misty Y.

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oh happy day!!   I'm MORE than happy with my WLS!! BEST decision I EVER made was to have this surgery!! The other day my boss asked me to climb on a table to fix a light in the ceiling.  For a brief second I gave her this look like she was INSANE and thought, "I'm not getting on there, I'll BREAK .....oh wait, I'm not fat anymore!!" all I said was, "why don't u get up there?" and she says "YOU go..your ass is smaller than mine, I'm afraid I'd break it!"....which is funny because I've always thought of my boss as thin...like a perfect size...not too thin, not fat at all.  And I def don't see myself thinner than her...so I argued...."ya right! I wish I was your size!" ....she glared at me (we have a really good friendship, actually), called me a name and basically told me I'm crazy if I think she's thinner than me. When I found out I wear a smaller size than she does I about died! Not because she's fat...not at all....but its crazy to think I'm smaller than her!! I don't see myself as fat anymore ...but I surely don't see myself as thin! I look forward to losing 10-13 more lbs and getting a tummy tuck and a boob job!!! :D

 

I'm happier that I'm back on track, as i should be! :D I'm logging all my food again and working out at least 2 days a week, trying to work out more like 4 days a week! I have a 16 yr old daughter who struggles with her weight (by struggles I mean she has to count calories and work out just to maintain her weight! she's lost about 25 or so lbs in the past 6 months...she's about 10 lbs overweight now...but for her it feels like 100!). She keeps me in check when it comes to working out...she "bugs" me to work out often so it helps keep me on track!

At some point, I got as low as 150 lbs and back up to 157.  Luckily, I have NO desire to gain and EVERY desire to be between 135 and 140 so I got back on track, following all the rules to lose weight again.  I have to remember I CANNOT eat what I want to eat! That is a FACT! and just like an alcoholic being addicted to alcohol, therefore not being able to even have a sip of it...I'm addicted to crappy food....mostly carbs...and i have a sweet tooth but only once i have some.  If I completely avoid sweets, guess what happens? I STOP craving them! as soon as a morsal enters my mouth, I'm doomed!!  bad carbs are the same concept...chips, crackers, pretzels...ugg! So I'm learning to KNOW what my issues are and avoid them! uggg!! scientists need to come up with a way to alter our taste buds!! can't they just get RID of them all together? then nothing would taste good and eventually we would stop craving it and only eat to give ourselves nutrients and we would eat healthy food....like brussel sprouts...cuz they wouldn't taste like crap anymore!!  well, until then, I will do everything in my power to avoid bad carbs and sugar and focus on the healthy stuff and focus on working out!!

I hope u all are doing well on YOUR journey!! I wish u all the best of luck

I'm a little frustrated...OK, maybe more than a little....with my lack of weight loss over this past month or so. I haven't had ANY weight loss despite my increase in working out! I know muscle sort of weighs more than fat (one pound of fat is the same weight as one pound of muscle BUT one pound of muscle is considerable SMALLER than one pound of fat) so some of you will say that's why I may not be losing weight.  If I were losing inches, I would agree with you but I'm not!! frustrating!!! OK, so maybe..just maybe...I'm not eating as healthy as I have been...OK, not maybe, for sure! So I'm putting myself in check starting TODAY!! Someone please hide the Halloween candy from me!! thank you, dear husband! Ok, now I can start!  I wish I never tried to see if I was OK wth sugar or not! ugg!! Sugar and carbs are from the devil, I tell ya!!

Anyway, a vow to myself, out loud, to keep ME accountable for MY actions...I vow to eat only healthy foods for the rest of October and the entire month of November along with exercising a minimum of 3 times a week, despite how tired I am, despite any other bs excuses I have and despite how yummy that unhealthy dish looks and/or smells!!  I will plan meals ahead, give myself lots of healthy deliciious options to eat while at work so I don't buy any crappy snacks while there, I will drink lots of water, avoiding all sodas and I will set a timer to eat every 3-4 hours to avoid hunger pains and avoid over eating and choosing wrong foods!! In other words, I will eat how I KNOW how to eat and not how I WANT to eat to avoid getting myself into the same routine that got me fat in the first place!! and will help me continue to lose weight to get to my goal of 130 something!

As rough as the first year was on some levels....the weight came off pretty easily compared to now. Now I have to take what I've learned and apply it to every day life to be able to lose a little more and keep it off for the rest of my life!! I REFUSE to gain the weight back, I REFUSE to be fat ever again!!

Good luck to all of you on your journey!!

