Renxr7
Holy Toledo
Oct 29, 2008
Wow I haven't been here in a long time. I think is because I realized that you could type my user name into google and it would go right to my blog. Crazy but a guy I had been dating got to know me little to well via the blog before I could let him in on it. So any way that guy is way gone however I have been way gone too. That's' because I have lost allot and now the weight is way gone. So Since my last post, boy I should go back and read this maybe. I have lost much more weight I am not quite at my goal, but I am way closer and I broke through a large plateau that was holding me back. I think the thing that really helped was that long gone artist and the unlikley new artist I met this summer. He proped me up like no man ever has, and damn damn damn in bed!! But seriously I have never felt so good about myself as I did after being with him. He maybe long gone too but that's another story. Anyway the heighted self esteem and the heighted physical activity(nudge nudge wink wink know what I mean) really did wonders for me I lost 26 pounds between May and August. I have been strickly maintaining since then but I feel another push on the horizon. I am definatly not letting the winter weight come on this year and I will not let a relationship dictate my wieght lose. however I must say again I felt better about myself because I finally felt beautiful in someones eyes and it meant the world to me. So todays total wieght lose since surgery so long ago is 51 pounds. I really did struggle with my tool there for quite awhile. I feel like I am back on track and can't wait to get closer to my goals. One thing I have to say to any one who could be reading this and a reminder for myself is don't forget you still have to work hard and there are ways to enjoy that hard work. The surgry can't do it all for you!! I should post some pic soon as I can finally see the difference and that's what matters.
Been a long time gone 9/7/07
Sep 07, 2007
Well I haven't updated in a while but mostly because Ihave nothing to report. It seems like I am struggleing with the smae 4 or 5 lbs and I am not losing at all. I missed my appt in august and my next fill appt is on the 20th of sept. I had a really rough month and a half or so. So much randon acts of violence. I was attacked while on an exercise walk the day after the fourth of July and then multiple car break ins and then my house and then my dogs were practically poisoned and then my car was spray painted I kind of felt like a karmic whipping post, so as usual under greater pressure I ate and had been pretty stagnate. I am feeling like I am on the up swing, but I am not sure , things can go black in a jiffy. For the last couple of weeks I have been eating better anyway and I am not so afraid to leave the house but I haven't been excersing like I should. I know. I am looking forward to my classes starting and I think that will help things move along soon Tap dancing and belly dancing will start along with yoga and I am thinking of taking a fitness center class wich is more like a lab once you are trained on the machines you can work out when you want. Also it has been sooo hot it has been hard to want to leave the house to walk in the humidity. I do feel like I am getting smaller even if the scale isn't moving I am down to a 14 16 in my clothes and I was about a 20 a few months ago. I am hoping that my next fill will bring the numbers down too. I am physically looking very toned. I kinda started dating this artist and he didn't seem to mind the extra bagagge. Anyway that has also been a source of renewed confidence, even though I don't really think that our relationship will evolve into anything spectacular. I am just saying I do like spending time with him and we have fun and of course have the good stuff but I am not smitten out of my mind, which is probably a sign of maturity and that I have been hurt to manny times to jump full on into anything. He has some issues that I am not sure I would want long term involvement with. He isn't even really the physical type I usually fall for, and I think he is having the same thoughts. And not that that is bad I mean I think everyone pictures them selves with a certain type of person, physical or not and like minded is the most important and we seem to be on different pages of the same book. I also seem very tired all the time I just want to go home and sleep, which I usually end up doing and that's not burning any calories. Ah well I am bound to get the hang of this yet, bound get it?
