sinnamongrrl

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My sleeve sucked.  Period.  It was too big because he couldn't make the staple line straight because of swelling from the band just being there and previous staple line.  SO, I could eat whatever I wanted, and never felt full until I did eat more than I should have been eating.

I gained more than 10 lbs versus where I started with sleeve surgery, so I decided to to the bypass after 6 mon of thinking.

Now I'm 10days out and down 13 lbs.

I was worried that he didn't make the pouch small enough until last night when I tried to eat a cheesestick and some sliced turkey breast.  Needless to say, there IS a full feeling now with small amounts and I paid the price for pushing it. ):

*shrug*  A learning experience, I suppose.... and a bit of relief.  I truly was worried that my pouch was too big again.  Seems that soft stuff just slides down instead.  So, for those foods, I'll rely on measuring exactly and eating only what I'm "supposed" to for a serving.  Like breakfast - 1 6oz cup of light yogurt.  Didn't feel full but didn't feel starving either.

As Tim the PA said, there's a steep learning curve for this surgery.  My response?  Bring it on!

The last few days, I've been experimenting with my diet.  Amazingly, I have lost weight (and ended any hint of a stall!) despite eating my big binge day and eating around 1000 cal/day.  I've realized that 7-800cal/day were not enough considering I burned off 300+ of them everyday from exercising.  That put my at 4-500 net, and that was just starvation mode for me.

Now, I'm using myfitnesspal.com and tracking my food and exercise.  I can see how my exercise equals more calories available for the day, and the weight has been coming off.  More than 3 lbs this week.. woo hoo!  If I don't go to the gym for some reason, I stay under 900cal for the day.  I also can track my protein, carbs and fats easily with that site.  It's pretty cool.  Those of you who follow my blog and are looking for something to keep you accountable, should like it.  It also gives you how many calories are burned in X minutes of a zillion exercises.  It even has most weight machines and exercises in there for strength training (separate from cardio).

So for the last few days I've had:
765cal, 81carb, 19fat, 70protein
945cal, 116carb, 29fat, 71protein
265cal, 30carb, 9fat, 15protein (I missed my meds and slept the whole day) ):
1035cal, 102carbs, 32fat, 89protein

And today is going to be high because it is my husband's birthday and he wanted pasta and cake and ice cream, and so I had some too.  Before, I beat myself up for "going off the diet."  The trouble is, I'm not ON a diet.  I am attempting to change my eating and exercise lifestyle.  Sometimes, that's going to include little treats on rare occasions.  I'm in this for life, and I need to find a balance that I will stick to.  So today's counts are going to be through the roof on carbs and low in protein.  C'est la vie!  Tomorrow is another day, plus I worked out extra to help offset the extra calories.

Hope that this plan continues to work for me.  I feel like this is a good balance of diet and exercise, and the weight is coming off.  Like I was telling a friend, as long as the scale keeps moving down, I really don't care how long it takes me.  I WILL reach my goals.

Yesterday was a TERRIBLE day for me, diet-wise.  I was literally starving the whole day and I wound up eating nonstop practically.  I also ate a bunch of "protein" bars that have 200cal, 24 carbs, and 16 protein.  That popped up my daily total to LITERALLY 1800 calories.  *hides head in shame*

I told my husband to take the rest of them to work.  They are too much like candybars to me.  I couldn't stop, literally.  And since they are only 1.5 ounces, they don't fill me up, so I'm hungry still.  I suppose yesterday was my first day of grazing.  I never really ate enough at one time to get full, so I was hungry the whole time.

Another downer was my personal trainer session.  Rather than get stronger, I've been getting weaker every time.  He said that was because I was on so low of calories, that my body was using them to survive and breaking down muscles while working out wasn't getting repaired because I didn't have enough resources.  Maybe that is part of my justification for shoveling food into my face all day yesterday.  Regardless, something has to change.

I'm calling my nutritionist on Monday and seeing what she thinks I should do.  I really want to continue working out with the weights and REALLY pushing myself like I have been.  I know that is going to mean an alteration in diet.  It IS true that limited resources are scarce for my body.  I need to provide it what it needs for the training I'm doing, without going overboard and limiting my weight loss.  I guess it is hard to lose weight and gain muscle at the same time without a good balance.

