skillet
My Story
May 26, 2007
I have been overweight since I was about 11 yrs. old. I always remember being the fat kid afraid to take off his shirt at the swimming pool. If there has ever been a diet I have tried it, Medi-Fast, Opti-Fast, Slim-Fast, Jenny Craig, Nutri-System, Weight Watchers, Richard Simmons, The Diet Center, The Rice Diet, HerbaLife, & Atkins Diet. I have tried Adipex, & Xenical. I even spent 3 months in Durham, NC at the Duke Diet & Fitness Center, lost about 70 pounds, gained back 130 or so. The most I have ever lost is on the Sub-Way diet. I lost about 125 pounds got down to 229, but not for long. I am now back at 305 and climbing. I am waiting on approval from my insurance. I pray it comes through soon!
04/20/02: Found out this week I was turned down by my insurance company. They said that I had not tried enough medically supervised diets. Is that a joke or what. My family physician laughed at that one. Him and several other doctors I have been to are writing letters to the insurance company, so maybe that will help.
04/25/02: Went to get my blood checked today. My weight is now at 313, and my B/P was 156/98. I hope the insurance company comes through soon. I have been thinking a lot about this surgery lately, you know, is it the right thing to do, and for the right reasons. I was approved for this about four years ago. I went as far as the hospital, I spent the night, took all the laxatives and enemas. They came in the next morning and shaved my stomach getting me ready. I think it was about an hour before surgery. I was not long out of a divorce so I was there all by myself, and scared to death. I was thinking, God if this is or isn’t what you want me to do please let me know. About 10 min. latter a nurse came in the room. She said why in the world are you getting this surgery, I tried to explain best as I could, but she said please don’t do this, you don’t need it. She said there was a woman down the hall so sick she was having to have it reversed, well that’s all the sign I needed. I said tell the doctor I’m not having the surgery I’m going home. Did I make the right decision, was it really a sign, I’m not sure, maybe I was just scared to death, or maybe God was telling me it was not the right time. I just feel like it is the right time now. For so long my weight has been my crutch. You know I can’t do this or don’t expect me to do that, because I’m too fat and I feel bad. In a way the surgery will also be a crutch until I get to where I want and need to be. I mean people I guess won't expect you to do a whole lot while your recovering from major surgery. But I am ready to be without a crutch, that’s why I want this surgery, because once I reach where I want to be. I hope I will feel so alive and full of energy,that people will then expect too little of me, because I want to do everything that this weight has held me back from doing. I’m sorry this was so long I just thought it was something someone out there
might need to hear. God Bless!
The photo to the left is of me @ about 350 Lbs. with one of my very best friends Scotty. It was taken when he went on a trip to Disney World with my family and I. We loved those Mickey Mouse bars. Anyway Scotty like me has fought with obesity his entire life. About 5 yrs. ago he had to go into the hospital for over a month, because of fluid around his heart, diabetes, and severe sleep apenia. He was maybe 5' 10" 355Lbs. But most of all of his weight was carried around his stomach. Anyway he went through hell for a month in that hospital. His doctor told him his best chance for getting better was to have a gastric bypass to get rid of the weight and all the complications that came with it. He has known Scotty for as long as I have and he knows Scotty dose not have the willpower to lose it on his own. I thought if anything will change his eating habits this will. They changed for about six weeks and right back he went to his old ways. Around October 2000. I went to see him he was sitting up in bed sound asleep. He could not breath if he lied down. His legs from the knees down where black from no circulation. I made him get up and go to the doctor. The doctor told him that day if he did not change and take his diabetic medication like he should he might as well make out his will. He once again begged him to have gastric bypass surgery, and so did I. Scotty told us please just give me one more chance, and I know I can lose the weight. I said Scotty you know as well as I do you are just like me. You will lose enough to start feeling a lot better, and then you will go right back to your old ways. He said I’m telling the truth this time, just give me one more chance. Three months latter on Jan. 6, 2001 at the age of 39 yrs. old Scotty died in the hospital from all the complections of his obesity. Scotty was one of the most well liked people in our town. He would help anybody in need, he just could not help his self. He is missed very much. God bless him. I hope he gets to eat whatever he wants in heaven without gaining any weight.
05/08/02: I drove to Oxford, Ms yesterday to take letters from three of my doctors to Mrs. Becky at LivLite Weight Management program. Mrs. Becky is such a sweet lady. I know I have been driving her crazy on the phone trying to get my insurance approved, and she has been so patient with me. She is a very nice caring lady. I went to my first LivLite support meeting last night in Oxford. Everyone there was so nice, and I learned a lot from the ones who had already had the surgery. There was one lady there who had the operation just 2 weeks ago and she looked great and was getting around as well as anyone. The meeting was supposed to last an hour and a half but everyone was getting along so well I think we stayed 2 hours. Anyway I’m glad my wife and I went, we learned a lot. She is being so supportive of me. I think God for that, and for her. I Love her very much. She has been thin her whole life so she has no clue about all this overweight mess, but she is so interested in learning and helping me. Got to go now God Bless and pray for me that insurance will be approved. Thanks
05/09/02: I’m just putting this in here so I can look back from the other side and see just how bad my eating was. Last night when I got home my wife had fixed some of the best spaghetti I have ever eaten, of course I had two huge plates enough that I had to go lay down I was so stuffed and miserable. Then when I got up around 10:00 P.M. I found the banana pudding she had in the refrigerator. Then between 10:00 and 2:30 A.M. I had about 5 bowls of it. Well that’s it just telling on myself.
05/10/02: OK this is how bad I feel about myself since gaining all my weight back. Here lately I have been trying to convince myself that I could live with being this big. It dose not bother my wife or my family so even though I can not stand the way I feel or look, I thought I could live with it. Well last night my sister-in law and brother- in- law came over. I have not seen them in a long time. The last time I did see them I was about 240 pounds. I am now about 320 pounds. When I was smaller I used to work out on weights with my brother-in-law. He stays in great shape all the time. Anyway I thought, I can handle this, but when they got there I pretended to be asleep on the couch, and told my wife I didn’t want to get up, I even covered up with a blanket so if they did come in the room they couldn’t see how much weight I had gained. I hate feeling like that, and I really wanted to see them, maybe once I have this surgery and get to where I want to be I won't ever have to hide again.
05/10/02:
Neck- 18 3/4"
Arms- 16"
Chest- 52 ½”
Waist- 55" ( Pants size 48 ) ???
Thighs- 31"
Hips- 51 ½”
05/16/02: Well I am going crazy waiting for the insurance company to tell me something. Today I went for my father to pick up 100 cases of cokes at a discount warehouse. He usually sends me once every two months or so. Anyway this time last year I weighed about 245 Lbs. I remember when I got through loading those 100 cases I felt like I could load 200 more. Today at 320 I had to sit down and rest about three times before getting through. That really shows me how much this weight effects me. I did notice one thing positive though. Here lately I have been sweating a lot, more than usual, I thought it was the weight, but I guess not as much as I thought. I quit drinking soft drinks, (regular and diet) about a week or so ago, and I can really tell it has helped my sweating. Who knew. Well got to go. God Bless!!
05/17/02: Well this is turning into a long day. I talked with Mrs. Becky from LivLite this morning. She said she had spoken with my insurance company, and they received all my information and letters. The lady said she would probably call this evening or Monday with an answer. This has been a long day, but if I have to wait until Monday this will be a super-duper long weekend!!
05/21/02: Yesterday was the day I would find out if I was approved or not. I said my prayers and ask God to let me have this surgery if it was his will. I started to ask my wife to pray with me, but I didn’t, because we have never done that, and I don’t go to church like I should, well not for about a year now, and I thought she would think I was weird. Anyway around 2:00P.M. today I got the call from Mrs. Becky. I had been denied again. They said I didn’t weigh enough. According to the charts I’m about 155 pounds overweight. When I got home I told my wife. She said that morning she had also prayed for me to get approved but only if it was his will. Then she said maybe we should pray together. I thought maybe God is telling us something, we are thinking about the same things. I do believe I will be approved. I do believe God wants me to have this surgery, but not until I am in the right place with him. Meaning not having faith in me, my doctor, my wife or anybody else, but having total faith in Jesus, and knowing no mater what happens I will be alright.
05/22/02: I probably won’t be putting anything in here for awhile. I got denied again yesterday by my insurance company, even though I’m about 155 pounds overweight, and had referral letters from three doctors. I know a lot of people say its just a game the insurance companies play with you, but I’m tired of playing the game or any game for that matter. They now say they want another letter from one of my doctors, and a psychological Evaluation. Just more, and more Bull____. Well whatever wish everyone else good luck.
05/23/02: I never ever want to be where I was yesterday again. On a scale of 1-10 on being mad, and outraged, and upset at the whole world. I was around an 18. No matter what I did I could not cool down. I didn’t want to be around anyone, I argued with everyone I came in contact with including God. I was just so disappointed that they had turned me down again, and that they were just playing with me. No one should have the right to play with your life like that. Mrs. Becky said the lady at the insurance company said that their policy was, they must have a psychological test done before they could approve me. Well that’s just fine, but if they knew that, why weren’t we told that when the first paper work was sent in. Instead of denying me so many times and then telling us this. I guess it is just a stall tactic, or some kind of game. But I just don’t see how anyone could play with someone else’s life like that.
05/31/02: Today is one of those days when you don’t even want to get out of bed. You know that everything you try to put on is way too tight, even though you just bought larger clothes two weeks ago. That everywhere you have a roll of fat a piece of material will be pressing against it and be so uncomfortable. That your 3X shirt will hide it (You Think) until you sit down. And when you look in the mirror you look like your wearing a tent. But everyone tells you, don’t think about it so much, you carry your weight so well. I want to tell them why don’t you carry it awhile and see how you feel. And you know that even after taking a bath 15 min. after being outside in the heat sweating you will feel like you haven’t had one in a month. And the worst I think is being so irritable with everyone. I am so miserable in my own skin that I have zero patience with anyone, just the least little thing makes me upset, and I know its because I feel so bad about myself, and the way I feel. I hate being in an air conditioned room where most people seem to be freezing and I can’t stop sweating. Or going to a restaurant not knowing if your stomach will be pressed against the table. Or going out anywhere knowing that the people there are saying to themselves how did he let himself get that way. And I really hate not feeling like doing anything with my kids. And they don’t understand why I feel so bad or get tired so quick or sweat so much, or get out of breath, they just want to play and have fun, and so do I. I want to remember how bad I felt being fat, when I get on the other side, because I don’t ever want to feel like this again.
06/03/02: Until someone has been this size there is no way they can know how miserable it makes you feel. I know there are people a lot larger than me, but I guess I’m just one of those people that can’t handle it very well. This morning I tried to stay covered by the sheets as much as I could to keep my wife from seeing how huge my stomach is. I’m at the point I don’t ever want to touch her because I feel so bad about myself. This morning I couldn’t even find any underwear that fit. My clothes look and feel so awful on me I don’t even want to go outside. And when I do go outside with the heat I feel like I haven’t had a bath in forever even though I just got out of the shower.
This weekend I took my son and some of his friends to my fathers cabin. I was so miserable the whole time. Every time I walked outside it looked like a bucket of water had been poured over me. I didn’t want to fish or anything just stay inside. And I felt so bad about that whenever my son ask me to do something I was short with him. I hate the way this fat makes me feel!!!!
06/04/02: My step-daughter has a softball game tonight, she is seven years old. She ask me two or three times if I would come, but I’m not going, for one reason my weight. I hate the way it feels the way people look at you when your fat. And not just places like that, but the people at work also. When they look at me I feel like their saying he is so fat and lazy and not much good for anything. I hate that feeling.
06/06/02: I wanted to put this on here today so I can look back at it and see how dumb I’ve been. I have been in such a terrible mood and being so short with everyone. And I know now that this surgery or nothing else is ever going to make me happy. Yes the surgery will make me more healthy and feel much better in my on skin, and make my clothes look and feel much better. But the only way for me to be truly happy is to completely put my faith in Jesus, that he knows what is best, and that he will make everything turn out alright in due time. And I must decide to be happy myself. Different situations will come and go, but its up to me to decide how I will handle them. It’s up to you to say , I DON”T CARE WHAT THE SITUATION IS I WILL BE HAPPY!! "GOD BLESS"
06/11/02: Yesterday I went to the movies in Memphis with a friend of mine. I think it is the most miserable I have ever been in a theater in my life. The seats were great. They even felt larger than most, but my stomach has gotten so big I was miserable. I would lean to one side then the other and could never get comfortable. I am about to bust out of my 48" pants and the insurance company just keeps me waiting.
06/19/02: Well here we go again. These people that work for the insurance company's must work part time torturing people. They said it would take a week to look over the paperwork, so that’s another weekend I spent waiting. Then on Monday they said that the doctor was on vacation, there is another weekend. I was for sure supposed to have an answer on Monday, of course they said it would now probably be Friday, which means next Monday, and another weekend, and on and on and on. These people are the best I know at staling. But if they could just walk in my shoes the way I feel just one day. This isn’t staling to me its torture. On top of feeling so awful the way I do, the not knowing what is going to happen with your future is pure hell!! Because without this surgery I don't feel like I have a future.
06/20/02: I was looking in the mirror this morning and thinking, if I do have this surgery I hope and pray I don’t ever forget where I came from. I have been obese my whole life. I have lost and gained the same 100-120 pounds for 20 years, but never for long. But this last time about a year ago I thought I had really made it. I got down to about 230 and stayed there for about 6 months. And I was thinking about it this morning. My mother has been overweight for sometime also, and though I would never ever say anything aloud to hurt my mother. But when I was down to my lowest I remember catching myself saying, here comes mama’s fat butt why is she being so lazy just laying around and complaining, why doesn’t she do something about it, and quit eating so much. Of course every time I would think this I would ask the Lord to forgive me and help me not to think that way about her, but I did. It is so easy to forget where you came from. And looking in the mirror this morning I remembered, and here I am again right back where I used to be. If I can have this surgery I hope and pray that I help overweight people as much as possible, and never forget that I have been there and how painful it is!!!!!!! GOD BLESS
06/21/02: I have never felt more miserable and hopeless in my life. I have outgrown my size 48" pants, and starting to outgrow my 3X shirts. I feel so tired, and sweaty, and I just don’t ever remember feeling this bad. I feel so sorry for anyone that is overweight and going through this every single day of their life, but this is not living. I told someone that I hadn’t seen in sometime that I wanted to have this surgery. She said please don’t do that. You can have so many terrible complications, and the last time you lost so much weight you looked sick, you just did not look like yourself. I hope the complications in no way could be worse than the way I feel now, and if the truth be known I don’t want to look like myself, because what I see in the mirror everyday is not me!
06/24/02: Well another weekend of waiting gone by. It’s Monday 3:10pm and still no word from the insurance. What I would give if they could be on this side just one day, waiting and wondering, and feeling awful. I took my family out to eat this weekend, the size 48" pants I wore (I just bought a few months ago) were so tight I thought it was cutting my circulation off. I could not even enjoy being out with my family. Six or eight months ago when I had gotten down to a 40" I could have put these on, and they would have hit the floor. It shows me how quickly it can come back on you without you knowing it. And all of a sudden your fat again. ( I think I will keep these pants to remember how miserable I was in them that night ). So when I get down to a 36" waist GOD WILLING!!!!!, I can see the difference.
