shellydb

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I almost fell off the scale...in fact I got off the scale and back on balancing on one foot to see if it would be the same...and it was.  I'm officially in the 100's!!!  I weighed 197 this morning.  I couldn't tell you the last time I weighed that.  I actually weigh less than the weight I lied about on my driver's license!  OK, I'll shut up now but I'm just in shock and still scared as ever!

Why scared?  Same as usual, what will I look like as I keep changing.  How will George handle all the change, so far he just grins and says he hopes I don't lose my butt (shhh...I'm praying I do!).  My family and friends always watching me eat (but that's what you get when you spread the word and ask for support).  Maintaining my weight when I reach my goal.  Blah Blah Blah, like I said the usual feelings we all have after weight loss surgery.  But I'm enjoying it right now, that's all I can do is take it one moment at time.

I had the kids take new pictures last night.  I'll post them as soon as I can.  I'm between a size 16 and 14 so it's time to buy some more pants.  The size 18's are so lose and my belt is now too long! I see changes all over me but I still feel like I look as fat as before.  We've talked about that in support group and from what the other "losers" say it never really goes away. 

That's all I can think of for now.  I'm busy with my new job so I don't have a lot of time to post but will keep up as much as possible!

shelly

Had to look at the calendar to realize it’s only been a month since surgery (actually a month and 5 days if you are the technical type). Believe it or not it feels like a lot longer than that! 

Here’s where I am at one month post-op: 

·          I’ve lost 35 pounds.  I actually gasped when I weight this morning and counted it up.

·          I’m down 2 to 3 dress sizes, depending on the cut.  My old clothes are getting too big!

·          Walking 30 minutes on the treadmill at least five days a week.  I really enjoy it as my quiet time (well as long as my headphones are turned up and I can’t hear the kids)!

·          My face is smaller. My jaw line is more evident.

·          My wedding ring is too big.  I went and bought a sterling silver band to wear when it starts slipping off.

·          I love having more energy!  One of my friends told me I didn’t have to walk so fast when we went to get lunch today…that cracked me up! 

·          Everything I have eaten so far hasn’t upset my stomach.  I’m on solids, eating what I want of course within reason.  I don’t eat red meat yet and am staying away from pasta.

My husband says he’s started saving for me to have “some work” done when I reach my goal.  He cracks me up.  He tells me how proud he is of me.  He’s my anchor and I love him so much.  I’m excited because he’s losing weight too! 

I get anxious when I am going to be eating away from home.  I just feel like I’m being watched, I’m sure others understand.   It could be that I’m just paranoid but I still have that worry of someone thinking I’m going to fail.  George still has to calm me down when it settles in again that this is my life now.  It’s not that I regret the surgery or want to eat more, it’s hard to explain.  It’s that fear of failure that my health and weight have instilled in me for years.  Well enough of that, I hate being a cry baby at times!

What else is there to tell?  I had hoped to share more fun things like my sister getting on to me for eating TWO peanut M&M’s this weekend or arguing with me about my bra size since I’ve lost weight but I figured I’d save her and I the embarrassment…it made me laugh and there’s nothing better than laughter.

Well I better run.  Please be praying that God guide me in finding a new job.  My job at AT&T will be gone at the end of the month.  They are closing our division.  It’s hard to imagine starting over after 12 ½ years here.  I’m looking within AT&T but not having much luck.  I figure it will work according to His plan.  In fact, God made sure I got this surgery because if my name had come up sooner (to be let go) there wouldn’t have been insurance to pay for it!  There’s always a silver lining, just got to look for it sometimes!

Shelly

George & I went to the my surgeon's monthly support group meeting last Thursday.  They had told us last month there would be a patient panel there so we could ask questions.  We get there and the office manager comes to me and tells me to come up front and be on the panel as the "newbie".  Excuse me, what?  It went fine and I really didn't say too much because I wasn't the expert like those that were 9 months to 3 years out.  It turned into more of a group discussion and that's when I learned how lucky I am...

