prcanmita
~~~11/19/05~~~
Hi everyone, my name is Laura I am 34 years old married, w/ a soon to be 9 year old daughter.
I work for a semi small phone company here in Las Vegas NV. I love my job & I love the people I work with. I am truelly blessed that my insurance covers the WLS surgery.
Unfortunatly I have to deal with alot of negativity about my decision from friends, co-workers & from some of my family as well. None of them seem to realize I am not doing this for looks I don't care about looks I care about being here for my daughter to raise her, to see her become a woman & maybe someday see her walk down the aisle to her husband or maybe to become president who knows what her destiny is. But I do know it will be GREAT:)
Although my Husband does not agree with me he is there for me & supports me in any decision I make, which is just one of the many things I love about him.
Ok here are some details about me & my body
I weigh approx 300 lbs now & I am only 5'4" My co-morbidities are not alot mostly pains in every inch of my bones & joints especially my back, neck & head. I am borderline diabetic but was taken off of the glucophage shortly after it was given to me. Never did figure that one out. lol I have trouble sleeping, moving standing or sitting for long periods of time. I get severe headaches every day but the one that bothers me the most is the lack of energy or strength to do things with my daughter. So we wind up spending alot of time just watching tv, which now unfortunatly she is also overweight. She will be 9 on Dec 4th & weighs over 100lbs already. I'm praying that while I am changing my eating habits we change hers & we get her weight under control before it's too late. Same thing for my husband. He is 26 & weighs approx 350lbs. He has no interest in WLS but then again he does not have many co-morbidities either. He does have back pain & irritable bowel syndrome but being so young he thinks he can get back into shape when he feels ready too. For his sake I pray he is right. But either way I met him big I fell in love with him big & I will always love him no matter HOW BIG he gets.
Well I am about 19 days away from surgery now & the closer it gets the more fear I feel. Not for me though but for my daughter. We lost my mother a lil over 2 years ago & she is still having a hard time dealing with it. They were extremely close. She has begged me not to do this but I try to ease her fears by explaining to her how much better I will feel with time & how WLS will help me be healthy & be able to do more for her as well as with her. But I don't know if I am getting through to her or not. I hope so.
I tried to right my letters today one to my family one for my husband & one for her but...
How do you write a good bye letter when all you feel in your heart is that everything will be fine. I just can't find the words. I have so much faith in God that this is what I am supposed to do that I just can't seem to put these letters together I know I should just in case but I just can't figure it out how. I did manage to list how I want my things given away & how much I love them but thats about it.
I guess in a way it's because I'm scared to even think that there is any possibility that they might actually receive them. I guess I'll try again tomorrow. I emailed the photo help dept with a pic of me that was taken early August hopefully they can get to it soon, I'm sure their busy & will do it as soon as they can. thanks photo dept. :)
I have been an emotional roller coaster all day today not sure why but I start crying with just about any story I read on the message boards so I figure I come right mine instead & that is why I have rambled on today. My life is not as exciting as it used to be but hopefully in the near future I will have changed that.
Thanks for reading & sorry if I confused or bored you.
But thats who I am in a nutshell.
****************************************
~~~11/28/05~~~
Hi everyone
I first want to say thank you to all that have posted on my support page. Sorry I have not been updating or thanking you all individually. I have been doing alot of thinking & spending time with my daughter. We had company over for the holiday weekend some of my Husbands buddies that he grew up with. Had a wonderful "last supper" All in all had a good weekend did not care for cleaning up after the "boys" but I'll live.
Still have not done my letters I know I need to do them & soon since I have only 10 days & counting. lol Anyways the more Ii think about the surgery & what is going to happen I know this is for me.
I started my Liquid diet on Friday well actually most of the past 3 weeks have been liquids except for one meal a day. I have gone full liquid now & so far so good. Hungry but hanging in there. Tomorrow I have a surgery consult tomorrow a lil nervous about it though although everyone at work says I'm loosing weight which was one of my surgeons request to start loosing before hand.
Which is why I have been doing mostly liquids for a while now. Honestly I have no idea if I have lost or not since I stay away from the scales. So tomorrow we shall see. I pray that I have because I have been working my butt of to loose so that my surgery does not get rescheduled or worse cancelled. My daughter is feeling more comfortable about the surgery which I thank God for. So that is a big stress factor that has been releived. My husband has been very supportive excpet for last night when him & his buddies made cookies & cinamon rolls from the grocery store premade dough stuff the smell was torture but Thankfully i was soooo tired I was able to fall asleep & put it out of my mind. lol Of course they left me a mess but it wasn't so bad.
OK I'm getting way off topic here.
