pink1976
9/6/05My initial consult was 6/1/05. Since then I have had my psych eval, nutritional consult and was approved by insurance (verbal) on 9/2/05. I am 29 yrs old-I am 5'7" and weigh about 249lbs. Barix is waiting for the letter then they will schedule me. The woman who called me with the initial approval says I can expect to be in surgery within 2-4 weeks. Honestly, I keep thinking that someone is going to call me and say "I'm sorry, there has been a mistake. You are denied." I cant help it. Maybe I will feel better when I have the approval letter in hand.
9/9/05 I rcvd the official approval letter and faxed to surgeon!! They say 2-4 weeks I will be in surgery!!
9/12/05 I have a date!!! 9/20/05 I go in for preop testing tmro!!!
9/15/05 Just 4 more days and a wakeup!! Im nervous now. LOL. I cant sleep. I am so ready to just do this!! Surgeon doesnt want me to gain any weight at all- and of course I eat when I'm nervous so this will be a struggle. Oh well! I can do this.
9/16/05 Today I am having the blues. Its so dumb. I have been wanting this for so long and now that it is scheduled i keep thinking... wow, i wont be able to eat this or that. I mean really?? I guess i ddnt realize just how messed up my relationship with food is. I am still so looking forward to starting my new life. I wonder if this is normal.
9/19/05 Tmro is the day!!! I ddnt sleep very well last night and im sure i wont tonight! im so ready to do this!! i want to be a post op!!!
9/26/05 Well im almost a week postop; surgery went well; only minor complications (allergic reaction to pain meds & slight temp). I only spent 2 nights in the hospital. I am tolerating all liquids- of course I have only tried "safe liquids".
i had to call my surgeon this evening- One of my incisions is ooozing yucky stuff and right between (under) my ribs i am having alllllot of pain and cannot stand to sit- i can stand up or lie down but not sit- when i try i get a terrible sensation of "crushing" whatever it is that hurts so much???? On top of that-i have a terrible rash on my face of all places- it started when i reacted to the pain meds in the hospital and has just gotten worse- my faces burns and itches- why of all places does it have to be my face? i started crying and the damn tears burnt like fire!! Dr sys probably its the NEW pain meds!! Nice huh? Anyway- i am keeping liquids down, and my fever stays around 100 degrees so surgeon says i can wait til morning and see my PCP and he sys he will confer with her- that way i dont have to drive 2 1/2 hours to see him.
Still, my biggest complaint is that im sooo tired. Im very week. I intended to work right away when released from the hospital.- I work from home computer so i didnt expect it to be a problem. Well, it is. I cannot sit for long periods of time and i cannot focus. My sister is typing this post for me- I just cant and its driving me crazy. My job has been supportive, but i know they are in a hurry to get me back to work and I am scared to death to lose my job- paranoid freak that i am.
Today i finally got a protein shake i can tolerate so maybe i will get my strength back now that i have some protein in me.
OOOh by the way- i have lost 11lbs. But i gotta tell you- i cant get my mind right- i feel disappointed in my loss and i keep thinking i can "eat" too much - sometimes i can handle about 1/2 cup of liquids already - i keep catching myself thinking that i went thru all of this for nothing and i will not lose the weight. Tmro i plan to start a food journal so i can give myself reality checks. I think that will help.
My wishes tonight? That i can get back to work, that my face clears up, that my incisions heal properly, that the pain ends and that i lose fast. 
10/5/05 I went back to work on 9/26/05. Yesterday I asked for a leave of absence. I am too weak to sit at my computer for long periods of time as my job requires. I am very depressed. I feel like I made a huge mistake. I have lost 18lbs. At what cost? My body feels very old. I get very exhausted just getting dressed. The head hunger is killing me. I want comfort food. I feel like I ruined my whole life. I went to a new PCP today and he ran all kinds of lab tests to find out why I am getting weaker instead of stronger. He is also going to put me on prozac to kill this depression. I feel it getting deeper each day. I pray that someday I will read this post and have forgotten how miserable I am. I have to get better. My family cannot make it without my income. I have to get back to work. Im sorry for being such a downer.