6/13/07 Hah
Jun 13, 2007
Hah I was right I am done with the monthly craziness and I dropped just under 8 lbs since last Thursday. I must say that the new fill doesn't hurt either I really feel it this time and it is great I mean the full feeling isn't like the full feeling I used to have pre op but it's there. Prior to this fill I really wondered if I had surgery at all except for the scars! I have to very careful how fast I eat now even more conscience then before and I can't make bad choices so far so good I am really in a good place now. I am able to excersise so much more and I am not out of breath like I usually was I mean I do get out of breath but after I have really done something not like before when any activity made me wheezy. I feel like things are really just beginning. I also have a couple of weddings coming up one this weekend, my late husbands best friend and Nick and Liz will most likely be there, the two who blame me for my husbands suicide. I just want to look well put together and not give them any credence I want to be happy for Jamason and Sarah and not think about them at all and now that I feel so much more comfortable in my own skin, it's confidence and I won't be all nervous for my own reason as well. Then next weekend is a really old friends wedding in Madison and I will most likely see some people who I haven't seen since highschool all most 15 years ago. Now when I was a my lowest wieght about 4 years ago I had the ten year reunion with my class and I was a size 12 and some people didn't recognize me. These are older friends who graduated before me and hadn't seen me then so it will rock that I will be almost that same wieght as the reunion. Also it feel great buying new dresses for the occasion and I hope that I only get to wear them once before they don't fit....uhm cause they'll be two big!!! yeay
6/7/07 What's it like to be a lady?
Jun 07, 2007
I'll tell you it deals with a monthly freak fest and bloody thighs!!!
I am on my way to get my second fill and I am so disapointed in my body. I have been really physically active and in the last four or five days I have gianed alomost 8lbs. Another joy of being a lady! I have always gained alot of "water" wieght during my period it's just thatnow it will seem like I have been sitting on my dairy-air (yeah I can't spell, and french who needs it!) this last month. I am embarrassed to have gained wieght even though I could say it will be off in a week, at least I hope that is how it has worked in the past. Actually I was once on a diuretic during my period because I started to gain almost 10 lbs during the week and a half of lady fun. I guess I have to accept some of the blame but only some because I know I could be making better food choices. Argh today is just going really bad and my car was broken into this morning or last night. But on the bright side I am wearring a size 14 skirt today and 14/16 top from Lane Bryant. Like I said I have been pretty active my classes stopped and I started walking alot. About 2.5 miles on my lunch break and another 2.5 a night. Next week a new yoga class starts and the week after a new Belly dance class so maybe with the new added activity coming I can do better on the scales, but honestly the inches are coming off. the day of surgery I was a very tight 18 and now a comfortable 14. Ah well now if I can only convince the PA Ryan that my period comes with boat loads of water as well as I convinced myself......... god gamn lady days
I am on my way to get my second fill and I am so disapointed in my body. I have been really physically active and in the last four or five days I have gianed alomost 8lbs. Another joy of being a lady! I have always gained alot of "water" wieght during my period it's just thatnow it will seem like I have been sitting on my dairy-air (yeah I can't spell, and french who needs it!) this last month. I am embarrassed to have gained wieght even though I could say it will be off in a week, at least I hope that is how it has worked in the past. Actually I was once on a diuretic during my period because I started to gain almost 10 lbs during the week and a half of lady fun. I guess I have to accept some of the blame but only some because I know I could be making better food choices. Argh today is just going really bad and my car was broken into this morning or last night. But on the bright side I am wearring a size 14 skirt today and 14/16 top from Lane Bryant. Like I said I have been pretty active my classes stopped and I started walking alot. About 2.5 miles on my lunch break and another 2.5 a night. Next week a new yoga class starts and the week after a new Belly dance class so maybe with the new added activity coming I can do better on the scales, but honestly the inches are coming off. the day of surgery I was a very tight 18 and now a comfortable 14. Ah well now if I can only convince the PA Ryan that my period comes with boat loads of water as well as I convinced myself......... god gamn lady days
Oh to be 14 again! 5/25/2007
May 25, 2007
