Well Hello and welcome to my Profile....I hope you enjoy what you read....but might have some fun here too...There are a couple of puzzles you might enjoy trying to peice together,,,,This journey is a hard way to go, but we might as well have some fun while we are all in the process....
I am a single mom who is severly overweight. I have several co-morbities that disable my every day life.
WHEN I FIRST CAME TO THE OH HELP LINE I WAS NOT SURE WHAT I WOULD FIND. I FOUND THAT THERE ARE MANY PEOPLE WHO REALLY CARE AND ARE WILLING TO HELP YOU AND ENCOURAGE YOU ALONG THE WAY.
I WENT TO THE BARIATRIC ORIENTATION ON DECEMBER 14TH. HAD AN OFFICE CONSULT ON THE 15TH. THE NEW LIFE CENTER STAFF IS SO GREAT.
I HAD MANY OFFICE APPOINTMENTS WITH MANY DIFFERENT SPECIALISTS TO SUPPORT MY DECISION FOR WEIGHT LOSS.I WAS ABSOLUTLY STUNNED BY THE RESPONSE FROM MY MEDICAL TEAM AND THE SUPPORT THAT WAS OFFERED TO ME.
I MET MY SURGEON ON THE 24TH OF JANUARY. HE HAS BEEN DOING WLS SURGERY FOR 15 YEARS AND HIS IS SO NICE. ALL WENT WELL WITH THAT APPOINTMENT AND HE WILL BE DOING MY SURGERY AT HACKLEY HOPSITAL IN MUSKEGAON MICHIGAN. {WHEN I AM APPROVED}
I HAVE 9 LETTERS OF MEDICAL REFERRAL FROM 10 DIFFERENT SPECIALISTS TO SUBMIT TO MY INSURANCE COMPANY.
1. DR. DEWEERD...PCP
2. DR. JENKINS...PCP
3. DR. PIPER......PODIATRIST
4. DR. PALMER.....CHIROPRACTIC
5. DR. PATENGE....OB/GYN
6. DR. GERTH......ORTHOPEADICS
7. DR. MEYERS.....SURGEON
8. DR. MOONEY.....MED DIRECTOR
9. BRYANT VETT....PSYCH EVALUATOR
10.KRISTEN CONTRARES..DIETITION
WHAT A GREAT MEDICAL TEAM TO HAVE BY MY SIDE ON THIS JOURNEY. IT WAS THE GREAT SUPPORT OF THIS TEAM THAT MADE THE WHOLE TRANSACTION SO WONDERFUL AND TROUBLE FREE. THANK YOU ALL WHO WENT OUT OF YOR WAY TO PROVIDE THE DOCUMENTATION NECESSARY FOR ME TO HAVE THIS PROCEDURE.. NONE OF YOU WILL EVER BE FORGOTTON.
FEBRUARY 4TH
I WENT TO MY PSYCH EVAL YESTERDAY AND IT WAS SO GREAT. I WAS TOLD THAT HE DID NOT SEE ANY PROBLEM WITH ME HAVING THE SURGERY AND WOULD WRITE A LETTER OF PSYCH CLEARANCE FOR IT.
I AM WAITING FOR THAT.... THEN OFF TO THE INSURANCE COMPANY FOR APPROVAL.
WILL COME BACK AND UPDATE AS SOON AS I HEAR SOMETHING.
I RECIEVED A CALL FROM MY INSURANCE PLAN TODAY SAYING THAT I WAS APPROVED. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? I AM STILL IN SHOCK AS IT TOOK LESS THAN 24 HOURS TO GET AN APPROVAL.
FEBRUARY 9TH
I HAVE A DIETITION APT TOMORROW AND THEN I WILL GET MY DATE FOR SURGERY. THIS HAPPENED ALL SO FAST AND AM LOKING FORWARD TO BEING ON THE LOSING SIDE.
I AM SCARED AND HAPPY ALL AT THE SAME TIME. I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE I WAS APPROVED IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS. INSURANCE CRITERIA WAS OVERTURNED. YAHOOOOOO I CANT WAIT TO GET MY DATE.. THANK YOU OH FOR ALL THE SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGEMENT.
LOOK FORWARD TO POSTING AGAIN WITH MY DATE... SHOULD BE WITH IN THE MONTH. LOOKING AT THE FIRST WEEK OF MARCH.
Press play to hear
"Joy of Mans Desiring" |
2005
Well I am back again.. It took a while to come back.. I have some discouraging news....The approval I recieved was not for the actual aurgery.. it was to see the surgeon and get medical clearance from the medical director. I was bummed at first but thigs look very hopeful for the final approval.
I see my Medical Director on Friday {2-18-05} for the final evaluation. I have been praying all goes well with that and that there are no complications. I am so grateful that I do not have any heart conditions, high blood pressure, or anything that would prohibit me from having a sucessful surgery.
It is getting close to the day of final submission and I am sitting her at 8 am scared to death. I have made final funeral arrangements for my old friend of 28 years now and I must say it pains me to have to do so.
Food has been my best friend for much of my life and this is so sad that While I was young, i had no control. So to say good bye is ok and it must be done. I am the only one who can take control of my life and this is what is best for me.
I will come back and post again after the consult is over.
Thank you all for being here for me..
WELL I AM SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW I COULD SPIT NAILS.
MY APPOINTMENT WAS MESSED UP. NO CONSULT TODAY. IT WAS SCHEDULED AT 4 BUT THEY PUT ME DOWN FOR 1. SO I MISSED IT. WELL THEY ARE SAYING IT COULD BE ANOTHER 10 WEEKS BEFORE I GET IN FOR AN APPOINTMENT. THIS IS THE 2ND TIME I MISSED AN APPOINTMENT.
I AM BEGINNING TO WONDER IF I WILL BE FAT FOREVER. I AM SO MISERABLE RIGHT NOW AND I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN. I WANT THIS TO END AND I WANT TO START LOSING THIS WEIGHT.
I WILL REPOST SOON.
The ten weeks was only a week. I freaked out for nothing. Oh well par for the course. It will go down as one of those emotions we hate about this process.
Well it is over. The final consult with the medical director was yesterday. It went great. I recieved the clearance Health plan needed. Now I only need 2 tests done. One is a chest X ray, no big deal and a stress Myoview. No big deal either. Should have all results by the end of next week and sent in for final authorization.
Lets see what happens next. CAN'T WAIT TO BE A LOSER.
3-4-05
Had my two tests taken. Both were fine. Great News!!! I was cleared for surgery by the surgeon and the Medical director. I should not need any further testing done.
Spoke to my health plan today and they are waiting for the results of my tests. Lets hope and pray all goes well and it will be faxed soon.
3-5-05
Everything was faxed today. Butch at the New Life Center faxed everyting. Now the waitig begins. Pray all goes well and there are no delays. If all is well and I get the final approval,I could still get in for surgery this month.
I will post as soon as I hear of the final decision. I in the meantime am losing an incrediable amount of sleep. I never really slept good but since I started this Process in December I have not slept well. I have gone into a deep stage of insomnia.
I will repost as soon as I hear of word of the approval.
Thank you all for being here.
I had a dream late one night,
Of heavenly wings that came in flight.
Soft whispers were blowing in the wind,
All around my head they did spin.
Gentle breezes swept me way up high,
Into a land of heavenly sky.
Blankets of comfort embracing me,
As angels round sang sweet melodys.
Such happiness I have never known,
Until this night that I was shown.
That angels watch over me day and night,
Breaking all darkness and bringing light .