06/25/02: This weekend I bought 2 new pair of sweat pants ( 3Xlarge ) because everything else I have is too small. I put them on this morning, and they fit fine, but the part covering the lower part of my belly (you know what I'm talking about) looked like it was holding a huge watermelon. I really and truly looked like a man that was 9 months pregnant. How sexy is that. Anyway I just went ahead and put on my dirty jeans that I had worn the day before. Mrs Becky at Liv-Lite is the nicest and sweetest person in the world she has been so very patient with me and helped me every way she could, but these people at the insurance company have jerked me around for so long, I think I am going to go ahead and have my insurance agent talk with them today. Everybody pray for me. God Bless!!!!!
06/27/02: Well I finally got the call I have been waiting on so very long. I was denied again. They said it was because of my history with blood clots. Which is bull---- because the last time I was approved for this surgery about four years ago I had the same history with blood clots as I do now. Anyway I cried and got very depressed and said I would rather die if I could not have this surgery. But after about two days of that, I thought this is crazy. The doctor at the insurance company is supposed to talk with Dr. King on the phone on Tuesday. If nothings comes of that I will get my insurance agent to do whatever he can, and I will have Mrs. Becky at Liv-Lite send in an appeal. Anyway I was going to sue the insurance company, and kill myself and all that crap, but I listened to the Lord instead. We don’t live long on this earth, and the time we are here we should try to make it the best we can, because after all. The things, cares, and worries of this world mean nothing at all. 200 or 2000 years from now am I going to care if I got my surgery on this date or six months to a year from now. No all I am caring about is to make it to heaven with Jesus. So let them drag this thing out as long as they want. Me and Jesus can take it!!!!!! GOD BLESS.
07/02/02: “Yabba-Dabba-Doo” I have been approved. Mrs.Becky the sweetest most patient person in the world from Liv-Lite called me today and told me the good news. She has helped me so much, and I know I have been driving her crazy calling so much. She had told me the other day that I had been denied again. She said that the doctor that had denied me was going to have a conference call today with Dr. King, and if that didn’t work I would have to wait one month and then appeal again. But she said today when the woman that has been handling my case took all of my paperwork to the review board, the doctor that has continued to deny me was not there. So they had to present it to another doctor. He said he didn’t even need a conference call with Dr. King, that from what he saw in my files he would approve the surgery. I am so relieved this waiting and not knowing has been taking its tole on me, my wife, and my children. I definitely have to say thank you to JESUS, because I have been praying that I would get approved, but only if it was his will!!!! I now hope and pray everything will go great with the surgery, an recovery.
GOD BLESS, and good luck to everyone going through this operation, and those waiting to hear if they have been approved or not.
07/03/02: It has been so hot and humid today. I went today and checked my blood pressure on one of those machines at Wal-Mart. It was 147/98. Heart rate 115 that’s not good at all. I hope it will be much better this time next year. I don’t know if it’s the blood pressure or the heat but it has been very hard to breath today. I know when I got down to 230 pounds last year my b/p stayed around 75/116, and heart rate around 75-80. I will be glade to get it back to that.
07/05/02: Well I was trying to tell myself yesterday not to have this surgery. I had been reading some horror stories on the internet. But thinking about it today, I want to do this more than ever. Things could get bad I know that, but things aren’t that great now. I woke up very late this morning, because I was up most of the night eating junk food, and I now feel like I have a hangover. I am wearing the same pants I have had on for the last 5 days, because I have nothing else that fits. And these fit in the waist, but the legs are so huge I look like a fat rapper. Not a good look for me. I feel lazy, sweaty, sticky, and all around yucky. YES I AM READY TO HAVE THIS SURGERY!! I hope and pray that there will be no compilations, but I’m not worrying about it anymore. I am putting it all in Jesus’s hands and letting it go.
07/15/02: Mrs. Becky has been really watching out for me. I thought after getting approved it would take till August to get an appointment with Dr. King. She called today and said she had been telling them to save me a spot, and they did, July 30th . I can’t believe I will get in that soon. Mrs. Becky said that I would probably get my surgery in August. I am so excited and just a little nervous, but I know everything will be alright. GOD BLESS.
07/30/02: Went for my first visit to Dr. King. I liked the way he gives it to you straight forward. He is definitely not a salesman. He never told me how great it would be, or that my life would be magically transformed. He told me of every compaction that could happen, and said at one time or another he had seen all of them, even death. He said to research this the best I could, and make very sure that this was what I wanted to do. I like someone telling me straight. I ask him if something went wrong could this be reversed, and he told me straight, No after this surgery you can never go back to the way you are now. I asked if I would be able to have the surgery lap, and he said to make sure I could, I needed to lose about 35 pounds. So we are going to start all the test in 2 weeks, and I am now on a strict diet trying to lose the 35 pounds. I have never had a problem losing the weight, but it always came back plus more, but hopefully not this time. GOD BLESS and good luck to everyone!!!!
08/08/02: Well I have taken the first step in this journey. Yesterday I had my Vena Cava Filter put in at Baptist Memorial Hospital in Oxford, MS. They said for me to be at the hospital at 7:30am, and I would have the procedure done at 8:30am. Well they had some kind of an emergency in the operating room and the doctor couldn’t get me in until 1:30 P.M. that was a long frustrating wait, but it was the worst of it. I don’t think I have ever been to a hospital were there were nicer people, and I mean everyone. You know there’s usually always one in the crowd that is going to give you a hard time, but not here everyone was great. I remember reading Craig Allen’s profile, and he was talking about how great his nurse Libby was. Well she was one of my nurses, and she was wonderful. She explained everything, was very caring, and very funny. She kept your mind off of what was going on. Dr. Walker Byars, works with Dr. King, and he was the one to put the filter in. He was great, I really liked him a lot. I won’t lie it did hurt a little bit, but was all over very quickly. I had to lay flat in the bed four hours to make sure it was healed up, and then went home. Everything has been fine, I guess the worst pain I had was removing the bandages. But I want to say again everyone at the hospital was so wonderful.
God Bless.
08/14/02: Went to my monthly support meeting last night. It was really fun, and there was a ton of people there “no pun Intended ” but it was really good and I learned a lot. There is on guy there named Wayne he has lost about 300 lbs. In eight months and is doing great he is such an inspiration. He brought a pair of his old pants that were a size 72" and he could almost wrap them around him. Anyway that’s all for now. God Bless!!!!!!
08/17/02: All day I’ve been wearing this big stretched out faded out t-shirt. Its not that old it’s just I can’t or won’t hardly wear anything other than t-shirts, because ,you know I want something big enough to cover everything. I guess I’m just thinking about it today because I went to Wal-Mart with my wife and I felt so slovenly, and sloppy. I don’t want to be a pretty boy or anything, and probably never will be, but I would love to wear nice ironed shirts that you can tuck in, and yes be able to see my belt buckle.
Another thing I wanted to put in here today. I know like everyone that goes through this I have been having doubts, if this is the right thing to do or not. I know in my heart it is. I just have no willpower over food. My surgeon said I needed to lose about 35-40 lbs. to make sure I could have this done laparoscopic. I know that if I have this done open it will take much, much longer to recover, and there are a lot more risks in having it open, but after knowing all that I still can’t control my eating, so I know I do need to do this. Because I know the next thing coming is sleep apenia, and I know that played a huge part in the death of my best friend Scotty.
God Bless, and Good Luck to everyone!!!!!!
08/20/02: Step two. I went today to get my EGD. I had to be at the hospital at 6:30 A.M. It wasn’t that bad. I had to get an IV which is always so fun to get, they said it was for the drugs used to put you to sleep, Not So. You are only partially asleep. They spray this real nasty stuff in the back of your throat to deaden it, and make you bite down on a block with a hole in it. It never really hurt, but I just knew two or three times I was going to throw up from gagging, but never did. The whole thing was over in less than 15 min. I stayed in recovery for about an hour, and went home, and I am now at work typing this. The best part of the day was this very beautiful and skinny nurse, you know someone you look at and think, she’s never had to worry a day of her life about weight. Well anyway her name was Pam. We talked while she put in my IV. She asked if I was going to have the gastric bypass surgery, I told her I was, and she said she had it done 2 years ago and weighed over 260 lbs. It was hard to believe because she was so thin. She said the two most important things to remember are eat only what and when the doctor says, and get exercise if it is only walking. Anyway that was my EGD day. God Bless!!!!!
08/28/02: “I HAVE A DATE” , I went to see Dr. King yesterday, appointment time 3:20 p.m. I finally got to see him around 5:45 p.m. I told him it was fine but if he was late a lot he needs to replace all his chairs out front with recliners, much happier people when you can take a good 2 hour nap. Anyway he said all my test looked very good and we would do the surgery on Sept. 23 unless something earlier came open. I thank God this is moving right along now. The last time I tried to do this I was so uneasy and unsure about it, but after researching, and lots of praying I feel a kind of peace about it this time. I know that sounds weird and you think, he must be a hippie or something, but it’s the truth, I don’t feel nervous or anxious or anything, just ready to start my new life. For everyone going to have or trying to have this surgery, God Bless and good luck, don’t give up I thought I would never ever get approved, but it did happen and it will happen for you!
09/06/02: If someone has never had a weight problem they can’t in any way begin to understand what it is like. They say just back away from the table, start exercising, you just need to cut back. I guarantee that would work if you could do it.
I never wanted to except it, I just kept telling myself all these years, "you are no good, you have no willpower, you just don’t care. If you believe in God like you say you do than you could lose it. So I must not be a Christian like you say you are". But that is not true. This is an addiction, a disease just like any other disease it is something you can fight for a while, but most of the time it is going to take you over and win. It is exactly like any other addict. I know for a fact that if I don’t lose a little weight before this surgery I will probably get it done Open, and that means a lot more compilations than Lap. And I’m fine during the day, I could go all day and not ever think about food, but at night no matter how I resist, its just like an alcoholic reaching for that next drink that might kill him, or the drug addict going for the next needle that might give him aids, they can’t stop themselves, and neither can I, I can fight it until I go to sleep, and I will wake in the middle of the night to eat. People say just keep junk food out of your house. Tried that too. I just ended up getting dressed and going to an all night store and buying junk food. I can fight off the urge to eat over and over, but in the end most of the time it wins! I do believe in Jesus, and I am a Christian, and I know this surgery is his will, and I hope after I have it, and after anyone else has it we can stop beating ourselves up.
God Bless!!!!!!
09/15/02: It is 11:00pm and I am eating a huge bowl of pralines & cream ice cream. Once again I am writing this because I don’t ever want to forget where I came from or feel bad about having this surgery. I have people tell me all the time “ Johnny your just a big man you look just fine, you did not look like your self when you were thin”. I know I want to think this surgery has nothing to do with looks, but I know it has a part in it. When I look in the mirror I feel so huge and so ugly. When walking in the mall I notice every window I pass because I catch a glimpse of how big I am. My cloths look so huge and sloppy and I just don’t like the way I look at all. But I know for sure its not all about looks. At this weight I feel so awful, I feel so down and tired and drained all the time. Most of the time when I’m at home I don’t feel like getting off the couch, and instead of playing with my kids or spending time with my wife, I would rather sleep. I have all kinds of aches and pains and short of breath, that I did not have at 230 lbs. But I still have so many people say you were to thin at 230 lbs. you just did not need to lose any more than that, but little did they know at 230 lbs my lowest adult weight I still felt so overweight, and was still about 50 pounds overweight. I have always been very good at hiding my weight or trying to. So at 230 lbs. I looked in pretty good shape, but when I got undressed I still had this huge apron of fat and skin hanging off my stomach, so even though people tell you what you should weigh or look like, You should always go for the weight you feel comfortable with. God Bless .
09/18/02: Just 5 days to go. I am starting to get those “ am I doing the right thing thoughts” Well I was ridding with a friend of mine today. He is somewhat overweight, but not bad, and he has all kinds of health problems. He said to me today, you sure have been lucky. I said what do you mean by that. He said as long as you have been overweight, you have not had diabetes, high blood pressure, heart problems, or anything really serious. He then said I think you are doing the right thing doing this surgery, because if you stay this weight all those problems are definitely coming, and soon at your age. My best friend Scotty died from compilations from his weight, and he did not developed diabetes until around my age. So I think Jack is right. I thank God for me being blessed and not having any of these compilations, and I thank JESUS for getting Jack to talk to me today, and help me feel more at ease.
God Bless!!!!!
09/22/02: Prep Day. I have heard so many people say that this day is so much worse than the actual surgery. So I was really dreading it. For the first of the day it wasn’t that awful. Lots of going to the bathroom, but tolerable, until around 8:00 pm. I thought taking the antibiotics on an empty stomach would make me so sick, but it didn’t, something much worse happened. It started feeling like my bowl movements were straight fire. And when I touched my bottom with toilet paper I would scream it hurt so bad. I don’t know what it was, but it was like every time I sat on the toilet, there was straight acid coming out of me. I let that happen about twice. Then started jumping in a hot shower, would rinse myself off ( which still hurt, but did not last as long), pat dry, and put on the Vaseline, and wait till the next time. So was that day at all fun? NO!!!!!!!
09/23/02: Started my day by getting a shower at 3:30am, arrived at the hospital at 5:45am. I figured it would be a lot of siting and waiting, but moved very fast. They took me right on back to get the gown on and all that stuff. I wanted to know were my happy shot was, and the nurse said I would not get that until I got down stairs, just great no happy shot. I sat and talked with my wife and mama for a little wile. My daddy had ask me several times not to do this, I know he was so very scared for me, but I had made up my mind and prayed over and over about this with God and was at peace with my decision. Then they said it was time to go downstairs. I said surgery already, and he said no it would be like a holding area until surgery, I figured I would be there for hours. I got downstairs around 7:20am figuring I would be in holding 2 or 3 hours, but was very wrong. As soon as I got there they started a IV, and gave me the happy shot, which I did not get to enjoy because that’s all I remember.
They said I was in surgery for 4 hours and recovery for 2, all I remember was waking up in my room. I don’t remember a lot about the first day was mostly in and out. I do remember having a catheter. My first and I hope my last. I Forgot to say I am so thankful, and thank Jesus so much that Dr. King was able to do my surgery Lap.
I could have never imagined the pain from the gas it hurt all the way up and over my shoulders like I was having a heart attack, they say it is much worst with Lap than Open. Also very sharp pain in lower left side. The nurse said it was normal, that they put an extra stitch there, don’t know why. Lots of people came to see me that night, but don’t remember much. I want to think all my friends, everyone at church, and on the Internet for their many, many prayers. There is power in prayer!!
Thank You Jesus, and God Bless!!!
09/24/02: Probably one of the worst days I remember of my life. I was so completely miserable. When the nurse said you have to get up and walk before you can get your catheter out. I was thinking you must be crazy, but it wasn’t that bad just across the hall and back. I do remember it coming out, not pleasant at all. And I remember having to go get x-rayed to make sure there were no leaks (I thank Jesus there were none), but I do very much remember thinking these people must be nuts. I just came out of surgery, the gas pain is awful, I’m hurting and weak, and they want me to stand on this x-ray machine and drink a big glass of yucky junk, but it had to be done. Every time I tried to walk the gas pains were so bad. Nothing I did made me feel right. I could sit for just a minuet, and then would have to stand, then after a minuet would have to lay down about a minute then walk, and on, and on, nothing I did made me comfortable. I was getting in my juice and water, doing my breathing device , and keeping up with my walking, but could not stay cool. It was 55 degrees in that room with a fan blowing on me and I never stopped sweating.