The gentleman that had surgery the week before me had just gotten his tube out that day, that was over 4 weeks out!  He had complications and has been on liquids the entire time!  No way I could have done that!  The woman that had surgery the week after me was in surgery an extra two hours due to an error.  Most of the people there who were post-op said that food didn't taste the same as it did before surgery.  Huh?  Everything tastes the same to me!  Some talked about the baby food and puree part being hard...well I kind of just skipped that and went to chewing my food into mush and had no problem!  Lastly, recovery time...I felt back to normal within two weeks.  Some people there talked of taking a month off work for recovery.  I really would have lost my mind being stuck at home that long.

So what does this mean to me?  I'm one lucky girl!  Praise God!!!  I don't feel that I did better than any of those I spoke of.  I feel blessed by God to not have the same experience.  This is one of those times when you can truely see the power of prayer lifted up by my family and friends. 

Well my weight loss has slowed but everyone says that's ok.  I don't fit into any of my current clothes.  I'm reaching to the back of the closet for those 5+ year old clothes and even feel like some of them are too big!  This is all just amazing to me.  I just don't know how to describe it.

I saw Dr. Maynard yesterday and he finally took the tube out of me!  I feel like a new woman!  I've also lost another 11 pounds which makes my total loss 28 pounds now!  Even my doctor said, "WOW!"  I didn't think it would be that much since I'm able to eat more solid foods now. 

I returned to work full time today.  I'm starting to wonder if I am pushing it.  I'm really tired and my back hurts.  That could be from not getting a good nights sleep because I was so excited about coming back to the office!  How often do you hear that?  ha ha  I was also nervous of not meeting the expectations of people here.  I kept thinking, "what if they can't tell a difference?"  Then my friend told me that I can't worry about everyone else.  All that matters is how I feel.  It helped put it in perspective.

That's all for now.

shelly

I went for my follow up appointment with Dr. Maynard.  My total loss to date is 17 pounds!  I can't believe it.  Donna at his office was asking me if I'd noticed any changes and I happened to be looking down and said "I have ankles again"!  He left the feeding tube in, which totally sucked.  If all goes well he will remove it at my next appointment on the 18th.  He said he will take me off my diabetes medication if my sugars remain low, too.  I asked about going back to work and they said that he would probably send me back on the 18th as 1/2 days for a week, then full time.  There was no way I was going to be out another week...I'm going stir crazy!  I counter offered working 1/2 days next week from home, which they agreed to.  Thank God!  Things keep moving along...I'm eating soft foods as well as my protien shakes and tolerate them well.  Getting all the water in is challenging but I'm working on it.  He released me to start exercising, walking 10 minutes at a time 3 times a day but no weights yet.  I'm proud of myself for getting this far, but remain nervious about moving foward in my journey.

So I know they said two weeks for recovery but I didn't know it was going to be so boring!  Yeah I'm still sore, but it's not too bad.  The tube coming out of my stomach is what bothers me the most.  I just want to be back to normal!  I drove today, everyone said I shouldn't but I'm not taking any pain killers so why not?  It felt good to just get out of the house for a few minutes!  Anyway, my mom fell and broke her ankle last night!  So she won't be coming over to keep me company this week!  Everyone worried about what they were going to do about me now and I keep telling them I'm fine!  If anything I need help dealing with this 10 and 13 year old who have come home with 1st day of school attitudes! 

Enough complaining!  I'm still on liquids but I think I'm going to try some creamed soup and pudding tomorrow.  I lack 2 pounds of getting rid of this hospital weight.  It will be so nice to finally start losing real weight!  I can't wait to go to the doctor Thursday and hopefully get a clean bill of health! 

That's all for today!  Write again soon.

I came home Thursday!  Everything went well with the surgery.  Dr. Maynard said I had the insides of an 18 year old which made the surgery  easy.  So I've been joking saying "I have sexy insides!" 