WELL IT IS THE 12th DAY OF MARCH. MY CASE WAS SENT FOR AUTHORIZATION YESTERDAY. I WAS TOLD THAT IT COULD TAKE UP TO TWO WEEKS FOR AN APPROVAL OR DENIAL. BUT NO LATER Than 2 WEEKS. SO I WILL KNOW SOMETHING FOR SURE BY THE 25TH OF MARCH. WISH ME LUCK.
MARCH 14TH 2005
I GOT A CALL FROM THE NEW LIFE CENTER. I WAS APPROVED AND I GOT THE AUTHORIZATION TO PROVE IT. I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW.
SURGERY IS SCHEDULED FOR THE 11TH OF APRIL. WHAT A WAY TO START OFF THE SPRING SEASON.
GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE STOOD BY ME AND WISHED ME WELL. YOU WILL NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH THIS SITE HAS MEANT TO ME. I HAVE MET MANY WONDERFUL MEN AND WOMEN ALONG THE WAY. YOU HAVE BEEN THE BEST SOURCE OF ENCOURAGEMENT.
I WILL START MY JOURNEY SOON.
March 28th 2005
Today starts my 2 week diet. I am on a low fat low calorie high protein.
It will be a breeze to eat like this and all I can say is thank God I have him on my side and in 13 days my new life will start all over again.
I found this on another OH web profile and I was absolutly intrigued by this.
LISTEN TO THE LIFE OF THE MORBIDLY OBESE:
LISTEN to the embarrassment we encounter in our every day life. The name-calling, stares, rude comments and looks of disgust we endure battling the last acceptable form of discrimination. People we meet that give us a far wider berth than we need when passing us on the street, in the hall…in life. Afraid that somehow our disease of obesity might be contagious.
LISTEN to our apprehension as we expertly eye the chair. Will we break it, or will we fit. Will we ever fit into life, as “normal” people know it?
LISTEN to our agony as we just walk and perform the simple activities of daily living on joints screaming in pain from incredible burden they were never meant to carry.
LISTEN to the pain of our humiliation when ridiculed by a doctor for “allowing” ourselves to get so fat. Realizing even the doctor’s office is not a "safe" place, we tend to neglect our heath even more. Hey doctor, didn’t you take an oath to help?
LISTEN to our hopelessness after being turned down over and over for a job or promotion because we don’t “match the corporate image” of the person they envision for this position.
LISTEN to our guilt. Because of our size, we feel we’ve cheated those we love out of the parent, spouse, child or friend we feel we should’ve been. Our embarrassment has now become theirs as well.
LISTEN to our anticipation as we eagerly embark on yet another diet. THIS will be the one. This time I WILL SUCEED!
LISTEN to our frustration as once again we fail at another attempt to lose weight, reinforcing once again our feelings of worthlessness, failure and defeat.
LISTEN to our fear for what life holds if we don't have this surgery. We try to ignore it, to stuff it down, but when we are brutally honest with ourselves, we realize an early death is an almost certainty.
LISTEN to our indecision as we do extensive research, trying to outweigh the risk of complications (up to and including death) versus the chance of a new life. A chance to improve our health, move without pain, play with our children, the opportunity to just “fit in” to society.
LISTEN to our indecision as we second-guess our decision to have surgery. As we ask ourselves, “Should I try just one more diet?”…And tell ourselves, “If I only had more willpower.”
LISTEN to us as we eagerly meet with the surgeon, with our five-page, single-spaced, list of questions in hand. Let down by the medical profession in the past, can I really trust this person who looks at me with compassion, as he assures me I'm a "good candidate" and he can help? Please God, I want to believe him, tell me I’m not setting myself up for failure once again.
LISTEN to our feelings of helplessness as we place our future in the hands of an insurance company. Fully aware that with a simple denial letter, all the work we have done to this point, may be pointless. This surgery is not without cost, physical, emotional and monetary.
LISTEN to our joy as we open the long awaited “approval letter” or obtain financing to make this dream a reality.
LISTEN to us as we grasp for a chance at improved health, of moving with ease and just living life as a “normal” person.
LISTEN to our renewed hope of living long enough to see our children grow up, get married, play with grandchildren and grow old alongside our mate.
LISTEN to our fear as we roll into the surgical suite. The sights, the smells, the needles, the faceless people behind the masks. Do you care? Do you understand, or will you too make cracks about my weight once I’m asleep? My life is now in your hands, please take care of me. I have a brand new life ahead of me, and so much to live for.
LISTEN to the sigh of relief as we wake up in pain…but alive! Stand up, walk a few steps, cough and deep breathe. Sure nurse, whatever you say, I can handle it…because I’m alive!
LISTEN to our delight as the weight starts to drop off, realizing this is for real. We are actually on the loosing side.
LISTEN our misery as the body we once knew so well, now betrays us with nausea and vomiting when we attempt to eat.
LISTEN to our frustration as we attempt to do something as simple as drinking a glass of water.
LISTEN to our panic at the first plateau or weight gain. As that little voice inside tells us, “Once again I’m a failure.”
LISTEN to us relax and let out our breath as we watch the numbers on the scale edge down once again. Plateau over. Renewed hope. Maybe I will make it after all.
LISTEN to our efforts to move as we slowly and painfully attempt to exercise in a body that is still morbidly obese.
LISTEN to our confusion as our emotions wreck havoc with us. Why am I crying? Why do I feel depressed? Why am I mean and snapping at the ones I love? I don't like this person that has taken over my emotions.
LISTEN to our sense of accomplishment the first time we walk a mile. It rivals the high of any runner completing their first marathon.
LISTEN to our depression when we realize we can no longer soothe our emotions with food. We now have to learn to feel and deal with these emotions.
LISTEN to our tears as we mourn the loss of that brief but satisfying sensation of gratification we once obtained from the “comfort foods” we can no longer have.
LISTEN to our obsession surrounding the scale, vitamins, protein drinks and carb counts, determined not to fail “this time”.
LISTEN to our sense of accomplishment as we pass up that calorie laden, high carbohydrate treat, telling ourselves, “My new life is sweeter than any dessert.”
LISTEN to our elation as we reach that “century mark” that once seemed so distant, but now is a reality.
LISTEN to our resolve to reach our goals. Moving the weight on the scale down another notch, reaching a new “century” of numbers, wearing the dream outfit and attaining our “goal” weight.
LISTEN to the gratefulness in our hearts as we thank our surgeon for not only their technical skills, but equally important, their understanding and compassion for the morbidly obese. Thank you doctor for the opportunity to rejoin society and live life.
LISTEN to our amazement as we come to the realization that “reaching goal” wasn’t the most important thing in life. It was the lessons we learned, the friends we made and the sense of accomplishment we gained along the way.
LISTEN, don’t talk, don’t give advice, don’t judge, just listen. And then, maybe then, you will start to understand the life of a morbidly obese person.
Thank you for letting me add this to my profile.
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From Go-Quiz.com
HELLO AGAIN! IT IS APRIL 5TH AND I AM ONLY 6 DAYS AWAY FROM BEGINNING MY NEW LIFE. I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT I AM A LITTLE SCARED TO DO SO EVEN THOUGH I AM REALLY PREPARED FOR THIS CHANGE THAT IS GOING TO OCCUR.
TODAY IS THE 3RD WEEK OF NO SMOKING. IT IS SO HARD TO GIVE UP SO MUCH OF MY LIFE ALL AT ONCE. I HAVE BEEN SMOKING JUST ABOUT AS LONG AS I HAVE BEEN M.O.
I HAVE MY PREOP TESTING TODAY AND THEN IT IS JUST A MATTER TO SIT AND WAIT FOR MY BIG DAY.
