mitchell3652
My story is not unlike any one else’s. The only differences are in the details.
I am an only child to a mom who was dealt a crappy hand in life. Yes, she made mistakes but she was the best mother she knew how to be. After all was said and done, I think she gave me more than I could ever express. That being said, food was always an issue in our lives, eating disorders on my mom’s side and obesity on my “sperm donors” side. Unfortunately, I ended up being bulimic and obese. I don’t remember a single moment in my life when food was not used as a comfort, reward, punishment or an incentive.
My VERY first memory is even centered on food, in a round about way. I was in first grade and my sperm donor’s mom was buying my love. We had gone out to dinner that night and I had gorged myself. After dinner, we went to JC Penny’s and she was going to buy a gymnastic/ballerina leotard. (I had always wanted to be a gymnast.) I remember looking in the mirror and seeing and wanting this shinny pink thing I had on so bad. I don’t recall exactly what was said, but I remember looking back in the mirror and feeling nothing but shame about what I saw. I don’t remember feeling full or even miserable. But I remember this Buddha belly that was a prominent as a fart in church.
Anyway, life went on and I remember my mom putting me on diets and putting myself on diets and the doctors putting me on diets. And sometime around 5th grade or so, I thought, I have an easy fix. Eat, throw up and then the problem is solved. It was a great idea until I got caught. This led to counseling, which I need, nutritionist and more discussions about my weight. Nothing changed.
The summer of 8th grade, I had an appendectomy and the surgeon expressed great concern to my mom and me about my weight. I distinctly remember him saying, “… soon she will hit 200 lbs, and 250 lbs by the time she’s 20 and 300 lbs by 25.” I thought he was crazy. But, at my moms prompting, when I got home that summer, I joined my first Weight Watchers group. I attended these meetings by myself for a few months, I don’t really remember. But I remember manipulating the scales; “Don’t eat today!” “Pee before you go!” “You were up last week, wear lighter clothes this week!” the list goes on. And in 8th grade, I was learning to cheat the system- or so I thought.
Well anyway, the rest of junior high and high school, I managed to stay relatively active playing softball and swimming and kept the weight down somewhat. But after high school, I spiraled out of control. In a matter of 10 years, I have managed to gain over 100 lbs and watched in horror, the prophecy of the surgeon come true.
I am now the mother of a beautiful boy and the wife to an incredible husband and have come to the conclusion that there is more to life than being fat. My family deserves to consume more of my concentration than food does. My son deserves for me to sit on the floor and play or chase him in the yard. My husband deserves a wife who doesn’t hide with the lights off. And I deserve the chance to embrace life, including its turn stiles and airplane seats. Not fear others eyes and whispered comments. And learn to love shopping for a pair of jeans and taking a hike with my family. It is with these realizations that I have decided to undergo WLS and change my life for the better. I am taking the bull by the horns and will make this work come hell or high water. But, this is only the beginning of my journey…