09/25/02: Day 3 much worse! Around 12:30 pm I had no idea what was happening to me. It was like a freezer in my room, a fan on high blowing on me, and it looked like a water hose was on my head. I felt like I had the worse case of the flu ever. Dr. King came in and was as upset as I was. He said all my vitals and blood work looked great, and everything sounded great, we just had no idea what was going on. I was so upset I started to cry, and ask Jesus please help me I was so very miserable, and that started my wife crying. She then looked up and said did you drink that grape juice. I said yes while she stepped outside I drank an once of it. She then showed me a piece of paper that said do not drink the grape juice unless diluted 50/50 with water. Dr. King was very relived to know what was going on. He said I just got my first case of dumping syndrome. Drinking the grape juice was like pouring straight sugar in my body.
09/26/02- Well don’t know what’s going on now have continued to sweat, and just feel awful. I am doing all the breathing, and walking, drinking liquids im supposed to,but no change. Once again I sit then walk then lie down, then stand just can not make myself feel comfortable in any way! Dr. King is out of town today, So his assistant Robin, and Dr. Byres came in. They thought it might be anxiety , but would keep checking. They said it looked like it might be the breathing treatments they gave me about 6 times a day. Some type of steroid that may be causing it, so they have stopped them. It has gotten a lot better. There is a nurse here Nurse Betty, I want to thank her she is so very, very sweet, and I mean a real nurse. With the all white everything, you know she looks like a real nurse. By that evening I was trying to get Robin to let me go home, she called Dr. King, and he said if everything looked good I could go home tomorrow.
09/27/02: Feeling lots better but going so stir crazy. I know 5 days is not long to stay in the hospital, there are little children that stay in places like St. Jude for years, so I should not be belly aching. I just don’t do well in a hospital. I mean at home I can’t sleep in a bed, don’t ask don’t know why I just can’t. I only sleep well on a couch, and they don’t have one here. Robin came around about 9:00am, she is so very sweet. She said if everything still looked good I could go home.
We got home at around 1:30pm . It was so great to get a shower after 5 days and lay down on my couch. I think I slept hard (snoring) for about 3 ½ hours. After waking though, I still feel good, but I am so very weak, I guess not having the IV. I hope it gets better. I want to thank Jesus so very much for bringing me through this!!!
09/28/02: I have read that a lot of people might say that this is just taking the easy way out. I know now how big a load of crap that is, don’t let me get my strength back and hear someone say that. If they think going in and having your guts completely rearranged, staying on an IV for 5 days while totally miserable in a hospital bed, going through hot and cold sweats, direara, and finial going home still wearing a girdle, and having to sip 30cc of chicken broth every 30 mins. and going out to walk once every hour in your pajamas, weather you feel like it or not, to prevent blood clots, is the easy way out. Then I salute the ones that took the hard way. I read so many profiles where most people say they would do this over again in a heart beat. I am laying here this morning sipping chicken broth, after having about 10 bowel movements, and thinking Dear God What Have I Done To Myself, but I know it will get better. I also know it could have been so much worse. I thank God that he has let me do so very well. My wife has to go to work, and wants to know if I would like to go with her. I thought you must be crazy. She said that if I stayed at home I would sleep all day and I didn’t need to do that, and she was right. So after her helping me take a shower and get dressed I have been hear all day writing this letter. But I must admit, when taking my shower and getting dressed I felt so very weak, I mean I could have passed out I was so weak, I thought there’s no way I’m going to work I won’t last 30mins. But after being here most of the day I actually feel much better and much stronger. Go figure. On a last note I want to thank my wife. I know God brought me through all of this. But I also know that there is no way possible I could have ever made it through any of this without her. I want to thank you Brenda Fitch so very much, you have been my ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!
09/29/02: I am here at work with my wife again today. Once I get here and start to move around I start to feel somewhat better, but when I wake at the house I am so very weak. I’m just putting this in here today for me to look back on when I get to belly aching. I know lots of people talk about head hunger, and I know its coming, but when it does and I start winning about I can’t have this or that. I want very much to remember today. I am sitting here drinking crystal light, and eating ice chips, and haven’t had much of anything more than that for over a week, so when I start crying because I can’t eat steak or something I want to remember today!!!! God Bless
P.S. For people reading these profiles so you can decide weather or not to have this surgery. Do lots, & lots of reading, and researching. I know from reading mine, it must sound like a horror story, and to me when I was in the hospital going through this stuff I thought it was just horrible, but when it comes to the hospital, and pain, or anything I’m not comfortable with. I’m a big baby. And like Dr. King and Robin said a lot of mine was from anxiety. So what I am trying to say is from what I’ve read and heard from other people, my surgery, and stay at the hospital wasn’t really that bad at all. God Bless on your journey!!!!!
09/30/02: Just came from my first checkup, I have lost 23 pounds in 12 days. Dr. King says everything looks great and is healing well. Stared me on full liquid diet, so I can now have creamy soups and stuff like that. Robin was there to talk to me, she is the nicest person. I told Dr. King to give her a raise.
God Bless!!!!
10/08/02: Everything has been going pretty good, only a few days feeling nausea, but not that bad. Everything has been staying down very good. Only real problem thus far, and don’t really know what to do about it. Sunday night around 6:30pm my left foot started hurting, within 2 ½ hours it was really killing me. I thought for sure it was a blood clot. I went to Dr. King’s office first thing Monday morning and they did a ultrasound test. They said it was not a blood clot “THANK GOD” . After ruling everything out he said it was gout. I thought you got gout from eating lots of rich foods. So I have eaten like a pig for 38 years and never had gout, and now after
2 ½ weeks of eating chicken broth, and jell-o I have it. Anyway they said the gout was caused by the protein I was taking in. So hears the deal. I need to take in about 70 g protein a day, but if I do I get the gout, I need to walk as much as possible to prevent blood clots, but I don’t need to walk if I have the gout, they have shots, and meds. that will clear it right up, but since having this surgery I can’t take them. Is that a mess or what. Anyway Dr. King and I will figure it out. God Bless...
10/12/02: I am feeling much better today. The gout has almost gone away on its own, just a little soreness left. I will start back on my protein on Monday and see what happens, hopefully no more gout. But even without the protein I feel like I have so much energy today. I want to thank Jesus so much for blessing me and letting me recover this quickly, and without complications. God Bless to everyone on this journey!!
11/05/02: Went today for my six week checkup. Dr. King said everything looked good and was going as it should be. I have lost 51 pounds, that is so cool!! He started me on soft foods. I can now have cottage cheese, peanut butter, cheese, & eggs, I am so glad because all pureed food taste just alike. I just have to make sure I chew everything very good. Anyway I hope everyone is doing well on their journey. Please E-Mail if you have any questions. God Bless.
11/12/02: Had a first last night. I was eating scrambled eggs with cheese. I guess I was eating too fast or too much at one time, and it would not go down. I guess it was stuck at the opening of my stomach, anyway it hurt so bad for about 10 mins. I then tried to drink a little water to get it to go on down, and I threw up. Needless to say I will slow down on the eating.
01/01/03: It's been 3 months now, I'm still doing very good. Have only thrown up a few times when eating too fast or drinking way too soon after eating. I went for my 3 month check-up last week. I had lost 73 pounds.
Neck- 16 3/4"
Arms- 15"
Chest- 46 1/2"
Waist- 49 1/2"
Thighs- 27"
Hips- 46"
Total loss of 24" in 3 months.
I have got to start exercising and lifting weights, I want to try and keep as much muscle as I can.
Most days I feel Great, but am feeling yucky today so I want write much. God Bless!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!
01/13/03: Well old habits do die hard, but I hope I can kill this one. Eating late at night and bingeing has always kept me overweight. Over the last week or so I have been wondering if I still dumped or not, looking at all the snacks the kids have in the cabinets “It’s been calling to me at night”. I think when I turn the TV on after 10:00 P.M. my mouth automatically flies open. Anyway I was still scared to try the real sweets, so I found these sugar- free (2 gms of sugar) chocolate covered ice cream bars at Wal-Mart. I thought I could handle it, but was wrong, my compulsive side took over. As usual I ate one, and it was so wonderful, I thought well there sugar-free and small, needless to say I ate about 7 of them in one sitting. It took about 5 mins. and I was sick as a dog. I tried to throw up, and couldn’t, after about 30 mins. the diarrhea kicked in and lasted all night. Anyway I will never buy those again (not enough willpower). But I’m glad to know I dump with such a small amount of sugar. God Bless!!
01/20/03: What a dumb tail I am. It’s only been six days ago when I posted about dumping from the Ice cream bars, and I did it again. I guess I will get it in my thick head one of these days. Last night my wife brought home some Fat-Free, Sugar -Free Brownie Sunday, Blue Bunny Ice Cream. When it says No-Sugar it means no sugar added, that’s not talking about the natural sugar, anyway it had 4 gms of sugar. I ate a bowl and felt just fine, but thought this doesn’t taste much like brownies. So super smart me I added a Little Debbie brownie, I figured it was so small, and would just add a little flavor, and I was right it tasted wonderful. But when it kicked in I was much sicker than the last time. I was sick to my stomach, I felt like I was on speed, the diarrhea lasted all night long, and for about an hour my whole body felt kind of numb like I was paralyzed or something, just plan miserable and sick as a dog. Some people never learn. GOD BLESS!!
01/23/03: It has been exactly 4 months today since surgery. I feel wonderful. I was so scared to death of all the things that I thought could or would go wrong, and if I should do this or not. And bam it’s four months latter and I am so glad I did this. I have lost about 85 pounds and gone from a 50" to a 40" in pants. I have gotten sick just a few times, but mostly it has been my fault from eating too fast or not chewing good enough. Anyone starting on this journey, just be patient, and put it all in God’s hands you will be fine. Thank you Jesus for my quick recovery and weight loss, and for the doctors that are skilled in doing this surgery. God Bless!!!
02/15/03: This is just like being an alcoholic. No matter how bad you know you will feel after, you do stupid stuff anyway. I got a big box of Sugar-Free candy for valentines, well of course it was so good I ate way too much, and even being sugar-free it made me very sick. I never threw up, I just felt awful, bloated full of gas, cramping very bad, and diarrhea. But that’s not the most stupid part. I did it twice, after relaxing and trying to get back to normal, I went to sleep woke around 12:30AM and did it all over again. Some people never learn. I did throw the candy away though and ask my wife never to give me anymore. Most overweight people have a very compulsive personality, and even after this surgery I guess you will still have to deal with that. God Bless!!!!!
03/02/03: Well I guess the honeymoon is over. I found out the other night I do not dump anymore. It has scared me to death, but I know I can deal with it. I have eaten some sweets lately, but I try not to overdo it. I know it’s a mind thing that I have been going through way before I had this surgery. I can go all day and not really want much to eat. I can sit at home, watch T.V. or whatever until 10:00 or 11:00 P.M. and still not care about eating anything. But as soon as everyone else goes to bed, I want to eat the whole house, its just something about when I get all by myself the urges to eat (junk) kicks in. Anyway I am trying to lift weights 3 times a week and walk twice a week, but that’s a head game too. I can pig out on junk food one night and the next day feel like I’ve lost weight. Other times I can do great with my eating, and workout all week, and get up one morning and feel like I have gained weight or my pants are tighter. It’s a super head game, but with the Lords help I know it’s a game I will win!!!! I am now about 5 months post and down to 235. My goal is 200, and to stay there for at least 6 months, then go for the Tummy Tuck. I wish everyone on this journey the best. God Bless.
03/03/03: Can you say Dumb A%#. Last night I did it again. It was one of those “This is the very last night I will ever cheat and eat junk, so I will do it right” nights. The very same this is the last night to pig out nights that helped me to go from 235Lbs. two years ago back up to 350Lbs. in about 5 months. I ate ice cream cake, cream cheese pastry, 8- peanut butter cookies, and a fudgsicle. It did not make me sick, although I tried my best to make myself throw-up I felt so bad about eating like that, but not much came up. But after I went to sleep I woke about an hour latter with diarrhea and very bad gas and cramps for most of the rest of the night. Anyway I know I can handle this and will. I will write again soon in this journal, but I plan on it being a long, long, long time before writing about eating junk again, but if I do you will be the first to know. I’m one of those people that likes to hide and eat by myself, but I will tell on myself in a minuet! God Bless.
03/12/03: I am so sick of myself, and this eating late at night. From now on (I don’t know how many people read this), but I am going to start writing in this journal every time I eat junk, or eat after 10:00 P.M. that way everyone will know when I’m screwing up.
Last night it wasn’t that bad. It was about 11:30P.M. I ate a big bowl of fruit w/fat-free whip cream, then about 18 fat-free Pringles, a bowl of fat-free cool whip w/ peanut butter mixed, then about 8 fat-free crackers. It wasn’t that bad compared to the way I used to eat late at night, but it was bad. So from now own if I want to eat crap or eat after 10:00P.M. I going to let everyone else know. God Bless!!!!!!
03/19/03: Last night around 10:30. I ate 1 Peanut butter bar, ½ of a peanut butter granola bar, ½ of a bagel with strawberry cream cheese, 4 crackers with strawberry cream cheese, 4 sugar free fudgsciles. It made me sick and I threw up about three times.
03/28/03: I have been taking medicine for about a month now for gout. It had pretty much gone away last week, but I wanted to take all the medicine. Well last night smart me ate a bunch of junk food, and this morning the gout is back. Now I will have to start all over again with the medicine. Isn’t sugar, sweets, and junk food so wonderful, How could we live without it? I would love to know how!! God Bless.
04/02/03: I went for my 6 month check-up yesterday. It is so hard to believe it’s already been 6 months. I can remember thinking the day of surgery was just so far away and it would never get here, and bam it’s been 6 months. Anyway Dr. King said everything was looking great and are you ready “I HAVE LOST 115 POUNDS’ I am now at 221Lbs. I don’t think I have ever weighed that in my adult life. I hope to get to 200 by my birthday in June, but I feel great right where I am. I want to think Dr. King, Robin, Mrs. Becky, Mickie, my Wife and Children, and most of all Jesus who has helped me to get through this an do so well!!!! God Bless.
04/16/03: Well I guess I have gotten to cocky. I was thinking that since I was almost seven months post, and can now eat what I want I guess I got lax with the rules. This morning I was eating a bowl of cottage cheese with some bananas and pineapple in it. I was in a hurry so wasn’t chewing it up like I know I should, and I don’t know what part it was, but something got hung going down. It hurt so bad for about 5 min. then I threw up. Just getting to big for my britches I guess. God Bless!!!
04/21/03: Happy Easter everybody. I hope everyone had a great day. I did very good, we had way too much food and entirely to many sweets, but I stayed in control and ate right.
But last night around 11:30 I was craving something sweet, and since I made my wife send all the food home with the other family all I could find was some Rice Krisipies Treats Cereal. I have eaten it before and it only has 9gm of sugar, and I eat it dry. I still haven’t tried milk. Anyway I ate a bowl last night and in about 5-10 min. I was sick as a dog. I’m talking about super dump. I could hardly hold my head up, was sweating, bloated with gas, wanted to vomit, I mean it was a bad one. So you never know what will hit you, but for now No More Cereal! God Bless.