I WANT TO TAKE THE TIME TO THANK SOME PEOPLE WHO HAVE HELPED ME ALONG THE WAY IN MY JOURNEY...
MY AUNT MARY... I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU AND I WILL NEVER FORGET THE SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGEMENT YOU HAVE GIVEN ME. YOU WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN EVER...YOU ARE A TERRIFIC FRIEND. NO ONE COULD ASK FOR BETTER.
THERESA... THANK YOU FOR VOLUNTEERING TO BE MY ANGEL ON THIS VERY TRYING TIME. YOU ARE A VERY SPECIAL PERSON.
KEVIN...YOU MAY NOT THINK YOU HAVE DONE MUCH BUT YOUR HUMOR AND LIGHT HEARTEDNESS HAS DONE WONDERS FOR ME.
LAURIE GRIFFITH...YOU ARE SUCH A SWEET GAL AND I THANK YOU TOO FOR WALKING BY MY SIDE IN THIS. I WISH YOU THE BEST ON YOUR APPEAL...I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU...
RENE... THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TAKING THE TIME TO FIX MY PROFILE... YOU DID A GREAT JOB..IT LOOKS JUST WONDERFUL...
THE REST OF OH...ALL WHO HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO ANSWER MY POSTS AND REPOSTS, LISTENED TO MY CRANKY TONES DONE WHAT WAS NECESSARY TO HELP ME ALONG THIS ROAD,,, YOU WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN EITHER.
WELL I THINK I HAVE EVERY ONE DOWN FOR NOW,,,GOD BLESS EVERYONE ON THEIR OWN SPECIFIC PATHS TO WEIGHT LOSS. AND WHO EVER TAKES THE TIME TO READ THIS, WHETHER YOU ARE A PRE OP LOOKING OR A POST OP LURKING, MAY GOD BLESS YOU TOO ON YOUR PATHS.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY:APRIL 5TH 2005
DEAR LORD: YOU ARE THE MASTER PHYSICIAN. I PERSONALLY THANK YOU FOR THE HANDS OF EACH AND EVERY SURGEON PERFORMING THIS TERRIFIC DUTY OF RESTORING HEALTH TO THOSE WHO HAVE ONCE BEFORE CHOSEN A VERY UN HEALTHY LIFE STYLE.
I THANK YOU FOR MY INSURANCE PLAN AND MY MANY PHYSICIANS WHO HAVE HELPED ME COME ALONG VERY WELL IN THIS PROCESS.
HELP ME REMAIN FOCUSED TO THE GOAL AND WHEN I FORGET,,, HELP ME REMEMBER THAT BARRIERS ARE NOT AN OPTION TO LOSING THIS BATTLE.
IN CHRISTS NAME I PRAY...AMEN
WELL FOLKS, I WILL LET YOU KNOW WHAT TIME MY SURGERY IS GOING TO BE..
GOD BLESS FOR NOW..
SURGERY IS TENTITIVE FOR 2:30 PM. MY TESTING WAS GOOD. NO CALLS TO SAY OTHERWISE AND THAT WAS 2 DAYS AGO NOW. SO I GUESS ALL IS OK WITH ME. 4 DAYS AND I WILL BEGIN MY NEW LIFE AND REBIRTH..
GOD BLESS AMERICA...WHAT A MIGHTY GOD WE SERVE....INDEED
PRAYER FOR THE DAY...APRIL 6TH.
DEAR LORD.. THERE IS ONLY 5 DAYS TO GO UNTIL I GO TO A RESTFUL SLEEP TO HAVE THE SURGEON YOU PROVIDED FOR ME , TAKE ME TO A NEW DIMESION TO LIFE. THANK YOU FOR SHOWING YOUR HAND IN THIS FOR ME BY PROVIDING A SMOOTHE JOURNEY TO THE OPERATING TABLE.
BLESS MY NEW FREINDS ON THIS BOARD.. THOSE WHO ALREADY HAVE HAD SURGERY AND THOSE WHO ARE AWAITING FATE WITH INSURANCE, AND THOSE WHO ARE STILL UNDECIDED.
YOU ALONE ARE MY SOURCE OF REFUGE IN YOU I PLACE MY TRUST... AMEN
APRIL 7TH... ONLY 4 DAYS TO GO... OR IS IT REALLY 3 { WHO COUNTS THE DAY OF}?
ANY WAY HERE IS MY PRAYER FOR THE DAY.. APRIL 7TH..
DEAR LORD.. I HAVE ONLY 4 DAYS TO GO BEFORE MY DAY FOR A REBIRTH. I LOOK TO YOU FOR GUIDENCE AND PATIENCE AS I WAIT THESE DAYS IN ANTICIPATION AND EXCITEMENT. HELP ME TO STAY FOCUSED ON THE GOOD I CAN DO WITH MY NEW LIFE AND THE THINGS I CAN DO FOR YOU AS YOUR SERVENT.. THANK YOU LORD FOR PROVIDING A WAY FOR ME TO HAVE THIS LIFE ALTERING PROCEDURE.
BLESS ALL APRIL DATES AND GIVE GUIDANCE TO THE SURGEONS AND MEDICAL STAFF WHO WILL BE AIDING ALL THESE WONDERFUL PEOPLE TO A NEW LIFE..
AMEN
04/08/05
WELL IT IS ONLY 3 DAYS TO GO. TODAY IS FRIDAY. THE WEEKEND WILL BE HERE AND THEN MONDAY WILL BE HERE SO FAST. I AM GETTING SO EXCITED I CANNOT SLEEP. IT SEEMS TO BE A NORM FOR ME NOW. ONE DAY I SLEEP ONE DAY.NOT.ONE DAY SLEEP AND ONE DAY NOT. WELL THAT IS OK. I AM NOT SURE I WILL GET ANY SLEEP IN THE HOSPITAL EITHER. I JUST PRAY THAT GOD GIVE ME THE STRENGTH I NEED TO CARRY ON FORWARD WITH THIS.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY...APRIL 8TH 2005,
DEAR LORD, THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING ME TO COME THIS FAR IN THE PROCESS OF CHANGING MY LIFE. I AM GRATEFUL TO YOU AND WILL CONTINUE TO HAVE A HEART OF GRATITUDE FOR ALL YOU HAVE DONE FOR ME. IT IS A NEW SEASON, SPRING HAS ALWAYS BEEN MY FAVORITE AND TO WATCH ALL THE FLOWERS BLOSSOM, LORD SO WILL I ONE DAY. THANK YOU FOR RENEWED LIFE, NO MATTER WHAT IT IS WE ARE TALKING ABOUT. MY LIFE, THE FLOWERS, TREES, LORD IT IS ALL A PART OF YOUR HANDIWORK. THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR GREATNESS AND MAJESTY.
LORD BLESS ALL THOSE WHO ARE APPROCAHING A NEW SEASON IN THEIR LIVES AS WELL. MAY THEY FEEL AND SEE THE COMFORT YOU GIVE TO THOSE WHO LOVE YOU.
IN CHRIST'S NAME I PRAY,,, AMEN
APRIL 9TH 2005
PRAYER FOR THE DAY...
DEAR LORD THERE ARE ONLY 2 DAYS LEFT UNTIL I WILL MEET MY FATE ON THE OPERATING TABLE. I TRUST YOU LORD THAT YOU HAVE GIVEN ME A SURGEON THAT IS SKILLED AND FAITHFUL TO HIS PATIENTS. I PRAY FOR DR. MEYERS NOW LORD THAT YOU GIVE HIM A GOOD RELAXING WEEKEND WITH HIS FAMILY AND REFRESH HIM UNTIL MONDAY AS HE HAS SO MUCH TO DO WITH SEVERAL OPERATIONS.
