RYMEBE73

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OMG...it's finally come, have my surgery booked for June 30th...excited, nervous...hope all goes well.  Can't believe I got one this soon, don't get me wrong, am ecstatic, wouldn't change it but after the post-op, was prepared for August/September so this is definitely a little shock to be able to get my journey moving.  Also hoping I can still be able to enjoy my week vacation going camping with the family at the end of July???  a little worried there that I may over do it somehow...

So, it's been three weeks into the new year...how am I doing with my resolutions?

1. I am working on a better lifestyle, reading labels, keeping the calories to what is required, even making more attempts to get more protein in
2. I still need to work on the fitness pal...have a tendency to forget, especially those days where I know I've slipped but still need to be accountable
3. Ah, the fitbit that I had purchased off of an auction site via facebook as my Christmas present to myself, the one that doesn't seem to work... :(  I can't afford getting a new one so not sure what to do here.
4. well...that one can wait till next New Year's Day, right?? :)
5. I am really trying with that one...sometimes I feel like I'm making progress than bam something happens to make me want to just curl up in my bed and not come out.  Of course I don't, my kids depend on me too much with their busy lives for me to have that luxury! LOL

I did my sleep study last week and am happy to report no issues!  I got a call from the doctor's office asking to go through the list of meds I've been on/prescribed with...I totally forgot to mention the max alt to the social worker, this is not something I take every day, it is on an as needed basis, and frankly I haven't needed it for a while now (it's for my migraines that I was getting more frequently when I had more stress in my life)  I still get some real bad headaches, but normally two advil and I'm good to go...I'm not popping advil like candy anymore!  I still have the full bottle I've had since last year, that's good right?  So I go for my second appts in March...I'm making the changes they've requested/want to see, I'm doing my damndest to stick with it and my kids help me too!! :)

This is the year I am hoping that I will have the surgery...with the wait times being quite a bit better I may even be having surgery by the end of summer?  My resolutions for this year:

1. To keep working on a better lifestyle

2. To use my fitness pal daily without fail

3. To start using my fit bit as of tomorrow need to synch it asap 

4. To be skating with my kids exactly 1 year from today 1/1/2015, instead of watching them

5. To be more positive with what life deals me

So tomorrow I'm turning 41...when I first started this journey, I really thought I would have had the surgery before turning the big 4-0 but here I am about to be IN the 40s and still haven't had the surgery.  But, I am closer to it again...went for orientation yesterday, booked my 1st appts this morning!  December 16th - Nurse, January 6th Dietician and SW! So, it's happening, it's really happening...I've even already filled out the paperwork, just need to keep logging my food via myfitnesspal and it'll be that much closer...I am wondering if the way I did my calculation in how quick the process is going though, that I will be on OPTI during our annual family camping trip, which will be quite humorous as I was on OPTI 2 years ago during the non-surgical program at the same time.  I just remember a cousin saying that it sucked I couldn't be her drinking buddy during our holidays that year but next year I would be able to...I did in fact (this was this past summer) endulge in some alcoholic beverages during my vacation, wouldn't say I over-indulged but I was able to participate with all the other adults...this year coming...I'm sure if I am, they'll be those that won't quite understand why, but most of my family has been very supportive of my decision.  I just hope that I'm not scheduled for surgery around that time cause then my kids and I won't be able to go and I know they look forward to it...I know my brother has been great and will probably have them go with him but I wouldn't want to put that on him as he has his own two to worry about...so on to the next phase!!

Here I thought I was going to have to wait till January to get re-referred by my fam doc, but then last Monday there was a message from Maria to contact her, after playing phone tag until Thursday, finally was able to find out they were letting me start my WLS journey earlier than anticipated!!  I go for orientation in November, of this year!!  This excites me, but also makes me nervous, I believe I am ready for this but at the same time, there's still a lot going on in my life that creates a lot of stress (mainly my ex and the looming trial and his lack of empathy to help his kids out)  Anyway, I want to keep this blog positive, so, enough of that...I am now down to 1 coffee a day, am working on switching that to green tea again, need to trick my body into believing it doesn't need caffeine.  We have stopped eating out/getting take out, more home cooked balanced meals!  Am eating breakfast in the mornings, and bringing lunches to work (healthier and cheaper!)  Still need to incorporate some type of daily exercise.  Bowling once a week on a league doesn't really cut it...I was bidding on this bike on an auction site, it was a three wheeler, adult size, but with funds being limited, I really had to watch the budget on it, so I lost out. :(  I wonder if I can find another one for the spring, as now with the weather getting colder, it really wouldn't be easy to go for a ride?  I have a colleague who does a zumba class twice a week, need to see if I can squeeze that in somewhere with the kids' schedules...well, enough talking about it, have to DO IT now, right??  :)  I'm sure my next blog will be all about my next step (getting in to see the RN, SW, & dietician, right?)  Cheers to all who are just starting out, thinking about it, going through it right now, have done it and those that are here for the great support!!