I'm thinking of trying the pouch test to detox from all these carbs recently.  I still have a bunch of RTD shakes, as well as the powders and it looks pretty simple.  I may wait until Monday to officially start it, until after I've talked with the dietician.  Two days on liquids won't hurt and then it's progression to squishies then solids.  It only lasts 5 days, so I should be good.

Part of me wants to see what the results of the increased calories the last couple of days will result in.  I feel pretty confident saying that I was in starvation mode before.  Now I'm in excess.  I need to find a balance.  I really hope the dietician tells me, "with X amount of daily hardcore exercise, you should be taking in Y calories/day with a max of Z carbs."

I really want to do this right.  There are just so many factors to balance when you mess with exercise.  If it were just me being a slug, I could understand super low calories.  But I really work hard when I work out.  I actually LIKE exercising.  So, something is going to have to be factored in to account for that extra expenditure of energy and me trying to build muscles.

For those of you that follow my blog, please keep me in your thoughts/prayers.  This is very frustrating and I need all the help I can get.  Thanks.

Yesterday, I ate more than some two days combined!  I added fruit, so maybe that was it.  I'm not sure.  If my weight slows down again, I'm going to keep it to one serving of fruit instead of two.  Maybe the sugar got me into a craving mood too... I dunno.

My diet yesterday was: 2 yogurt, 1/2c cottage cheese, 1c honey nut cheerios (I know, I know) w/ 1/2c skim milk, 2 apples, 2 cheese sticks, and 3 eggs.  That works out to be 945 calories, 98g carbs, 70g protein.  I think the cereal was what put me over the top.  The poor bag has just been sitting there.  Only 1c was remaining and my husband eats more than that, so it has been on the counter for weeks.  I decided to finish it off, and it was a poor choice.  110c, 24g carbs and only 2g protein.  I guess if I want cereal, I'll have to find a higher protein option to balance out the carbs.

Then again, if my weight drops, this might be a sign that I have needed a few extra calories to avoid starvation mode.  According to the Health Tracker on here, I have a resting metabolic rate of about 2200.  That would mean that I should be losing about 1/2lb per day if I'm getting 700calories on average.

I'm going to try to eat mostly foods that have a 2:1 ratio or less of carbs: proteins.  That would cut out my cereal for sure.  I'll keep the fruit because it has vitamins and fiber I need, and I like changing the monotony.  But if it massively stalls out my losses, I guess I'll keep it to one serving or less per day.  I guess we'll see how today works out for the weekly average.

I had a big test today and with all the stress of studying, I really wanted some ice cream.  I decided against it, eating a yogurt instead.  It's been tough turning to the right food instead of the wrong one.  It definitely helps that we don't have "bad stuff" in the house.

Yesterday, I had 1 yogurt, 2 cheese sticks, 1/2 an isopure and 1/2c cottage cheese.  That equals 475cal, 21g carbs, 57g protein.  Aside from craving ice cream, I wasn't very hungry.  I must remember to eat more.  With working out, I'm netting only 200 calories from yesterday.  That's bad.  No wonder I was tired.

I did a little better today: 2 yogurt, 3 cheese, 1/2 banana, 1/2c refried beans with salsa and 2T ff sour cream and 1/2 an isopure.  That's a total 675cal, 59carbs, 62g protein.  A little more balance.  Gotta just keep on trial and error until I find a good balance.

Yes, I've said it before.  Planning is important.  When I don't plan, I'm stuck eating whatever is avaiable, even if that food is not approved yet, or should be avoided for best results.

I was "good" Saturday in that I had 1 yogurt, a turkey/cheese rollup, 3 eggs and 1/2 an isopure for a total of 565cal, 22 g carbs, and 70g protein.  Sunday, we had a family bbq at my inlaws and rather than segregate myself, I tried to eat everything that everyone else was eating.  I wound up eating: 1 yogurt, 1 small hamburger without bun, some ketchup, 1/8 c of baked beans, 1T of potato salad, 1/4 cup cottage cheese jello salad, a couple handfuls of chips with salsa.  I have no idea how much that is, but it was a lot.  My tummy didn't like trying to churn the hamburger, so I wound up leaving early AGAIN.  Even trying to wash it down with water after an hour didn't help.  It just made me in pain AND nauseous.

