table the other day and watch my kids eat and then finally eat an apple (minus the skin) and still be happy. They were not eating a favorite meal and my stomach said no. Sometimes I can take a bite of theirs when it is a good meal and be totally satisfied and go off and eat some protein and be fine.
Made some awesome Turkey Chili the other day with chipotle in it. Nice and spicy and fits my food plan. I love it. Make a ton and then have it on and off all week. One stop shopping.
Now I hope I can stick to the 10 pounds a month idea. I am trying to wean myself from reading the scale twice a day. It is depressing. Once every few days is my goal. But it is important to me to have a habit of looking. I never looked when I was getting fat and it cost me big. If I did not look I would not believe my weight was going up. It always was though.
I do need to get back to the gym. I have all kinds of excuses. An Achilles tendon that is going to need surgery and my gym closed and I need to start in a new one further from my house and I just can not seem to make myself get up in this cold and get in the car to get to the gym. I have to work on that. How about a remote started for my car??? Wish I had money to spend. Oh well. Gotta figure out how to kick my own butt.
I can not believe it is only 2 months and I look and feel so much different.
12-2-08
Wow it has been just over 3 months. I wish I knew what my weight was though. I have had surgery on my ankle and it has restricted me to the 1st floor. Scale is on second floor and I don't want anyone moving it because I want to keep a steady weight record. I get the cast off in two days and hopefully with the walking boot cast I can find a way up the stairs. I know I was down to 210 before surgery and the size 38 pants are looser and the belt is two notches tighter than the last time I weighed in. SO I should be close to the 200 mark. I can't wait to weigh in.
I do know how nice it is to be able to tie my own shoe. And that I can actually use crutches to get around. i can not imagine what it would have been like 60+ pounds ago. I am exhausted now as it is using the damn things. The high top area of my belly has finally dropped a bit. I used to think I would never lose that belly portion right around my rib cage. It felt so hard and like something else was causing the huge protrusion. But it has started to soften up and some of it is gone. I have also never had what I felt was 'fat' or 'thick' wrists but I can move the watch band in two holes on my wrist now. It is the little things that make this journey so wild.
My parents saw me for the first time since my surgery. My mother it seems was blown away. She told me I looked great but told my wife much more. My wife called me a 'big boob' jokingly in some big group conversation. My brother said 'well not so much any more'. I still laugh that he actually noticed.
I guess there is a big difference to other people. I Just know there is still so much more there. And the jelly that is now my belly is still a lot. I also noticed for the first time that hopping on one foot I feel all the skin on my back bouncing up and down. That is a really weird feeling. Not one I like and now I can feel what guys are talking about when they say they wear Lycra stuff when out jogging/running because they need to hold things together. Yuck! I hope my skin is one that readjusts it self. I even see some wrinkles under my chin that I NEVER saw before. A lot less fat to fill out my huge second chin area. Good but weird changes.
Well that is all I have to post as update. I will get back here when I can weigh myself. When I can WALK!!!!
1-8-09
Well it is a new year. I am personally hoping for no surgery this year. I had 3 including RNY last year. The other 2 were on related. SO I am hoping for a much healthier year. On the good side I am now walking but with a walking boot cast. I hope to get rid of that by the end of this month but I have learned to hope for the best but be prepared for a bit longer.
SO exercise is at a minimum. No longer the exercise of moving around on crutches. I have good definition in my arms from that. Just need to keep it now though. Not sure how. I have not been to the gym because of the foot. I hope to get cleared to go back soon. My Achilles tendon is still pretty sore but at least I am moving around more. Just triggers more pain.
I am down to 195. That is down a total of 77 pounds. Hope to meet up soon with a friend that is about 6 months ahead of me. Last I saw him he was down about the same as me. But that was a good three months ago. Should be fun.
I feel great beyond my foot. I want to do things and keep getting stopped by the fact that I can not move very fast. It is frustrating. People pass me in the halls and I feel like I could walk like that but my foot hurts and I can not. the rest of my body is saying lets run! Very frustrating.
On the up side I am now in size large shirts mostly. Defiantly in boxers and undershirts. It just blows my mind that XXLs were VERY tight when I started and now 4 months later I am an average Large. I know medium is in my future and I wonder about small! That would be so WEIRD.