THANK YOU LORD FOR CHOSING A SURGEON WHO IS NOT ONLY TALENTED, BUT ALIVE WITH ANTICIPATION FOR HIS PATIENTS WHO VENTURE INTO A NEW AND EXCITING WORLD THAT HE CAN OFFER THEM.. BLESS AND GUIDE HIS HANDS AS THE SURGERY PROGRESSES AND AS WELL AS DR. KAMP HIS PARTNER. BLESS THE NEW LIFE CENTER AND ALL THE WORK THEY DO..
LORD I ASK YOU FOR A RELAXING WEEKEND FOR MYSELF AND ALL APRIL 11TH DATES. MAY WE PUT OUR HOPE AND TRUST IN YOU FOR A WONDERFUL FUTURE..
IN CHRIST'S NAME I PRAY
AMEN
I AM GETTING EXCITED AS MY DAY ARRIVES. I HAVE UP TO THIS POINT PREPARED MYSELF AS MUCH AS I CAN. I HAVE GONE THROUGH MY CLOSETS AND RID MYSELF OF ALL OF MY WINTER CLOTHING AND HEAVIER CLOTHES. IT WAS A HURTFUL THING TO HAVE TO DO AS I HAVE SPENT SO MUCH MONEY ON ALL OF MY CLOTHING THROUGH THE YEARS. BUT IT IS OK NOW I HAVE NEW THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO.
GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE SIGNED MY SUPPORT PAGE.. WHAT A BLESSING YOU ALL ARE...
April 10th...
ONE DAY BEFORE MY BIG DAY.. TODAY IS THE TENTH OF APRIL AND I AM READY TO SHINE MY TRUE COLORS. I CANT WAIT TO SEE WHAT I LOOK LIKE THIN.. I AM A LITTLE FRIGHTENED BY THIS AND HOPE I AM NOT DISAPPOINTED.
GOD WILL NOT LET ME DOWN.. I AM SURE THIS OF HIS WAY OF ALLOWING IT BY MAKING THIS SUCH A SMOOTHE JOURNEY. NO PROBLEMS WITH THE INSURANCE COMPANY AND THE NEW LIFE CENTER STAFF ARE SO NICE. I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING DR. MEYERS TOMORROW.
TOMORROW STARTS MY NEW LIFE.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY.. APRIL 10TH 2005...
DEAR LORD... HELP ME TO DRINK ALL MY FLUIDS TODAY. I AM ON A LIQIID DIET AND SO FAR I AM DOING REAL GOOD. I AM SO EXCITED LORD THAT YOU ALLOWED ME TO HAVE ANOTHER CHANCE AT LIFE AND HAVE THE WILL TO GO THROUGH THIS.
AT THIS TIME LORD I WOULD LIKE TO THANK THE HEALTH PLAN OF MICHIGAN FOR THE VERY QUICK APPROVAL AND BLESS THEM AS THEY CONTINUE TO MAKE DICISIONS IN THE LIVES OF HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE. THEY HAVE SUCH A HUGE RESPONSIBILITY AND THEY HAVE A HARD JOB TO ENSURE HEALTH TO ALL OF THE PEOPLE IN THEIR CARE.
GOD BLESS DR. MEYERS AND DR. KAMP AS THEY WAKEN TO THE SCHEDULE FOR THEM TOMORROW. BLESS ALL APRIL SURGERY DATES ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO ARE OF THE SAME DAY AS MINE...
THANK YOU LORD FOR ALL YOU HAVE GIVEN ME AND PLEASE WATCH OVER ALL WHO ARE COMING IN TO SEE ME..
IN CHRIST I PRAY, AMEN....
APRIL 11TH 2005
WELL TODAY IS MY BIG DAY....SURGERY IS AT 2:30 PM. I HAD A ROUGH NIGHT LAST NIGHT.. I WAS SO SICK AND THE PAIN IN MY STOMACH WAS SO IMMENSE.
I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO JOINING EVERYONE TO THE LOSING SIDE.. I THANK ALL 84 PEOPLE WHO SIGNED MY SUPPORT PAGE... GOD BLESS EVERY ONE OF YOU WHO ARE LOOKING INTO THIS SURGERY. IT IS AN AMAZING JOURNEY AND ALL WHO ARE LOOKING INTO THIS PLEASE DO NOT LOSE HOPE.. FIGHT FOR WHAT YOU WANT AND IT WILL HAPPEN FOR YOU TOO..
PRAYER FOR THE DAY... APRIL 11TH 2005...
THANK YOU LORD FOR ALLOWING ME TO HAVE A VERY SUCESSFUL JOURNEY TO WHERE I AM TODAY.. IT IS WITH YOUR HELP AND APPROVAL THAT ALL OF THIS IS EVEN POSSIBLE... I LOOK FORWARD TO WHAT MY NEW LIFE CAN PROVIDE...YOU ARE THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE..AND I LOOK FORWARD TO WHAT I WILL BE ABLE TO DO FOR YOU WHEN THIS IS ALL OVER WITH...
PLEASE BLESS MY SURGEON AND THE MEDICAL STAFF WHO WILL BE OVER SEEING MY OPERATION. BLESS ALL MY FAMILY WHO WILL BE HERE WITH ME TODAY.. WATCH OVER MY CHILDREN AS I AM IN THE HOSP AND THEY ARE IN SCHOOL. THANK YOU FOR SUCH A WONDERFULL SUPPORT GROUP.
SEE ME TO THE LOSING SIDE SAFELY PLEASE.
IN CHRIST I PRAY.
APRIL 16TH, 2005...
I AM A LOOSER.. I MADE IT JUST FINE...I HAD MY SURGERY ON THE 11TH OF APRIL AS PLANNED AND I THOUGHT I WOULD LET YOU KNOW HOW IT WENT FOR ME THEN UNTIL NOW.. I HAVE NOT POSTED IN QUITE A FEW DAYS,,,
I ARRIVED AT THE HOSPITAL AT AROUND 10:30 TO MEET FAMILY WHO WERE COMING FROM OUT OF TOWN.. FIRST TO ARRIVE WAS MY AUNT MARY {WHO BY THE WAY IS JUST MY ANGEL IN DISGUISE} SHE LOOKED JUST WONDERFUL AND HER EYES WERE BEAMING LIGHT RAYS... OH HOW SWEET IT WAS FOR ME TO SEE HER THERE...OTHERS TO ARRIVE WERE MY MOTHER... WHO STILL HAD VERY LITTLE CLUE AS TO WHAT IT IS I WAS DOING.... MY COUSIN BRENDA.. MY VERY DEAR FRIEND KAY.. WHO HAS BEEN BY MY SIDE THE ENTIRE TIME.. THANK YOU KAY...GOD BLESS YOU AS ALWAYS...MY HUSBAND ANDREW...AND HIS PARENTS WALTER AND PHYLLIS COON....
