PattySoCa

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Tomorrow, June 2, is the 3-year anniversary of my surgery, prompting me to reflect on the changes I’ve experienced in my life over these past three years. 

I went into surgery at 333 pounds, and was pretty much overweight (or obese) my entire life.  I never went through the lose weight and gain weight yo-yo experience – I just kept gaining and really didn’t know what it was like to be at a “normal” weight.  I was relatively active for my size, and didn’t really think I let my weight stop me from doing things.  I now realize how much it really did impact my life activities.  I thought I would share some of my “That was then – This is now” experiences. 

I travel a lot on business, which was always a source of worry.  The first time I asked for a seat-belt extender was my last.  I kept (borrowed) the extender and kept it in my purse, so I wouldn’t have to endure the humiliation of asking each time.  I kept the extender with me; even after I was less than 200 pounds… it was my security blanket.  I finally gave it back to the airline, by discreetly leaving it in the seat pocket one day – I won’t be needing it anymore.  I would never fly stand-by, even if it meant sitting hours at the airport – I didn’t want to chance a middle seat.  Now… while I still don’t like the middle seat –I’m free.  I don’t see the looks of terror on the faces of those on my flight (please don’t let me get stuck by her).  

I went to
Africa a couple years ago to do some volunteer work –could I have done that pre-op.  Probably.  Would I have?  Probably not.  The 18-hour flight would have been miserable.  I also would have been worried the entire time about having to do things I physically couldn’t… hiking, climbing, not fitting somewhere.  None of these things would have been an issue and weren’t an issue – but, the uncertainty would have held me back.  I also went to China a couple months ago…  I climbed the stairs to the top of The Great Wall and on my birthday – would I have attempted this as a pre-op?  Nope. 

According to my niece and nephews – Auntie Patty gets sick on roller coasters.  The real issue was Auntie Patty doesn’t fit.  Now, Auntie Patty may still get sick – but, she really gets sick.

I’ve now started dating – a whole new world.  I now realize it’s not about weight, but about how I feel about myself.  It’s about liking who I am, my confidence and self esteem.  For some men, I’m still too fat.  For others, I’m too thin.  People like what they like, and have preferences.   I get that now.  I used to get angry when people didn’t want to take the time to get to know who I was on the inside and couldn’t see beyond my weight.  Their loss, not mine. 

I used to get angry when my “normal” size friends bitched about how fat they were in front me.  What could I say being over 300 pounds?  I now get that it’s all relative – and find myself bitching about the extra 25 pounds I’m carrying.  It’s all relative.  However, I try very hard not to bitch about my weight in front of others. 

I feel healthy.  I never realized how icky I used to feel, until I had something to compare it to.  While I was lucky and didn’t have any co-morbidities, I was smart enough to know it was only a matter of time.  I am also 5-years cancer free.  And, while it may not be directly related to my weight loss, studies show that weight loss has a positive impact on preventing cancer, or in my case reoccurrence.