riasteelersfan
it's been a while
Feb 07, 2007
Well, this morning is my plastic surgery. Such a long time in waiting. I am excited more than anything. Just took some before pictures, and I can't wait to see the results. I think I have realistic expectation of what is going to transpire but we shall see. I am having a umbilical hernia repair, abdominal paniculectomy and thigh paniculectomy. I am trusting God and believing for an amazing recovery, with no incisions opening up and quick healing.
this is from my old site
Feb 07, 2007
Had my first appt today 9/23/03. I was extremely nervous. The main reason for my appt was an umbilical hernia, I had been considering gastric bypass for sometime, but the hernia pushed me over the edge. Dr Colella is able to do the bypass and repair the hernia at the same time. Thank you Jesus. I gave my letter to Brenda from my PCP she is going to send it in tomorrow, so we will see what happens.
10/06 I got approved today. I would like to say that I am overjoyed, but now reality is setting in. It's becoming more attainable I guess. For so long I have dreamed of being a normal weight, and always thought it would be unattainable. I have a meeting next week to go over pre op and post op instructions and I would imagine that it would happen pretty shortly after that is in order. I have to get the procedure done before December because my insurance will be changing. My main purpose in pursuing this surgery is not for vanity reasons. It will be nice to be able to shop in a "normal" clothing store and go on an amusement ride. But, the biggest reason is for relief with my back. I have had back problems since I was 13 and have been overweight for even longer. I have been praying and seeking the Lord on the remedy for my back. I had a spirt a few months ago that had me laid up. I asked the Lord when it was going to end. I felt that He showed me that it is not a back issue, it is a weight issue. So here I am, on this journet. I feel the Lord has given me this opportunity to be healthy and I need to take it. I want to be able to do all that He has called me to do, and part of that is getting in the best physical condition that I can be in. He's given us medical doctors for a reason. I am definately nervous, but I do know that God has a plan. Amen? Amen!
October 22 2003-
Well I got my date on the 20th. December 29th is the big day! I can't believe it. Now things are starting to fit together, God is so faithful!
Below is a poem I wrote for my friends and family...
TO LIVE IN MY BODY
Maria Puszakowski
To live in my body, how could you possibly understand?
You say you know how I feel as you take me by the hand.
To live in my body, is to live everyday in pain.
You say you know how I feel as I try so hard not to complain.
To live my life the best I know how, has become so difficult,
So I try to make it somehow.
You know how I feel, how can that be true?
What if this body was the one that belonged to you?
You’d walk in a room and you would feel the stares.
“Lord, I don’t want to die young,” you would cry in your prayers.
To climb up a mountain,
would be a desire that you would keep hidden.
Year after year, you would cry Lord show me the way.
Failed attempt after attempt, you would learn to survive day after day.
“Why can’t I beat it?” would soon be the cry of your heart.
You’ll hear in response, “You’re not doing your part.”
To live in my body, I would never wish on you.
To live in my body, would be more than you could chew.
I don’t expect you to understand, but this is the choice that I must make.
I have to believe that this decision is not going to be a mistake.
You ask, “Is it worth the risks to go to this extreme?”
My response is, “It’ll be far worse if I don’t, when you look at the grand scheme.”
If I stay where I am, my life is shortened by 20 years.
“Lord, there is too much to do!” I break out in tears.
I can’t live in this body, this shell is my death sentence.
To wake up one morning and be healthy would definitely be my preference.
But that day has not come and in the meanwhile,
I have thrown out my fleece, and this is going to be my new lifestyle.
12/25/03
Merry Christmas to me. Well it's been sometime since I have updated, so I thought I would do it breifly. I am a little freaked out. O.k. A lot! My emotions have been running amuck this week. I am trying not to think about it too much and just do what I need to do. For people that say this is an easy way out, boy are they wrong. This is one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. If I would have gone by my "feelings" I would have backed out of this thing several times. But I know that this is what I am supposed to do. I have to trust the Lord in that.
1/3/2003
Well, it's over and I don't think I want to do that again anytime soon. It wasn't that awfully bad, just not a trip to paradise is all. This is such a serious surgery and I knew it was what I had to do, I was so afraid the week before surgery, I could have chickened out. It's not about feelings, it's about neccesity. I knew that I was going to die if I didn't do it. My mom says when I woke up I kept saying I am so happy I didn't die, over and over. What a nice thing for your parent to hear. I knew the risks involved in surgery and I was prepared, I am so grateful to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ that He brought me through this thing. It's only 5 days post op so I have a lot of adjusting to do. Right now I am having difficulties getting all of my fluids in, as well and some problems getting a deep enough breath at times. But I am told that this too shall pass, So I wait expectantly. God has brought me this far and I expect him to take me all the way. I plan on going to church tomorrow but I am not entirely sure on how that is going to work. I did go to the hospital yesterday to get a ct scan to make sure there are no blod clots in my lungs, they wanted to make sure the pains were normal and not a problem, but that turned out fine. That's all for now.
March 15, 2004
It has been awhile since I updated, so I will do so briefly. I am currently at 288. When I got surgery I was 355! Unbelievable. I am finally starting to feel pretty good. The first two months were horrific! I was miserable. I was admitted back to the hospital twice within the first month after surgery. First time with severe pains in my right upper quardrant, they thought it was a blood clot. Ended up not being a blood clot, but they couldn't figure out what the heck it was. So after 5 days they let me go home. The room mate I was with that time had just had her surgery. She was doing wonderful! She was preparing to go home and when they took her drainage tube out something went wrong. The next day they rushed her in for emergency surgery. I later found out that when they took the drainage tube out it got caught on a staple and ripped her bowel. She ended up on a ventelator and almost died. It was very scary. The second time I went in they thought I had a bowel obstruction. Once again after 5 days it was nothing. I never thought going into this surgery that it would be such a rocky road. But now I am starting to reap the benefits and starting to live. I am excited to see what this year has in store. I am making plans to go to amusement parks and the beach. Things that I have not looked forward to doing since I was a child. Finally I will be able to fit in a roller coaster and not be embarrased that I am too big, well this is it for now...