So, after my referral was sent to the Guelph bariatric clinic, I got a call from Maria (I believe she's a nurse there) to let me know that there's a 2 year waiitng period between programs that are covered by OHIP, makes sense so as to be fair to all the others who've been waiting.  So now, I wait till January to get my doctor to send in a fresh, new referral, and if the waiting times don't change too drastically, I'll be in for surgery by next January 2016!!  In the meantime, I am doing my damndest to live a healthier life, cutting down on the caffeine, not sure how well I'll really do there with the weather getting colder but have switched to green tea before, believe I need to go there again and never go back to coffee again...I'll be going back to court this Monday with the ex to see what kind of access visits he'll get...my biggest peeve is, he doesn't try to get involved in the kids' lives out of his regular visits now, why should I stop the way things are if he isn't even showing any initiative to be more involved?  He has supervised visits, he wants to change that to unsupervised...not sure what to do there.  For one thing, there ain't no way in hell he'll ever come to the house!!!  I don't want to see him, I have such a hate on for him for all the crap he's pulled and is continuing to pull, I can't stand the sight of him, even thinking about it makes me want to vomit!  aaaarrghh...but of course the courts are going to side with him, they'll say it's in the best interest for the kids to see their father more.  I really don't know what to do...

So I went to see the doc/nurse practitioner back in February, and she suggested trying it on my own, changing my lifestyle, etc...tried it, it really didn't work, her suggestion was switching the "meal pyramid" instead of having a big dinner, have a big breakfast, I don't have time for a big breakfast...have to feed the kids, get their lunches ready, school books, bags, etc...then I'm out the door.  I already get up at 6am which I find really hard, don't see me getting up any earlier to just make sure I can have huge breakfast...that's my preference right, my choice.  Anyway, here it is beginning of May and I've now gained most of everything I've lost since my first referral...sigh...not a good feeling at all.  Back on my anti-depressants, back to wearing larger clothing, back to bad habits.  My head knows what is right and what is wrong, why doesn't it listen?  So now I've been re-referred as of today, as long as she did it correctly...the ball is rolling, even had some blood work done...waiting game starts again!

well...after completing the non-surgical bariatric program, I weighed 220lbs, that was in December...I have now gained most of it back :(  Getting through the holidays, having financial stress, trying to still juggle being a single mom to 3 beautiful children...I found that 1 - bad habits are hard to stop 2 - I was still always quite hungry 3 - trying to up the veggies isn't easy, and 4 - trying to fit in excercise was next to impossible...sigh...so, I'm going to the doc this Friday to see if I can get re-referred, wonder if I have to go through everything all over again?  Wonder what the wait times are like now in Guelph?  Didn't think I would actually be here in this position, I honestly thought I would be healthier, living a better life...

So, I'm now 22lbs since starting OPTI, and 42lbs since my referall back in January 2012!!  I would really love to get below 200 before Christmas...still have 4 more weeks of full OPTI, then the transition.  I've been reading the G.I. Diet books by Rick Gallop and am hoping I can incorporate that into when I do start eating meals again as I would still like to continue loosing weight.  My first goal is of course to be under 200 but then my next is to get to my pre-baby weight of 160lbs, even though that doesn't put me in a normal BMI yet, I know I was much more healthier than I became.  Finances are still a struggle...trying to take it one day at a time.  Hoping we can get some assistance as school starts in less than a week...yikes...with three kids and not having any $ to get them even new shoes...I am feeling quite depressed.

Positives - I've lost 19lbs doing the Opti Fast program through Guelph General, have 6 more weeks to go then the transition phase.  Here's to hoping I can at least get to my goal of under 200 before Christmas?

Now the Negative - I have been having issues with getting my support payments on a regular basis.  I received my first payment in June (yeah, or so I thought), then I started waiting, and waiting, and waiting...for July, it is now August 15th (mid month) and I have yet to see it. Oh it gets even better...I received a call from FRO yesterday afternoon letting me know that MY payment was sent to the wrong recipient??? WTF???  So not only have I had to wait over a month to get it but I now have been told it could take 2 - 3 months to get that payment back to me??  How does this become my problem?  But of course it is...how do I feed, cloth, provide the necessities of living for my children on just my salary alone?  I have a house to pay for and maintain, a car, and all the bills that go with it too...this doesn't make any sense?  I wanted to go this route so that there wouldn't be any more missed payments, that it would be an automatic deposit into my account on a monthly basis so that I could budget properly.  I have now had my cell phone disconnected, I am sure everything else will not be far behind?  I cried my heart out after the phone call yesterday, luckily I was at my work with no one else around so I just let loose.  But I've been on auto-pilot ever since with a short fuse.  I am so worried that my emotions will have a negative impact on my children, I am trying to not show it, but it's hard, really hard to contain this when I'm at the point of complete despair....