slybreyer
My Sister...My Friend, A Journal of a Journey
Feb 07, 2007
I have to confess, I don't know the difference between a 'story' and a 'blog', but it appears that we may write here with our experience. So here goes...
My sister...where do I start. To mom she was Deborah Jean, in recent years she has chosen to be known as Deb; to me she was Debbie, and no, she did Not do Dallas, in fact I doubt she or lots of other Debbie's have ever been there, lol.
She is 53 years old; 5 years younger than me. She has sparkling grey eyes and a wonderful sense of humor, which can be quite ribald at times, but never cruel. However, though we were not raised in the church, and religion didn't quite 'take' with me, she is devout in a personal and private way. Deb is a very kind and compassionate person which led her to the nursing profession as a maturing young adult. There, she developed a new-found interest in learning and excelled in her classes.
As a charge nurse in mostly elderly-care facilities she learned what extreme care all of us will need someday if we are fortunate enough to survive to old age. Unfortunately she has not been able to work in nursing for many months, due to her weight-related aches and pains and lack of endurance now. She wishes to work in some capacity of the health industry in the future, and many people will benefit.
Deb was a darling tow-headed little girl and full of the dickens. Not much of a follower, either, preferring to lead the charge. She was very active, moving and running and jumping all the time, and she was slim and healthy. Our much-loved paternal grandmother said to me more than once over the years, "Little Debbie", (no not the cakes, hehe), " was such an active little thing. It seemed she never took time to eat. Why did we have to encourage her to overeat. We caused her to have this weight problem, didn't we." Grandma developed low-maintenance level diabetes late in life and followed a strict self-imposed regimine of healthy food in small portions after that. She had been overweight when diagnosed and changed her appearance dramatically. I imagine that made her realize what Debbie was up against in the future if she kept overeating. Grandma is long since gone, but if I could, I would answer her that, no, we didn't cause the problem, but what we Did do was give Deb a comfort in food that was harmful.
As a small child, having fun was Deb's forte, as it is for most children, and as a girl, school was too stifling to take seriously. It had always come so easily to me, and she just let everyone think our parents had only one 'smart' one. And since we all knew Debbie marched to a different drummer, we didn't push her to change that image either. to others, or sadly, in her own eyes. Also sadly, it was the start for her, of years of feeling inadequate. We can say we Wish, and we Would change now or we Want, but we can never really make up for what that does to a psyche.
Of course Deb would not agree with anyone but herself being responsible for her current plight. She is not the type to blame anyone for her mistakes. When anyone is unkind regarding her weight and appearance, she has tended to think they are right, and that she is wrong for not having exercised better control in her eating habits. Well, I say we all have some habits that are not in our best interests, and this just happens to have been hers. I hope with this tool of wls to help her, she will be able to reverse that habit and eat to live instead of live to eat which will make her a happier and healthier person who I can enjoy being with as we age to shriveled, happy old ladies.
Happily, Deb is living in the right time of the world, and medical history, where WLS is a viable tool to help her renew her health at this stage in her life. The strides that have been made in the last 10 years alone have made it safer and more successful than we ever imagined. Just the techniques of laproscopic procedures have improved to such a degree it is staggering. If they are in fact able to do Deb's surgery that was, as it is planned without opening up a large incision, she will have much less discomfort, PAIN, to those who have gone under a knife; and much faster recovery time. How wonderful that now health care knows to get people up right away now instead of letting them get weaker in bed. Being active promotes healing and lessens the dangers of blood clots in the legs.
Forgive me if I don't know all the medical terms or conditions, because as the 'smart one' I never had to push myself to learn a profession like nursing. I've had a wonderful life, not as one of the beautiful or rich people, but carefree and privileged enough to be spoiled and somewhat self-centered. Now I'm happy to report that my sister will be given the chance to be privileged and carefree. She may be able to discontinue use of her cpap, medications for bp and others for her fibromyalgia. We all hope, along with her, that she will be able to once again enjoy being active, to go bicycle riding, walking and swimming with me, and play with my grandchildren, as well as her own who we hope will be in the future.
Experiencing less joint and back pain will give Deb a much more comfortable and enjoyable life. Heck, just being able... to stand from a sitting or prone position, get on and off a toilet seat, behind a steering wheel, slide into a booth of a diner,, or get Out of a chair at the DMV, (lol, read her journal for that experience), will greatly improve her life. She will be having her RNY-distal gastric bypass-lap surgery on Valentine's Day, February 14, 2007!
I'm VERY proud of her for persevering. She has gone through two rejections, one by an insurance company who would not honor this surgery as necessary, seven long years ago. And the other was a psyche eval some weeks ago that dealt a blow that was extreme and difficult to bear. The person, who barely knew my sister, and spent very little time with her, seemed to be set about to find any way to defeat her, and he almost did. The process of being approved for wls is certainly a lengthy one and fraught with dangers not seen by one as trusting and accepting as my sister. She thought honesty and thorough knowledge were the things needed for understanding. Trick questions and methods that were demeaning, confusing, and pretty darn close to out right lying were employed. Who cares where the Mohave Desert is or whether a person can count down from one hundred by 7's, or spell words backwards. Psychiatry is not an exact science and I feel when it is used to make a person feel less a person, then it is wrongly used.
OK, whew...I Vented. Thank you, thank you very much.
With the help of a very competent, long time PCP, her surgeon and his staff, family, friends, and ultimately a caring new Psychologist, the wrong was corrected and Deb is approved for surgery. She was given the opportunity to develop a rapport with the second therapist, and both get, and give feedback that was enlightening and helpful to both. The process was good for Deb, as a process of give and take of information and learning about herself, and gave her faith in herself, rather than a detrimental tear-down. I am thankful this caring person was available to listen, council, advise, and assist.