Tomorrow is my one year anniversary of my surgery! I can't believe its been a year already! time flies POST surgery! I'm happy to report I'm FINALLY at a NORMAL BMI range!! its been many years since that was so! I had my first plastic surgery consult last week and was told I'm an "idea" candidate for the tummy tuck, breast lift and implants that I want.  After much discussion with my husband, I will be scheduling my surgery sometime between july and December 2013 and I am SOOOO excited!!

As far as everything else goes.....I just started SERIOUSLY working out! walking and running on the treadmill 3 times a week at home was not enough for me anymore so the 4 of us (hubby and kids) joined the gym.  I'm happy my kids wanted to join with us! I now work out about 5 times a week  for 1.5 to 2 hours each time! cardio for 45 minutes and the rest of the time I'm on machines, building up the muscles that were dormat for so many years! and I absolutely LOVE working out!!

As far as eating goes....I can pretty much eat anything now which isn't necessarily a good thing, but I can.  Greasy stuff still bugs me and milk tends to bug me but I can do sugar ok but not really sugar alcohols.  I found out hard alcohal goes in and out of me within minutes.  I sometimes struggle with what I want to eat and what I should eat, nothing new there! BUT...they key is....eating what I NEED to eat, not what I WANT to eat! We have to learn how to do that for the rest of our lives!   can't always get what you want without consequences!

I hope everyone is enjoying their journey as much as I am and working hard to keep themselves where they wanted to be at the beginning of this journey!!

We finally tied the knot after 5 1/2 years together! It was such an awesome day/weekend in Laughlin, NV!!! I'll happily post pics as soon as I get a new laptop charger since I left mine there....somewhere! Everyone freaked out on how "great" aka "skinny" I looked! Not to brag but I did look pretty darn good!! I had a fitted dress on....when would I ever have been able to pull that off before??? never!  I wore a bikini top and shorts out on the river...in front of my husbands friends!! I wouldn't have even worn a bathing suit in front of ANYONE before, let alone a bikini top...especially around a bunch of skinny girls!! I had SO much fun, feeling sexy/pretty/NORMAL!! being able to get my butt up out of the water into the boat was hard enough being a normal weight...I would've NEVER been able to pull that off 100 lbs ago!! I just met some of my husband's friends for the first time at the wedding and it was soooo awesome to hear them tell him..."wow, not only is she beautiful, she's freakin cool as hell! you really got yourself a catch!"  LOVE IT! :D  I may not have met my goal of being 138 at my wedding but I don't care!! I felt fantastic!!! Still looking forward to hitting my goal weight, just maybe a couple months later than I thought!! Right now I need to detox after a weekend of drinking alcohol when I almost never drink anymore!!

I wish I knew how to get the "century club" badge added to my profile, hopefully someone can help with that??? But i just realized that I've lost a whopping ONE HUNDRED FREAKIN POUNDS since my surgery just under 11 months ago!! I'm only 15 lbs away from my goal of 138! I'm 3 lbs shy of having a "normal" BMI but I feel pretty darn normal right now!! I feel fantastic, especially considering a bit of a set back with gallbladder surgery at the end of June!! I'm SOOOO glad I had this surgery and would do it all over again if I had to! I LOVE my new body (except for the sagging parts lol) I LOVE how much energy I have and I LOVE working out! Grease makes me sick (thank God!), I'm OK with a little bit of sugar but usually avoid it and some things randomly make me sick with no rhyme or reason but its all par for the course. I get over the sickness pretty quickly and its not every day so I'll take that over being morbidly obese any day! LOVE Shopping in Jr section at any store! LOVE sharing clothes with my teenagers!! LOVE not having to worry about what kind of chair i can sit in, being able to tie my shoes with very little efffort, being able to work all day, on my feet and not wanting to die when I get home.  I hope you all are loving your journey as much as I am!!

Who would've thought I would ever enjoy exercise so much that I've been miserable without it?? since my gallbladder surgery, I have been COMPLETELY exhuasted! and then we had to throw moving in that mix....ugg! on top of planning our wedding...eek! all this stress and guess what??? I didn't binge!! I did learn I'm a "bored" eater...big time! I learned I am NOT superwoman (very difficult to accept)....I learned my teenaged daughters really can and do step it up when needed...it was the 2 of them and my fiance moving us and that's it! but I also learned that I really LOVE working out! I love how good it feels during and after! and I really missed it!!  I was able to do a GOOD 30 minutes today, after putting in a busy 8 hour day at work...and after unpacking and cleaning for 4 hours yesterday and 8 hours of it the day before! SO happy to be done unpacking!! SO happy to have the energy back to be able to work out!! LOVE to run and walk on the treadmill and do what I can on the eliptical!! I hope everyone gets to the point that you love working out too! what a difference losing 116 lbs makes!! :D LOVE MY RNY!