So I am not doing so hot with my food I guess it's more making bad choices than anything else. I am able to tolerate everything I put in my mouth and I haven't really had any fullness probelms. Sometimes I eat too fast and I can feel it stuck like. Anyway I have been so busy with dance recitals and such that I feel like I haven't done the best and it is still coming off being sick and finally getting some energy and life back. Chocolate is driving my crazy, and never in my life did I crave sugar candy and now I just lavish in the though of laffy taffy. I try to avoid and replace with rasberry sorbet, I never thouhgt I would end up with worse cravings after surgery! Maybe PMS something I have recently rediscovered I feel at a disadvantage dealing with achy bloated periods for the first time in almost 15 years, my friends think I am nuts, but in defense I just haven't had as much practice. Well I think I have figured out what I will do with out classes at adult ed this summer. I am going to take a belly dance class with Katie at the Cassandra school and I think I am going to take yoga with Jeanne again and Katie too. She is trying very hard to get the baby weight off and it is so wierd she is about 2 inches taller than I am and she is ( sorry KQ) about 175 right now and she is in a size 16. I am 5'2 and I think just under 220 and just starting to be in bigger 14s. Yeah size 14's. I am wearing my favorite jeans right now and I had them in 18 and when they went on sale I bought them in a 14, that was like last summer and today I am wearring them to work and they look all right no muffin top! I put up some more pictures but none after surgery yet I have to get them on disk, maybe next week. (I love love love the Amy Winehouse cd Back to Black, listening to it right now). so two weeks before the next fill and I am looking forward to it. I see the pictures of mee from 2003 and size 12 and I am so close, that was as small as I remember being ever--- I haven't grown much since about 3rd grade samr height and shoe size, just got rounder-- I think I was a size 12 in 3rd grade too. Anyway it is at that point that I will be expolring where I have never been before and I loved myself at that wieght, probably because I got there on my own, but didn't stay there very long. I just know that when I was there before I felt pretty and normal. I am looking at my avatar pic and that was the prime moment in my life those say two weeks surrounding that picture was like "real" life. Maybe also because I had just met Matt, for the first time in my life I had a boyfriend, my friends were as thick as thieves and not seperated from eachother, I was the lightest I had ever been and I was 28. I remember after the picture was taken thinking oh my god we are like "sex and the city". The last couple of years have been so hard and you can see it on my face my eyes my demeanor. Maybe I think if I can just get back to size 12 I can get back there too?
5/16/07 She'll be coming around the mountain if she comes
May 16, 2007
A mountain of laundry and crafts. I am finally feeling a little better and do notice a small difference after my first fill however I didn't quite get what a first fill would be because I have been so sick. I mean I haven't really been on track with anything andi stopped journaling and cut way back on exercise because of the illness I have been going through I have been sick for almost 1 month and a half. I should get some more pictures up I have been taking weekly pictures and this weekend is my belly dance preformance, that is the exercise I have been focusing on because of the preformance, so I have just figured out how to get the pictures off my digital camera, funny we found it in my motherin laws car trunk and we have no idea where it came from, so it doesn;t have any instructions so it's a little hit and miss. I just fianlly got picture off it from February of 2006, the last trip to Puerto rico, oh I feel like home sick looking at them and now I really have to go in August, I am not known for being frugal, but I am known for making it work so I will try and keep it in mind when planning the trip with no money! I wish my parents were coming to the show this weekend but my mom just had knee surgery and she isn't going anywhere any time soon, and I have missed so much work from sickness that I won't be going anywhere any time soon either. so yeah pictures i am starting to get compliments which is cool I am a little scared because my classes are ending for the summer and I don't know what to do. Should I join the y, or find another yoga studio just to have one class I think I need a schedule even if i decide to just work out in my little dojo and treadmill it has to be scheduled and then I should be okay. I would like to swim at the Y, but I am feaked out about getting mocked and tauntghted, I know you think I am being paraniod but i get something almost everyday if not from a car window then under their breath. Now I can hold my own at say a punk rock show,cause if anyone gives me lip about being fat i just lay into them about being ugly and start a bar brawl!! haha but I can't hold my own in the gym it just doesn't seem like I wouldn't have a leg to stand on. Anyway things are going okay and i feel like I am back on track after the sick, I have another apointment in about 3 weeks for a second fill. I had lost another six pounds at my last appointment which I thought was pretty good considering,but I think that I can do better now that I am better. I am a little confuses because I am not sure what my weight really is, all the scales are so different so at the Dr office I think I was at 220 the scale at my work which I think is 7 lbs off I am 226 which should make me 219 at the dr office anyway my inches are awesome and I am in size 16 in most brands now. About 5 years ago I was a size 22-24 and went down to a size 12 on my own. Moe recently I was about a 20 in december and then rode 18 for awhile I am glad to go down, for a long wqhile all my close just were to tight so i fit comfortably in someof my favorute clothes and I still have everything from going down so far before it's like a hidden treaure trove of clothes yeah!! Well I gotta get going I really not saying much anyway other then aside from sickness evrything is going fine.