Well basically I'm feeling more & more secure about my decision everyday.
Thank you God for all of my blessings.
As I have said before
If he brings it to you he will bring you through it.
Thanks for reading my rambles.
Talk to you all soon.
******************************************
~~~11/29/05~~~
Well I am 9 days away & sooooooooooooooooooooooo excited. As I have mentioned to some I was at risk of being rescheduled or worse canceled if I did not start loosing weight so for the past 3 weeks I have been on a mostly liquid diet with the exception of 1 meal a day. Except since Friday has been ONLY liquids. For my 2 week pre-op.
Anyways I am happy to say I am down 20lbs already Doc is happy & everything is a go. Tomorrow I have my Cardiology consult. I did the upper GI & PFT today can we say eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww GROSS lol But it's done & over with.
They did find a small oh god I can't remember what kind hy something but a hernia never the less. Not sure what that means or how will it affect my surgery I'm going to call the doc in the am to find out. Hopefully it is not something that will interfere. Anyways I wanted to say thanks to EVERYONE HERE that has sent me messages of support prayers & good thoughts.
*****************************************
~~~11/30/05~~~
Feeling a lil depressed today. BUt still motivated to keep going don't know if that makes sence. But anyways I saw the cardiologist today & he wants me to do an echogram & a Stressed test. (simulated). If I fails these then I have to have an angiogram done. Which means I will have to reschedule the surgery. And I found out that my surgeon does not have any other openings until January. I know it's good that they are being extra careful But I don't want to postpone I have been looking forward to this for many years & i don't like road blocks. I have had enough of them in my lifetime. I still have faith just feeling sorry for myself I guess. Anywasy thanks for reading I'll post again soon.
******************************************
~~~12/02/05~~~
Well I had the stress test & echogram today. That was a horrible experience (stress test) But Thank God it's over now. Unfortunatly they won't get the results until Wednesday & I am scheduled for Thursday. The doc does not expect anything that will keep me from having surgery but I just hate not knowing for sure. So until Wednesday my surgery is in limbo. But I am staying on track w/ all the other things he has me doing until then. I am not risking this for anything.
********************************************
~~~12/05/05~~~
!!! 3 days & counting !!!
As long as I get release by my cardialogist.
I can't beleive it. I have waited soooo long for this.
I have been doing research & saving $ for 5 years now. & the day is almost here. I finally did my letters last night The one to my daughter was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I cried all night I think I slept about 2 maybe 3 hours. My eyes are swollen today & blood shot. I had to tell her it was because I was not able to sleep. No need for her to worry. I'm doing enough of that on my own. I mean I have had surgerires before big ones too. I had a full hysterectomy but I was not nearly as scared as I am this time. I'm thinking it has alot to do with all the info I have done & how much I really know about WLS. I mean for the hysterectomy I did nothing to find out the stats or the complications. I took my docs word for it & had it done. But man all I could think about last night was. What is my lil girl going to do with out me is she going to stay on track or is she going to rebel against the world. As long as she never loses her faith in God. I guess my family can deal with anything else. Hey that managed to get me back on track. I went from being a ganster & slinging dope to a mother who lives & works for her baby. Thank you God for never giving up on me. Thanks to my family for never giving up on me. & Thanks to my new family & friends on OH for the support & words of wisdom I need to get thru this.
**************************************************
~~~12/06/05~~~
Well I am only a few hours away from finding out if I am being rescheduled or not. I went ahead & started my short disability just in case so I can take the nasty golightly. sheesh what a name. lol
Anyways I have an appt w/ the cardiologist at 9:45am. I am not drinking that crap until I know for sure. No point it torturing myself or wasting it. Right now I don't know what I'm feeling. Have all my letters done, got my legal matters updated. I have yet to pack.
Don't even know whats to pack besides body spray & toothbrush I hate the ones at the hospital. Socks & I need to get a book. TV at the hospitals is always booooooooooring.
I have my pre-op pic, took some at my daughters birthday party so atleast I am dressed decently. God I hope I have everyting ready.
Babysitter is lined up.
My husband how ever has been more standoffish than usual. He has barely left his office (homeoffice) to come to sleep & eat. He has been avoiding me & if he does not it off I won't be getting my surgery because I will be in jail for killing him. Damn I love him but sometimes he gets on my last nerve & than there are the times that he is sooooo sweet. Ok enough hubby bashing. He;s not all bad just annoying sometimes. lol
Anyways Keep your fingers crossed for me pls. I could use all the luck & prayers possible right about now.