I don't know if any of you watched Extreme Makeover: Weightloss Edition last night but I LOVE that show!! It really is inspiring seeing these people work SO hard at losing their weight!! And I love the honesty at the end of the show where they talk to the contestant about life after the show...and the contestant almost always states how difficult it is to maintain the weight!! How LIFE gets in there, REALITY sets in and trying to keep the good habits and struggling with bad habits creeping in!! 
Although I'm not quite at the "maitenance" part of this journey, I'm still a LOSER! lol....I still sometimes struggle with those old habits creeping up!! Some things I've come to learn through all this:

1-OBESE people (whether once obese and no longer or still obese) have different taste buds..I SWEAR!! lol...really, tho! Do you ever hear a skinny person (one that was NEVER obese) moan and roll their eyes while eating something delicious?? I haven't! they don't enjoy it like we do!!! WE LOVE GOOD FOOD! That will NEVER go away!!

2-After reading lots of blogs on here, I'm fairly certain that a HIGH percentage of obese people are food addicts (including me).  But, we CAN conquer that....with a lot of work!! We have to be willing to work at this weightloss, everyday!!! Avoid the foods that trigger you!! DON"T buy them for your family...afterall, why would you??? they're bad foods!! Don't have a mindset like I did for a long time "my kids won't be "punished" just because I am...I'll give them yummy food" ....and now I have a 16 yr old who is fighting obesity everyday! Don't get me wrong, she's not "OBESE" but she was overweight and remember high school?? ya, that is the WORST time of your life to be overweight!!! she gained over 30 lbs last summer and came back to school with rumors all over saying she's pregnant...and FAT!! she is a very tough kid but when we talked about it, at home, in private, she was devistated!! She is 5'3 and went from 120 while in cheer the year before, to 165 by the end of summer!! She now doesn't have unhealthy food choices in the house to eat!! and neither does my "skinny" child who doesn't struggle with weight! They have TONS of choices of yummy foods but they aren't unhealthy anymore.  and instead of rewarding my kids when food....HELLO...what kind of UNHEALTHY mindset do we teach them????....I reward them with clothes, movies, hang out days with mom (I'm lucky that my teens STILL like hanging out with me for the day).  I've taught  them to read lables, count calories everyday, WORK OUT at least 3 times a week and be healthy!! I hope its not too late for them :D

3-Here's a BIG THING I"VE LEARNED...which mainly came from watching the show:  DON'T SET GOALS TOO LOW!! You CAN and SHOULD reach for the stars...not for something within reach!! How good is a goal if its easily attainable?? Watching the show last night, the contestant started out weighing 543 lbs!! He was given a goal to lose 135 lbs in THREE SHORT MONTHS, another 80 lbs the next 3 months and a total of 250 lbs of weight loss in 1 year!! And the trainer, Chris Powell says to him in the beginning..."I know I'm giving you tough goals.  you may say '250 lbs in ONE YEAR thats impossible!" but what if its  not??"  Chris states that so much of it is mental! Your brain tells your body it can or can't do it!! And at first the guy kept failing at the exercises but then finally got the mindset of "I CAN do this" and guess what??? he freakin lost
277 lbs in 12 months!!! INSANE!! He went thru ups and downs thinking "this is hard, I don't have time to work out that much" , etc. but his kids and wife and trainer encouraged him and he succeeded!! It was such a great story, so inspiring! and it made me think......
I read a lot of blogs on here...a lot of people state they "can't" get to a goal their dr has set for them!  If you SAY you can't...THINK you can't...you WON'T!! How can you say you can't when you don't know?? why not?? what's stopping you!!  WE are the only thing in our way of succeeding! we are the only thing in our way of failing!! NO ONE but YOU is in charge of what you CAN and what you WILL weigh!!  If you set your goal for the stars, work your ass off to get there and surpass them!! if you set your goals to the level of the kitchen sink, you don't have to work too hard to get there!! and we, as obese people, have HONESTLY not worked very hard at getting obese...and TRUTHFULLY have not worked SUPER hard, ever, at trying to lose weight and stuck to something long enough to lose significant weight!! This surgery, the first year or so, is a great tool to HELP us lose weight....meaning, we don't have to work SUPER hard at it...the tool helps us!! The reason some people fail afterward to keep the weight off is because we don't TRY!! at least not hard enough!! If we kept trying, really hard, it would/will keep coming off or stay off!! The tool just teaches us good habits, its up to US to keep those good habits!!  how bad do you want to be skinny?? bad enough to avoid those trigger foods?? I know I do!  No more buying crappy, unhealthy food in my house...I refuse to KILL my kids with it...and teach them how to become obese like I was taught!! not to mention, its harder to avoid those foods when they are here!!