5/2/07 sick of this bullshit
May 02, 2007
well I did just fine after my three week apt and I have my first fill coming up on the 8th so just a week away. I am looking forward to it I am hoping that I will have less hunger issues. I am fine all day at work and then at night at home I am like a different person I haven't been keeping much food in the house cause I would be all over it and I am able to eat quite a bit, however way way less then I could have before. However just two days after my three week check up I ended up in the ER with flu symtoms and I got all freaked out it, it was an infection and I was rejecting the new parts of my body. Thank god everything from the surgery was alright I did have respritory influenza though and I was really really sick I felt worse those first few days with the flu then I did out of surgery. really. I had to stay away from work for about four days and I was very contagious so I really didn't leave the house I hardley left the bed actually. I did see the numbers on the scale go down I went from 230 to about 217 in five days. I knew that was mostly because of how sick I was and I wasn't really eating and my fever was so high I just sweat out everything I drank I had to have IV fluids when I got to the hospital. That lasted about a week and it was muscle aches and high fever either stuffed up or runny nose and just misery. I went back to work on Thursday and I still wasn't feeling the best but I had no sick time left. I finally got over the congestion and the nose running but I am still coughing and hard, I keep breaking blood vessels in my face not to mention my complexion looks so great while I had a fever it was like I cooked the outer layer of skin on my face I was so dry and cracked even the edges of my eyelids were like chapped and cracked in the corners. I need major exfoliation then under neath are all the red spots and little healing bruises from the petikia boy I am a real beauty. So anyway I went back to the Dr. yesterday to have a check up on the flu and I told her about the coughing and well we tested and now I have pnuemonia yeah! the only thing that could make my body any better would be to get my period which happened Saturday during my Tap class super awesome! So now I am still trying to break the flu bug and it has teamed up with pnemonia and now my ovaries want in to. which I have to admit was overjoyed to get my period because I am not regular at all and they say it is most likely the wieght so seeing that I have lost some my body is taking back control from the frankenfat. However I just have to say perfect timing. So in alll calculations I went down almost fifteen pounds when I was sick the gained 10 back with the water wieght of my cycle and today I am down five of that for a granf total after surgery at 5 weeks of 9 lbs and for a grand grand total( when I started to diet for surgery of 36lbs. I think not so bad. My clothes fit and I feel good in my skin I have already been getting complements and I can tell in inches way more than in pounds, however still can't wait for that first fill. I really want to start and tip the scales!