11/21/05 I should be ashamed of myself! I lived on other peoples profiles as a preop and now I havent even been updating mine... Well lets see.. whats happened since my last post? I've pretty much gotten over the head hunger. I do not miss foods too much anymore... I did have a complication tho- I passed out in Walmart after not eating anything for several days.. turned out I had an ulcer so once that was treated Ive done much better. I am at 199 as of this morning so I have lost almost 1/2 of my excess weight. I am back to work... and am no longer depressed. I am off the prozac.. dont need it anymore. I am now very thankful I made the decision to have wls. I do have to see my dr later today tho, because every part of me is aching! maybe its just the flu.. better safe than sorry right?
I am soooooooooo bad about updating!!!!!!!! Im sorry!!
3/29/06 I am doing fantastic!!! I have definately had issues.. still have to take extra vitamins (even more than the average wls patient) and I still have to take medicine for the ulcer but honest to goodness I feel great. I am 154 pounds now.. havent lost anything in a couple of weeks.. staaaaaaaaaaaall.. but my body weight is now normal and most people are telling me its time to stop losing.. I am under my original goal of 160.. in 6months!! But I think I would like to get to about 135?? I dont know.. the top half of my body is pretty slim but on the bottom? I still feel fat.. I know part of it is in my head so I am trying to work on that. I am in a size 8 jean.. even some size 6!! I never would have believed that!
Life is good..
I can eat most anything. I DO NOT mess with sugar.. there are too many great options with splenda to risk the sugar monster! So I really cant say for sure if i have dumping syndrome or not although I would bet I do because I've had some slight dumping on fruit. I can even tolerate some whole wheat low carb bread now.. although I dont eat much of it.. I AM NOT a no carb girl. I eat carbs.. just much better carbs than I used to.. my diet is really balanced and I think I can eat this way for the rest of my life.
I eat 6x per day.. small portions.. that way I keep my metabolism up and my hunger down.. works for me just great!!
Anddddddddd in other big news!! I am now an Angel!!! My Angelette is Jill Gregory and her surgery is 3/30/06!!! I just got the "job" today so I dont know her well yet but I certainly hope to!! Her profile is:
http://www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/members/profile.php?N=G1133374015
2006
4/4/06 I was on a stall and the scale finally moved this morning! I am now 152pounds.. just 3 pounds from the century club!! WHOOHOOOHHHHHOOO
I talked to Jill last night. She sounded really good but her shoulders really hurt!! Probably air from surgery. I am soo excited for her.. The next six months will be soooo wild!
I got my labs back the other day.. all is good but my b12 is dropping I have an appt today with my pcp.. I imagine I will be getting a shot! Fun!! LOL
4/11/06 I did it!!!! I lost 100lb exactly!!! WHOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO I am now 149!! Wonder where I will end up?? I am soo excited!!
2007
Its been a LONG LONG time since I've posted!! I have maintained my weight for almost a year- currently about 145lbs. I've recently scheduled a consultation for a tummy tuck and breast augmentation. I have enough excess skin on my stomach that I'm sure I want to get the tummy tuck.. as far as the breasts.. well I have none!!! Just skin.. I dont want to look like a porn star- all i want is to fill up the skin.. for those of you who have had wt loss surgery- you know what I mean.
One thing I keep thinking is..."Am I happier than I was before surgery?" The easy answer is yes.. HOWEVER.. the surgery did NOT cure all of my issues as I thought it would. I would not have admitted to anyone that in the back of my mind I kept thinking that being skinny will make me happy.. but honestly, looking back, thats exactly what I thought.
I still do not like my body. I still see fat... Lately Ive really become even more terrorfied about the weight coming back.. I "feel" bigger even though the scale tells me I'm not.. everytime I put on a pair of jeans I think "are these tighter than they used to be?" I constantly ask people if they think I've gained weight.. I know some people think that I'm fishing for compliments but thats JUST NOT TRUE. I know its in my head but I cannot control it... Just the other day I was sitting in the bathtub looking at myself.. honestly digusted by what I see.. strange that a few months ago I was in LOVE with the mirror.. so thrilled to see the LITTLE me.. where did that go?? I haven't gotten bigger (so says the scale) so why do I SEE BIGGER???
Would I do it again?? IN A HEART BEAT. I feel better. I can do sooo much more. The point is.. this is a journey that is nowhere near over. I will continue to battle food, weight and body issues until?? well, probably forever.