michellemarie
I was born and raised in San Francisco, CA. Which begs the question (for most) "Why the heck would you move to a suburb of Buffalo, NY of all places?!" Short answer: Mom moved and I needed to be near her. My mother and I share a very close, and yet very complicated, relationship. She is a perfectionist and I am a slob, to put it bluntly. So as long as we don't approach these matters, then we are like two peas in a pod. She has been the best mother I could ever want on so many levels that I can forgive a comment or arguement regarding how I keep house now and then. She has taken care of me no matter what and is there for me at the drop of a hat, so how can I complain when she tells me "The way you live is PATHETIC!" Okay, so I do complain...however, I keep things in perspective too...if it weren't for her emotional and monetary support I would literally be on the street sifting thru trashcans for my meals.
Anyway, back to my story...I was born in SF, but for some odd reason or another I learned to speak while living for three years in Knoxville, TN. This is why I do tend to have a southern accent now and then and on certain words, which is weird and was a great place for peers to begin teasing me in SF when I started first grade...aparently it's pronounced OR-enge not AR-range...whatever. By the time I hit Junior High I was gaining weight and that became to focus of my peers rejection and amusement. I was only a few pounds overweight then, but you know how kids are...again, whatever. I tried to ignore it, but the cafeteria pizza and corn chips didn't help one bit. :P
By my mid-teens a serious case of clinical depression hit and suddenly someone screaming and making a scene cause I accidently stepped on their foot would send me into a tailspin. The constant weight-gain mixed with the chemical imbalance and the bullying/teasing finally led to a suicide attempt that led to a psychiatric institution when I was 15. Sure getting treatment helped me emotionally and clinically, but it did nothing for my weight...except make the situation worse. They put me on drug after drug that did next to nothing for my mental illness, yet put 100 lbs on me over 2-3 years. By the time I graduated HS I was about 275-300 lbs. So I dropped the drugs and tried to drop the weight, but aparently an untreated mental disorder is no better for your eating disorder than a treated one...who knew. :(
So, the last 12 years have been all about the yo-yo...trying diet after diet and bouncing up and down between 300 and 400 lbs. So here I am...355 lbs after losing 30+ on Nutrasystem Nurish only to gain back 25+...turns out having a months worth of food in the house at one time is not a great plan for me.
In any case, I am considering WLS because I really need to know how life will be without this weight...will I still be a social phobe, depressed, a slob? Maybe I will, but I would like to know for sure. I also look forward to looking in the mirror and smiling, going clothes shopping at different stored than I am used to, bike riding and walking like I did 150 lbs ago, traveling without shame, and going to the doctor with an issue without him/her automatically citing my weight as the cause...never thought I would look forward to being sent to a lab for tests. Weird.
So, in conclusion, I just want to shed the part of me that people (including me) see before they find the REAL ME.