I think I'm going to start adding fruit and veggies in.  Something lowcal but with some fiber.  Maybe some green beans or carrots canned or cooked really well.  I also have had a hankering for bananas so I may have 1/2 of one with my breakfast.  I've noticed that after these "binges" when I eat upwards of 1000 calories, I actually lose weight.  So I think I'm going to aim for about 800 rather than the 600 I have been generally getting recently.

I just know that my protein sources are getting boring, as I eat my deli meat plain or with a cheesestick and have the same things every day.  I think I'm going to look around the net for some recipe ideas.  I'm not supposed to add any new, more solid protein sources for another 6weeks.  Probably get some fish fillets that are non breaded and cook that up with a little veggies.  Make it more like a meal rather than just a bunch of random items I eat everyday.

It just seems that if I don't watch it, it is VERY easy to start loading on the carbs.  I was shocked at how many were in ketchup.  Part of me wants to stay lower carb, but part of me just wants to live without counting obsessively everyday.  I didn't have this surgery to be on a diet forever.  I was hoping that smaller portions overall would cause me to lose weight, assuming I didn't fill up on junk like cookies and icecream (and I haven't had any since last Sunday's holiday dinner).

I've been to the gym 5/6 days I'm supposed to the last 2 weeks.  I'm still working out with my personal trainer, and continue to get my cardio in.  Also, since I started with the trainer, I'm down 4.5lbs.  I don't know if my home scale is weird or what, but theirs is digital, so I trust it a little more than my manual one.  So with clothes and shoes, I was 227.0 today.  That probably equates to 225.5 in my skivvies, which is how I usually weigh.  I'm going to update my measurements today too, as I know that those are moving as well.

Overall, feeling more positive about this process and my speed doing it.  It's hard not to be impatient when you've been overweight your whole life.  Having something that might actually take you to goal is hard to be patient with.  I just want to be there already and much healthier and more in shape!  but that takes time and effort, but I'm willing to put that in.  It's worth it.

I'm finding that everyday, I am making more and more progress towards making my health a top goal.  I like exercising, don't mind the "dieting," and have even started to think more about working out with weights than I currently am.  The trouble is, my darling hubby is used to me being a slug and he's having trouble adjusting to the new me.

Jed is overweight too.  He got the lapband, but ate around it a couple years ago.  He's started to adapt new behaviors that have caused him to lose about 10lbs in the last 2 weeks, and I am glad for that.  My only trouble is that I seem to be at a breakneck speed towards my goals, while he skips the gym a couple times per week, and still eats things that are bad for him regularly.

This is driving me batty.  I want us to both be healthy, and I've had some feelings of guilt about working so hard while he just stays in bad health.  I should note that he has a family history of heart disease and he has high cholesterol and diabetes... not a good combination.  He's only going to be 33, but I worry about him.

I guess what I fear the most is leaving him behind in my "new life."  I'm more active than I've ever been in our relationship, mostly because I suffered from debilitating depression for a large portion of it.  Now that I'm focusing more on me, I don't want to feel like I'm bettering my life with school and focusing on my health and eventually get tired of HIS slugness that I caused.  He used to be more active, but he always put things off to take care of me. 

Now that I am taking care of me, I wonder what role he has.  Of course, I'm talking all of this out with my therapist, but I wonder if anyone else has had these feelings.  I'll probably post a thread later about it.

But to get business out of the way:  Yesterday I had an isopure, 2 cheese sticks, 3 fish filets, 1 yogurt for a total of 710 cal, 65g carbs, 71g protein. (and about 20g fat).  I planned on going to the store to try on new pants, but I think I'm going to wait until Monday.  I'm not a big shopper, and the thought of Saturday crowds makes me cringe.  Also, when he gets up, I'm going to have Jed help me measure myself again.  Although I'm not losing weight, I know I am losing in my midsection, as my pants have become baggy almost as soon as I put them on.  Yippee!  Sure wish that scale would move along with it though....

