pwwbear

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Well it is has been over 4 months and not a word from Windsor.  The rules keep changing, and I don't know where I stand any more.
Ann has checked twice now into what is up, and when I see for my diabetes check in, I am sure she will call again.

 It has been a hard winter, cabin fever kicking in.  I have had a cold for the past couple of weeks that does not seem to want to go away, it morphs, but is still hanging around.  I keep worrying about mom, and just being in the situation I am in is getting me down.  I guess the weather is getting me down, and is cabin fever.

I had a window of opportunity when I started this. But it seems to be rapidly closing.  I fear that I am going to lose the opportunity.

More scary is the fact that I am losing my enthusiasm for this.  I don't care about it any more. 

Truth is, I am not sure I want it any more. 

Ran into some roadblocks lately that have had me questioning my decision to have WLS. 

Turns out the clinic in Windsor did not get my paperwork for the referral. Finally called and they have no record of me.

Then mom had some blood work done, and her doc wanted to see her.  She doesn't have lupus, or fibromyalgia or polymyalgia or any of the 12 things the doc tested her for, but she has SOMETHING going on.  He has referred her to a specialist, but knowing the state of things it is going to be months maybe even a year until she gets in to see him.

I can't keep putting off this.  IF I am going to do this, I have to get the ball rolling.

Tomorrow I will call the doc's office and get them at it.

Reading other people's posts and blogs, I know there are going to be some more in the road.

My wonky gallbladder and current state of gastric distress isn't going to make things any easier.

But, if I really want this, I will persevere.

Didn't get the call from the clinic in Windsor. Nothing open now until Tuesday.  Truth is I don't know if I am upset or relieved.

My mind has been getting away from me. The NP probably hasn't filled the forms in. Will have to call on Tuesday or Wednesday if I don't get called.

Reading other peoples posts on the boards make me uneasy.

I have been planning to go to Detroit to have it done. Going to Guelph or TO not really practical.  What happens if they want to send me there? 

Do I want this badly enough to go there?  How in the world can I do it?

Well, we will cross that bridge when, or even if I get to it.

Weight the same. 333 lbs.  She was very ethusiastic that I have decided to get the surgery.  She downloaded the forms for the Windsor Bariartric Centre, and will get them off as soon as possible.

I didn't have to do any convincing.  She seemed more happy that I was about this.  

Anyway got the ball rolling.   I don't expect things to go too fast, the government never works at top speed.  But by the spring, maybe I wll be starting a new life.

I have to keep remembering, one step at a time.  Tuesday I talk with Anne (My nurse practioner at the clinic) and will get her to refer me to the Bariatric Clinic in Windsor.  That is all I have to keep thinking of.

I have been slowly letting the people in my life aware that I am going to be possiblly going through with this.  It was important for me to let them know.

As I read what others write, I feel ashamed that I am taking this so tentively.  No "damn the torpedos full speed ahead" for me.  I have to make sure, do things delebrately.  Every move I make in this seems to be a chore.  That is why I think the Clinic is important element in what I am doing.

I keep thinking that I am doing the right thing for the wrong reasons. 

My head tells me that diabetes and my other co morbidities are  good reasons to do it. 

When I was in high school many many moons ago, there were three of us "really fat girls".  One of the other two died last year from complications from diabetes and heart problems.  I saw the other one last week. She is in a wheelchair because she can hardly walk.

My head tells me that this is not going to be the answer to all life's problems.  But, I would be lying if there is part of me saying that this will help in some of them.

Anyway, I have talked to my brothers, who will be impacted as well.  John will have to drive me around. Mom as well.   Jim will have to shoulder some of the care of Mom and the household chores for a while. 

Made the choice that I think weight loss surgery will be for me.  Has only taken 6 months of talking myself in and out of it. Talked to my family about it, and they will support any choice I make on it.

The family issue was a big thing with me. Once I knew that they would be behind me, and would help in the things that were bothering me, the choice was easier.

On the 6th  I see the Nurse Practioner for my diabetes check in, and will talk with her about it. (Right after the flu shot/N1H1 discussion).  

Have been thinking about going through the Windsor Clinic.  It would be the best, as I have several nagging health issues that need to addressed if I go through.  That and there would be lots of counselling, nutritionally, physcally, and mentally. 

So on the 6th, I start the journey.