notabrady
So where do you begin with a "story" when you're over 18 mos out of surgery, still considered morbidly obese even though you're smaller than you've been in 25 years and have been on massive amounts of steriods due to thyroid cancer even though you've had your thyroid removed well before WLS?
So here it goes because I know writing it might help...
I was born...weren't we all? But I was born "big, chubby, adorable" but maybe not for my Mom since I was almost 11 lbs. Surprisingly enough, growing up I was actually athletic. I never really considered myself "fat" while I played softball, basketball, started the spirit team, etc. It wasn't until junior high (that was before the middle school craze) when I started to realize I liked boys. Ahhhh the bain of my existance were those initial horomones. Not only did I surge in my interest of boys but so did my weight. I was tormented, teased unmercifully because I was so hideously fat. It only made me binge eat. "Want to see fat? I'll show you FAT" was my mantra.
I remember going into h.s. and deciding to take on weight training because I was now "bad ass Marcia". I was great at lifting. I was in competitions even! Thing is, girls aren't usually into weight training and to succeed in weight training you have to be able to lift at least 2x your body weight. So to determine eligibility you had to...drum roll...weigh in!!! Topping the scales out at a weight training tournament for h.s. kids (250) is not a pretty sight. Immediately I was labelled a "butch lesbo". Again not good for a teen girl with raging hormones. Then came the glory of drugs! Drugs glorious drugs. Speed was fantastical. I could lose weight and drop out of existance all at the same time. Problem was, first came Pot! I loved me my weed and the binge eating I could get away with because it was cool to have the munchies. This contributed to my downfall much faster. Drugs led to dropping out of sports so then there was no excercise whatsoever. The bit of muscle that emerged under the rolls of fat turned flabby and I got even BIGGER!!! What a way to show those freaks who called me fat , right?
So onto college where i finally meet a guy who's interested for whatever reason. After being loners finding love, we follow the path of destiny...married at 22, first kid at 24, miscarriage at 25, second kid at 27...divorced by 30. Divorce when your amazingly ginormous leads to a whole new set of insecurities. But I found that I could still attract a certain group of men called Fat Admirers (FA). I was in heaven because FAs love to "stuff" thier loves with food and make them fatter...a control mechanism. I found the ultimate FA control freak abuser...5 years together and a whole new set of issues I was stuffed to the gills. Bursting out of 30/32 clothing unable to afford to special order clothes and so depressed at 407 lbs that I hated to get out of bed and begged G-d every day to kill me, I started looking into WLS.
The start of my WLS brought the stress test where they found my out of whack thyroid. That turned into Phase 2 follicular cancer. It was determined by my merry band of specialists that treatments, continued abuse and the diagnoses that the servere hypothyroidism was my "only problem with losing weight". After 2 years with minimal weight loss on every diet possible (even hospitalization because of malnutriion and dehydration from a SlimFast/Starvation diet) and I was desperate.
A woman I worked with that was on the large side but not 1/2 as large as I am and had discussed WLS with, had gone out of work and come back to announce she'd had WLS with Dr. Gandsas. After months of waiting and continued dieting, I finally had my first apt. with Dr. G. I was "down to" 380 the lowest I'd been in close to 10 years! I lost weight for the surgery and had my surgery on 2/10/2007. It was a bliss/
Despite the newest cancer diagnosis due to thyroid regrowth, the treatment therein, the bloating, the weight gain back...even hovering at almost 230, I'm still healthier than I ever was.
I must take the time to thank the people who supported me through it all. My best friend who knows who he is who's thinking of taking his own journey amazes me with his courage and his will. I will tip my hat to him any day because he's amazing. My sister My best girlfriend who was friends with me and never ashamed of being with me. My fiance who puts up with me and my mood swings who I wish would take his own journey. The people who've commented on my weight loss...all of it. I know I'll get back on the losing kick. If not, 18's better than 30/32 right?