4/18/07 three weeks and wondering
Apr 18, 2007
Well I have been feeling fine I did have a little bit of a stitch coming out and it is a little red around the big inscion but other wise fo far so good. I have made it to two belly dnace classes and a tap class and yoga last Wednesday and tonught in between I have been doing the ball work out at home with a little adjustment , still kinda hurts to try and put all my weight on my stomache. Yesterday was my three week check up and I met with the infamous PA Ryan and he said it looks like everything is on track and that he was impressed with how much I have been working out and trying to incorporate activity into my work day . But I gotta say I am hungry and tired and I it doesn't sound like there is much I can do about it. They should all be the expected things with the surgery. I just thopught that I was going to feel a lot fuller and less hungry. I understand that adaption will come with some time as it has only been three weeks but I don't know I feel like I could totally binge and eat like I used to. I made an appointment for may 8th to get my first fill and it sounds like it is going to be better after that. The dietican said that I would be eating half of what I am able to now, and that the fill will help with feeling fuller and less hungry keep my fingers crossed. Other wise I am healing fine and am very active the scale isn't moving much but I understand it won't really yet since my band is wide open and I am well healed with no inflamation. Also the amount of working out could be making muscle . I am already to muscle bound and I hope to try and not increase my muscle mass by too much. I already have very defined calves and forearms. I don't want to look like some kind of female body builder. My stomache is growling now and I am off to let the dogs out then to yoga class. I will check in next week ta
4/10/2007 up and down and up and down
Apr 10, 2007
I just got back from doing my stairs at work. Once a day we have to deliver unfiled docs to district court. I volunteered to go twice a day so I could do 10 flight down and 10 flights up. No so bad just shy of two weeks after surgery. I start my belly dance class tonight, yoga starts tomorrow and tap dance on Saturday. I also just got one of the big fitness balls with a work out dvd I watched a couple of times first and I am okay with most of the exercise it's just that it hurts to lay atop the ball still so maybe in another week or so I can but that into the routine some where. I would like to be able to do some thing every morning, not suep stenous or high cardio because I don't want to be pooped out before I get to work. I used to love doing the MTV yoga in the Am and still do but I got a little burnt out on it. I am hoping that the ball can replace that and I have a bunch of good bellydance dvd's that I just need to get in to a little more it will help that classes are starting up. So my goal is to have an everyday am work out warm up for the day and then either one of my classes in the evening or something at home yoga pilates belly dance or the treadmill, anything yoga booty ballet the new yok ballet wok out just anything so I am not dreading the idea of activity but looking forward to it . As far as eating goes I am a litttle scared I don't know if it is my subconsious or th e brat in me but I almost feel like I have to push my intake to feel the fullness to find out what happens when you over do it. So far I haven't even felt full if it weren't for the inscisions I would seriously question if the band was in place. It seems like I could go on eating with out a problem. I did call the dietican first because between meals my stomache would growl like there was a full moon and second because I did push it and could eat like 9oz she said it was most likley that I was not as swollen around the bad site, that I did so well in recovery that I could just not have as much inflamation as usual. She also said I should try and get more protein in between meals that will help with the growling, but that that is also just part of the adjusment. So far I have lost 5lbs since surgery. It felt really good to get back to the routine at work. I fel like I has less time worring about it and I feel like I do better with my meals and drinking. The first few days after surgery were hard because I was a little bored so my head was telling me to eat and it felt so good to taste and chew a littleI may have gone a little overboard because it was so good. But being back at work is giving me the routine I lacked the week off at home. Look out things are going to start getting better and better, now that I feel like my diet is on track and classes are starting I hope that I am in the high teens next week you know high 200 teens! I am at 224 right now with 5 lbs down from surery and 27 lbs down before hand for the grand total of 32 lbs! It feels like it hasn't come off yet but I realized I had been wearring all my clothes at max capacity and now things like my favorite pants actually fit right and don't cut off the circulation at my waist. I can't wait to actually be in smaller sizes. My BFF lol just had a baby and she is in about the same size I am and she was down to 95lbs last february ( long story depression city) so although she is in the highest spirits over her fab new son Ezra King, I know that if she could lose alittle it would give her the confidence she needs to get her life and her family's life back on track. So I am hoping to kling on and make her become my work out partner. I signed her up for belly dance class tonight with me and I am hoping to talk her into working out in my "home gym". I gotta find a bett name like my little dojo or something anyway I feel like a partner would be the best thing for both of us. Have no fear banders out there I can feel the force slowly but surely!