I don't know if my low calories are finally catching up to me, or if it is just all the exercising and running around that is making me tired, but I don't like it!  It's only 8:30pm and I'm ready to go to bed.  I spent the afternoon grading about 100 economics tests for my father in law, then helped my mother in law with a powerpoint presentation, plus went to the gym and ran a bunch of errands.  I'm pooped!

I ate some baked (but basically fried) fish yesterday with some ketchup.  Man does ketchup have some carbs!  I need to see if there is a lower carb alternative because that stinks.  So overall I had: 3 yogurts, 3 fish fillets, 3 serviings of ketchup.  That works out to be 615 calories, 105carbs, 50g protein.  So that wasn't too good.  I thought that the fish were better on protein and worse on carbs so I didn't eat anything else.  I guess it will have to be unbattered fish from now on, and maybe tartar sauce instead of ketchup.

Eating the same straight foods makes me get the right nutrition, but is boring as hell.  Any time I try to eat a normal meal, I don't get the right nutrition.  I guess this is a learning experience, but I hate if all this learning is slowing doing my weight loss.  I mean, I MAYBE have lost one lb in the last 3 weeks, and that could just be fluid levels.  I need to try to measure again and see if anything has changed.  I'll do that tomorrow - I'm too tired right now.

My therapist and inlaws say that I look a little thinner, but they may just be seeing what they expect to see.  I HAVE noticed that my jeans get baggy really quick (they are stretchy) versus holding their shape (and mine!) most of the day.  I've been intending on trying on the next size down - 20s - but haven't made it to LaneBryant or Walmart yet.  Another something I'll try to do tomorrow.

Today has been really long.  Just a quick post for yesterday's food counts: 2 cheese sticks, 2 yogurt, refried beans, cottage cheese, 2 servings of crackers, 2 Laughing Cow wedges  - 710cal, 71g carbs, 58g protein.

My personal trainer was a lot better today.  He pushed me, but not TOO much.  I don't really hurt this time... we'll see about how I feel tomorrow.

It's been about 10 days since I started regularly exercising and I went 8 of those days.  I always planned on skipping Sundays, but I did miss last Friday as well.  Sometimes my husband goes with me, but I am happy to go by myself.  That is amazing to me.  Before HE would have to drag ME to the gym. 

Now, I get up every morning and put on my workout clothes.  I may lounge around doing FB or OH for a while, but I always go between 11am-2pm everyday.  I take a protein drink with me to get some fluid and protein in and usually have a yogurt for a little bit of carbs before I go.  I also take my iPod and listen to tunes as I work on the elliptical machine 4 day/week.  I've worked up to going for45min/day and hope to get that to an hour in the next 2 weeks.

I also do weight training 2-3 times per week.  I should shoot for 3 consistently, but sometimes I'm still super sore.  I'm working with a trainer for the next couple of weeks so I know what exercises do what for my body.  He is less pushy and more understanding of where my starting point is, so I may go back to him when these sessions run out.  We'll see.  It would be a couple months or more down the road until I'm past the progression he's given me so far.

It feels good to be taking care of my body for once.  I am super committed to this working this time, so I want to do everything I can to succeed.  I'm still a little discouraged about my stall, but I'll keep going.  Eventually the scales have to start moving consistently.  I'm eating as I should, and usually getting in all my liquids (I sometimes forget and with class, I can't eat/drink during it - bacteria are nasty critters to mess around with food.)

Speaking of food, this was my diet yesterday:  2 stick cheese, 5oz deli turkey, 2 yogurt and 2-8oz syntrax shakes.  That equals 720 cal, 106g protein (definitely can start cutting protein shakes), and 39g carbs and about 15g fat.

Looking at that, it seems like I need to cut the protein shakes and add a yogurt or some refried beans, or maybe mix it up with some fruit or veggies now that I can.  That would up my carbs and lower my protein (that seems like a wacky sentence to make for weight loss, but that's what the dietician suggests).

I'm starting to get tired of turkey all the time, but eating it with stick cheese makes it better.  I still love yogurt though, so that should be an easy transition.  Just a little more costly.  Doesn't it suck that the cheapest foods are the ones that are the worst for you?  But I guess my body is worth taking care of :)