05/10/03: I am so tickled to death. I can remember for months and months looking over all the before and after pictures, and thinking how good I would feel when I could make it to the list. And thinking I have several months before my surgery, I bet it will take forever to get there, but its here. I can’t believe it I am so excited, and I don’t feel good I feel wonderful “Thank You Jesus”. and it didn’t take forever it only took 7 months. I have lost about 120Lbs. And gone from a 50" pants to a 38". Anyone starting this journey when you hit a plateau or just get frustrated waiting, just hang in there it will happen, and it is so worth it!!!!!!!!
GOD BLESS.
05/22/03: Found out last night that dumping isn’t the only really bad side effect of overeating. Last night around 11:00pm I thought I would have a light snack (not hungry) just thought I wanted or needed something. So I had a bowl of fruit with some fat-free cottage cheese, a very good light snack. But about 15 mins. latter wanted more, so I ended up eating a bunch of junk food (high in sugar), and ate a couple of hotdogs, (one with a piece of bread ) the first piece of bread I have had in 7 ½ months. Anyway didn’t feel great but did not dump or feel too bad either. I woke around 3:00am with a pain worse than I ever had in the hospital after surgery. I was cramping so bad I thought I would cry, and had a terrible pain in my lower right side. I thought this is it, I have stopped up my intestine or something and it is going to bust. I
04/20/02: Found out this week I was turned down by my insurance company. They said that I had not tried enough medically supervised diets. Is that a joke or what. My family physician laughed at that one. Him and several other doctors I have been to are writing letters to the insurance company, so maybe that will help.
04/25/02: Went to get my blood checked today. My weight is now at 313, and my B/P was 156/98. I hope the insurance company comes through soon. I have been thinking a lot about this surgery lately, you know, is it the right thing to do, and for the right reasons. I was approved for this about four years ago. I went as far as the hospital, I spent the night, took all the laxatives and enemas. They came in the next morning and shaved my stomach getting me ready. I think it was about an hour before surgery. I was not long out of a divorce so I was there all by myself, and scared to death. I was thinking, God if this is or isn’t what you want me to do please let me know. About 10 min. latter a nurse came in the room. She said why in the world are you getting this surgery, I tried to explain best as I could, but she said please don’t do this, you don’t need it. She said there was a woman down the hall so sick she was having to have it reversed, well that’s all the sign I needed. I said tell the doctor I’m not having the surgery I’m going home. Did I make the right decision, was it really a sign, I’m not sure, maybe I was just scared to death, or maybe God was telling me it was not the right time. I just feel like it is the right time now. For so long my weight has been my crutch. You know I can’t do this or don’t expect me to do that, because I’m too fat and I feel bad. In a way the surgery will also be a crutch until I get to where I want and need to be. I mean people I guess won't expect you to do a whole lot while your recovering from major surgery. But I am ready to be without a crutch, that’s why I want this surgery, because once I reach where I want to be. I hope I will feel so alive and full of energy,that people will then expect too little of me, because I want to do everything that this weight has held me back from doing. I’m sorry this was so long I just thought it was something someone out there
might need to hear. God Bless!
The photo to the left is of me @ about 350 Lbs. with one of my very best friends Scotty. It was taken when he went on a trip to Disney World with my family and I. We loved those Mickey Mouse bars. Anyway Scotty like me has fought with obesity his entire life. About 5 yrs. ago he had to go into the hospital for over a month, because of fluid around his heart, diabetes, and severe sleep apenia. He was maybe 5' 10" 355Lbs. But most of all of his weight was carried around his stomach. Anyway he went through hell for a month in that hospital. His doctor told him his best chance for getting better was to have a gastric bypass to get rid of the weight and all the complications that came with it. He has known Scotty for as long as I have and he knows Scotty dose not have the willpower to lose it on his own. I thought if anything will change his eating habits this will. They changed for about six weeks and right back he went to his old ways. Around October 2000. I went to see him he was sitting up in bed sound asleep. He could not breath if he lied down. His legs from the knees down where black from no circulation. I made him get up and go to the doctor. The doctor told him that day if he did not change and take his diabetic medication like he should he might as well make out his will. He once again begged him to have gastric bypass surgery, and so did I. Scotty told us please just give me one more chance, and I know I can lose the weight. I said Scotty you know as well as I do you are just like me. You will lose enough to start feeling a lot better, and then you will go right back to your old ways. He said I’m telling the truth this time, just give me one more chance. Three months latter on Jan. 6, 2001 at the age of 39 yrs. old Scotty died in the hospital from all the complections of his obesity. Scotty was one of the most well liked people in our town. He would help anybody in need, he just could not help his self. He is missed very much. God bless him. I hope he gets to eat whatever he wants in heaven without gaining any weight.
05/08/02: I drove to Oxford, Ms yesterday to take letters from three of my doctors to Mrs. Becky at LivLite Weight Management program. Mrs. Becky is such a sweet lady. I know I have been driving her crazy on the phone trying to get my insurance approved, and she has been so patient with me. She is a very nice caring lady. I went to my first LivLite support meeting last night in Oxford. Everyone there was so nice, and I learned a lot from the ones who had already had the surgery. There was one lady there who had the operation just 2 weeks ago and she looked great and was getting around as well as anyone. The meeting was supposed to last an hour and a half but everyone was getting along so well I think we stayed 2 hours. Anyway I’m glad my wife and I went, we learned a lot. She is being so supportive of me. I think God for that, and for her. I Love her very much. She has been thin her whole life so she has no clue about all this overweight mess, but she is so interested in learning and helping me. Got to go now God Bless and pray for me that insurance will be approved. Thanks
05/09/02: I’m just putting this in here so I can look back from the other side and see just how bad my eating was. Last night when I got home my wife had fixed some of the best spaghetti I have ever eaten, of course I had two huge plates enough that I had to go lay down I was so stuffed and miserable. Then when I got up around 10:00 P.M. I found the banana pudding she had in the refrigerator. Then between 10:00 and 2:30 A.M. I had about 5 bowls of it. Well that’s it just telling on myself.
05/10/02: OK this is how bad I feel about myself since gaining all my weight back. Here lately I have been trying to convince myself that I could live with being this big. It dose not bother my wife or my family so even though I can not stand the way I feel or look, I thought I could live with it. Well last night my sister-in law and brother- in- law came over. I have not seen them in a long time. The last time I did see them I was about 240 pounds. I am now about 320 pounds. When I was smaller I used to work out on weights with my brother-in-law. He stays in great shape all the time. Anyway I thought, I can handle this, but when they got there I pretended to be asleep on the couch, and told my wife I didn’t want to get up, I even covered up with a blanket so if they did come in the room they couldn’t see how much weight I had gained. I hate feeling like that, and I really wanted to see them, maybe once I have this surgery and get to where I want to be I won't ever have to hide again.
05/10/02:
Neck- 18 3/4"
Arms- 16"
Chest- 52 ½”
Waist- 55" ( Pants size 48 ) ???
Thighs- 31"
Hips- 51 ½”
05/16/02: Well I am going crazy waiting for the insurance company to tell me something. Today I went for my father to pick up 100 cases of cokes at a discount warehouse. He usually sends me once every two months or so. Anyway this time last year I weighed about 245 Lbs. I remember when I got through loading those 100 cases I felt like I could load 200 more. Today at 320 I had to sit down and rest about three times before getting through. That really shows me how much this weight effects me. I did notice one thing positive though. Here lately I have been sweating a lot, more than usual, I thought it was the weight, but I guess not as much as I thought. I quit drinking soft drinks, (regular and diet) about a week or so ago, and I can really tell it has helped my sweating. Who knew. Well got to go. God Bless!!
05/17/02: Well this is turning into a long day. I talked with Mrs. Becky from LivLite this morning. She said she had spoken with my insurance company, and they received all my information and letters. The lady said she would probably call this evening or Monday with an answer. This has been a long day, but if I have to wait until Monday this will be a super-duper long weekend!!
05/21/02: Yesterday was the day I would find out if I was approved or not. I said my prayers and ask God to let me have this surgery if it was his will. I started to ask my wife to pray with me, but I didn’t, because we have never done that, and I don’t go to church like I should, well not for about a year now, and I thought she would think I was weird. Anyway around 2:00P.M. today I got the call from Mrs. Becky. I had been denied again. They said I didn’t weigh enough. According to the charts I’m about 155 pounds overweight. When I got home I told my wife. She said that morning she had also prayed for me to get approved but only if it was his will. Then she said maybe we should pray together. I thought maybe God is telling us something, we are thinking about the same things. I do believe I will be approved. I do believe God wants me to have this surgery, but not until I am in the right place with him. Meaning not having faith in me, my doctor, my wife or anybody else, but having total faith in Jesus, and knowing no mater what happens I will be alright.
05/22/02: I probably won’t be putting anything in here for awhile. I got denied again yesterday by my insurance company, even though I’m about 155 pounds overweight, and had referral letters from three doctors. I know a lot of people say its just a game the insurance companies play with you, but I’m tired of playing the game or any game for that matter. They now say they want another letter from one of my doctors, and a psychological Evaluation. Just more, and more Bull____. Well whatever wish everyone else good luck.
05/23/02: I never ever want to be where I was yesterday again. On a scale of 1-10 on being mad, and outraged, and upset at the whole world. I was around an 18. No matter what I did I could not cool down. I didn’t want to be around anyone, I argued with everyone I came in contact with including God. I was just so disappointed that they had turned me down again, and that they were just playing with me. No one should have the right to play with your life like that. Mrs. Becky said the lady at the insurance company said that their policy was, they must have a psychological test done before they could approve me. Well that’s just fine, but if they knew that, why weren’t we told that when the first paper work was sent in. Instead of denying me so many times and then telling us this. I guess it is just a stall tactic, or some kind of game. But I just don’t see how anyone could play with someone else’s life like that.
05/31/02: Today is one of those days when you don’t even want to get out of bed. You know that everything you try to put on is way too tight, even though you just bought larger clothes two weeks ago. That everywhere you have a roll of fat a piece of material will be pressing against it and be so uncomfortable. That your 3X shirt will hide it (You Think) until you sit down. And when you look in the mirror you look like your wearing a tent. But everyone tells you, don’t think about it so much, you carry your weight so well. I want to tell them why don’t you carry it awhile and see how you feel. And you know that even after taking a bath 15 min. after being outside in the heat sweating you will feel like you haven’t had one in a month. And the worst I think is being so irritable with everyone. I am so miserable in my own skin that I have zero patience with anyone, just the least little thing makes me upset, and I know its because I feel so bad about myself, and the way I feel. I hate being in an air conditioned room where most people seem to be freezing and I can’t stop sweating. Or going to a restaurant not knowing if your stomach will be pressed against the table. Or going out anywhere knowing that the people there are saying to themselves how did he let himself get that way. And I really hate not feeling like doing anything with my kids. And they don’t understand why I feel so bad or get tired so quick or sweat so much, or get out of breath, they just want to play and have fun, and so do I. I want to remember how bad I felt being fat, when I get on the other side, because I don’t ever want to feel like this again.
06/03/02: Until someone has been this size there is no way they can know how miserable it makes you feel. I know there are people a lot larger than me, but I guess I’m just one of those people that can’t handle it very well. This morning I tried to stay covered by the sheets as much as I could to keep my wife from seeing how huge my stomach is. I’m at the point I don’t ever want to touch her because I feel so bad about myself. This morning I couldn’t even find any underwear that fit. My clothes look and feel so awful on me I don’t even want to go outside. And when I do go outside with the heat I feel like I haven’t had a bath in forever even though I just got out of the shower.
This weekend I took my son and some of his friends to my fathers cabin. I was so miserable the whole time. Every time I walked outside it looked like a bucket of water had been poured over me. I didn’t want to fish or anything just stay inside. And I felt so bad about that whenever my son ask me to do something I was short with him. I hate the way this fat makes me feel!!!!
06/04/02: My step-daughter has a softball game tonight, she is seven years old. She ask me two or three times if I would come, but I’m not going, for one reason my weight. I hate the way it feels the way people look at you when your fat. And not just places like that, but the people at work also. When they look at me I feel like their saying he is so fat and lazy and not much good for anything. I hate that feeling.
06/06/02: I wanted to put this on here today so I can look back at it and see how dumb I’ve been. I have been in such a terrible mood and being so short with everyone. And I know now that this surgery or nothing else is ever going to make me happy. Yes the surgery will make me more healthy and feel much better in my on skin, and make my clothes look and feel much better. But the only way for me to be truly happy is to completely put my faith in Jesus, that he knows what is best, and that he will make everything turn out alright in due time. And I must decide to be happy myself. Different situations will come and go, but its up to me to decide how I will handle them. It’s up to you to say , I DON”T CARE WHAT THE SITUATION IS I WILL BE HAPPY!! "GOD BLESS"
06/11/02: Yesterday I went to the movies in Memphis with a friend of mine. I think it is the most miserable I have ever been in a theater in my life. The seats were great. They even felt larger than most, but my stomach has gotten so big I was miserable. I would lean to one side then the other and could never get comfortable. I am about to bust out of my 48" pants and the insurance company just keeps me waiting.
06/19/02: Well here we go again. These people that work for the insurance company's must work part time torturing people. They said it would take a week to look over the paperwork, so that’s another weekend I spent waiting. Then on Monday they said that the doctor was on vacation, there is another weekend. I was for sure supposed to have an answer on Monday, of course they said it would now probably be Friday, which means next Monday, and another weekend, and on and on and on. These people are the best I know at staling. But if they could just walk in my shoes the way I feel just one day. This isn’t staling to me its torture. On top of feeling so awful the way I do, the not knowing what is going to happen with your future is pure hell!! Because without this surgery I don't feel like I have a future.
06/20/02: I was looking in the mirror this morning and thinking, if I do have this surgery I hope and pray I don’t ever forget where I came from. I have been obese my whole life. I have lost and gained the same 100-120 pounds for 20 years, but never for long. But this last time about a year ago I thought I had really made it. I got down to about 230 and stayed there for about 6 months. And I was thinking about it this morning. My mother has been overweight for sometime also, and though I would never ever say anything aloud to hurt my mother. But when I was down to my lowest I remember catching myself saying, here comes mama’s fat butt why is she being so lazy just laying around and complaining, why doesn’t she do something about it, and quit eating so much. Of course every time I would think this I would ask the Lord to forgive me and help me not to think that way about her, but I did. It is so easy to forget where you came from. And looking in the mirror this morning I remembered, and here I am again right back where I used to be. If I can have this surgery I hope and pray that I help overweight people as much as possible, and never forget that I have been there and how painful it is!!!!!!! GOD BLESS
06/21/02: I have never felt more miserable and hopeless in my life. I have outgrown my size 48" pants, and starting to outgrow my 3X shirts. I feel so tired, and sweaty, and I just don’t ever remember feeling this bad. I feel so sorry for anyone that is overweight and going through this every single day of their life, but this is not living. I told someone that I hadn’t seen in sometime that I wanted to have this surgery. She said please don’t do that. You can have so many terrible complications, and the last time you lost so much weight you looked sick, you just did not look like yourself. I hope the complications in no way could be worse than the way I feel now, and if the truth be known I don’t want to look like myself, because what I see in the mirror everyday is not me!
