mizdevah
9/12
Thanks everyone for your well wishes, prayers, emails and everything!
My surgery was postponed by my surgeon due to low iron/ hemoglobin. When I went for my PAT was 7.9.. accpetable range for surgery is 10-11.
I have been doing IV iron infusuions once a week and taking all the iron tablet, iron rich foods iron everyhthing I can handle. I have to pick up a cast iron skillet for cooking because that leaves an additional iron in your food.
My iron is creeping up slowly but surely. I was very depleted from fibroids which caused heavy menstrual bleeding for about 4 months I had surgery in july to stop the bleeding it did.. for a month until my regular cycle started again in August and just like the energizer bunny It's stillllllllllllllll going. My next step is to have a lupron injection to make my body think its in menopause... Just what every thirty something wants to hear!!
Please keep me in prayer. I am trying hard to stay positive, focused and faithful!!!
I am trying to get an additonal Iron treatment this week to help boost it up..
Grace and peace,
Mizdevah - Sonya
8/1/06
My prayer Lord "Imagine Me"
Imagine me loving what I see when the mirror looks at me cause I imagine me. In a place of no insecurities and I'm finally happy cause I imagine me.
Letting go of all of the ones who hurt me cause they never did deserve me, can you imagine me. Sayng no to thoughts that try to control me, remembering all you told me, Lord can you imagine me. Over what my momma said, hear from what my daddy did and I wanna live and not read that page again.
Imagine me, being free, trusting you totally, finally I can imagine me, I admit it was hard to see you being in love with someone like me, finally I can imagine me.
Imagine me
Being strong and not letting people break me down, you won't get that joy this time around. Can you imagine me.
In a world, in a world where nobody has to be afraid, because of your love, it's gone away, can you imagine me.
Letting go of my past and glad I have another chance and hard to dance cause I don't have to read that page again.
Imagine me, being free, trusting you totally, finally I can imagine me, I admit it was hard to see you being in love with someone like me, finally I can imagine me.
Imagine me
This song is dedicated to people like me those that struggle with insecurities, acceptance and even self esteem, you never felt pretty enough, you never felt good enough but
imagine God whispering in your ear telling you it's all gone
Gone, Gone, Its' Gone, All Gone
7/9/06 It's been a minute! still hanging in there anxious for my surgery.I've been busy checking out BAF and other message boards they are so interesting. Well I am getting ready for vacation/ family reunion and chat after I return.
06-17-06 I have a date!!!!!! 9/12/06 Whew! I am so excited I am ready to go now! I now it sounds strange but lately I am feeling sooooo fat. It's like all of the aches and pains I ignored or denied are coming to the surface with a bang!!Everything hurts! and nothing fits. Even my feet are FAT!!!!!!!!
06-10-06 I received my cpap machine finally! I have been sleeping with it for about a week now. My doctor is booked until Sept. so unfortunately I 'll have one more summer of being a FATSO. I've been doing better with my eating using Nutrisystem( it was free!) as my meals so that's helping me stay on track and not gain.
5-20-06 STILL WAITING ON TEST!! I am so mad I could spit! The sleep center is holding up my progress!
On another note I have really been struggling with eating. It's like I am trying to eat all my "last" meals. I keep trying to get on track but, man is it hard. Pray my Screnf n da lawd!
5-15-06 It's been a busy 2 weeks. My mother has been in the hospital since Feb 14, 06 and finally she came home!! Praise the Lord! Her illness was definitely a wake up call for me in so many ways. She had 2 heart valves replaced 1 repaired and a bypass all at the same time and lived to tell the tale!! Hallelujah! But she is skinny 130 lbs and that is fat for her. I know that if the shoe was on the other foot my fat self would not have survived.So I decided to make some changes and have the surgery.
Every thing is going great. I only needed to have the sleep study which I did 2 weeks ago and again last week while wearing the cpap machine. Now I have to wait on the machine and be on it for 6 weeks before they will do my surgery. I was really in denial that I have sleep apnea. It's like I knew how fat I was but somehow in my mind I justified it as being a healthy fat because I had no co morbidities- denying the apnea was my way of faking the funk!
It's like pretending my size -26's shrunk in the dryer instead of admitting I was gaining weight.. OR.. If I wear a long shirt on the plane maybe I can pull it over the seatbelt and not have to admit in front of a bunch of strangers that I am too fat for the belt...
........ the lies we tell ourselves just to make it through the day. TTFN ( ta ta for now)
4-30-06 Confessions of a wanna be blogger :) Hi, i have been lurking behind the scenes of OH for about a month now reading everyone else's profiles and journeys. I finally decided to include mine. Prayerfully it will encourage someone else.
I am single 34 years young and fat.. Make that morbidly obese (ouch) I have been fat a long time, but have just recently begun to use the F word in describing myself. It takes the power out of the word for me and if i embrace it and just accept that this is who I am for now every one else will too.. right?
Anyway I have been approved for surgery with Alan Brader at Barix Clinics. I love him.. he's tell it like it is and very knowledgeable . The one test I needed was a sleep study that he recommended. I had the study done last week on 4/24 and am waiting the results to be sent to Barix and my PCP. Hopefully, I won't need a CPAP . The sleep tech said I was within acceptable range but who knows... What kind of degree do you need to be a sleep tech anyway?? Oh by the way for the test they put globs of paste on your head/ in your head/ body to hold the electrodes in place. ilk!
I am excited and a little apprehensive about the surgery. Even though I have no co morbidiites yet- I feel it is definitely a matter of life or death. At the rate of weight I am gaining I might not live to be 60 and that is a scary thought!!!
I know deep inside of me under the layers of cheese, french fries, pizza and soda there is a SKINNY girl whose being crushed right now and screaming to get out!! She's the me nobody knows.
TTFN