Now...all I want to say is....YAHOO!! Forget the past...start the future!! I love you, sis.
My sister...where do I start. To mom she was Deborah Jean, in recent years she has chosen to be known as Deb; to me she was Debbie, and no, she did Not do Dallas, in fact I doubt she or lots of other Debbie's have ever been there, lol.
She is 53 years old; 5 years younger than me. She has sparkling grey eyes and a wonderful sense of humor, which can be quite ribald at times, but never cruel. However, though we were not raised in the church, and religion didn't quite 'take' with me, she is devout in a personal and private way. Deb is a very kind and compassionate person which led her to the nursing profession as a maturing young adult. There, she developed a new-found interest in learning and excelled in her classes.
As a charge nurse in mostly elderly-care facilities she learned what extreme care all of us will need someday if we are fortunate enough to survive to old age. Unfortunately she has not been able to work in nursing for many months, due to her weight-related aches and pains and lack of endurance now. She wishes to work in some capacity of the health industry in the future, and many people will benefit.
Deb was a darling tow-headed little girl and full of the dickens. Not much of a follower, either, preferring to lead the charge. She was very active, moving and running and jumping all the time, and she was slim and healthy. Our much-loved paternal grandmother said to me more than once over the years, "Little Debbie", (no not the cakes, hehe), " was such an active little thing. It seemed she never took time to eat. Why did we have to encourage her to overeat. We caused her to have this weight problem, didn't we." Grandma developed low-maintenance level diabetes late in life and followed a strict self-imposed regimine of healthy food in small portions after that. She had been overweight when diagnosed and changed her appearance dramatically. I imagine that made her realize what Debbie was up against in the future if she kept overeating. Grandma is long since gone, but if I could, I would answer her that, no, we didn't cause the problem, but what we Did do was give Deb a comfort in food that was harmful.
As a small child, having fun was Deb's forte, as it is for most children, and as a girl, school was too stifling to take seriously. It had always come so easily to me, and she just let everyone think our parents had only one 'smart' one. And since we all knew Debbie marched to a different drummer, we didn't push her to change that image either. to others, or sadly, in her own eyes. Also sadly, it was the start for her, of years of feeling inadequate. We can say we Wish, and we Would change now or we Want, but we can never really make up for what that does to a psyche.
Of course Deb would not agree with anyone but herself being responsible for her current plight. She is not the type to blame anyone for her mistakes. When anyone is unkind regarding her weight and appearance, she has tended to think they are right, and that she is wrong for not having exercised better control in her eating habits. Well, I say we all have some habits that are not in our best interests, and this just happens to have been hers. I hope with this tool of wls to help her, she will be able to reverse that habit and eat to live instead of live to eat which will make her a happier and healthier person who I can enjoy being with as we age to shriveled, happy old ladies.
Happily, Deb is living in the right time of the world, and medical history, where WLS is a viable tool to help her renew her health at this stage in her life. The strides that have been made in the last 10 years alone have made it safer and more successful than we ever imagined. Just the techniques of laproscopic procedures have improved to such a degree it is staggering. If they are in fact able to do Deb's surgery that was, as it is planned without opening up a large incision, she will have much less discomfort, PAIN, to those who have gone under a knife; and much faster recovery time. How wonderful that now health care knows to get people up right away now instead of letting them get weaker in bed. Being active promotes healing and lessens the dangers of blood clots in the legs.
Forgive me if I don't know all the medical terms or conditions, because as the 'smart one' I never had to push myself to learn a profession like nursing. I've had a wonderful life, not as one of the beautiful or rich people, but carefree and privileged enough to be spoiled and somewhat self-centered. Now I'm happy to report that my sister will be given the chance to be privileged and carefree. She may be able to discontinue use of her cpap, medications for bp and others for her fibromyalgia. We all hope, along with her, that she will be able to once again enjoy being active, to go bicycle riding, walking and swimming with me, and play with my grandchildren, as well as her own who we hope will be in the future.
Experiencing less joint and back pain will give Deb a much more comfortable and enjoyable life. Heck, just being able... to stand from a sitting or prone position, get on and off a toilet seat, behind a steering wheel, slide into a booth of a diner,, or get Out of a chair at the DMV, (lol, read her journal for that experience), will greatly improve her life. She will be having her RNY-distal gastric bypass-lap surgery on Valentine's Day, February 14, 2007!
I'm VERY proud of her for persevering. She has gone through two rejections, one by an insurance company who would not honor this surgery as necessary, seven long years ago. And the other was a psyche eval some weeks ago that dealt a blow that was extreme and difficult to bear. The person, who barely knew my sister, and spent very little time with her, seemed to be set about to find any way to defeat her, and he almost did. The process of being approved for wls is certainly a lengthy one and fraught with dangers not seen by one as trusting and accepting as my sister. She thought honesty and thorough knowledge were the things needed for understanding. Trick questions and methods that were demeaning, confusing, and pretty darn close to out right lying were employed. Who cares where the Mohave Desert is or whether a person can count down from one hundred by 7's, or spell words backwards. Psychiatry is not an exact science and I feel when it is used to make a person feel less a person, then it is wrongly used.
OK, whew...I Vented. Thank you, thank you very much.
With the help of a very competent, long time PCP, her surgeon and his staff, family, friends, and ultimately a caring new Psychologist, the wrong was corrected and Deb is approved for surgery. She was given the opportunity to develop a rapport with the second therapist, and both get, and give feedback that was enlightening and helpful to both. The process was good for Deb, as a process of give and take of information and learning about herself, and gave her faith in herself, rather than a detrimental tear-down. I am thankful this caring person was available to listen, council, advise, and assist.
Now...all I want to say is....YAHOO!! Forget the past...start the future!! I love you, sis.