06/24/02: Well another weekend of waiting gone by. It’s Monday 3:10pm and still no word from the insurance. What I would give if they could be on this side just one day, waiting and wondering, and feeling awful. I took my family out to eat this weekend, the size 48" pants I wore (I just bought a few months ago) were so tight I thought it was cutting my circulation off. I could not even enjoy being out with my family. Six or eight months ago when I had gotten down to a 40" I could have put these on, and they would have hit the floor. It shows me how quickly it can come back on you without you knowing it. And all of a sudden your fat again. ( I think I will keep these pants to remember how miserable I was in them that night ). So when I get down to a 36" waist GOD WILLING!!!!!, I can see the difference.
06/25/02: This weekend I bought 2 new pair of sweat pants ( 3Xlarge ) because everything else I have is too small. I put them on this morning, and they fit fine, but the part covering the lower part of my belly (you know what I'm talking about) looked like it was holding a huge watermelon. I really and truly looked like a man that was 9 months pregnant. How sexy is that. Anyway I just went ahead and put on my dirty jeans that I had worn the day before. Mrs Becky at Liv-Lite is the nicest and sweetest person in the world she has been so very patient with me and helped me every way she could, but these people at the insurance company have jerked me around for so long, I think I am going to go ahead and have my insurance agent talk with them today. Everybody pray for me. God Bless!!!!!
06/27/02: Well I finally got the call I have been waiting on so very long. I was denied again. They said it was because of my history with blood clots. Which is bull---- because the last time I was approved for this surgery about four years ago I had the same history with blood clots as I do now. Anyway I cried and got very depressed and said I would rather die if I could not have this surgery. But after about two days of that, I thought this is crazy. The doctor at the insurance company is supposed to talk with Dr. King on the phone on Tuesday. If nothings comes of that I will get my insurance agent to do whatever he can, and I will have Mrs. Becky at Liv-Lite send in an appeal. Anyway I was going to sue the insurance company, and kill myself and all that crap, but I listened to the Lord instead. We don’t live long on this earth, and the time we are here we should try to make it the best we can, because after all. The things, cares, and worries of this world mean nothing at all. 200 or 2000 years from now am I going to care if I got my surgery on this date or six months to a year from now. No all I am caring about is to make it to heaven with Jesus. So let them drag this thing out as long as they want. Me and Jesus can take it!!!!!! GOD BLESS.
07/02/02: “Yabba-Dabba-Doo” I have been approved. Mrs.Becky the sweetest most patient person in the world from Liv-Lite called me today and told me the good news. She has helped me so much, and I know I have been driving her crazy calling so much. She had told me the other day that I had been denied again. She said that the doctor that had denied me was going to have a conference call today with Dr. King, and if that didn’t work I would have to wait one month and then appeal again. But she said today when the woman that has been handling my case took all of my paperwork to the review board, the doctor that has continued to deny me was not there. So they had to present it to another doctor. He said he didn’t even need a conference call with Dr. King, that from what he saw in my files he would approve the surgery. I am so relieved this waiting and not knowing has been taking its tole on me, my wife, and my children. I definitely have to say thank you to JESUS, because I have been praying that I would get approved, but only if it was his will!!!! I now hope and pray everything will go great with the surgery, an recovery.
GOD BLESS, and good luck to everyone going through this operation, and those waiting to hear if they have been approved or not.
07/03/02: It has been so hot and humid today. I went today and checked my blood pressure on one of those machines at Wal-Mart. It was 147/98. Heart rate 115 that’s not good at all. I hope it will be much better this time next year. I don’t know if it’s the blood pressure or the heat but it has been very hard to breath today. I know when I got down to 230 pounds last year my b/p stayed around 75/116, and heart rate around 75-80. I will be glade to get it back to that.
07/05/02: Well I was trying to tell myself yesterday not to have this surgery. I had been reading some horror stories on the internet. But thinking about it today, I want to do this more than ever. Things could get bad I know that, but things aren’t that great now. I woke up very late this morning, because I was up most of the night eating junk food, and I now feel like I have a hangover. I am wearing the same pants I have had on for the last 5 days, because I have nothing else that fits. And these fit in the waist, but the legs are so huge I look like a fat rapper. Not a good look for me. I feel lazy, sweaty, sticky, and all around yucky. YES I AM READY TO HAVE THIS SURGERY!! I hope and pray that there will be no compilations, but I’m not worrying about it anymore. I am putting it all in Jesus’s hands and letting it go.
07/15/02: Mrs. Becky has been really watching out for me. I thought after getting approved it would take till August to get an appointment with Dr. King. She called today and said she had been telling them to save me a spot, and they did, July 30th . I can’t believe I will get in that soon. Mrs. Becky said that I would probably get my surgery in August. I am so excited and just a little nervous, but I know everything will be alright. GOD BLESS.
07/30/02: Went for my first visit to Dr. King. I liked the way he gives it to you straight forward. He is definitely not a salesman. He never told me how great it would be, or that my life would be magically transformed. He told me of every compaction that could happen, and said at one time or another he had seen all of them, even death. He said to research this the best I could, and make very sure that this was what I wanted to do. I like someone telling me straight. I ask him if something went wrong could this be reversed, and he told me straight, No after this surgery you can never go back to the way you are now. I asked if I would be able to have the surgery lap, and he said to make sure I could, I needed to lose about 35 pounds. So we are going to start all the test in 2 weeks, and I am now on a strict diet trying to lose the 35 pounds. I have never had a problem losing the weight, but it always came back plus more, but hopefully not this time. GOD BLESS and good luck to everyone!!!!
08/08/02: Well I have taken the first step in this journey. Yesterday I had my Vena Cava Filter put in at Baptist Memorial Hospital in Oxford, MS. They said for me to be at the hospital at 7:30am, and I would have the procedure done at 8:30am. Well they had some kind of an emergency in the operating room and the doctor couldn’t get me in until 1:30 P.M. that was a long frustrating wait, but it was the worst of it. I don’t think I have ever been to a hospital were there were nicer people, and I mean everyone. You know there’s usually always one in the crowd that is going to give you a hard time, but not here everyone was great. I remember reading Craig Allen’s profile, and he was talking about how great his nurse Libby was. Well she was one of my nurses, and she was wonderful. She explained everything, was very caring, and very funny. She kept your mind off of what was going on. Dr. Walker Byars, works with Dr. King, and he was the one to put the filter in. He was great, I really liked him a lot. I won’t lie it did hurt a little bit, but was all over very quickly. I had to lay flat in the bed four hours to make sure it was healed up, and then went home. Everything has been fine, I guess the worst pain I had was removing the bandages. But I want to say again everyone at the hospital was so wonderful.
God Bless.
08/14/02: Went to my monthly support meeting last night. It was really fun, and there was a ton of people there “no pun Intended ” but it was really good and I learned a lot. There is on guy there named Wayne he has lost about 300 lbs. In eight months and is doing great he is such an inspiration. He brought a pair of his old pants that were a size 72" and he could almost wrap them around him. Anyway that’s all for now. God Bless!!!!!!
08/17/02: All day I’ve been wearing this big stretched out faded out t-shirt. Its not that old it’s just I can’t or won’t hardly wear anything other than t-shirts, because ,you know I want something big enough to cover everything. I guess I’m just thinking about it today because I went to Wal-Mart with my wife and I felt so slovenly, and sloppy. I don’t want to be a pretty boy or anything, and probably never will be, but I would love to wear nice ironed shirts that you can tuck in, and yes be able to see my belt buckle.
Another thing I wanted to put in here today. I know like everyone that goes through this I have been having doubts, if this is the right thing to do or not. I know in my heart it is. I just have no willpower over food. My surgeon said I needed to lose about 35-40 lbs. to make sure I could have this done laparoscopic. I know that if I have this done open it will take much, much longer to recover, and there are a lot more risks in having it open, but after knowing all that I still can’t control my eating, so I know I do need to do this. Because I know the next thing coming is sleep apenia, and I know that played a huge part in the death of my best friend Scotty.
God Bless, and Good Luck to everyone!!!!!!
08/20/02: Step two. I went today to get my EGD. I had to be at the hospital at 6:30 A.M. It wasn’t that bad. I had to get an IV which is always so fun to get, they said it was for the drugs used to put you to sleep, Not So. You are only partially asleep. They spray this real nasty stuff in the back of your throat to deaden it, and make you bite down on a block with a hole in it. It never really hurt, but I just knew two or three times I was going to throw up from gagging, but never did. The whole thing was over in less than 15 min. I stayed in recovery for about an hour, and went home, and I am now at work typing this. The best part of the day was this very beautiful and skinny nurse, you know someone you look at and think, she’s never had to worry a day of her life about weight. Well anyway her name was Pam. We talked while she put in my IV. She asked if I was going to have the gastric bypass surgery, I told her I was, and she said she had it done 2 years ago and weighed over 260 lbs. It was hard to believe because she was so thin. She said the two most important things to remember are eat only what and when the doctor says, and get exercise if it is only walking. Anyway that was my EGD day. God Bless!!!!!
08/28/02: “I HAVE A DATE” , I went to see Dr. King yesterday, appointment time 3:20 p.m. I finally got to see him around 5:45 p.m. I told him it was fine but if he was late a lot he needs to replace all his chairs out front with recliners, much happier people when you can take a good 2 hour nap. Anyway he said all my test looked very good and we would do the surgery on Sept. 23 unless something earlier came open. I thank God this is moving right along now. The last time I tried to do this I was so uneasy and unsure about it, but after researching, and lots of praying I feel a kind of peace about it this time. I know that sounds weird and you think, he must be a hippie or something, but it’s the truth, I don’t feel nervous or anxious or anything, just ready to start my new life. For everyone going to have or trying to have this surgery, God Bless and good luck, don’t give up I thought I would never ever get approved, but it did happen and it will happen for you!
09/06/02: If someone has never had a weight problem they can’t in any way begin to understand what it is like. They say just back away from the table, start exercising, you just need to cut back. I guarantee that would work if you could do it.
I never wanted to except it, I just kept telling myself all these years, "you are no good, you have no willpower, you just don’t care. If you believe in God like you say you do than you could lose it. So I must not be a Christian like you say you are". But that is not true. This is an addiction, a disease just like any other disease it is something you can fight for a while, but most of the time it is going to take you over and win. It is exactly like any other addict. I know for a fact that if I don’t lose a little weight before this surgery I will probably get it done Open, and that means a lot more compilations than Lap. And I’m fine during the day, I could go all day and not ever think about food, but at night no matter how I resist, its just like an alcoholic reaching for that next drink that might kill him, or the drug addict going for the next needle that might give him aids, they can’t stop themselves, and neither can I, I can fight it until I go to sleep, and I will wake in the middle of the night to eat. People say just keep junk food out of your house. Tried that too. I just ended up getting dressed and going to an all night store and buying junk food. I can fight off the urge to eat over and over, but in the end most of the time it wins! I do believe in Jesus, and I am a Christian, and I know this surgery is his will, and I hope after I have it, and after anyone else has it we can stop beating ourselves up.
God Bless!!!!!!
09/15/02: It is 11:00pm and I am eating a huge bowl of pralines & cream ice cream. Once again I am writing this because I don’t ever want to forget where I came from or feel bad about having this surgery. I have people tell me all the time “ Johnny your just a big man you look just fine, you did not look like your self when you were thin”. I know I want to think this surgery has nothing to do with looks, but I know it has a part in it. When I look in the mirror I feel so huge and so ugly. When walking in the mall I notice every window I pass because I catch a glimpse of how big I am. My cloths look so huge and sloppy and I just don’t like the way I look at all. But I know for sure its not all about looks. At this weight I feel so awful, I feel so down and tired and drained all the time. Most of the time when I’m at home I don’t feel like getting off the couch, and instead of playing with my kids or spending time with my wife, I would rather sleep. I have all kinds of aches and pains and short of breath, that I did not have at 230 lbs. But I still have so many people say you were to thin at 230 lbs. you just did not need to lose any more than that, but little did they know at 230 lbs my lowest adult weight I still felt so overweight, and was still about 50 pounds overweight. I have always been very good at hiding my weight or trying to. So at 230 lbs. I looked in pretty good shape, but when I got undressed I still had this huge apron of fat and skin hanging off my stomach, so even though people tell you what you should weigh or look like, You should always go for the weight you feel comfortable with. God Bless .
09/18/02: Just 5 days to go. I am starting to get those “ am I doing the right thing thoughts” Well I was ridding with a friend of mine today. He is somewhat overweight, but not bad, and he has all kinds of health problems. He said to me today, you sure have been lucky. I said what do you mean by that. He said as long as you have been overweight, you have not had diabetes, high blood pressure, heart problems, or anything really serious. He then said I think you are doing the right thing doing this surgery, because if you stay this weight all those problems are definitely coming, and soon at your age. My best friend Scotty died from compilations from his weight, and he did not developed diabetes until around my age. So I think Jack is right. I thank God for me being blessed and not having any of these compilations, and I thank JESUS for getting Jack to talk to me today, and help me feel more at ease.
God Bless!!!!!
09/22/02: Prep Day. I have heard so many people say that this day is so much worse than the actual surgery. So I was really dreading it. For the first of the day it wasn’t that awful. Lots of going to the bathroom, but tolerable, until around 8:00 pm. I thought taking the antibiotics on an empty stomach would make me so sick, but it didn’t, something much worse happened. It started feeling like my bowl movements were straight fire. And when I touched my bottom with toilet paper I would scream it hurt so bad. I don’t know what it was, but it was like every time I sat on the toilet, there was straight acid coming out of me. I let that happen about twice. Then started jumping in a hot shower, would rinse myself off ( which still hurt, but did not last as long), pat dry, and put on the Vaseline, and wait till the next time. So was that day at all fun? NO!!!!!!!
09/23/02: Started my day by getting a shower at 3:30am, arrived at the hospital at 5:45am. I figured it would be a lot of siting and waiting, but moved very fast. They took me right on back to get the gown on and all that stuff. I wanted to know were my happy shot was, and the nurse said I would not get that until I got down stairs, just great no happy shot. I sat and talked with my wife and mama for a little wile. My daddy had ask me several times not to do this, I know he was so very scared for me, but I had made up my mind and prayed over and over about this with God and was at peace with my decision. Then they said it was time to go downstairs. I said surgery already, and he said no it would be like a holding area until surgery, I figured I would be there for hours. I got downstairs around 7:20am figuring I would be in holding 2 or 3 hours, but was very wrong. As soon as I got there they started a IV, and gave me the happy shot, which I did not get to enjoy because that’s all I remember.
They said I was in surgery for 4 hours and recovery for 2, all I remember was waking up in my room. I don’t remember a lot about the first day was mostly in and out. I do remember having a catheter. My first and I hope my last. I Forgot to say I am so thankful, and thank Jesus so much that Dr. King was able to do my surgery Lap.
I could have never imagined the pain from the gas it hurt all the way up and over my shoulders like I was having a heart attack, they say it is much worst with Lap than Open. Also very sharp pain in lower left side. The nurse said it was normal, that they put an extra stitch there, don’t know why. Lots of people came to see me that night, but don’t remember much. I want to think all my friends, everyone at church, and on the Internet for their many, many prayers. There is power in prayer!!
