Mystik

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It’s almost sureal knowing that it’s really going to finally happen now! I’m thrilled but at the same time scared too because I’m always plagued with the “what ifs?”

The last thing I want to do is die and leave my hubby and kids all alone. I don’t even want to imagine how hard it would be for my kids to grow up without a mom and for my husband to have to raise them all by himself. It’s all doable, but it shouldn’t have to be that way and that’s one of the primary reasons I’m even having this surgery…. I don’t want to die young of weight related illnesses.

Of course I can’t predict the unpredictable or anything like that, but I want to finally be healthy and no longer have to worry that I’m only inching my way closer & closer to being a walking heart attack just waiting to happen among the other possibilities.

I just have to look at my family history to see the potentials and I don’t want to go there, but if I don’t make changes now then that’s right where I’m headed. I’ve gone on long enough with my pathetic attempts and faint dreams that I’ll get it together one day. One day I’ll get healthy all on my own. It’ll happen…. but it hasn’t. Instead I’ve just gotten progressively heavier, unhealthier & more out of control. I know that this surgery is my only real chance at a second chance to finally be healthy long term.

This surgery will truly help me change my life. It will force me to change the way I eat forever and I want the way I eat & the things I eat to be positive examples for my children. I don’t want them to see me loading my plate like it could be my last meal nor see the amount of sweets I consume and think that this is all normal and acceptable.

If I was able to stop it and change it all on my own I would have, believe me. There’s absolutely nothing that feels good about being fat…. This is it…. This is my hope for a changed future, for a better future, for a break in the cycle and a new beginning.

So, if you pray then please do so that God willing I’ll make it through without any serious or life threatening complications.