10/06 I got approved today. I would like to say that I am overjoyed, but now reality is setting in. It's becoming more attainable I guess. For so long I have dreamed of being a normal weight, and always thought it would be unattainable. I have a meeting next week to go over pre op and post op instructions and I would imagine that it would happen pretty shortly after that is in order. I have to get the procedure done before December because my insurance will be changing. My main purpose in pursuing this surgery is not for vanity reasons. It will be nice to be able to shop in a "normal" clothing store and go on an amusement ride. But, the biggest reason is for relief with my back. I have had back problems since I was 13 and have been overweight for even longer. I have been praying and seeking the Lord on the remedy for my back. I had a spirt a few months ago that had me laid up. I asked the Lord when it was going to end. I felt that He showed me that it is not a back issue, it is a weight issue. So here I am, on this journet. I feel the Lord has given me this opportunity to be healthy and I need to take it. I want to be able to do all that He has called me to do, and part of that is getting in the best physical condition that I can be in. He's given us medical doctors for a reason. I am definately nervous, but I do know that God has a plan. Amen? Amen!
October 22 2003-
Well I got my date on the 20th. December 29th is the big day! I can't believe it. Now things are starting to fit together, God is so faithful!
Below is a poem I wrote for my friends and family...
TO LIVE IN MY BODY
Maria Puszakowski
To live in my body, how could you possibly understand?
You say you know how I feel as you take me by the hand.
To live in my body, is to live everyday in pain.
You say you know how I feel as I try so hard not to complain.
To live my life the best I know how, has become so difficult,
So I try to make it somehow.
You know how I feel, how can that be true?
What if this body was the one that belonged to you?
You’d walk in a room and you would feel the stares.
“Lord, I don’t want to die young,” you would cry in your prayers.
To climb up a mountain,
would be a desire that you would keep hidden.
Year after year, you would cry Lord show me the way.
Failed attempt after attempt, you would learn to survive day after day.
“Why can’t I beat it?” would soon be the cry of your heart.
You’ll hear in response, “You’re not doing your part.”
To live in my body, I would never wish on you.
To live in my body, would be more than you could chew.
I don’t expect you to understand, but this is the choice that I must make.
I have to believe that this decision is not going to be a mistake.
You ask, “Is it worth the risks to go to this extreme?”
My response is, “It’ll be far worse if I don’t, when you look at the grand scheme.”
If I stay where I am, my life is shortened by 20 years.
“Lord, there is too much to do!” I break out in tears.
I can’t live in this body, this shell is my death sentence.
To wake up one morning and be healthy would definitely be my preference.
But that day has not come and in the meanwhile,
I have thrown out my fleece, and this is going to be my new lifestyle.
12/25/03
Merry Christmas to me. Well it's been sometime since I have updated, so I thought I would do it breifly. I am a little freaked out. O.k. A lot! My emotions have been running amuck this week. I am trying not to think about it too much and just do what I need to do. For people that say this is an easy way out, boy are they wrong. This is one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. If I would have gone by my "feelings" I would have backed out of this thing several times. But I know that this is what I am supposed to do. I have to trust the Lord in that.
1/3/2003
Well, it's over and I don't think I want to do that again anytime soon. It wasn't that awfully bad, just not a trip to paradise is all. This is such a serious surgery and I knew it was what I had to do, I was so afraid the week before surgery, I could have chickened out. It's not about feelings, it's about neccesity. I knew that I was going to die if I didn't do it. My mom says when I woke up I kept saying I am so happy I didn't die, over and over. What a nice thing for your parent to hear. I knew the risks involved in surgery and I was prepared, I am so grateful to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ that He brought me through this thing. It's only 5 days post op so I have a lot of adjusting to do. Right now I am having difficulties getting all of my fluids in, as well and some problems getting a deep enough breath at times. But I am told that this too shall pass, So I wait expectantly. God has brought me this far and I expect him to take me all the way. I plan on going to church tomorrow but I am not entirely sure on how that is going to work. I did go to the hospital yesterday to get a ct scan to make sure there are no blod clots in my lungs, they wanted to make sure the pains were normal and not a problem, but that turned out fine. That's all for now.
March 15, 2004
It has been awhile since I updated, so I will do so briefly. I am currently at 288. When I got surgery I was 355! Unbelievable. I am finally starting to feel pretty good. The first two months were horrific! I was miserable. I was admitted back to the hospital twice within the first month after surgery. First time with severe pains in my right upper quardrant, they thought it was a blood clot. Ended up not being a blood clot, but they couldn't figure out what the heck it was. So after 5 days they let me go home. The room mate I was with that time had just had her surgery. She was doing wonderful! She was preparing to go home and when they took her drainage tube out something went wrong. The next day they rushed her in for emergency surgery. I later found out that when they took the drainage tube out it got caught on a staple and ripped her bowel. She ended up on a ventelator and almost died. It was very scary. The second time I went in they thought I had a bowel obstruction. Once again after 5 days it was nothing. I never thought going into this surgery that it would be such a rocky road. But now I am starting to reap the benefits and starting to live. I am excited to see what this year has in store. I am making plans to go to amusement parks and the beach. Things that I have not looked forward to doing since I was a child. Finally I will be able to fit in a roller coaster and not be embarrased that I am too big, well this is it for now...