************************************************
~~~12/08/05~~~
Well this is it. The day has finally arrived. I'm a lil nervous but not too bad. I don't know how I did it but I made it through the pre-op stuff you have to drink although was unable to drink all of it. But I did get most of it down.
I just wanted to post one last time before I go in. Saying thank you again to every one for being so supportive & all of your kind words. I will post again as soon as I possibly can.
Good Luck & God Bless all of you.
I know God is with us all.
**************************************************
~~~12/11/05~~~
I'm home a lil sore but doing well.
Unfortunatly I did have to get a drain but it will come out on wednesday.
It's not so bad. I do have a lot of pain when I empty it but it goes away with in a few minutes.
Thank you for all your words of encouragement & prayers.
They ment the world to me.
I'll post more soon. I'm very tired need a nap.
**************************************************
~~~12/12/05~~~
Well I'm moving a lil easier today but still in pain when I move but only where the drain is located. God I can't wait for him to take this thing out. If it weren't for that I would be fine.
But it hurts alot when I move my right side. Anyways I don't get as mauseated. I am already tired of chicken broth but I know I need to drink it. Pharmacy is being a pain about my prevacid but I'll deal with them later. too tired to do it now. I did get all my other meds. And vitamins. lordy how nasty are crushed pills. lol BUt it's a small price to pay for health. My grandma is here to help me with taking care of my daughter & will be here for X-mas which I am very excited about. I'm walking & drinking. I do need to walk more though. Later I'm going to take a walk around the complex w/ my grandma so she can see it.
This is her first time to the new house so she has not seen the area yet, And once the drain comes out I'm sure I will be able to walk even more. She is the perfect walking companion she is as slow as I am lmao.
Well hope everyone is doing well. I'll post again soon.
*************************************************
~~~12/14/05~~~
YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
It's finally out. Oh my GOD I couldn't be happier right now. lol
Drain is out & I am down to 258.5lbs Yay.
I don't know what makes me happier the drain or the weight loss. My highest weight was 310 at one point, When I actively started pursuing WLS I was down to 290. Went up to 296 & now I am down to 258.5 Oh my god what a roller coaster of emotions. My husband bless his heart was physically there for me today when I needed him the most. He has always verbally said he supports me but really hasn't done anything to help except watch my kid for me while I was in the hospital. But today all I had to do was tell him I wasn't feeling well & I didn't think I could drive & he jumped out of bed asked do I have enough time to shower before your appt. & although he is sick right now also he was prince charming. Went in with me so I could hold his hand during the removal of the drain. I swear he confuses me sometimes I give up & think he doesn't love me but then he pulls this & any doubts I had get washed away. Why are men so damn confusing & they have the nerve to say it's us. lol Anyways I think I have bored you enough with my drama. I'm just sooooo happy today.
Hope you all have a great day.
Happy Holidays.
**********************************************
~~~12/21/05~~~
Nothing new to report, just been taking it one day at a time. Trying to remember to slow down when I eat or drink anything.
Thats the hardest part for me. Eating healthy isn't so hard to remember. I did have a dumping episode & boy did I feel like crap. But thankfully it lasted a very short time. My poor daughter was scared to death, but I was able to calm her down & get through it. Hopefully I never go through that again. But I know it's part of the learning. But anyways I'll post again soon. Hope everyone has a wonderful Holiday.
***********************************************
~~~01/15/06~~~
Well it's been a while since I posted so I figure I update.
Nothing new going on here due back to work in a week should be going to a new dept when I get there looking forward to that I'm ready for a change been in the same dept for 3 years now & boy am I ready. On my scale at home I am down to 248lbs WOW have not been there since my mid twenty's I couldn't beleive it I was soooo happy. I will check w/ the doctor's scale tomorrow to see how much I have lost according to that scale since that is the one I was going by pre-op. So we shall see. Besides that nothing else going on here just working on getting my fluids in. I have had a couple of episodes w/ foamies & I get dizzy alot but besides that everything going well. Slow weight loss but slow is better than nothing. Right? Anyways I hope everyone is doing well.
***********************************************
~~~01/16/06~~~
I'm soooooooooo excited. I just got back from the doctor's office & I am down to 243lbs. I have been released to go back to work on Monday. I can't wait. I have been soooo bored.
************************************************
~~~02/08/06~~~
Today is my 2 month monthaversarry! lol
With the new year I started a new position (same company). SO new year new life & I'm thrilled.