Sorry it took so long to blog again.  Our office is upstairs and George has been very reluctant to let me climb the stairs.  This morning I decided I couldn't take it anymore and had no problem getting up here.  I missed my pc!  You can only watch so many movies, take so many naps and drink so much before you are bored to death!  We ventured out yesterday, it was nice to just ride in the truck and see the sun.  I plan on actually shopping today to get last minute school supplies.  Now I might be the one riding in the electric cart getting nasty looks because people don't think I need it but I can't wait to get out of the house again! 

Anyway, on to how it's going.  While in the hospital I was misurable.  Being sore and tied down by an NG tube and IV is enough to drive anyone crazy.  I had a panic attack on the second day.  I convinced myself I couldn't swallow because something was stuck in my throat!  Well duh it was that stupid tube!  They gave me something to chill me out and it helped.  Dr. Maynard took the NG tube out on Wednesday and I had my first shower.  AMC apparently doesn't believe in cold water because all we could get was steaming hot water so it was more of a steam bath!  My blood sugar levels concerned me, they were in the high 100's to low 200's.  It upset me because all I had heard was "you won't be on diabetes medicine anymore."  Dr. Maynard said not to worry.  Since I had been on three medications prior to surgery my body had to adjust.  So he sent me home still taking one of the medications (glipizide) and feels I'll be off of it in a few weeks.  My sugar levels have been under 100 since we got home!  

Now that I'm home the pain is lessening each day.  I'm still grossed out by my stitches and the tube poking out of my stomach!   The only freak out I had was when I weighed myself for the first time.  It was Thursday, I hadn't eaten since Monday, I should have lost a lot right?  WRONG...I had gained 17 pounds!  What the hell?  George called the doctor's office and they said that was normal because I had been pumped with fluids constantly in the hospital and it would go away soon.  George said he's going to suggest they put that in the post-op information...good thinking!  I weighed this morning and I only have 6 more to go.  Thank goodness! 

I continue to have bouts with "why did I do this?" especially when my mom brings over garlic bread with spaghetti for the kids or Shelby pops pop-corn.  I just keep focusing on how this is the decision I made and felt led by God to do.  I know that eventually I will be able to enjoy some of the foods I ate pre-surgery just in much smaller portions.  I also worry about being under the watchful I of those who know about my surgery.  I so don't want to fail and have anyone say "I told you so."

Lastly be patient with everyone involved with helping you recover.  Yeah you are feeling like crap and want them to do everything for you including wipe your butt (ha ha) but they are going through their own feelings about the surgery, too.  My mom, sister and George have been my angels.  I won't ever be able to show them the appreciation for their help.  But I know it wears on them as well.  George hasn't liked getting up at 2 am to get me to the bathroom.  Kim has had to put up with my guilt ridden phone calls about her taking the best care of me and how I wished she was there to take care of me.  Mom...well Mom is going thru her own stuff dealing with my cat being allowed on the tables to the clutter of my home!  Just keep saying thank you and be patient as you work hard to begin doing things for yourself.  It may take me a few minutes to get myself out of bed but I can do it! 

Well, I've written too much as usual.  Thanks for listening.  Hope I've given you food for though...oh sweet food...and a few laughs in between!

As I sit here falling asleep at the computer (yes it's only noon!) I keep wishing I didn't have to go downstairs and drink another bottle of fleet laxative. Oh this so sucks and there is more to come...  Everyone said this day was worse that the surgery, I'll know tomorrow but I'm starting to believe them! 

Everyone is testy, the kids, George and me.  We'll get through it.  Just a lot to get down before tomorrow.  Like all the laundry and house cleaning we had been behind on!  George has been a real trooper doing the most of it, he's my knight in shining armor. 

We went to church this morning and got lots of hugs and promises of prayer.  It was very nice and I feel so blessed. 

Well, I better go.  I keep fading in and out.  Might as well get the next yuck down and relax!

I'll try to write more as soon as I get home from the hospital.