molly_b

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I do have good news to report, I am under the 200 lb mark, just barely.  But what I feel like writing about is how much I miss food.  It is someone's birthday at the office today and there is a table full of goodies outside my office...brownies (two or three kinds), bagels, muffiins, everything!  Then, they are going out to Pei Wei for the birthday lunch.  Nothing I can eat there yet, so here I sit on the computer.  I already ate my pureed vegetable soup, which only took about 10 minutes and I am full.  I could eat a yogurt, but I'll save that for a little later to make sure I don't overdo the eating.  Then I have some applesauce to snack on later as well.  But God, I MISS FOOD!  I miss the brownies and the bagels and the muffins.  I miss the lomein and the honey seared chicken at Pei Wei!  It has only been two and 1/2 weeks of a liquid diet, but it feels like forever. 

I'm waiting for the emotions that I stuffed down with food before to come pouring out, but so far, nothing.  I hope I can eat mushies after my dr visit this Friday.  I hope, I hope, I hope!  I kind of cheated last night and had a baked potato.  It went down ok, a little grumbling from my tummy told me it might have been a little too early, but I didn't get sick. 

I'm not that busy at work, which makes me want the distraction of food even more.  I just take another drink of my crystal light flavored water.  Can't wait for yogurt....

I had my surgery just a week and a day ago.  The pain has never been that bad and now my left side only hurts a little when I sneeze or cough.  My little wounds are healing up nicely.  I did get a rash, maybe from something they used in the surgery?  It covered my front and stopped at the sides of my body...iodine maybe?  Medicated  powder is helping it go away.  I took a good walk today, about 30 minutes not too fast though.  I should keep that up for the next week and then go back to elliptical.

I've alreay lost over 10 lbs and am about to go under the 200 lb mark.  I haven't been under 200 lbs since 2006.  I can't believe this is actually happening, I am actually losing the weight! 

I went out to eat with a friend today at La Madeline and had low fat tomato soup.  It went straight through me, which is not like the other soups I have eaten...Cambell's cream of chicken (low fat) and tomato bisque.  I also tried a couple of bites of pumpkin cheesecake shake...it was too rich and started to make me feel a little sick.  The other day, I did something horrible, I ate a whole thing of sherbert.  It went down so smoothly!  Sherbert is definitely off limits for me.  I conveniently left the sherbert off my liquid food log. 

Other than the sherbert incident, I have been eating pretty good.  I still usually have two slim fast shakes a day to get 40 grams of protein,  Then a greek yogurt or other kind of yogurt makes up the other 10 to 15 grams I  am supposed to have.  I have not been drinking enough water, need to work on that.  It will be easier when I get back to work and just keep a cup on my desk. 

Oh, I forgot about thanksgiving.  I was feeling a little down.  I've had trouble taking all my anti-depressants.  I have six pills to take in the morning (in addition to pepcid and vitamins) and start to get sick as i swollow them one by one.  Maybe not taking them effected my mood.  Anyway, I had apple sauce and sweet potatoes for Thanksgiving dinner.  It was awkward watching everyone else eat, but nobody made a big deal about it so that was good.  I should be eating more normal for christmas.

That's all I have to report.  Head back to work on monday and have my first post-op doctor's appointment on Friday.  The week will probably fly by.

I can't believe I did it.  It all feels like a dream because it happened so fast.  I had a small surgery in August and remember the anesthesiologist asking me to count backwards.  With this surgery, the last thing I remember is the doctor telling me to kiss my boyfriend goodbye!  Then I woke up in the recovery room.

The pain is not bad at all.  More on the left side than anything, but I haven't even had to use the hydrocodone the dr.  prescribed for me.  I've been sticking to slim fast and yogurt so far, staying on a full liquid diet.  I haven't felt hungry.  I really have to remind myself to drink a shake so that i can get some nutrition. 

But I am still tempted by food even though I am not hungry. I ordered a pizza for a friend staying with me after the surgery.  I wasn't hungry, but i wanted a piece of that pizza  I guess we'll find out how all this is going to work once i get on solid food.

 

I'm just two days away and feeling pretty good.  Liquid "hell" is more like liquid purgatory right now.  I just went out with friends for lunch and watched them eat Mexican food while I had a slimfast.  It wasn't so bad.  My surgery is scheduled for 7:30 in the morning so things will move quickly once I check in at 6:00 a.m.  I hope everything goes smoothly.  

I can't really imagine being thin again.  I didn't get overweight until about 7 years ago.  I was diagnosed with kidney disease and had been gaining weight because I was so tired and couldn't make myself exercise. Then they dosed me up with prednisone to fight the kidney disease and that sent me right from overweight to obese.    My highest weight was around 230.  Now I'm close to 215 (although maybe less considering my liquid diet the past week). 

I also deal with major depression, taking 3 medicines--Wellbutrin, Cymbalta & Abilify.  Some doctors tell me that these medicines don't help when trying to lose weight. 

I can blame the medicines for my weight gain (and keeping the weight), but in the end the blame is on me...I didn't take care of myself.  I didn't goto the doctor soon enough when I was tired and depressed before the kidney disease diagnosis, I don't follow a good diet and I don't get enough exercise.  This has to change! 

I am taking care of me now.  My surgery is self pay and generally I wouldn't spend that much on myself, but then I realized, Hey, I spent $6K+ on my dog when she swollowed a corn dog stick and it punctured her intestines.  I couldn't let her die over a corn dog stick (It was not my corn dog stick).  If I spend 6K on her, I should be able to spend 12k on me.  We'll worry about fiscal responsibility later.

The other thing that made me consider surgery is the pictures from my vacation with my boyfriend.  I looked huge!  I couldn't possibly be that big, but there I was.  I want to want to take pictures and to enjoy reliving memories through pictures.  This vacation was in late September and here I am just two months later about to have surgery.  I know that self-pay will be a bit of a burden to me financially, but having to jump through the hoops required for insurance coverage almost seems worse.  My insurance wasn't an option...total bariatric sugery exclusion.  

That's how I got here.   Let's see what happens now!