Thank You Jesus, and God Bless!!!
09/24/02: Probably one of the worst days I remember of my life. I was so completely miserable. When the nurse said you have to get up and walk before you can get your catheter out. I was thinking you must be crazy, but it wasn’t that bad just across the hall and back. I do remember it coming out, not pleasant at all. And I remember having to go get x-rayed to make sure there were no leaks (I thank Jesus there were none), but I do very much remember thinking these people must be nuts. I just came out of surgery, the gas pain is awful, I’m hurting and weak, and they want me to stand on this x-ray machine and drink a big glass of yucky junk, but it had to be done. Every time I tried to walk the gas pains were so bad. Nothing I did made me feel right. I could sit for just a minuet, and then would have to stand, then after a minuet would have to lay down about a minute then walk, and on, and on, nothing I did made me comfortable. I was getting in my juice and water, doing my breathing device , and keeping up with my walking, but could not stay cool. It was 55 degrees in that room with a fan blowing on me and I never stopped sweating.
09/25/02: Day 3 much worse! Around 12:30 pm I had no idea what was happening to me. It was like a freezer in my room, a fan on high blowing on me, and it looked like a water hose was on my head. I felt like I had the worse case of the flu ever. Dr. King came in and was as upset as I was. He said all my vitals and blood work looked great, and everything sounded great, we just had no idea what was going on. I was so upset I started to cry, and ask Jesus please help me I was so very miserable, and that started my wife crying. She then looked up and said did you drink that grape juice. I said yes while she stepped outside I drank an once of it. She then showed me a piece of paper that said do not drink the grape juice unless diluted 50/50 with water. Dr. King was very relived to know what was going on. He said I just got my first case of dumping syndrome. Drinking the grape juice was like pouring straight sugar in my body.
09/26/02- Well don’t know what’s going on now have continued to sweat, and just feel awful. I am doing all the breathing, and walking, drinking liquids im supposed to,but no change. Once again I sit then walk then lie down, then stand just can not make myself feel comfortable in any way! Dr. King is out of town today, So his assistant Robin, and Dr. Byres came in. They thought it might be anxiety , but would keep checking. They said it looked like it might be the breathing treatments they gave me about 6 times a day. Some type of steroid that may be causing it, so they have stopped them. It has gotten a lot better. There is a nurse here Nurse Betty, I want to thank her she is so very, very sweet, and I mean a real nurse. With the all white everything, you know she looks like a real nurse. By that evening I was trying to get Robin to let me go home, she called Dr. King, and he said if everything looked good I could go home tomorrow.
09/27/02: Feeling lots better but going so stir crazy. I know 5 days is not long to stay in the hospital, there are little children that stay in places like St. Jude for years, so I should not be belly aching. I just don’t do well in a hospital. I mean at home I can’t sleep in a bed, don’t ask don’t know why I just can’t. I only sleep well on a couch, and they don’t have one here. Robin came around about 9:00am, she is so very sweet. She said if everything still looked good I could go home.
We got home at around 1:30pm . It was so great to get a shower after 5 days and lay down on my couch. I think I slept hard (snoring) for about 3 ½ hours. After waking though, I still feel good, but I am so very weak, I guess not having the IV. I hope it gets better. I want to thank Jesus so very much for bringing me through this!!!
09/28/02: I have read that a lot of people might say that this is just taking the easy way out. I know now how big a load of crap that is, don’t let me get my strength back and hear someone say that. If they think going in and having your guts completely rearranged, staying on an IV for 5 days while totally miserable in a hospital bed, going through hot and cold sweats, direara, and finial going home still wearing a girdle, and having to sip 30cc of chicken broth every 30 mins. and going out to walk once every hour in your pajamas, weather you feel like it or not, to prevent blood clots, is the easy way out. Then I salute the ones that took the hard way. I read so many profiles where most people say they would do this over again in a heart beat. I am laying here this morning sipping chicken broth, after having about 10 bowel movements, and thinking Dear God What Have I Done To Myself, but I know it will get better. I also know it could have been so much worse. I thank God that he has let me do so very well. My wife has to go to work, and wants to know if I would like to go with her. I thought you must be crazy. She said that if I stayed at home I would sleep all day and I didn’t need to do that, and she was right. So after her helping me take a shower and get dressed I have been hear all day writing this letter. But I must admit, when taking my shower and getting dressed I felt so very weak, I mean I could have passed out I was so weak, I thought there’s no way I’m going to work I won’t last 30mins. But after being here most of the day I actually feel much better and much stronger. Go figure. On a last note I want to thank my wife. I know God brought me through all of this. But I also know that there is no way possible I could have ever made it through any of this without her. I want to thank you Brenda Fitch so very much, you have been my ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!
09/29/02: I am here at work with my wife again today. Once I get here and start to move around I start to feel somewhat better, but when I wake at the house I am so very weak. I’m just putting this in here today for me to look back on when I get to belly aching. I know lots of people talk about head hunger, and I know its coming, but when it does and I start winning about I can’t have this or that. I want very much to remember today. I am sitting here drinking crystal light, and eating ice chips, and haven’t had much of anything more than that for over a week, so when I start crying because I can’t eat steak or something I want to remember today!!!! God Bless
P.S. For people reading these profiles so you can decide weather or not to have this surgery. Do lots, & lots of reading, and researching. I know from reading mine, it must sound like a horror story, and to me when I was in the hospital going through this stuff I thought it was just horrible, but when it comes to the hospital, and pain, or anything I’m not comfortable with. I’m a big baby. And like Dr. King and Robin said a lot of mine was from anxiety. So what I am trying to say is from what I’ve read and heard from other people, my surgery, and stay at the hospital wasn’t really that bad at all. God Bless on your journey!!!!!
09/30/02: Just came from my first checkup, I have lost 23 pounds in 12 days. Dr. King says everything looks great and is healing well. Stared me on full liquid diet, so I can now have creamy soups and stuff like that. Robin was there to talk to me, she is the nicest person. I told Dr. King to give her a raise.
God Bless!!!!
10/08/02: Everything has been going pretty good, only a few days feeling nausea, but not that bad. Everything has been staying down very good. Only real problem thus far, and don’t really know what to do about it. Sunday night around 6:30pm my left foot started hurting, within 2 ½ hours it was really killing me. I thought for sure it was a blood clot. I went to Dr. King’s office first thing Monday morning and they did a ultrasound test. They said it was not a blood clot “THANK GOD” . After ruling everything out he said it was gout. I thought you got gout from eating lots of rich foods. So I have eaten like a pig for 38 years and never had gout, and now after
2 ½ weeks of eating chicken broth, and jell-o I have it. Anyway they said the gout was caused by the protein I was taking in. So hears the deal. I need to take in about 70 g protein a day, but if I do I get the gout, I need to walk as much as possible to prevent blood clots, but I don’t need to walk if I have the gout, they have shots, and meds. that will clear it right up, but since having this surgery I can’t take them. Is that a mess or what. Anyway Dr. King and I will figure it out. God Bless...
10/12/02: I am feeling much better today. The gout has almost gone away on its own, just a little soreness left. I will start back on my protein on Monday and see what happens, hopefully no more gout. But even without the protein I feel like I have so much energy today. I want to thank Jesus so much for blessing me and letting me recover this quickly, and without complications. God Bless to everyone on this journey!!
11/05/02: Went today for my six week checkup. Dr. King said everything looked good and was going as it should be. I have lost 51 pounds, that is so cool!! He started me on soft foods. I can now have cottage cheese, peanut butter, cheese, & eggs, I am so glad because all pureed food taste just alike. I just have to make sure I chew everything very good. Anyway I hope everyone is doing well on their journey. Please E-Mail if you have any questions. God Bless.
11/12/02: Had a first last night. I was eating scrambled eggs with cheese. I guess I was eating too fast or too much at one time, and it would not go down. I guess it was stuck at the opening of my stomach, anyway it hurt so bad for about 10 mins. I then tried to drink a little water to get it to go on down, and I threw up. Needless to say I will slow down on the eating.
01/01/03: It's been 3 months now, I'm still doing very good. Have only thrown up a few times when eating too fast or drinking way too soon after eating. I went for my 3 month check-up last week. I had lost 73 pounds.
Neck- 16 3/4"
Arms- 15"
Chest- 46 1/2"
Waist- 49 1/2"
Thighs- 27"
Hips- 46"
Total loss of 24" in 3 months.
I have got to start exercising and lifting weights, I want to try and keep as much muscle as I can.
Most days I feel Great, but am feeling yucky today so I want write much. God Bless!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!
01/13/03: Well old habits do die hard, but I hope I can kill this one. Eating late at night and bingeing has always kept me overweight. Over the last week or so I have been wondering if I still dumped or not, looking at all the snacks the kids have in the cabinets “It’s been calling to me at night”. I think when I turn the TV on after 10:00 P.M. my mouth automatically flies open. Anyway I was still scared to try the real sweets, so I found these sugar- free (2 gms of sugar) chocolate covered ice cream bars at Wal-Mart. I thought I could handle it, but was wrong, my compulsive side took over. As usual I ate one, and it was so wonderful, I thought well there sugar-free and small, needless to say I ate about 7 of them in one sitting. It took about 5 mins. and I was sick as a dog. I tried to throw up, and couldn’t, after about 30 mins. the diarrhea kicked in and lasted all night. Anyway I will never buy those again (not enough willpower). But I’m glad to know I dump with such a small amount of sugar. God Bless!!
01/20/03: What a dumb tail I am. It’s only been six days ago when I posted about dumping from the Ice cream bars, and I did it again. I guess I will get it in my thick head one of these days. Last night my wife brought home some Fat-Free, Sugar -Free Brownie Sunday, Blue Bunny Ice Cream. When it says No-Sugar it means no sugar added, that’s not talking about the natural sugar, anyway it had 4 gms of sugar. I ate a bowl and felt just fine, but thought this doesn’t taste much like brownies. So super smart me I added a Little Debbie brownie, I figured it was so small, and would just add a little flavor, and I was right it tasted wonderful. But when it kicked in I was much sicker than the last time. I was sick to my stomach, I felt like I was on speed, the diarrhea lasted all night long, and for about an hour my whole body felt kind of numb like I was paralyzed or something, just plan miserable and sick as a dog. Some people never learn. GOD BLESS!!
01/23/03: It has been exactly 4 months today since surgery. I feel wonderful. I was so scared to death of all the things that I thought could or would go wrong, and if I should do this or not. And bam it’s four months latter and I am so glad I did this. I have lost about 85 pounds and gone from a 50" to a 40" in pants. I have gotten sick just a few times, but mostly it has been my fault from eating too fast or not chewing good enough. Anyone starting on this journey, just be patient, and put it all in God’s hands you will be fine. Thank you Jesus for my quick recovery and weight loss, and for the doctors that are skilled in doing this surgery. God Bless!!!
02/15/03: This is just like being an alcoholic. No matter how bad you know you will feel after, you do stupid stuff anyway. I got a big box of Sugar-Free candy for valentines, well of course it was so good I ate way too much, and even being sugar-free it made me very sick. I never threw up, I just felt awful, bloated full of gas, cramping very bad, and diarrhea. But that’s not the most stupid part. I did it twice, after relaxing and trying to get back to normal, I went to sleep woke around 12:30AM and did it all over again. Some people never learn. I did throw the candy away though and ask my wife never to give me anymore. Most overweight people have a very compulsive personality, and even after this surgery I guess you will still have to deal with that. God Bless!!!!!
03/02/03: Well I guess the honeymoon is over. I found out the other night I do not dump anymore. It has scared me to death, but I know I can deal with it. I have eaten some sweets lately, but I try not to overdo it. I know it’s a mind thing that I have been going through way before I had this surgery. I can go all day and not really want much to eat. I can sit at home, watch T.V. or whatever until 10:00 or 11:00 P.M. and still not care about eating anything. But as soon as everyone else goes to bed, I want to eat the whole house, its just something about when I get all by myself the urges to eat (junk) kicks in. Anyway I am trying to lift weights 3 times a week and walk twice a week, but that’s a head game too. I can pig out on junk food one night and the next day feel like I’ve lost weight. Other times I can do great with my eating, and workout all week, and get up one morning and feel like I have gained weight or my pants are tighter. It’s a super head game, but with the Lords help I know it’s a game I will win!!!! I am now about 5 months post and down to 235. My goal is 200, and to stay there for at least 6 months, then go for the Tummy Tuck. I wish everyone on this journey the best. God Bless.
03/03/03: Can you say Dumb A%#. Last night I did it again. It was one of those “This is the very last night I will ever cheat and eat junk, so I will do it right” nights. The very same this is the last night to pig out nights that helped me to go from 235Lbs. two years ago back up to 350Lbs. in about 5 months. I ate ice cream cake, cream cheese pastry, 8- peanut butter cookies, and a fudgsicle. It did not make me sick, although I tried my best to make myself throw-up I felt so bad about eating like that, but not much came up. But after I went to sleep I woke about an hour latter with diarrhea and very bad gas and cramps for most of the rest of the night. Anyway I know I can handle this and will. I will write again soon in this journal, but I plan on it being a long, long, long time before writing about eating junk again, but if I do you will be the first to know. I’m one of those people that likes to hide and eat by myself, but I will tell on myself in a minuet! God Bless.
03/12/03: I am so sick of myself, and this eating late at night. From now on (I don’t know how many people read this), but I am going to start writing in this journal every time I eat junk, or eat after 10:00 P.M. that way everyone will know when I’m screwing up.
Last night it wasn’t that bad. It was about 11:30P.M. I ate a big bowl of fruit w/fat-free whip cream, then about 18 fat-free Pringles, a bowl of fat-free cool whip w/ peanut butter mixed, then about 8 fat-free crackers. It wasn’t that bad compared to the way I used to eat late at night, but it was bad. So from now own if I want to eat crap or eat after 10:00P.M. I going to let everyone else know. God Bless!!!!!!
03/19/03: Last night around 10:30. I ate 1 Peanut butter bar, ½ of a peanut butter granola bar, ½ of a bagel with strawberry cream cheese, 4 crackers with strawberry cream cheese, 4 sugar free fudgsciles. It made me sick and I threw up about three times.
03/28/03: I have been taking medicine for about a month now for gout. It had pretty much gone away last week, but I wanted to take all the medicine. Well last night smart me ate a bunch of junk food, and this morning the gout is back. Now I will have to start all over again with the medicine. Isn’t sugar, sweets, and junk food so wonderful, How could we live without it? I would love to know how!! God Bless.
04/02/03: I went for my 6 month check-up yesterday. It is so hard to believe it’s already been 6 months. I can remember thinking the day of surgery was just so far away and it would never get here, and bam it’s been 6 months. Anyway Dr. King said everything was looking great and are you ready “I HAVE LOST 115 POUNDS’ I am now at 221Lbs. I don’t think I have ever weighed that in my adult life. I hope to get to 200 by my birthday in June, but I feel great right where I am. I want to think Dr. King, Robin, Mrs. Becky, Mickie, my Wife and Children, and most of all Jesus who has helped me to get through this an do so well!!!! God Bless.