4/5/2007 one week and the weak one
Apr 05, 2007
Hello!! well I am back infront of the computer so that means I am back at work! One week after surgery and right back to the grind stone! I will have to say that the surgery went as well as possible text book. I was really nervous before hand and I have had fainting problems in the past, like when I got my wisdom teeth removed. The Dr. put the heart moniter thing on my finger and I said to him did you give me anything and he said no not yet and I said well I am pssingin out and that was all I remember befroe waking up being dragged out to my Dad's car. This was like that. I got to the hospital early and they started getting me ready. I had to get into my gown and anti-embolism then I was told to lay down and another person came in and took my blood sugar as the pre op nurse went through all the questions and did some explaining. Then another person came in and started my IV. That was about the time my Dad got to come back to see me. Then the main Anethesialogist came in and the man who was going to be administering it. he was nice and I tried to joke around but I wasn't that funny. Anyway he talked about the anethsia and how he is a specialist for this type of surgery and that it all started because his patients looked so much better comiong out of surgery that others. my surgeon came in and we talked briefly and he talked to my Dad. Then it was time to roll they took my bed down to the OR then I had to scoot over to another bed and make sure my heels touched the bottom the Anesthia guy, Jerry started to talk to me tell me what was happening and why as he was strapping my arms down out to the sides. That was a little un nerving because you know it's happening and up until this point it seemed like I could just get up and walk out and now that your arms are stapped down there is no wat out and you just gotta take a deep breath and go. Then the oxygen mask was put on and they were talking I said hey where's the new car smell, again joking that wasn't funny but that was the last thing I said as I was put out. In recovery I was barely awake and I remember saying I can't breath and I was given a nebulizer treatment I was super groggy and remember the neb treatment but just barely. I started to be more clear headed and the nurse was right by my side as I awoke fully I wasn't in any pain just in a dreamy sleepy state. I was sent to a semi private room and I slept for just a little bit, my Dad was there and he had talked to the surgeon afterward. he said that it went really well and I had no great problems or abnormalities. After the brief nap I got up and walked, I walked for about a hlf hour very slow, but I had good company. There were two nursing students to wak with me and we talked about alot of stuff and I felt really good, no pain, kinda achy but really not so bad. I got back to my room and getting back into bed was hard it made the port insicion hurt. I took one pain med and doozed for a little while. I had to use the bathroom several times which made getting in and out of bed kinda hard but it felt better to stand or sit instead of lay down. Still better than a cath! After a long while and chatting with Dad and my nurse who had a fab tat it was time to get the exray. Then I would know if I could drink or not and if I would be able to go home. I waited forwever to get into radiology and then the worst you have to sip barium as they take the exray and you have to do it more than once, three times to get all the angles. YUK the exrays went fine and all was well, that means I can drink, but instead I had to wait for about 45min to get back to my room it was a bit of a mess, another lady who was having blood transfusions was waiting for a lot longer and she just started to freak out. When the person who came to get me was near I told them to take her first because she needed assistance asap. I sat mulling over the taste of barium in my mouth wishing I could go to the bathroom. You can't they need to messure what goes in and what goes out, so I sat. O think the worst part of the whole thing except for the wait and the barium was the IV machine it was really close to my head and kept making these grinding noises that were really grating several times I just got up and walked around my chair as far as my IV line would take me because the sound was so piercing after a while. When I got back to my room I went to the bathrooom and tol my nurse that my incisions don't hurt, I am not nuasious or in pain but I has the worst headache it was borderline migraine. She gave me like tylenol through my IV it didn't really clear it up, however I was also able to drink and I new if I could get the 4 8 oz cups down I could go home. it was really nice to sip although my instinct was to gulp dinner was ordered I had broth , jello and something else I can't remember. After dinner it was about 1/2 hour and then I was released and I went home. It was about 8:30 that night.
About Me
Minneapolis, MN
Location
37.5
BMI
Surgery
03/28/2007
Surgery Date
Dec 05, 2006
Member Since