I have lost 65 lbs so far from 296lbs down to 231lbs. My highest was 310lbs. I feel great have been able to handle just about any type of foods. With the exception of greasy. Those don't sit too well with me. I can handle sweets just not too much. I'm able to get more protein & liquids in finally. How ever I have developed pain in my hips. I don't know why but it hurts more when I sit for long periods of time or walk too much. Which due to back pain & working 2 jobs I am too tired to do too much of. So I walk 3 times a week. Mon, Wed & Fri's. My daughter goes with me I am praying she gets her weight under control too. I have had to break down & buy some clothing because all that have been given to me are too big already lol. I am down to a 18/20 jeans & a men's xl in shirts but since I prefer big shirts I bought 2xl's. lol To me I look sick but everyone tells me that I just need to get used to the idea of my face being thinner. I hope their right but even if they are not I can live with it as long as I get to live & be there for my daughter.
I am sooooooo happy right now & to think it just gets better from here.
********************************************
~~~02/15/06~~~
Being sent for physical therapy hoping it will help with the back, hip & knee pains I have been having, Not sure if it is related to the surgery or not but what ever caused it I want it to go away, Having an mri done of my head & neck see why I am still getting headaches & dizzy so much. These are both things I had going on pre-op so I know they are not related to the surgery & even if they were so far I have no regrets. :)
************************************************
~~~03/16/06~~~
Well a month has gone by & I am loving life for the most part. Started seeing a physical therapist today to help w/ the joint pain. Have an appt on Monday w/ a reumatologist & another on Tuesday w/ a neurologist. Trying to figure out what is causing the headaches. Which thankfully are not as often or as bad since surgery, now the dizzy spells on the other hand have gotten worse so we shall see. On the flip side I am down to 212lbs still in a 18/20 jeans But my tops have gone down to xl & 1x's. I have a trip to Florida this thursday for my best friends wedding & she has not seen me since last May boy is she in for a surprise. She saw the pics that are on my profile but modesty apart they do not do it justice. I'm so excited I went out & bought a few more new clothes mostly tops. My dad is going to meet us in Orlando after the wedding & he has been kept upto date the same way so I'm looking forward to this. lol I have to admit love the attention & the compliments are a definite mood lifter. Girls at work are awesome Support as well. My hubby is still adjusting but sadly I see he is pulling away from me right now so I have compromised with myself & I don't go out too much or in clothing that are too tight or revealing (which is what I always wore before) lol I just don't want him feeling insecure right now. I know this will pass so I don't want to rock the boat. He's a great guy & I'm hopeing that some day he will have this surgery as well but I know he is not ready to admit he has a problem yet so I don't push. He does know he needs to do something about his weight but he thinks he can do it on his own. His excuse for being this heavy is he didn't care before. SO we shall see what happens. Right now I asked him if he wants to go on walks or bike rides as a family & he has not answered me yet he does not like to go public unless he absolutly has too. I just don't want to loose him. I love him just the way he is. I met him big & fell in love big & I will always love him no matter what size he is. I have told this but he doesn't seem to beleive me right now so I guess patience is really a virtue as they say. I hope everyone is doing well. God 212lbs who would have thunk it. lol Last time I weighed that I was about 20 years old. I'm sooo happy & I know with time the pains will get better & maybe even go away. It's a very slow process. I will post pictures after I get back from Florida.
Happy St's Patrick's day have fun but pls be safe.
~~~04/28/06~~~
Hi everyone. Well it's been a while again I'm sorry but I find myself doing more & spending less time at the computer now. I have been working hard on staying on t rack. My co-workers have been a great support especially when we do potlucks they all make sure they bring something I can eat or don't like at all lol less temptations is her excuse. I love her to death. I'm almost at the century mark & getting sooooo excited about it. I've started to work out some not alot but walking & will do more with time I have not been sleeping well so I don't want to get up too early. Hopefully things will change & soon. Well I'll be back soon till then take care all & God Bless. Oh by the way new pic on profile :)
.....................................................................................
~~~05/16/06~~~
Wow I made it to Onederland & Century Club all in the same day. I am at 195.3lbs I have not been under 200lbs since late teens. OMG I still can't beleive it. Everyone at work & this website has been soooooo supportive. Health wise my husband has been very supportive but he has changed with me something terrible. I'm trying to be patient but he spends even more time in his office I didn't think that was possible but he does I hardly ever see him unless I go in there. He waits for me to be in a deep sleep before he comes to bed. This way I don't wake up. It's ridiculous. I knew before we got married that he was not big on intimacy but I fell in love with him anyways but as time goes by it's getting worse. And I don't think it has anything to do with my surgery. Thats the weird part. Oh well I guess I'll just have to be patient & try to ride it out. Because God forbid I try to talk to him about it. I might have to resort to emailing him lol Now wouldn't that just about be a b**** email my own husband to find out whats wrong. What has this era come to. lol Anyways I love him to peices & I ain't going anywhere unless he asked me to so for better or for worse I will put up with it. Hopefully it shall pass soon. Anyways I am not letting it rain on my parade I am too friggin happy for that lol.