04/16/03: Well I guess I have gotten to cocky. I was thinking that since I was almost seven months post, and can now eat what I want I guess I got lax with the rules. This morning I was eating a bowl of cottage cheese with some bananas and pineapple in it. I was in a hurry so wasn’t chewing it up like I know I should, and I don’t know what part it was, but something got hung going down. It hurt so bad for about 5 min. then I threw up. Just getting to big for my britches I guess. God Bless!!!
04/21/03: Happy Easter everybody. I hope everyone had a great day. I did very good, we had way too much food and entirely to many sweets, but I stayed in control and ate right.
But last night around 11:30 I was craving something sweet, and since I made my wife send all the food home with the other family all I could find was some Rice Krisipies Treats Cereal. I have eaten it before and it only has 9gm of sugar, and I eat it dry. I still haven’t tried milk. Anyway I ate a bowl last night and in about 5-10 min. I was sick as a dog. I’m talking about super dump. I could hardly hold my head up, was sweating, bloated with gas, wanted to vomit, I mean it was a bad one. So you never know what will hit you, but for now No More Cereal! God Bless.
05/10/03: I am so tickled to death. I can remember for months and months looking over all the before and after pictures, and thinking how good I would feel when I could make it to the list. And thinking I have several months before my surgery, I bet it will take forever to get there, but its here. I can’t believe it I am so excited, and I don’t feel good I feel wonderful “Thank You Jesus”. and it didn’t take forever it only took 7 months. I have lost about 120Lbs. And gone from a 50" pants to a 38". Anyone starting this journey when you hit a plateau or just get frustrated waiting, just hang in there it will happen, and it is so worth it!!!!!!!!
GOD BLESS.
05/22/03: Found out last night that dumping isn’t the only really bad side effect of overeating. Last night around 11:00pm I thought I would have a light snack (not hungry) just thought I wanted or needed something. So I had a bowl of fruit with some fat-free cottage cheese, a very good light snack. But about 15 mins. latter wanted more, so I ended up eating a bunch of junk food (high in sugar), and ate a couple of hotdogs, (one with a piece of bread ) the first piece of bread I have had in 7 ½ months. Anyway didn’t feel great but did not dump or feel too bad either. I woke around 3:00am with a pain worse than I ever had in the hospital after surgery. I was cramping so bad I thought I would cry, and had a terrible pain in my lower right side. I thought this is it, I have stopped up my intestine or something and it is going to bust. I
The Rest of My Story II
May 26, 2007
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08/11/03: I have been doing terrible lately with my eating. For the last 3 weeks or more I have been eating sweets & junk food. It’s like an alcoholic I know what it’s doing to me and must stop but can’t. The more junk you eat the more you want! Last night after eating a bunch of crap every time I would stand to go somewhere I would get so dizzy I would have to grab hold of the wall to keep from falling, Hello that should tell me something. Today is a new day and with the strength of Jesus I can do all things. I will not go back to my old eating habits. God Bless.
08/13/03: I went to my doctor yesterday for my 10 ½ month check-up. I have lost 142 pounds. That puts me at 192 Lbs. I thought this was wonderful, but Dr. King said I was losing too much too fast. Didn’t think I would ever hear that from a doctor. Anyway he said he wanted me back in six weeks and if I was still losing weight he would have to consider a revision, that I wasn’t getting enough nutrients. I will be eating more in those six weeks because I didn’t want another operation!!! God Bless.
PS I am still so very thankful for this surgery!!!! Thank you Jesus!
08/19/03: I went yesterday to Oxford to do a promotional video for LivLite. It was really neat. They had the big lights and camera, and the set had to be just right or the cameraman would have to move flowers or bring in a fake tree. Who would have ever thought I would have been making a promotional video for weight loss. Anyway that was really cool, then when I got home my wife and I had time to talk and just connect without the kids being around it was great. Once again though like any good addict, after she went to bed I got in the junk food. I think that’s the worse I have felt in a long time. I spent most of the night on the bathroom floor sick and cramping very bad. I hope and pray one day I can figure out why I do this to myself!! God Bless.
09/24/03: I went yesterday for my 1 year check-up. Dr. King said everything was going great. He had said six weeks ago if I was still losing weight that he might have to consider a revision. So I have been eating more than usual. Anyway I had gained 5 pounds which was great, and needed. I am waiting for my approval for a Tummy Tuck, I will be glad to have that, and get rid of the apron. This year has been so amazing, and I have been so blessed. I have lost 140 pounds, and never ever imagined looking or feeling like this. I also ran for Constable in my county and won, my children and family are healthy and happy. I thank you Jesus so much for my many undeserved blessings. I will try to put up some new photos. Good Luck to everyone on this journey & GOD BLESS!!!
10/09/03: I received another blessing by telephone this morning. My insurance called and said I had been approved for my Tummy Tuck. I am so glad, the overhanging skin is not as bad as I have seen before, but it does bother me alot. Guess I will have to get new pants after this. It’s on November 5th so everyone remember to pray for me. GOD BLESS!!
11/05/03: The day started at 2:30 a.m. After getting ready we left at 3:30 a.m. headed for Birmingham, Al. We were supposed to get there at 7:00, we were about 30 min. early so I thought great I can get started right away, Wrong! They finally came and got me at about 11:30. Everyone was just great and nice as they could be. It was a lot like when I got the gastric bypass, after the first shot in my IV I didn’t remember anything until I got to my room.
Everything I have read about this surgery has scared me to death, talking about the severe pain and recovery time, and it was (Thank God) not that bad. The constipation and gas pains have been much worse than the pain. And the hiccups, I don’t know if it was the anesthesia or what, but I kept the hiccups for three frickin days.
11/06/03: Seemed to be a very good day. I did a lot of sleeping. They did have me up and walking, I could not straighten up all the way and it was uncomfortable but the worst part was the gas. I have 2 drains in. I will be so tickled for them to come out. Each drain has a little bulb on the end that looks like a hand grenade that you empty about twice a day.
11/07/03: The doctor released me at about 12:00p.m. I was really dreading the 3 hour trip home, but it was not that bad I slept most of the way. I could not wait to get home to my recliner.
11/08/03: Today has been pretty miserable. I can’t get rid of the hiccups, gas, or constipation. The doctor said you would have that because of the pain medication. I have taken 3 or 4 different kinds of laxatives and nothing yet. And I have had fever today so I have just felt terrible. Its one of those days you wonder if you made the right decision or not.
11/13/03: I am so thankful I went ahead and had this surgery. All the horror stories I read almost kept me from it, but it for me has been nothing like what I read. I didn’t need pain medication but for a few days, and today is about the 4th day I have been at work. Not spending all day but just in and out and doing stuff on the computer, but I think that’s wonderful, since its only been one week. I have always wondered what it would be like to have a flat stomach, it is so weird to look in the mirror and it be so flat, and just a week ago I could hold two huge hand fulls of skin and fat. If anyone is thinking about having this surgery, its not a breeze, but it has not been as bad as I thought either. You must decide it is what you want and put in God’s hands and you will do wonderful. Never do anything small or huge without first praying about it. Thank you Jesus for bringing me through this surgery, and healing me so quickly!!!! God Bless.
Before
Stomach- 39 ½ “
Across Bellybutton- 42 1/4 “
Lower Stomach- 43"
Chest- 44"
Arms- 12"
04/16/04: Boy has it been a long time since I last updated. Things are going very good I have gained about 13 pounds but the doctor wanted me to. I am having trouble craving sweets, especially at night. Sometimes its like being a drug addict. I mean no matter how hard I fight I end up eating some junk food. I have been doing a little better here lately. I have been doing lots of praying and I know the Lord will help me with it. I have also been lifting weights 2 times a week and trying to walk 2 miles everyday. I feel so much better after walking. I only lift for about 15 or 20 mins. But right now I’m just trying to make it a habit. Anyway I hope everyone is doing great on their journey. God Bless!!!!!!
10/19/04: It has been foever since i updated my profile, SORRY. I have just been so busy I'm working two jobs and never have time for anything. I was going to update on my two year anniversy 09/23/04 but it sliped by. Things are going great, at 350 I would never attemped to work two jobs much less felt like it. I had gotten back up to 220 from eating way too much junk food late at night so don't think you can't put it back on, and quick. I have cut the late night eating out and in about 2 months gotten back to 212. My goal is 205 and then try to stay there which isn't very hard if you just eat right and don't go crasy with junk food. I haven't had much time to exercise, but I am going to start back. Without exercise you can lose weight and get thin but your still flabby, and who wants that. Anyway have to go to work. God bless anyone on this journey it will change your life!!!
11/22/05: Man has it been forever since updating. Sorry about that. It has now been 3 years and 2 months since my life saving life changing surgery. Things are going very good, but still can’t make myself stick with a exercise program, old habits do die hard. At one time I had gotten back up to 220 Lbs. But slowed down on eating the wrong foods and now back to 206 Lbs. So don’t ever think this is a cure all, you can regain your weight if you don’t watch it! I don’t even remember what it felt like to be very obese, things have changed so much. At my heaviest weight 360 I was wearing a 52' pants, the other night I went out to eat with my wife and wore a 34" never ever thought that would happen. But whatever you do when deciding to have this surgery, think it through and do lots of research. I would do it over again in a heartbeat, but don't be like I was thinking losing the weight was going to make the world wonderful. After losing the weight you will find you still have the same problems you had before at work and relationships and your emotions, don’t get me wrong I feel I can handle any problem better now that I feel healthier and more comfortable with myself, but the same old problems are there. So do lots of research and lots of praying. Any questions feel free to e-mail. I hope to get my pictures fixed soon. To anyone on this journey good luck and God Bless. Most of all thank you Jesus for allowing me to have this and bringing me through it!!
09/14/06: I can't believe its been sooooo long since I have posted here. I AM VERY SORRY! When I first started looking at this site, before my surgery, I looked at it 50 times a day and read every single one of the profiles. I would look everyday to make sure I hadn’t missed any new ones. But I guess once you get started with your new life and the new activities you can then be involved in, time just gets away from you so quickly, and this site has grown so huge I can’t believe it. You couldn’t began to read all the profiles now. I think that’s wonderful we have a site like this. Whenever someone ask me about the surgery the first thing I say is have you been to obesityhelp .com. I am still doing great and keeping my weight off, would like to lose another 10 pounds, but after looking at some of my old pictures last night if I stay right where I’m at that’s fine. I have been so blessed with this surgery, by it working so well, and not having any major problems with it. I have also done great after my tummy tuck. Whenever someone ask me about the surgery they say yes but you can die from it. Then I get to tell them the story of my best friend Scotty who died at age 39 from eating himself to death. If you look at the numbers there not even close as to how many die from this surgery compared to dying from a obesity related health problem.
My pictures have been messed up for a good while now. I am sending in some new ones to get posted. If anyone has any questions about the gastric bypass or the tummy tuck Please feel free to e-mail me. I will help all that I can. Anyone on this journey GOD BLESS I hope you do Wonderful. I don’t want to forget “ Thank You Jesus”
****************************************************************************************************************************
May 1, 2007: THIS IS MY NEW PROFILE INSTALLMENT: I have gone from 205 Lbs, and wearing a size 36” pants, to 220Lbs and a 43” waist. So I’m starting over. I’m starting over on this profile so I can be responsible to someone. I have blamed quitting tobacco, being depressed, and taking anti-depressants, to letting people ( my father, wife, marriage, and son ) keep me down and upset, but I know It’s up to me. Only I can put food in my mouth, when, and how much. I know one reason I gained weight was because so many people told me I looked sick when I was thinner. My wife said she didn’t like a skinny man, and some people so called friends said I looked like I had cancer or aids, so I gained weight to try and look better for them, but from now on I could give a crap less what anyone thinks. When I was at my thinnest I felt my best, but I started believing them, and when I looked in the mirror I actually thought I looked sick, and maybe I did, but I don’t care. When I was at my lowest weight I felt the best, health wise and emotionally. But I’m through with this crap, and I’m through with letting people rule my life. This is my life, and I know I can get it back under control, because I know God will help me to get it back under control. So this is day one. I hated the way I felt when I was fat and I don’t ever want to go back to feeling that way. I will keep everyone up to date I hope this will encourage others as well as myself. God Bless everyone, and please pray for me not just in my weight loss, but most of all my relationship with my God an savior Jesus Christ!!
05/03/07: Well that’s why I started back on this journal, to be accountable to someone. I screwed up again last night. All day long I did great never eating any junk food, and around 8:00 P.M. had eaten about 1,675 cals. But got up during the middle of the night and ate enough junk to add up to more than I ate the whole day. Please pray for me to do better and stick with this. God Bless.
12/05/09: Been awhile I hope all is going well with everyone. I guess like everything else I forgot about the surgeon after I got better. It’s been about 9 months since my last bowel obstruction, and I was praying this was all behind me, but I have started to have pains in the lower right side of my stomach, the same spot it started at before. So to try and avoid another emergency surgery I am going for x-rays Monday morning. The bad part is there’s nothing you can do. Two different surgeons told me there was nothing I could do to cause or prevent this, that it is from scar tissue, and every time it is removed that can cause more scar tissue, so I could go 30 yrs. without any problems or I could go through this every 6 months to a year. So please pray for me & God bless everyone!!!
0 comments
08/11/03: I have been doing terrible lately with my eating. For the last 3 weeks or more I have been eating sweets & junk food. It’s like an alcoholic I know what it’s doing to me and must stop but can’t. The more junk you eat the more you want! Last night after eating a bunch of crap every time I would stand to go somewhere I would get so dizzy I would have to grab hold of the wall to keep from falling, Hello that should tell me something. Today is a new day and with the strength of Jesus I can do all things. I will not go back to my old eating habits. God Bless.
08/13/03: I went to my doctor yesterday for my 10 ½ month check-up. I have lost 142 pounds. That puts me at 192 Lbs. I thought this was wonderful, but Dr. King said I was losing too much too fast. Didn’t think I would ever hear that from a doctor. Anyway he said he wanted me back in six weeks and if I was still losing weight he would have to consider a revision, that I wasn’t getting enough nutrients. I will be eating more in those six weeks because I didn’t want another operation!!! God Bless.
PS I am still so very thankful for this surgery!!!! Thank you Jesus!
08/19/03: I went yesterday to Oxford to do a promotional video for LivLite. It was really neat. They had the big lights and camera, and the set had to be just right or the cameraman would have to move flowers or bring in a fake tree. Who would have ever thought I would have been making a promotional video for weight loss. Anyway that was really cool, then when I got home my wife and I had time to talk and just connect without the kids being around it was great. Once again though like any good addict, after she went to bed I got in the junk food. I think that’s the worse I have felt in a long time. I spent most of the night on the bathroom floor sick and cramping very bad. I hope and pray one day I can figure out why I do this to myself!! God Bless.
09/24/03: I went yesterday for my 1 year check-up. Dr. King said everything was going great. He had said six weeks ago if I was still losing weight that he might have to consider a revision. So I have been eating more than usual. Anyway I had gained 5 pounds which was great, and needed. I am waiting for my approval for a Tummy Tuck, I will be glad to have that, and get rid of the apron. This year has been so amazing, and I have been so blessed. I have lost 140 pounds, and never ever imagined looking or feeling like this. I also ran for Constable in my county and won, my children and family are healthy and happy. I thank you Jesus so much for my many undeserved blessings. I will try to put up some new photos. Good Luck to everyone on this journey & GOD BLESS!!!