Nutritionist says 150 might be in my picture with the pace I am going at. That is my goal but 20 below the NUTs goal. I have begun having issues with eating carbs again. I need to back off on that though. Need to eat more veggies and they are actually appealing to me. I want to start cooking again and see what I can make that I can eat and still serve the rest of my family. Might as well all be healthy and eat the same thing. I could not cook while on crutches and did not feel even remotely like cooking before that. But my appetite has come back. My interest is back. At least a little.
Also found the tendons behind my knees. Feel very weird. Where did they come from? Also no more sausage fingers and the veins on my hands stand out. Even my watch band is down a size and I had small wrists to begin with.
Defiantly also noticing a difference with the CPAP machine. It is blowing my mouth open at night. I am sure the setting needs to go way down. Just not ready to toss it yet. I get a good nights sleep with it. I am a little paranoid about that.
2-15-09
Time is flying by but the pounds seem to stay on. I know they are creeping off but it just feels like that are moving so slow. Three weeks ago I started walking now that the cast is off. I have a route where I work that took me 30 minutes to complete with 5 sets of stairs 5 up and 5 down. Now I complete those in 20 minutes and have to add an other loop on with 2 more sets of stairs. It is kinda fun. The pain has stayed level with the increase as I could.
This week I started back at the gym. 20 minutes on a stationary bike some machines and some exercises for my shoulder. This has definitely kicked up the pain in my Achilles heel. Hopefully it is not too much. More than it has been since the surgery though. I was trying to do the walking and the bike. I am going to do either or till it starts to feel better. I hope not to go backwards on this. I am not happy about it. But I am happy with my work at the gym. I have a book on tape that I get to listen to while at the gym and that keeps me going. Now if I could just get out of bed when I need to. Going to sleep in my workout clothes helped with being so cold in the morning though. That was a good idea.
The lowest I have been is 187. I think I must have been dehydrated because it has gone back up to 189. I am not thrilled and have been here for longer than I would like especially seeing as I kicked things up a notch going to the gym. My 5 month check-up is in 1 week and I would really like to see 185 for that visit. It is a long shot but this stall has to give out some time. It could be this week.
I am trying to up my fluid and protein intake. I am going to start tracking my food again as I had backed off and just felt my way through it for a while. I think my protein is down and I know my water is down. Sweets are up. Need to back off there. It is small but everything adds up. Need to just see where i am and my NUT wants the tracking for her visit any way.
Pant sizes have not dropped below the 36 but they are now lose instead of snug. But they are not falling down yet. I am working on my core a bit to hopefully help. Most of my weight is in my belly. Six pack abs are not in my future but to pull it in a bit more and have it support my back is my goal.
I am seriously glad I had this surgery. I worry about making sure I do not screw it up but so far so good. I just hope I keep losing and I did not screw it up by not being able to exercise those first four months. Oh well what is done is done. I just have to keep exercising and not hurt myself in the process.
3-16-09
Yesterday was a big deal for me. I wore a pair of pants that was at least 15 years old and maybe closer to 25. They were tight! But I wore them all day just because I could.
They are smaller than the 34's I am wearing right now but I can not read the size on the actual pants. The pant legs are so dang narrow it is kind of comical to me any way. I suppose it looks normal to everyone else.
I am beginning to see just how much skin I am going to have when I am done with this journey. It is a lot but OK right now. But I still have another 30+ pounds to go. I do not know how this is going to work out.
I am up to a lot of exercising. For me that is. Every day or 6 out of 7 if I miss one I exercise. I am at the gym at 4am weekdays and 6 am weekends. My sleep schedule had to shift. But what is a little less TV if I can exercise instead. I can not believe I am writing that. I was an expert on Couch Potato manners. Now I just want to get out and do stuff. At the gym I put in 50 min elliptical, 30 minutes stationary and weights are about 45 minutes on those days and a bit shorter on the cardio.
I bought a bike for my birthday. I have not ridden it much yet. Only had it two days and I was moving furniture all over the place instead while they put carpeting in our bedroom. I hope it might be warm enough to take it out for a spin tonight. But it is still cold.
