shannon1980
I have been a person of hunger for as long as I can remember. I used to eat more than people I went out with. Now I eat less than my friends but can't wait to get out of social situations so I can finally eat. My eating disorder has brought my weight up down and all around. Problems with my body image are definitely intimately linked to my food issues.
At my skinniest, I was starving and exercising every second of every day. Now I'm not as hungry all the time and I sometimes find myself relaxing, but it still takes a lot of food to keep me going. I've always dreamed of being satisfied at the end of a meal like other people are. I've dreamed about life not revolving around the next time I "get to eat." Even when I was dieting I'd go off into these crazy binges sometimes at night when my hunger would keep me awake. The next day I'd tell my friends that the "hunger monster" got me again.
People make light of food and weight issues, but they have consumed my life. And I don't want them to anymore. I don't want to eat so much. I want to be able to feel comfortable eating w/people, not like it's such a sin. And of course I want to lose weight. I can't believe I'm the classic yo-yo dieter I said I'd never be. I'm willing to exercise and pray and develop a life for myself. The appetite is shameful, though, and I want it gone.
