mjloyd

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It 5 weeks from today! OMG I'll be so glad when it gets here! I get into a funk when I have too much time to think. I'm trying to stay busy. I could sleep 24/7 right now. I hope it's just the weather but then maybe it's not. Maybe I am just depressed over ME! The outside of me has gotten to the point that I can't stand the outside ME! I think I like the inside ME. I like the person inside pretty well but the outside me tends to affect how I feel on the inside. Basically what I'm trying to say is I'm tired of feeling SICK AND TIRED!!!!!!!! I think if someone left me alone and propped me up in a corner I'd go to sleep and could sleep for days!  The eating is no better. In fact, I'm getting worse about my Cokes. I'm going to a new psychologist on Thursday to sort of get ahead of the game on this grieving process regarding food. I am already dreading it. It's like I'm trying to keep a dear dear friend alive and they keep just getting sicker and sicker the harder I try. I am eating with a vengance. I just can't seem to get full these days.  This is one reason I'm not feeling too great these days. Well today is one day closer to my new life. I hate it though that I'm waiting to live my life. But it seems that I can't live like this; being tired and miserable physically all the time. My feet and my knees and my legs hurt so bad all the time. Walking, dragging my 300+ lbs around, is sooooooooooo tiring! Feels like it's all in my butt!!! Well better get off of this thing and get to my studies! No matter how much I stall, it's still there!!!

 

It's Feb. and I can't believe how close it is to March 19. It'll be here before I know it and I'm so excited and so nervous too. I've got to get control of my eating. I'm going to be bigger than my house if I'm not careful. I'm just so tired and have so much on my mind. School is driving me crazy. I just have no motivation to do it other than I refuse to give up until this class is over. I'm finishing up week 4 and I'm still two sessions behind. I have a test tomorrow. Mark is working A LOT while the station sets up for their HDTV stuff. I'm worried about my kids all for different reasons. I suppose I'll always worry about them. I haven't gotten out of the house all day. That's my first mistake I suppose but I needed to study. Tomorrow I'll go to Sunday School to keep the babies then come home and study again! I'll be glad when this week is over! 
Well just thought I'd check in! Mark and I need to sit down and plan our "South Beach" trip!