WE SAT IN THE COFFEE SHOP UNTIL 11:15 AND IT WAS THAT TIME THEY TOLD ME TO HEAD UPSTAIRS. I TOLD EVERYONE IT WAS TIME TO ROCK AND ROLL.... LOTS OF PICS WERE TAKEN...AND I MEAN LOTS OF THEM... I LOOKED SO HUGE.. I WAS GLAD TO BE GOING IN FOR THIS OPERATION...IT IS TRUE. CAMERAS DO ADD 10 POUNDS TO YOU...ANY WAY...WHEN WE ARRIVED UPSTAIRS.. I WAS GREETED BY MY NURSE... IT WAS MORE LIKE A HOTEL THEN A HOSPITAL...EVERY ONE TREATED ME AS THOUGH I WAS THE ONLY ONE THERE.. QUESTIONS WERE ANSWERED...THEN VITALS WERE TAKEN AND IV INSERTED...MORE PICS WERE TAKEN... AND THEN IT WAS TIME TO GO... I WAS CRYING AS I WAS SENT TO THE PRE-OP HOLDING AREA WITH APPLAUSE FROM FAMILY AND FRIENDS... HOW NEAT... I WAS THE CENTER OF ATTENTION AND IT FELT VERY NICE TO HAVE THE SUPPORT OF EVERY ONE PRESENT.
ONCE I RETURNED DOWN STAIRS TO THE PRE OP HOLDING.. I WAS PREPPED WITH BOOTS FOR MY FEET AND MORE QUESTIONS WERE ANSWERED AND THEN ANESTHESIA CAME FOR A CHAT AND I SAW DR. MEYERS AND WE PRAYED AND THEN IT WAS OFF TO THE OR...OH WAS I SO EXCITED....I CANNOT BELIEVE I WAS DOING THIS...ONCE IN THE OR... I GOT ON THE OP TABLE AND THE NURSE STAFF SAID THAT IST WAS TIME TO GO TO SLEEP AND THAT I WAS IN GOOD HANDS....AND THEN I WOKE UP IN MY ROOM...It was over... I was offially a loser.!!! And I could not be happier.
WHAT AN AWSOME PLACE TO HAVE SURGERY. HACKLEY HOSP WAS GREAT... I HAD NO TROUBLE AT ALL WITH MY STAY AND BUTCH FROM THE NEW LIFE BARIATRIC CENTER CAME AT 8:30 PM TO GET ME TO ME FEET....OH GOD... I TOLD HIM TO GO AWAY,, AND HE SAID NOT UNTIL I GET UP...HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO LOG ROLL ME TO MY FEET AND LET ME TELL YOU IT WAS THE LAST TIME HE HAD TO HELP ME TO MY FEET.. NO MORE LOG ROLLING FOR ME....I DID IT ON MY OWN AND WALKED ABOUT 22 TIMES WHILE I WAS IN THE HOSP...RECOVERY HAS BEEN SLOW AND I HAVE BEEN HOME FOR THIS IS MY 4TH DAY NOW.. IT IS GETTING BETTER EVERY DAY AS THE PAIN SUBSIDES. I HAVE LOST 13 LBS IN 6 DAYS...THAT IS AVERAGING OVER 2 POUNDS A DAY...
THANK YOU NEW LIFE CENTER FOR ACCEPTING ME AS A CANDIDATE AND TREATING ME SO GREAT.... I AM GRATEFUL TO YOU AS I VENTURE INTO MY NEW SELF...WELL I WILL Post MORE LATER... THANKS FOR READING MY PROFILE...
PRAYER FOR THE DAY...
THANK YOU LORD FOR ALL YOU HAVE GIVEN ME.. THANK YOU FOR AN UNEVENTFUL OPERATION. THANK YOU FOR THE SKILL OF DR. MEYERS AND THE NURSING STAFF AT HACKLEY/// I LOOK FORWARD TO MY NEW LIFE THAT YOU ARE ALLOWING ME TO HAVE...THANK YOU FOR CHOOSING ME FOR THIS LIFE ALTERING PROCEDURE.. HELP ME TO STAY FOCUSED AND WELL MINDED TO DO WELL.. IN CHRISTS NAME I PRAY... AMEN...
APRIL 18TH 2005...
7 DAYS POST OP.. I HAVE LOST A TOTAL OF 18 LBS. YOU WOULD THINK I WOULD BE HAPPY BUT FOR SOME STRANGE REASON, I AM VERY SAD.I HAVE CRIED OFF AND ON FOR THE ENTIRE DAY. I GUESS AS I SIT HERE AND MOST CERTAINLY THINK,,, WHICH IS ALL I REALLY HAVE TO DO AS I HEAL, I WONDER WHAT IT IS I HAVE DONE TO MYSELF.. WHAT AM I AFRAID OF? AFRAID TO BE THIN,HEALTHY? AFRAID TO STILL BE FAT.. WHAT IF ALL I LOSE WILL BE THE 18 LBS...WHAT ABOUT SUPPORT? WHAT KIND IS ENOUGH? FROM WHO. WHERE DOES IT ALL COME TOGETHER AT>
I AM SCARED TO DEATH TO BE A FAILURE.. AFTER ALL I HAVE FAILED TIME AND TIME AGAIN IN MY LIFE WHY SHOULD THIS BE ANY DIFFERENT...IT IS JUST ONE MORE HURL TO OVER COME RIGHT? OR WILL IT BE A HURL THAT JUST KIND OF LINGERS THERE AND HOVERS OVER YOU AS YOU THINK AND PONDER.
WELL I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A DEEP ROOTED PERSON IN THAUGHT, AND AS I SIT HERE THINKING ABOUT SUPPORT, AND THE USE OF IT, I CAME ACROSS THIS POST AND IT WAS JUST FABULOUS AND IT IS FOR ALL THE RIGHT REASONS TRUE AND CORRECT IN IT'S FORM... HERE IT IS I HOPE YOU FIND THIS AS USEFUL AS I HAVE AND NOW I NEED TO SEEK THESE KINDS OF PEOPLE IN MY LIFE WHO WILL BE THERE TO SUPPORT ME AND ENCOURAGE ME DOWN THIS ROAD TO RECOVERY, BODY, MIND AND SOUL FOR MY LIFE HAS BEEN A LONG TIME COMING FOR SUPPORT IN MANY WAYS.
IF YOU THINK YOU CAN DO THIS ALONE? RE-THINK YOUR POSITION ON THIS LIFE CHANGING EVENT... I PROMISE YOU IT WILL BE THE TOUGHEST DECISION IN YOUR LIFE.... BUT GOOD LUCK TO YOU IN YOUR OWN JOURNEY...
WHY YOU AND {I} NEED SUPPORT???? HERE IS THE ANSWER:
It's important to have that physical support and the support of your family in this journey -most of us have faced an unsupportive family member or friend and it can make things difficult. But no matter how supportive or helpful your family and friends are, they will NEVER understand the implications of this surgery. You're going to wake up into a new life, unable to eat solid foods for what will seem like forever, you will mourn food, many wonder what they have done to themselves and if they're crazy for doing it. Then you're going to start eating again and things are going to get stuck and you're going to feel like you're at death's door - until it passes one way or another - things that you used to love aren't going to taste good anymore or will make you sick and things you hated you won't be able to get enough of - you're going to learn to eat all over again, and it's very much a trial and error process and you're going to go through all sorts of fun things with gas and bathroom processes and you're going to plateau and panic that you're not going to lose anymore weight even though you've only lost 50 lbs and that will happen to you over and over till you finally figure out that plateaus aren't forever and believe it ENOUGH that you no longer panic. And when you lose the weight you're going to go through the psychological changes - the cognitive dissonance of a fat person in a thin person's body (strange since we always felt like a thin person in a fat persons body) and you're gonna get attention from men that you're not used to that's going to embarrass you at first, then you just won't know how to handle it, and you're going to have to learn to dress yourself again cuz, let's face it, we've all spent years trying to figure out how to hide our bodies SOMEHOW but all of a sudden you have to find a new style for yourself and you will question "does this look ok or is it all in my mind" and you will experience euphoria on an almost daily basis as people notice the change and compliment you - or you will feel horror and disgust for the same reason - were you SO bad before that all of a sudden losing weight makes you more worthy of praise? You will be looked at by others as smarter and more competant JUST because you're thinner and it will make you angry while still making you grateful that people are finally recognizing your true worth. Your relationships with people that you've had in your life forever will change - some for the better, some for the worse...some friends may be jealous, some may see you as a more appealing friend now that you've lost the weight and again you will question why. You will go through the new trials that massive weight loss brings - excess skin, multitudes of clothes, getting used to your new body. Every day will be filled with shocks, awes, tears - good and/or bad, and unbelievable joy. You will go through the first year or two or three or four, wondering when you're going to wake up from this beautiful dream of a normal life, then the next day is going to come filled with new excitement and a new challenge.
