OurShrinkingViolet

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

I am discouraged again.  Seems like I keep eating to fill in the void.  I know I do it so why don't I stop.  Everyday I wake up and say "Today will be a great day!"  By 9 pm at night I have gone over my calorie count and beat myself up over it.  I frustrate myself

On the + side of everything.  My husband confessed, in words, his love for me.  Something I've needed to hear for a very long time.  Swoon and sigh.

Talk about attack of the cravings!  Sunday night i found myself at 7:30 pm making chocolate chip cookies because I just needed them.  I had one, and then one more, then 10 min later felt so guilty that I failed and ended up beating myself up the rest of the night.  Why do I do that?  Eat things I shouldn't and when I do make a human mistake kick my own ass about it.  Maybe because I recognize I do this, it is a good thing.  I've come to the realization that I can't even have chocolate chips in the house, let alone any sweets.  Will I forever have to make due with SF pudding and jello?  I should just resign to this I know but what fun is life without indulging just a bite here and there?  It was the bite here and there that got me in trouble in the first place.  Just do what you're supposed to do!! 
Looking forward to going to the grocery store today.  Sometime looking at the food is even more fun that eating it.  I could spend hours comparing one label over another, crossing things off my list, keeping my budget.  The budget is what kinda kills me.  Feels like i spend more on food now with the protein powders and snack bars, fresh veg and lean meat but honestly when  things are divided up into my portions for lunch and stuff... It probably evens out. 

Day 2 of my new leaf turning.  :-)  I choked down my protein shake like a good girl this morning.  I resisted the urge for peanut butter and jelly last night.  Yay me!  I did make Shelly's Patty Melt Bites last night.  Very good.  Of course I love eggs and cheese so I am easy to please.  If you don't know Shelly check out her blog:  the world according to egg face.  Lots of recipes and helpful hints for us gastric bypass and lap bands.  She's always so upbeat and her food is delicious!!  I feel great!  I'm actually glad for the bawling out I got from my surgeon.  I feel like I have a new fire lit and people around me are responding to it too.  My son woke up bright eyed and ready to start the day at 6am (bus comes at 7 so we need to shower, have breakfast, and have time for a little PS3).  Normally it takes alot to get him movin but he popped right up.  My husband got home from work at 6:40am this morning (12 hour night shifts M-F  Ugh) and greated me with a kiss and "you look great today."  Ahh shucks right.  It's a great day!  How am I going to make myself stay on the wagon this time??  If I can make myself feel this good everyday, I will do it.  If we don't have the support around us from other people we have to make it come from within.  We light ourselves up.  We are worth the trouble.  We are our own best friends.

Well... here I am 6 mos post op.  I've lost 50+ lbs and hovering at 201.5.  I'm going to meet my goal!  I've fallen off the wagon but am climbing back on.  I had a very good weekend of being good with food.  Not eating cuz I'm bored or upset.  I thought those things would sort of fix themselves in a way.  It's true... I'm no longer hungry but was that the whole reason i was eating before?!  I had my 6 mo check up last week and the surgeon saw right through my lies about sticking with the program.  I guess I can't bullshit my way through this so please give me some encouragement.  My Dr. was very kind and we sorted through why I'm having trouble.  I have good encouragement at home.  I told my family that they need to say something if I'm not doing what I should.  I am standing in my own way.  Got to the gym on Sunday.  Ran a mile and sweated on the eliptical for 35 min.  Not bad for a month off.  Yah me.  Back on the protein shakes.  Hopefully I have screwed my muscles by not giving them what they need. I hope to write more in order to encourage those having some trouble like me or just for my own purposes of staying on track.