Sara981

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I have been very disillusioned about my surgery in the past few months. But then I met Brian Wallace, my doctor's new nurse practitioner. He gave me the pep-talk I needed, and I believe him, because he had Roux-en-Y in January and has lost 130 lbs already. He has filled my band nearly to capacity, and I am finally really feeling a restriction. I love it love it love it.
I've lost 2 lbs in 3 days since I've had the fill, and feel like I'm back on track. Thank you, Brian. I'm so lucky to have met you and to be able to work with you towards my goals.
The best part about this week is that I just went down to the nurse's office at my work and stepped on the old-school doctor-type scale with the weights and balances, and for the first time in years it was able to register my weight. They only go to 350, and I am now 348.
What a feeling! I can't share this with anyone in my friends/family group because it would be admitting how much I weigh to people, so getting it out here is wonderful.
I'm saving up towards a nordictrack elliptical machine, too, so I can get exercising.
YAY!
Sara

I found a nutritionist and went on a 1350-1500 cal/day diet because I hadn't been feeling any restriction from the lapband. I'm down 25 lbs or so because of that. I had a fill 2 weeks ago (surgery was March 10) and I felt my first restriction, but it's not drastic or anything.
My friend just got Roux en Y and has lost 45 lbs in just over a month. I am very depressed about this. I think I made the wrong decision.
I'm behaving and have changed my eating habits, but the weight isn't coming off too much and my doctor is way too reserved in terms of my fills. If I fail at this, I will be devastated, because this is it for me.  I didn't think failure was possible after lapband! I'm now down to getting 1 cc fills every 3 months! That's just rediculous. I feel like I'll never make my goal.
Thankfully my coworkers and family have told me they've noticed that I've lost weight. That really helps me. I'm down a pant size, which is such a relief. It's been a long time since I went in the right direction.

Okay, this is my first time logging into OH since March because I was hiding from it. I was ashamed because I wasn't losing much weight and wasn't really even trying, so I was embarrassed about going online and reading all these cheerful, supportive notes and seeing all these success stories, because I wasn't having any.
I resented the lap band for months because my surgeon will only give me small fills every 2 months. I had the surgery in March and still barely notice a difference, which is so upsetting because I'd really thought it would help me to see some results already.
Well...I cheated during the 2-week post-fill liquid diets, which I feel are unreasonable and so far, unnecessary. I can understand wanting to be careful for a few weeks by eating mushy foods or soups, but only drinking shakes when I have had no real change in the band seems rediculous.
I'm not a doctor, however.
Before I had the surgery, people who had lap-band and RNY kept saying that it was only a "tool" to weight loss, not a crutch.  I guess I refused to accept that as I thought it would be this magic ticket to weight loss. Well I decided to stop waiting for Dr. Brody to fill the band enough for me to lose weight and start being proactive. 
I waved a white flag a month ago and went to see the nutritionist at GWU- Claire LeBrun, because I admitted to myself that I can't do this by myself.   She introduced me to Sparkpeople.com, which has been so wonderful, as well as put me on a 1300-1500 calorie/day diet.  It's been 9 days since I've been on the diet, and I've already lost 8 lbs.  I've tried everything to avoid a low-calorie diet in the past - doing Atkins, Weight-Watchers, South Beach blah blah, but I guess the one that really just plain works is the low-calorie one.  It hasn't been too bad, and I love going into sparkpeople and recording my food intake for the day and seeing/tracking my caloric intake.  I can also track my exercise, which I have increased a little here and there. 
So I thought with this 8 lb loss I would come back to obesityhelps and write about the acceptance of my lap-band.  I'm going to try to work with it instead of against it now.
Best,
Sara

I had the surgery. I'm three days out. I'm very sore and it feels like someone ripped all my stomach muscles out, but I can walk. It hurts to cough, burp or hiccup. I can drink water and unjury shakes with no problem. Had some broth and a popsicle last night. My son calls them pop-circles HAHA. 
I don't regret getting the surgery at all, but I wish I hadn't gotten it at GW. Dr. Brody was barely around and the nurses were mostly bitchy or totally forgetful. It's not like I was asking for much - just water and help out of or into my bed.  Oh well - I couldn't find anyone else in the area that did lapband anyways, and my insurance covered Brody and GW. Let's see how the fills go.
My family is being great! 
Sara

Ok- it's my last night before surgery. I've had a total rollercoaster of a day re: emotions.  I've been anxious - wanting to cry and scream and break things. I've been depressed and crying.  I've been angry at those around me for not understanding what I'm going through. 
I did a really shitty job with the opti-fast diet. I was on travel for two weeks and just could not stick to it. I feel weak and defeated because of that.  I feel like I've failed before I've even gotten the surgery. 