Those are just some of the things off the top of my head. We are always here for you on the board, and I know you know that. But, trust me, when you reach the century club - when you have your first birthday or rebirthday and/or reach goal - when you fit into your first single-digit-sized pair of jeans and you're crying and your supportive friends and family are sitting there watching you like you're insane - you are going to want to pick up the phone and find a real person there on the line to talk to you, to meet you, to jump up and down and cry with you, all because they understand, they've been there and remember that euphoria and disbelief, or they're on their way and can't imagine what it's going to be like when it's them.
That, in a nutshell, it's the support that we can only get from each other.
Thank you, my friends, for all you've been to me on this journey. I love you all.
WELL THAT WAS AN AWSOME POST AND I AM PLEASED TO HAVE ADDED IT TO MY PROFILE...WHAT A GREAT ENCOURAGEMENT TO SEE SO MANY PEOPLE WHO APPEAR TO BE STRANGERS,YET LOVE SO FULLY.
PRAYER FOR THE DAY...APRIL 18TH 2005
DEAR LORD: THANK YOU FOR SUCH WONDERFUL FRIENDS ON AMOS. I HAVE MADE MANY WONDERFUL CONTACTS AND LORD THEN THERE IS PENNY... MY SURGERY PARTNER.. THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING US TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP AND BLESS HER AND HEAL HER BODY AND HER SPIRIT AS WELL TO COMPLETION FOR YOU HANDIWORK..LORD AS FOR ME PLEASE ERASE THESE FEELINGS OF INADEQUACY... I AM SURE ONE DAY I WILL FULFUL MYSELF TO YOUR SATISFACTION.. BUT UNTIL THEN HELP ME TO TAKE THINGS ONE DAY AT A TIME...
THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPROT SYSTEM YOU HAVE GIVEN ME AND HELP ME TO APPRECIATE THEM FOR WHO THEY ARE.. IN CHRIST'S NAME I PRAY AMEN.
April 22, 2002
I sit here and read all the profile and posts of other members and I am amazed at the respones every one gets. I am in total misery and wish i never did this to myself. This was one of the hardest decisions of my life and I have very little support from family... The only one who supports my decision is My aunt Mary and I am so Grateful I have her in my life.. Thank you Aunt Mary for all the love and encouragement.
I have never really had a family to love or support me. Even though I was raised with 7 brothers and sisters. Now I feel even more alone than ever, wishing to God I had a different family. A family to care and support any decisions that needed to be made.
I cry all the time and feel so alone out here in the middle of nowhere. What have I done to myslef, why did i do it, when will I like myself again. I think i was happier when i was eating and being myself. Now i feel like every thing is gone...and i will forever be lost in a world of isolation and desperation.
I will post again soon....23 lbs gone forever
APRIL 24TH 2005...
Today is a better day... I am not feeling those same feelings of worthlessness I was 2 days ago...
I HAVE NOT WEIGHED IN A FEW DAYS BUT I AM SURE I AM A FEW POUNDS LIGHTER THAN BEFORE. I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE NICE TO POST MY MEASUREMENTS NOW BEFORE I GET TOO SMALL AND WILL NO LONGER HAVE THESE AVAILABLE...SO HERE GOES...
WAIST:59 INCHES
HIPS: 74.5 INCHES {YIKES}
ARMS: 16.5 INCHES
BUST: 57.5 INCHES
THIGHS: 28.5 INCHES
KNEES:21 INCHES
CALF: 18.5 INCHES
Neck....16.5 inches
THESE NUMBERS ARE DISGUSTING TO ME. I HOPE THEY CHANGE SOON. SEEING THE WEATHER IS SO BAD... I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO THE WEATHER BECOMING NICER TO GET OUT AND ENJOY THE BEAUTIFUL DAYS AHEAD..
I HAVE BEEN DEPRESSED LATELY, AND I AM SURE THE WEATHER HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH ALL OF THE NEGATIVE MOODS. BUT THERE WILL COME A TIME WHEN THINGS WILL GET BETTER AND I WILL BE ON THE WAY TO A NEW MORE HEALTHY ME.
I HAVE A HUGE SUPPORT SYSTEM ON HERE AND I CANNOT THANK EVERY ONE ENOUGH FOR ALl THE SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGEMENT.....IT DOES HELP TO KNOW THAT YOU ALL HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS VERY THING AND I AM NOT ALONE...
I HAVE GONE FROM 295 TO UNDER 268 LBS IN 2 WEEKS AND I SHOULD BE VERY PROUD OF MYSELF FOR ALl I HAVE DONE TO GET TO THIS POINT.
THIS IS SOMETHING I HAVE DONE FOR ME AND ME ALONE. IT IS SOMETHING THAT CANNOT BE TAKEN AWAY OR GIVEN BACK AND IT IS MINE TO KEEP.
I LOOK FORWARD TO MEETING THE WOMAN WHO IS BURRIED UNDER NEATH THIS SHEATH OF PROTECTION...
I AM EXCITED TO BE ON THIS RIDE TO A NEW ME....YEAH IT IS REALLY GOING TO HAPPEN.
UNTIL MY NEXT POST....
Today is April 25th 2005....
I thought I would add my weigh-ins to my post.
April 11, 2005
295
April 18, 2005
277
April 25, 2005
270
May 2, 2005
263
February, 4 2005
165
I know that I should not weigh in more than this so this will be my guideline...I am already to the point of becoming addicted to the scale so.. if I set up a guideline to weigh no more than once a week... I will avoid the addiction that comes along with this surgery.
Prayer for the day...April 25th, 2005
Dear Lord, Help me to keep mindful that we are in this together. We are partners in health and I trust that I will lose weight and lose it quickly. I am tense and aprehensive about my ability to lose weight. The subject of weigh loss is touchy and I have failed so many times in the past. Help me to remember that this is not a diet rather than a lifestyle change. And along with the lifestyle change,,, comes responsibility. Help me to remember that Barriers are not an option and I can do this... I am on week 2 of a liquid diet and it is trying my patience... I am ready to start to eat again and that can be a little scarry.
I can do this with your help and guidence. You are the rock on which I stand and I thank you for calling me to this procedure. I do not want to mess this up and I trust you will help me to stay faithful to the program of the new life center.
In Christ's Name I pray ... Amen
April 29, 2005
I had my tube and staples taken out a few days ago.. on the 26th to be exact. I feel better every day and I am gettig stronger too. I am not sure about the weight loss.. it appears that things have already slowed down. It could be this nasty weather.. I do like the out doors and with it being so cold, I cannot get out and exercise as much as I would like to. But all I can hope for is to stay strong and continue what I am doing.