10/09/03: I received another blessing by telephone this morning. My insurance called and said I had been approved for my Tummy Tuck. I am so glad, the overhanging skin is not as bad as I have seen before, but it does bother me alot. Guess I will have to get new pants after this. It’s on November 5th so everyone remember to pray for me. GOD BLESS!!
11/05/03: The day started at 2:30 a.m. After getting ready we left at 3:30 a.m. headed for Birmingham, Al. We were supposed to get there at 7:00, we were about 30 min. early so I thought great I can get started right away, Wrong! They finally came and got me at about 11:30. Everyone was just great and nice as they could be. It was a lot like when I got the gastric bypass, after the first shot in my IV I didn’t remember anything until I got to my room.
Everything I have read about this surgery has scared me to death, talking about the severe pain and recovery time, and it was (Thank God) not that bad. The constipation and gas pains have been much worse than the pain. And the hiccups, I don’t know if it was the anesthesia or what, but I kept the hiccups for three frickin days.
11/06/03: Seemed to be a very good day. I did a lot of sleeping. They did have me up and walking, I could not straighten up all the way and it was uncomfortable but the worst part was the gas. I have 2 drains in. I will be so tickled for them to come out. Each drain has a little bulb on the end that looks like a hand grenade that you empty about twice a day.
11/07/03: The doctor released me at about 12:00p.m. I was really dreading the 3 hour trip home, but it was not that bad I slept most of the way. I could not wait to get home to my recliner.
11/08/03: Today has been pretty miserable. I can’t get rid of the hiccups, gas, or constipation. The doctor said you would have that because of the pain medication. I have taken 3 or 4 different kinds of laxatives and nothing yet. And I have had fever today so I have just felt terrible. Its one of those days you wonder if you made the right decision or not.
11/13/03: I am so thankful I went ahead and had this surgery. All the horror stories I read almost kept me from it, but it for me has been nothing like what I read. I didn’t need pain medication but for a few days, and today is about the 4th day I have been at work. Not spending all day but just in and out and doing stuff on the computer, but I think that’s wonderful, since its only been one week. I have always wondered what it would be like to have a flat stomach, it is so weird to look in the mirror and it be so flat, and just a week ago I could hold two huge hand fulls of skin and fat. If anyone is thinking about having this surgery, its not a breeze, but it has not been as bad as I thought either. You must decide it is what you want and put in God’s hands and you will do wonderful. Never do anything small or huge without first praying about it. Thank you Jesus for bringing me through this surgery, and healing me so quickly!!!! God Bless.
Before
Stomach- 39 ½ “
Across Bellybutton- 42 1/4 “
Lower Stomach- 43"
Chest- 44"
Arms- 12"
04/16/04: Boy has it been a long time since I last updated. Things are going very good I have gained about 13 pounds but the doctor wanted me to. I am having trouble craving sweets, especially at night. Sometimes its like being a drug addict. I mean no matter how hard I fight I end up eating some junk food. I have been doing a little better here lately. I have been doing lots of praying and I know the Lord will help me with it. I have also been lifting weights 2 times a week and trying to walk 2 miles everyday. I feel so much better after walking. I only lift for about 15 or 20 mins. But right now I’m just trying to make it a habit. Anyway I hope everyone is doing great on their journey. God Bless!!!!!!
10/19/04: It has been foever since i updated my profile, SORRY. I have just been so busy I'm working two jobs and never have time for anything. I was going to update on my two year anniversy 09/23/04 but it sliped by. Things are going great, at 350 I would never attemped to work two jobs much less felt like it. I had gotten back up to 220 from eating way too much junk food late at night so don't think you can't put it back on, and quick. I have cut the late night eating out and in about 2 months gotten back to 212. My goal is 205 and then try to stay there which isn't very hard if you just eat right and don't go crasy with junk food. I haven't had much time to exercise, but I am going to start back. Without exercise you can lose weight and get thin but your still flabby, and who wants that. Anyway have to go to work. God bless anyone on this journey it will change your life!!!
11/22/05: Man has it been forever since updating. Sorry about that. It has now been 3 years and 2 months since my life saving life changing surgery. Things are going very good, but still can’t make myself stick with a exercise program, old habits do die hard. At one time I had gotten back up to 220 Lbs. But slowed down on eating the wrong foods and now back to 206 Lbs. So don’t ever think this is a cure all, you can regain your weight if you don’t watch it! I don’t even remember what it felt like to be very obese, things have changed so much. At my heaviest weight 360 I was wearing a 52' pants, the other night I went out to eat with my wife and wore a 34" never ever thought that would happen. But whatever you do when deciding to have this surgery, think it through and do lots of research. I would do it over again in a heartbeat, but don't be like I was thinking losing the weight was going to make the world wonderful. After losing the weight you will find you still have the same problems you had before at work and relationships and your emotions, don’t get me wrong I feel I can handle any problem better now that I feel healthier and more comfortable with myself, but the same old problems are there. So do lots of research and lots of praying. Any questions feel free to e-mail. I hope to get my pictures fixed soon. To anyone on this journey good luck and God Bless. Most of all thank you Jesus for allowing me to have this and bringing me through it!!
09/14/06: I can't believe its been sooooo long since I have posted here. I AM VERY SORRY! When I first started looking at this site, before my surgery, I looked at it 50 times a day and read every single one of the profiles. I would look everyday to make sure I hadn’t missed any new ones. But I guess once you get started with your new life and the new activities you can then be involved in, time just gets away from you so quickly, and this site has grown so huge I can’t believe it. You couldn’t began to read all the profiles now. I think that’s wonderful we have a site like this. Whenever someone ask me about the surgery the first thing I say is have you been to obesityhelp .com. I am still doing great and keeping my weight off, would like to lose another 10 pounds, but after looking at some of my old pictures last night if I stay right where I’m at that’s fine. I have been so blessed with this surgery, by it working so well, and not having any major problems with it. I have also done great after my tummy tuck. Whenever someone ask me about the surgery they say yes but you can die from it. Then I get to tell them the story of my best friend Scotty who died at age 39 from eating himself to death. If you look at the numbers there not even close as to how many die from this surgery compared to dying from a obesity related health problem.
My pictures have been messed up for a good while now. I am sending in some new ones to get posted. If anyone has any questions about the gastric bypass or the tummy tuck Please feel free to e-mail me. I will help all that I can. Anyone on this journey GOD BLESS I hope you do Wonderful. I don’t want to forget “ Thank You Jesus”
****************************************************************************************************************************
May 1, 2007: THIS IS MY NEW PROFILE INSTALLMENT: I have gone from 205 Lbs, and wearing a size 36” pants, to 220Lbs and a 43” waist. So I’m starting over. I’m starting over on this profile so I can be responsible to someone. I have blamed quitting tobacco, being depressed, and taking anti-depressants, to letting people ( my father, wife, marriage, and son ) keep me down and upset, but I know It’s up to me. Only I can put food in my mouth, when, and how much. I know one reason I gained weight was because so many people told me I looked sick when I was thinner. My wife said she didn’t like a skinny man, and some people so called friends said I looked like I had cancer or aids, so I gained weight to try and look better for them, but from now on I could give a crap less what anyone thinks. When I was at my thinnest I felt my best, but I started believing them, and when I looked in the mirror I actually thought I looked sick, and maybe I did, but I don’t care. When I was at my lowest weight I felt the best, health wise and emotionally. But I’m through with this crap, and I’m through with letting people rule my life. This is my life, and I know I can get it back under control, because I know God will help me to get it back under control. So this is day one. I hated the way I felt when I was fat and I don’t ever want to go back to feeling that way. I will keep everyone up to date I hope this will encourage others as well as myself. God Bless everyone, and please pray for me not just in my weight loss, but most of all my relationship with my God an savior Jesus Christ!!
05/03/07: Well that’s why I started back on this journal, to be accountable to someone. I screwed up again last night. All day long I did great never eating any junk food, and around 8:00 P.M. had eaten about 1,675 cals. But got up during the middle of the night and ate enough junk to add up to more than I ate the whole day. Please pray for me to do better and stick with this. God Bless.
05/27/07: I am putting this here for me to look back when I reach my Goals, and see where I came from today. From fighting with my wife, and my son, and depression I have not be exercising at all and have been eating way too much junk late at night. I am headed to church, and my 36" pants are so tight I could hardly button them. At one time they were falling off me, so you see you can regain your weight, this is not a magic pill, you must use this surgery as a tool or it won’t work. I have been fasting all weekend, One: so hopefully in prayer Jesus can show me the way he would have me to go with all this fighting, and Two: to try to get my eating program back under control. A friend of mine gave me several pair of BDU pants that he had in Iraq. They are size 34" and just like new, but don’t fit. I want to look back at this entry and remember this when I can’t keep them up anymore. Thanks for listening and God Bless!!!!
06/23/07: No I have not even come close to reaching my goals. I am in the middle of an election, and between working for my father and trying to keep him happy, doing all my duties as Constable, my elected job, fighting with the kids, and trying to keep peace with my wife, and on top of all that trying to campaign, I have not had any time for exercise, and with the stress have not been eating as I should. Keep praying for me. Election is over August 7th hopefully I can get on track then. God Bless & good luck!
06/28/07: Weight- 222 Lbs
Waist- 43 1/4"
Chest- 45 ½ "
Arm- 12 ½ "
Neck- 16 ½ "
Thigh- 27"
Reached Goal Date: 00/00/00 Weight- 185Lbs.
Waist- 37"
Chest-
Arm- 14 ½ "
Neck-
Thigh-
I have gained way more weight than I ever have since the surgery. These are my measurements as of today, and my goals I wish to reach. I will keep update on this if it takes 6 months or 6 years I have come to far to go back now. Pray for my strength. God Bless!
12/01/07: If anyone is reading this, and had bypass surgery please e-mail me. I have started gaining weight, and just can not get it back under control. I want to eat all the time. It’s like drugs calling a drug addict. When I get the urge to eat it doesn’t matter if I wait 15 min. or 2 hours, the food is still calling me, and I can’t stop thinking about it until I eat something. My clothes have started to not fit anymore and it scares me I will go right back up to 50" pants!
07/05/07: I am doing somewhat better. Have gotten to 216 Lbs. But the stress of this election is still getting to me. I am definitely a stress eater, and I must work on that. God Bless
04/27/2008: Sorry I have been so long posting. I can not believe it has been almost 5 ½ years since my surgery. I feel so much better than I did when I was severely obese, but I still obsess about my weight, looks, and what I eat everyday of my life. I remember a time when I would have given $100 million dollars to weight 250 pounds, now at 210Lbs. I still feel overweight, fat, and un-attractive, how quickly we forget where we come from! My goal is still to reach 185 Lbs. and 37” waist. Here lately I feel like I am eating way too much, especially at night. I know a lot of it has to do with depression. You think weight loss will cure all your cares and woes, but surprise it doesn’t. I have constant stress at my job. It’s my fathers business, and it is failing quickly after being in business for more than 40 years. On top of that I have to watch him trying to kill himself slowly everyday, he is drinking more than a fifth of whisky a day @ 69 yrs. old. I have two children and my wife has two children. We have been married seven years. It seems like we stay mad at each other all the time. My two children are both over eighteen years old. Neither one will go to school or work, and I stay worried about there future. You need a little peace in some part of your life. I hate turmoil more than anything in this world, and it seems I have it in every part of my life. And there you have it DEPRESSION, which leads to overeating, leading to more depression. Don’t get me wrong; I thank God above everyday for this surgery, and for blessing me with it being so successful. I have heard so many horror stories, and complications, and I have been so blessed not to have had any. But like I said we think our whole life “if I could just lose weight it will all be so perfect”, but your emotional and personal problems are still there. Please pray for me in my personal life and in my weight goals. God bless everyone on this ride. I thank you Jesus for all my blessings, no matter how much I complain. God Bless!!
Diet’s Don’t Work, I am prof of that:
NutriSystem
Jenny Craig
Weight Watchers
Rice Diet
Medi-Fast
Slim-Fast
Opti-Fast
Richard Simmons
Duke Diet & Fitness Center (3½ months)
The Diet Center
Tops
Herbalife
The Atkins Diet
Xenical, Adipex
Hypnosis
Subway Diet
Acupuncture
Over Eaters Anonymous
Gastric Bypass (the most successful, but
also gaining back weight)
Diets Do Not Work, you will gain back weight on any of them, until you change your attitude about eating, ( Start Exercising ) and get your mind off your weight loss and just do it.
When you start whining about it will take tooo long to lose weight or get fit by Exercising, just look at the time above I have already blown, and can not get back!
The only way to lose weight
is to cut back on Calories
and add Exercise
12/05/09: Been awhile I hope all is going well with everyone. I guess like everything else I forgot about the surgeon after I got better. It’s been about 9 months since my last bowel obstruction, and I was praying this was all behind me, but I have started to have pains in the lower right side of my stomach, the same spot it started at before. So to try and avoid another emergency surgery I am going for x-rays Monday morning. The bad part is there’s nothing you can do. Two different surgeons told me there was nothing I could do to cause or prevent this, that it is from scar tissue, and every time it is removed that can cause more scar tissue, so I could go 30 yrs. without any problems or I could go through this every 6 months to a year. So please pray for me & God bless everyone!!!
- (Oxford, MS) - Baptist Memorial Hospital
Member Interests:
- Computers & Internet
- Organizations - Shriners, Masons
- Christianity - I owe everything to Jesus. My family. my health, this surgery, anything you can think of in my life.
- Tattoo - I have about 11
- Support Groups - Obesityhelp.com, Oxford MS (LivLite)
- Auto Racing - Nascar
Click here to see interests of other ObesityHelp members.
Surgeon Info:
Surgeon: Michael L. King M.D.
07/30/02: Went for my first visit to Dr. King. I liked the way he gives it to you straight forward. He is definitely not a salesman. He never told me how great it would be, or that my life would be magically transformed. He told me of every compaction that could happen, and said at one time or another he had seen all of them, even death. He said to research this the best I could, and make very sure that this was what I wanted to do. I like someone telling me straight. I ask him if something went wrong could this be reversed, and he told me straight, No after this surgery you can never go back to the way you are now. I asked if I would be able to have the surgery lap, and he said to make sure I could, I needed to lose about 35 pounds.
Insurer Info:
Federated Mutual, Tennessee Healthcare
Letter was sent 13 days ago, called yesterday and they said it was still not in thier system. So we faxed it even though they said they did not like to give out fax # for this. Found out 04/20/02 that I had been denied. They said I had not tried enough supervised diets. My regular doctor really got a kick out of that. I sent in letters from three of my doctors and from where I went to Duke University Diet and Fitness Center for three months on 05/07/02, now more waiting. I was denied again 0n 05/21/01. Now they want a psychological test and another letter from one of my doctors. Sounds like a lot of stalling to me. 07/02/02: APPROVED It has now been seven months since my surgery, and the insurance still has not paid $11,000.00 of the cost. I was told all I would have to pay was $3,000.00 out of pocket, but now they want $11,000.00 more so I am having to fight with my insurance.
Hospital Reviews
About Me
Holly Springs, MS
Location
28.2
BMI
Surgery
09/23/2002
Surgery Date
Apr 15, 2002
Member Since
Before & After
rollover to see after photo
6 months pre-op
345lbs
6 months post-op
221lbs
