melissa S.

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I am so nervous! I went to get everything at GNC today.  I am so stressed.  I am so scared I am going to somehow mess something up.  I seem to be doubting myself.  I know that I need surgery.  I look nine months pregnant. I want to feel happy with myself.  I am not right now.  I have my directions about the diet but I don't think I have it understood.  What should I be eating the first week? I know broth but how do I get the protein?

Thanks so much.  Have you tried the eas ready shakes at walmart?

OMG!!!!! I got my surgery date...I am estatic!!!! TUESDAY, OCTOBER 27TH ... It feels so good.... And I lost 3 pounds.....I am so excited.. Have a friend who had surgery today... So excited for him.  I feel like I am on cloud nine.

How awful was that. As I choked I kept reminding myself I had to get through it to get my surgery.  As soon as I got into dressing room it came up.  Ugh!!! Sorry, tmi?  I am so excited, my appointment with therapist is Monday and last doctor pre op visit.   Please let me insurance be quick about it. Everyone have a great Friday.

Monday will be my last test........So excited....Last appointment  with Doctor before sending info to Insurance is Monday the 28th.  All goes well I should be in surgery before Halloween....No candy this year....... The only candy I eat is the small Mr Goodbar that they only make at Halloween.  I'm okay.  I would much rather be thinner than eatting a few candy bars........ But I do love Halloween.  Next year I will dress up.  Maybe a french maid!!!!!LOL...I am so excited. Can not wait to giveaway my size 18 to 22 collection.  My yoyo in the last three years.  I never got past a 20 til this year I had to bump up to a 22 if I wanted to breath or not need a new button or zipper by the days end.  I met a wooman this morning while I was dropping off bags of clothes at the thrift store that had had surgery in 2005.  She was 5'7 and 140. she said she got down to 122 but she looks great at 140.  She said it changed her life.  I am 5'3 and can't wait to see 150............Well, Everyone have a great week. I am going on vacation for a week so I will talk to everyone soon.

I read other members Blogs and get so excited.  I keep asking myself, Can I do this by myself?  I've lost it before and gained it back.  I have never been this big.  So I am miserable with myself.  I feel like I embaress my kids.  I asked my eight year old if my weight embaresses her and she bluntly said "No, just when you don't wear makeup".....  then she says, "No offense", I just sat there, stunned.  She says"You're supposed to say None taken."  Well, I did ask her.
I am honestly getting so scared. I have backed out of having surgery before, at that time I only weighed 217 and today I weigh 263.  I am only 5'3......  I need motivation.  I know that exercise makes me shed the weight but I avoid my elliptical.  I have recently started back doing situps. So thats a start. I did fifty last night and then went straight to sleep.I am so sick of people asking me if I am pregnant or saying you have such a pretty face and /or hair.  Yes I sold beauty products and everyday people would ask me questions like Am I taking medicines that have made me gain weight.  Sick of hearing it.  I have been married to my husband for almost 14 years and he loves me and has never complained about my weight.  He tells me I need to for my health because diabetes runs in my family, they are all regular size though.  So I have decided this is time for me to be happy with me.  I feel so insecure being big.  I feel that people give me dirty looks and I really hate the fake smiles.  I have been in sales my entire 20 years of my adult life and I can sell anything and I know how to be good to my customer after the sale also, yet I was let go from my job in January of 2009 and have been to countless interviews and get great response but I have not got an offer.  I know that my weight has made it harder for me.  People are vain, they love attractive people.  
I have my last appointment with Dr Karl Leblanc on September 28th and then pray that my insurance company gives the okay for surgery.  I will be 40 on November 14th and I want to be on my way to a new, thinner me.   I want to take my kids to Disney before my son graduates high school.  We had to cancel our last trip b/c I was pregnant.  She is 8 now and he is going to college in a year and a half.  So on Labor Day I went to the local theme park with my family and was so embarressed to be in public in a bathing suit, eventhough I kept a coverup on the entire time.  But I told myself I will not be this size next year so I went and I had fun. 
I go to the nutritionist tomorrow and I still have to have the mental test.Well, I guess I have rambled enough today.