................................................................................................
~~~07/11/06~~~
Well here it is 7 months out & I am down to 182lbs from my heights of 310lbs which is where I was when I met my hubby. However he won't come anywhere near me, I fear I may have lost him, BUt that is a side effect I am willing to live with if it means being healthy for my kid. (who by the way is not his). I love my hubby but I don't think he feels the same way about me anymore if he ever really did. I knew when we first got together that he did not have a big libido but damn this is getting ridicilous. Tonight he is on another business trip. I swear sometimes I think he is having an affair. I don't know what to do. And whats worse is now that I am a size twelve I'm getting all this attention that it's hard for me to not let my mind wander. I do have a special friend that I hang out with every saturday we go to the movies & have either lunch or dinner but nothing romantic but sometimes I want more. I think he does too...But he knows I'm married & he respects me. My kid hung out with us this weekend & so did his neices which was pretty cool. But it doesn't even phase my hubby that I hang out with this guy he couldn't careless. & that pisses me off. I guess I know what I need to do. I just don't know how to do it. Ok enough rambling. I'll just leave it in God's healing hands.
..........................................................
~~~12/14/06~~~
Well it's been a while since I updated so here goes. My husband & I decided to seperate & see other people. So far it has been very friendly. We have not filed for divorce nor do we plan on doing it anytime soon. This happened late July early August. Since then I have met a couple of great guys. I am not serious with either one. & they both know & understand that right now I am not ready to settle down again. I also explaiend that could change but I don't know when. Of course they do not know about each other only about by husband. I am very attached to one but more as a friend than anything. I don't see a long term thing there & we have talked about that & he agrees so for right now we are just friends we hang out go to the movies & enjoy each others company. The other one I met very recently so I really don't know where it's going if anywhere. But for now I am just going to enjoy the ride. I do hope my ex finds someone that makes him happy I wish nothing but good things for him. We are still very good friends & I hope & pray that never changes. My daughter on the other hand is not dealing with the changes very well. I think she is developing an ulcer from stressing over it. And it's killing me. She was very attached to her stepdad. Even though the feeling was not mutual, he never mistreated her or was mean to her. He has always been there for her but was not as crazy about her as she was about him. BUt there is nothing I can do about that now. All I can do is try to help her get through this the best I can. I swear everytime I think my life is getting easy something happens that throws a monkey wrench in it. But I guess all I can do is hold on tight & enjoy the ride. :-)
~~~ 12/09/08~~~
Well here it is 3 years later & I feel awesome, my body is still adjusting to the changes I have been going through.
My Ex-husband & I divorced but since I have met my soulmate, he is wonderful very much the family man everything I had hoped to find someday although it is taking time for my daughter to adjust she is very open to the idea of having a father figure in her life, someone that will actually do things with her & want to know how her day went. He has 4 children of his own which we are trying to get visa's on so they can come stay with us for a couple of years from Mexico so they can learn better english & have an amazing oppourtunity in life. their mom is very supportive of this & I thank GOD there is no baby mama drama. lol
As for me I have finally stabled out at 165lbs. If & when I ever decide to have the extra skin removed I will be at my final goal of about 150lbs but as I have mentioned before it was never about the looks so I am in no ruch to do this. I am semi healthy still working on getting my energy up I can not seem to find that yet but I know I will I do know I need to drink more water as I am a lil dehydrated but am working on getting back on track again had a few sad moments in a my life that threw me off track but I am working to find my way again. I want to thank you all for being so supportive, and although I have not posted in a very long time I have been around. For those of you thinking about surgery think think how much better your life could be. Yes there are risk that we all take by doing it, but aren't we already risking our lives by being over weight we rick our lives everyday by being unhealthy. So weight thepro's & con's of how your weight affects your everyday life & how will that improve if you were just a little lighter I know it is scary but it is even scarier to think of the consequences of death I know for me the biggest factor was my daughter, she was follwing in my footsteps & I could not allow that, and I wanted to be there when she graduates college & walks down the aisle. Now she has given me an even bigger goal to reach, she says she is goign to be the doctor to find the cure for cancer, Well I want to be here for that so I am taking better care of myself. Because know she will do just that or at the very least be on the team that does,you see Cancer is what took my mom away form us, & she was very close to my Mother so I know deep down in my heart she will do everything with in her power to do just that & find the cure. I love you baby girl & I am sooooo very proud of you. Mommy she is doing great keep watching over her please I love you & miss you very much.