My family has all called me up to wish me good luck and send me their prayers.  Over the past few weeks I've come to realize that this isn't just about me anymore - they are all invested in it too because they've watch me grow and grow over our years together. They've watched my health get worse and me make bad eating choices without saying anything, which I thank them for. I knew what I was doing and if they'd called me out on it, I would've been so ashamed and embarrased. 
But now their support is causing me anxiety because if I fail, they are watching me. Some people may see this as a good thing - a motivator.  I can see part of that but I also am afraid of failing and letting them all down, too.  That is one thing I won't be able to handle, and I fear the depression that will follow if I do fail.  This is my last resort, my last chance. And if I blow it this time, like I have every time before, I will die.  I will die without getting to see my son grow into a man, before watching my sisters fall in love and marry and have children - or - become successful in their jobs or both.  I will die without seeing my mom marry the man she loves and live happily ever after like she deserves.  I will die before I see my dad marry his girlfriend, who makes him the happiest I've ever seen him.  I will die before I can grow old with my husband and do all the things we've always wanted to do "once we had money."  I will leave behind my friends who have been beside me for decades or for only a year or so, who have made such an impact in my life. 

Or I could die on the table tomorrow. 

Or I could live, make this surgery and ensuing diet work, and be healthy and experience all of these things.  I could be able to run and play with my son as he grows.  I could be his soccer coach, baseball coach, spelling bee coach, or just there to see him through all his major milestones.  

I hope this works and I will never be fat again. 

Sara Robertson

For years I have focused on lap band surgery as the magical fix to all my physical problems, but as the day approaches - 2 weeks away today - I am really hoping that I have what it takes to use this incredible tool (lap band) and make it work for me. Today I started the OptiFast diet my surgeon requires prior to surgery to shrink the liver.  If I were going to be at home for these two weeks, I'd be fine as my husband watches me like a hawk. Unfortunately I leave tomorrow for an 11-night business trip to a bunch of cities I've never been to and that are famous for their food. Chicago to Pittsburgh with stops at several cities in between. Then I get home 3/8 and my surgery is 3/10.  How am I supposed to eat only these packets and cardboard granola bars for two weeks while I'm surrounded with colleagues that like to go out to breakfast, lunch, and dinner and chow down? There will be tons of eating and drinking, which I have used in the past to fill time. What will I do with the time that I'm usually eating? I have some books, etc., but I have a feeling my hunger is going to drown out anything that I'm trying to pay attention to. 
And then a voice inside me says that if I can't handle two damn weeks, how am I supposed to be successful after my surgery?
I'm so scared of failure because if I don't lose 200 lbs I will surely die before I'm 40.  And I have too great a life to throw away.

MARCH 10, 2008
7:30AM EST
George Washington University Hospital

That's right, I just got off the phone with the insurance company, who I've been hounding since submitting my paperwork 11/29/07. I've been approved! I immediately called my husband and told him, then my mother. We couldn't stop crying because it's been such a long time fighting for approval. This is definitely one of the best days of my life. My family has been so supportive. My sisters are ready to help me change my diet and lose the weight. It's really happening! I just can't believe it!
Surgery will probably be in early February, from what the surgeon's office told me. They have to wait until they get the actual approval letter from UHC before assigning a date.
I'm nervous. When I had my son, my epidural didn't work after 8 attempts. It was very painful and I had a post-epidural headache after I gave birth, which was like no headache I've ever had. Basically, one of the anaestesiologists punctured an area in my spinal column, causing spinal fluid to leak out. Well, the brain floats in this fluid, and because of the decreased amount of it, I had the absolutely worst headache...not to mention I felt everything during my labor.  
I'm just really afraid that I will feel the surgery as it occurs and not be able to do anything about it. I am also resistant to narcotics and other prescription drugs, so I'm afraid that nothing will be able to put me under. 
Obviously I'm also afraid of complications and death. I'm going to make a post to see if anyone has had any problems with the anaestesia.

I should hear back from the insurance company any day now. I've been calling them every 3 days to see if they've made a decision re: my coverage for lap-band surgery. I can't wait- I feel so fat and awful. I'm sick of not fitting in airplane seats, restaurant seats, movie seats. Taking up more than one seat on the subway or bus.  Having the seatbelt barely fit in my car. Not being able to clean myself properly. Having no energy to play with my son. Not having sex for months at a time due to lack of interest and because I feel so unattractive.  Being tired all the time.  Back, knees, feet hurting all the time. Choking in my sleep, having 20 chins...I could go on...