I started to eat yesterday. I had a 1/4 cup oatmeal and a 1/4 cup of cottage cheese for breakfast... That seemed to have gone ok,,, I mean no problems digesting it. I had a 1/2 cup of tomato soup for lunch.. Oh my that was heaven, and a 1/2 cup cottage cheese for dinner. That did not seem to go as well. I felt sick for a while but did not dump. I think I ate it too fast. i will learn to eat slower.. but the thaught of eating warm cottage cheese makes me ill too. I guess I will have to find different things to help me along in this.
I thaught I would be happy about eating finally, but when it actually came tome to eat, I was looking at it different. I had to force it down. Maybe it could be that I have been on liquids for so long and now I have no appetite at all and I have to be reminded to eat something.
Fluids seem to be a problem too.. they were not in the beginning, but now, I do not even care to drink..I forget alot and do not think about it until my mouth is parched. I hope this changes by the time it gets hot outside.
Well I will update soon..
May 05,2005
I am 24 days post op today. I am concerned about the weight loss. I am not losing as fast as I could be. I have no desire to exercise at all. I have not walked in 5 days and I know this is a no no but I will have to do something. As Far as eating goes, I am able to eat a half a cup of cottage cheese or anything else that is on my diet. I had 1/4 cup potatoes mixed with egg whites for dinner yesterday and it was so good. I hadd no problems with it.
I am going to be on the same diet for another week from today and I can add different things to my diet. I never thaught I would say that I would be sick of cottage cheese, but I am. The egg whites are ok. Pure protein so it is ok. I jsut thinking about the protein. Those shakes are gross. But I do try to add at least one per day. When I am supposed to be drinking 4 to 6 of them.
I went shoppping yesterday. I can have creamed soup that are low in fat, but could not really find any that are appealing to me so I went to the dry bean and lentil section. I found that lentil beans have 13 grams of protien per 1/4 cup. So I made a huge pot of that flavored with beef broth. I ate some before going to bed and it was so good and I had no problem with them. 1 cup of it has 52 grams of protein in it. I will see how it goes for me.
I have so many questions to ask but am fearful to ask them. I am not getting in my required amount of fluid...maybe only 10 to 20 oz of fluid a day. I was fearful of this and it will get warmer outside. I fear gettig dehydrated in the summer months.
Well I will return at another time maybe with some answers to the questions I do have. This was alot harder than I could ever immagined.
September 14th
Well here it is 5 months and three days post op. I have not posted in a long time. I am down to a weight I can handle. I have increased my exercise routine to 3 times a day. I want this to be over and am not happy with the weight loss. I want it all off now. I have never been one to sit back and be comfortable with slow progress.
Protein and fluid still seem to be an issue with me. I try daily to increase slowly the amounts I am supposed to take in. There is a terrific support group here in Fremont that I attend on a regular basis. I am grateful for them. They are just wonderful. I have a great froup of people who are there for me daily, whenever I need them.
I will have OH put up a picture of me as soon as I can get an updated one.
To all who read this, Good luck in your endeavors.
September 22, 2005. I am at the century mark. 100 lbs gone forever. Now I need to increase my protein and water intake. I need to pump harder at exercise to break a plateau. I found this on LG's Profile and I am going to start this today. I hope It works for me. I am in my own plateau and it needs to stop. I want tolose another 50 lbs so I can apply for my tummy tuck. Well here is the plateau I found:
HOPE IT WORKS FOR ME AS WELL AS IT DID FOR LAURIE
Plateau Buster
#1 - Do this for 10 days to break a plateau
#2 - Drink 2 quarts of water a day
#3 - You must have 45 grams of protein supplement and all your vitamins/minerals supplements each day (some suggest at least 60 and up to 80 gr)
#4 - You may consume up to 3 oz of the following high protein foods, 5x a day
beef
pork
chicken
turkey
lamb
fish
eggs
low fat cheese
cottage cheese
plain yogurt or artificially sweetened
peanut butter
beans/legumes
You may also have:
sugar free popsicles
tea or coffee
sugar free soda
sugar free jello
broths
crystal light drinks
#5 - If it's not on the list, you can't have it for 10 days!!!!
#6 - Keep a food diary and try to get up to 30 mins of exercise daily
I AM GOING TO TRY THIS....SOUNDS GOOD. I MAY JUST DO THE TRICK. 50 LBS IS NOT MUCH, AT LEAST WHEN YOU COMPARE IT TO 170 IN THE BEGINNING.
GOD BLESS EVER ONE. I HAVE MADE SOME WONDERFUL CONTACTS HERE ON OH AND WOULD NOT CHANGE ONE THING OR PERSON
October 6, 2005:
I am going to post a letter to a dear friend of mine. It is not something that I would normally do,but this is such a special person and I feel as though she needs some special recognition here.
Dear Aunt Mary:
Words can never express how grateful I am for you. You have been the best source of support and encouragement to me through my entire life. To have you by my side through all I have gone through, even though yo may not understand it all or if things may come as a surprise or shock to you, you have never made me feel like I am worthless. You have given me strength beyond compare and you are a model of love and generosity in my life.
To have you by my side in life is more than any one person could ever ask for. I am blessed to have you in my life, You are my friend and confidant. There are times in every person's life when it is time to stand up and give recognition to the one's who have made a difference. Take a bow Aunt Mary, this is your time to shine. I could not have done any of this with out your help and encouragement.
I look forward to the day when we will both look back on this and laugh and say." We did this together"..Can you believe this is finally coming a reality in my life? I cried the day you were at the hopspital and you told me it was going to be OK with tears of your own flowing...I do not forget things easily Aunt Mary and for what you have done for me through my life, I will forever be grateful. Grandma is lookign down at you with a huge smile on her face and I have to believe that she is very proud of you. She did a fantastic job and you are to be commended for your efforts. I know too that she is looking down at me and saying, "you are getting skinny, never thought I would ever see this day coming"....I remember when I was at dad's and she said "HOW MUCH DO YOU WEIGH RAE? all I could do was chuckle with her and say alot grandma...
I am pleased with my results so far and you have been so great through it all. The emotions I have experienced, you have been right there the entire time and I could not have asked for any one better to have by my side...I love you with all my heart and Ihave said before you will never be forgotton and it is the truth..I love you so very much. Thank you my friend for being there the good times and the bad....
Your loving neice,
Rae Rae
Take a look at the person who has made all the difference in my life...put the puzzle together and find out what a lovely person she is.
Hello all!.... I have not posted in quite some time. I am doing well. Have had lots of ups and downs the last 7 months. But nothing I cannot deal with. I am pretty much at gaol except for lots of skin issues. MY doc tells me I will not be able to lose much else due to no more fat cells. I am ok with this, but very dissatisfied with all the skin hanging.
I found this poem and I would like to add this to my profile. I have so much more to learn and I am excited to have become a part of such a great group.
So many nights, I whimpered and cried,
Thought that my prayers had all been denied.
Stuffing my feelings, ashamed of my plight,
Trying to stop, with all of my might.
Shoving in cold spaghetti, at three in the morning,
Frying shrimps by the time the daylight was dawning.
Drinking gallons of soda, my heart wildly beating,
Hating myself, 'cause I couldn't stop eating.
The monster in me would come out to play,
And as much as I begged him, he wouldn't go 'way.
Morning would come, and that is when,
The whole vicious cycle would start once again.
Tears would be streaming, I felt like a cow,
I wanted to stop, but I didn't know how.
Boarding a plane, and seeing the fear
In the eyes of the others..."Don't let her sit here!"
Walking a block, and feeling such pain,
That I went right back home to start eating again.
" Your face is so pretty! Start using your head!"
"Just eat smaller portions, " my family said.
" Put down the fork! Push back from the table!"
That's what my friends said...But I wasn't able.