I WILL reach my goal....in fact, my goal was 140 but I kept saying "I'd LOVE to get to 135 just don't know if i can"....my new goal is 135! I WILL get there, I CAN get there, I'm reaching for the stars!! And I WILL maintain that weight...I WILL NOT FAIL at this!! I WILL have to work hard and that's OK, I AM WORTH IT!!  I WILL be a good role model for my children and show them that if you work hard for something you want, you CAN AND WILL succeed!!  I hope you set your goal for the stars and work your ass off to reach it....literally!! :D

INCREDIBLE!! went shopping for school clothes for my daughters today and bought myself some goodies!! I NEVER spend over $10 for a top or over $15 for jeans because I know I won't wear them for long but it sure is fun to clothes shop now!! Now that I fit into a medium top (Holy COW, I fit into a FREAKIN medium top!!!) I will spend a little more if I love it.  I can't imagine getting into anything smaller than a medium ever...I have D cup boobs! I used to have 42 DD boobs, now I have 34 D boobs but still D anyway.  I found some CUTE tops for $5 ea, I was happy! I bought Yoga pants...my lifesavers since my hernia repair surgery...and they were a size MEDIUM!! holy cow!! I haven't been this size/this weight since before I was pregnant with my 16 year old!! I LOVE my RNY! I LOVE my new size! I LOVE that I can wear NORMAL clothes, feel normal, look normal!! I had sooo many doubts that this would work for me but it does/did/is!! Don't get me wrong, I work hard everyday...its not all easy...but it is such a great tool to HELP me succeed!!  And right now the scale is moving everyday again...SO happy to see that...but even if it didn't, I see a HUGE change in my body in the last 20 lbs even!! My fiance is always grabbing at me now, hugging on me, telling me how skinny I am and how great I look (he always used to tell me when I looked pretty) but its different now for sure! I also FEEL sexier/prettier and I'm sure that shows, too! Everyone tells me I look younger too...i dunno about that but I feel younger with 112 lbs gone off my body, that's for sure!! Can't wait to get to the normal BMI range and ultimately reach my goal of 135-140! I hope you all are doing well with your weightloss!

Although it takes FOREVER for the scale to move, I can't complain too much because its STILL moving!! I do try REALLY hard to get it to move...since I can't work out right now due to my recent gallbladder and hernia repair surgery I have to really be really careful what i eat!! My biggest problem is BORED EATING!! The more I sit still, the more I find myself reaching for something to eat! The problem is...I quit smoking a couple years ago and the whole "hand to mouth" concept of smoking now makes me want to eat!!! I normally don't sit much at work, I'm up and walking around all day (retail management) but since I'm on super light duty at work, i sit and do paperwork/computer stuff all day and find myself looking for things to munch on even when I know I'm not hungry! old habits die hard!!  so i bought LOTS of fruit and veggies but it sucks when I forget to bring them to work or there are other things laying around, calling my name!! lol. carbs are by far my biggest weakness so I've learned to avoid them (like an alcholic avoids alcohol!!).  A friend of mine is a self proclaimed food addict.  She had RNY about 4 years ago and has recently went from a size 4 to a size 12 and is really struggling with her food addiction.  Everyone at work is so judgemental since she had surgery...and I guess they feel the need to voice their opinion of her to me, as a way of what they feel is a compliment to me.  They're always saying...You're doing SO good, eating right and all...not like HER...don't "fall off the wagon" like HER and gain your weight back! but I always stand up for her and put them in check!! it pisses me off how judgemental they are!! FIRST of all, she is NO WHERE NEAR the weight she used to be!! she's NOT OBESE!! AND "who are u to judge her weaknesses?? what are YOUR weaknesses??"  but my friend did try to justify her addiction by saying "an alcoholic can AVOID alcohol...they don't NEED it to live...a food addict can't avoid food, they need it to live!" and to that I say..."you're right BUT you don't NEED ice cream, cake, sugar, bad carbs to live! an alcoholic needs drinnk to live, just not alcoholic drink.  So when they WANT a beer or vodka or whatever they WANT to reach for, they must resist the urge and reach for something NON alcoholic to drink.  Just like when you WANT to eat something you shouldn't, you must resist the urge and reach for something healthy to eat...or find something to do instead of eating!" its not easy for anyone, but they never said it would be easy!! I prefer to work out when i feel the "bored" eating urge kick in but i can't right now.  So instead, i either do something I can, like clean a bit...get on the computer, etc or I just fight the urge till it goes away..often drinking water helps the hand to mouth thing.

How do u avoid the urges to do what you shouldn't??