" Willpower's the secret! We'll help you get through it!"
" TRY HARDER, " they urged...But I couldn't do it.
I tried every diet to get back on track,
I'd lose weight and then just gain twice as much back!
Every morning I'd pray, " God let me be good..."
Then I'd fail once again...and no one understood.
Each new day would bring another attempt,
Each evening would bring still more self-contempt.
Filled with self-loathing, such awful remorse,
Simply unable to get back on course.
Overwhelmed with this state of awful depression,
Giving in to this dark, paralyzing obsession.
I thought to myself, " You'll always be fat.
Accept it, move on! Learn to live with that fact! "
Questioning God and wondering why,
Positive that I was destined to die.
Yet something inside me was whispering, "No..
There MUST be a way. It HAS to be so."
I felt a new person was waiting inside me,
And it was her voice, I permitted to guide me.
I knew I could no longer go on this way,
Desperate and dying, bit by bit, day by day.
So I got on my knees, and prayed for relief,
Then God sent a miracle to lessen my grief.
A way to stop eating, so crazy I thought,
Went against everything I had been taught.
This was my last option, I felt like a jerk
If this didn't do it, then NOTHING would work!
So I trusted the doctors, wholly and blindly,
And my God smiled down, completely and kindly.
An unorthodox treatment, but working so well,
To help lift me OUT of this ongoing hell.
A surgical wonder, that acts as a tool
To battle the fat, which has made life so cruel.
So as scared as I was, I knew I'd get through it...
Since I was so much more afraid not to do it.
And it went very smoothly, and I'm convinced that
That pain was less than the pain of this fat.
Nothing could hurt more than being this size,
While seeing the pity in everyone's eyes.
That part of my life is over and done,
But I'll never forget the place I come from.
I'll always be grateful, I'll always be driven
To bestow upon others the support I've been given.
The obsession has lifted, I'm whole and I'm free,
God and my surgeon gave my life back to me.
I've learned to eat slowly, I've learned how to chew
Enjoying my food, as normal folks do.
I eat when I'm hungry, I stop when I'm not,
Being fat, in this life, will not be my lot.
I eat not for sport, but just to survive,
My whole life is changing...I'm glad I'm alive!
I will reach the goal that I'm aiming toward,
I've truly been blessed...Thank You, Dear Lord.
The peace that I feel is calming and true,
And for those who still suffer...I wish it for you
I hope you enjoy this as there is so much more to experience here. as I continue to wish you all well on yor specific journey. May the God of Hope be with all as you reach personal goals.
Rae
Future Update
December 19,2005
Hello Family......
I sure wish I could post my own pics up here.....It is amazing to see the changes that occur daily on this WLS endeavor. I have been trying to stay focused on my goals...however when I look at all the beautiful faces and the great many challenges that have been over come, my heart fills with saddness and regret at the same time....Saddness that I am not any where near goal as of yet...not that I will not acheive it or find it obtainable, however, regret that this was not done much much earlier.. I think about a life filled with misery. A life filled with hatred and sorry for a person I once knew oh so well. A life filled with pain and agony from carrying the weight around so long and the pressure put on my joints and bones. A life filled with hatred for all the people who once knew me as the Fat Slob who just gave into her temptations...A person who's life has succombed to being the butt of everyones jokes.from age 7 to age 37...
I look back and remember how it used to be for me..and now it is different people see me in the same light...Will I always be the fat person in a semi thin persons body? Will I overcome and be the acheiver I have always been longing for? These are questions I ask everyday of my life. I sit here 37 years old...no occupation to call my own. Broke and in despair this holiday season...not being able to give my children a Christmas of my own for 3 years in a row now.
Will I ever be what I want to be? Will I ever become the woman who has such desires of my heart to be loved and give love in return..or is it too late....?????I am scared for my future,,,,I am not sure how many of you actually read this, but there are sad times asscoicated with this process and I am thinking now I was much better off fat and happy than semi thin and utterly miserable.
I have desires beyond measure and someday it is my hope that I find all my heart truley desires....
Rae
Future Update
February 2, 2006....
Well hello there family....
It has been so long since I have updated my profile...So here goes...the first thing I need to do is add my weight and measurements...
I as of today...165 lbs....that is or leaves me with a total of 150 lbs lost.....Yahoooo....I went from a size 30/32 to a 10/12....Oh MY GOODNESS what a difference.....I am amazed at the changes that have taken place...There is so much to be grateful for and to be thankful for as well...
My body inches are as follows...
Neck....10 in Before....16.5 Oh my god...6.5 inches gone
Bust.....36 in....Before......57.5.....holy camoly....21.5 inches gone
Upper waist....33 in...Before.....59....Yikes.....26 inches poof...
Hips....40 in.....Before.....74.5 Holy crap...that is 34.5 inches off my hips...
Thigh....16 in....Before.....28.5 ......12.5 inches off my thighs....
Calf....13.....Before.....18....5 inches off my calf....seems unreal to me....
If you compare the differences in inches...I have lost a total of 106 over all body inches....That is just amazing to me....To lose 150 lbs in ten months and to lose 106 body inches is just amazing to me...I keep saying that but it is the absolute truth....Nothing in the world beats this process....
Soon I will be undergoing a panieculectomy to repair the skin damage that is here....once that is done...I will feel complete in this journey....Now I will have some more work to go....but will all be so worth it....This is just a way of life and I realize there will still be challenges along the way....but with God all things are possible...I know I can do this...and from day one of this procedure..I said Barriers are not an option and I meant it...To those who think this is an easy way out...you are out of your minds...This is the hardest thing I have ever done for myself and would re do my decision if I had to...
To those who are seeking help of this kind...Go for it...You will be glad you did...the results are fantastic...
More later...
Rae
I would like to make a little statement to a friend of mine that I had met on another web site....
Stacey: you are a very good friend....I am very blessed to have you in my life and the changes you help me make and stay focosed on are of absolute priceless value to me. You asked for a friend and in turn, I have found one. You are very special and I thank you for allowing me to become a part of your life....for mine will never be the same....thank you my friend for all your support and encouragement...May we keep eachother focused and heads held high and focused on the goal....You are the best....Thanks again...
Rae Rae
Dear Lord:
Thank you aiding me to the losing side safely. I am 10 months post OP and could not have done this without you by my side. I am grateful to you for all you have done for me. I am Ok Lord. I am doing well for the time being and it is with your help and guidence that I am doing as well as I am. You have put some wonderful medical personelle in my life and I am pleased to have such a wonderful medical team. They are encouraging and supportive of the decisions that are made on my behalf. I look forward to the life I was meant to live. It will be with your continued love that all things are and have been made possible.
I will not waste my life Lord. The greatest Gift of life has been restored to me and I will fulfill this to the best of my ability,,,The changes that have taken place are overwhelming at times and I ask that I treat this gift with the utmost respect and grave immaginable. You are the center of my world and would not be where I am today, had it not been for you allowing it.
Lord I ask that when I go to see my surgeon for Plastics on Friday that I not go alone. You know the problems that I endure with all the skin issues and I ask that you aid the surgeon to make the decision that best fits my life right now..Lord should it be your will...Help the Medical director expedite the request for this procedure. Help the surgeon see the necessity of this skin removal.
I ask that this go with out a hitch as all else has. I thank you Lord in advance for a smoothe Journey to the life I have ahead of me...
With love and respect dear Lord...
Amen
Monday March 6th 2006
I am back to update you all.
I have undergone some appointments for a plastic surgeon. I was sent in for authorization on the 14th of February. I recieved confirmation of the Authorization on the 22
