SoDyva33
"MY CHALLENGES"
Sep 05, 2007
Hey OH Family, it’s been two long weeks since my last post…. Not too much has changed, I have been extremely busy, and trying to remain positive about my situation…. I am still working towards my Lap Band, and having doors slammed in my face every which way. I am too the point that I may travel to
Okay just as I was wallowing in my pity party... I remembered a local hospital that performed Bariatric surgery... So I Googled the hospital's name, and I called... The first thing I asked when I called was if they accept Blue Cross Blue Shield Of Arizona PPO? They said YES they are contracted with them... That immediately made a smile appear on my face.... I am not going to celebrate too soon, but I feel like things just might get better... I am attending another seminar 10/6/07.. This is like my fifth one in two years, but I will do whatever it takes to have my surgery... Keep me in your prayers OH family, and I will keep you all posted on the outcome of my new adventure...
Today has been the worst day ever… I think Friday is becoming a horrible day of the week for me... First of all my BOSS tells me and I quote,” I am worried about your health.” So I asked why, he says, “You’re too big and you really need to loose weight.” Well if looks could have killed oh please know he would have been struck down… So I called a friend of mine after our so called meeting, who is an HR Generalist and asked her whom do I complain too??? Well I bet your wondering why I did not go to HR. Well that is because I am the Global HR Generalist for the company I work for. In addition to fighting weight loss, I am also battling a boss who is a beast… Okay so now that I got over the horrible comment, I was told I was needed for a termination… I can not get into specifics, but I had to terminate the only person in the company that supported me, and understood my daily battle weight battle.. I feel so sad, because I had to be a part of something that I did not agree with…. Which brings me to something that has been on my mind… Why is that when we are overweight we tolerate and put up with so much more than we should? Why do we become door mats? I know this is crazy because it is seems unreal… When I was smaller which was like 11 years ago, I would not tolerate being mistreated, I demanded respect, and I would tell you where to go if you got out of line… Now it’s like I have become this timid overweight person that hides all feelings and emotions… Why have we been made to feel like we are of a different species because we are overweight??? The struggle continues, but I will eventually win the battle…. Have a safe and wonderful weekend..
Wednesday 9/5/07
Today I called Blue Cross & Blue Shield of
Tuesday 9/4/07
Oh where do I begin? Well Friday 8/31/07 was supposed to be the happiest day of my life but it turned out to be a sad day!!! So I went for my initial consultation at a weight loss facility. First of all I get there at 8 am totally excited, and nervous... I was given the forms to complete, and then I waited... So as I waited I moved to the other side of the office where other women were sitting and chatting... I immediately began partaking in the conversation... One lady I met had the LapBand surgery in April of 2007, and she had lost 40 lbs or more... I was excited for her, and then I met two other really nice ladies that had there surgery like a week or so ago. Both had lost between 20 and 30 lbs. I was even happier for them.. So I am thinking to myself I hope I am as successful as the three ladies I met. FINALLY it's 9:30am and the medical assistant calls me in, she takes my blood pressure which was shockingly low 123 over 79, and when she took my weight I almost died... But I will go back to that later... So I go into a consultation room and after all of my vitals are taken this petite woman walks in and gives me the biggest upset... She tells me my insurance will cover the surgery but the second surgeon does not accept my insurance. So I would have to pay $967 just to proceed with the consultation, and 6700 before my surgery to cover the 2nd surgeons cost... So if you do the math that is $7,667.00..I asked the lady what is the purpose of me having health insurance if I have to pay all of this out of pocket, oh and I almost forgot I am still responsible for any out of network cost incurred during my procedure. So tears start rolling down my face, and I was so overwhelmed with emotions I could not stop crying... Not because of the information I was just given but because I am in escrow for my new home, and I can not have my credit ran, so I can not apply for financing, I just felt like every door was slamming in my face all at once... I was upset, and it showed on my face… However, the lady kept trying to convince me that I should pay this money and how much happier I would be after the surgery. Part of what she was saying was true, but she did not give a crap about my situation regarding my escrow. To sum up I am still searching for a Lap Band surgeon. I was so depressed this weekend that I did not do anything. I stayed in bed and did not eat or drink a thing until yesterday, and by that time I was dehydrated and started crying again… I am feeling hopeless… It seems like now that I am truly ready to make this change and every freaking obstacle is getting in my way… Although I was always told anything worth having is worth fighting for so my journey has taken a small detour but I am still fighting the battle… Oh and I said I would say my weight… Well I am somewhat embarrassed but I was told I weigh 347 and my BMI is 64… I still cringe when I realize I how much weight I have gained… Please keep me in your prayers…
Tuesday 8/28/07
So today I get up, and get ready for work... Which is the norm, and all of a sudden, I realize that I only have two more days until my initial consultation for WLS... I am so excited, but for some reason FEAR, SELF DOUBT, and all of the other negative thoughts that have prevented me from going forward with this surgery in the past begin to kick in... (Flashback moment…) Last Friday, I emailed all of my family and friends to let them know what I was planning to have WLS. I received words of encouragement from maybe four friends, and no family... Which brings me back to this morning; I do not know why FEAR keeps coming into play. I know I am ready to do this, but I am scared... I think it maybe the fact that I read an article about the Lap Band Surgery yesterday and it stated you have to receive something called "Fills". I think that has me a bit afraid, because I am terrified of needles, it’s sad to say but I still cry every time I get blood work. I always beg the nurse to use the "Butterfly Needle" (the one used for babies) Anyway, if anyone has had the Lap band surgery Please Enlighten me, so that I can get rid of this fear and fast!
Monday 8/27/07
Hi everyone today starts the countdown to my initial consultation. It is a bittersweet feeling. Sweet because I know once I step foot in that Dr.'s office there is no turning back. Bitter because I have been in denial about my weight for so many years, and I have had family and friends tell me oh you look fine, you do not need surgery. Well I am the only one that can determine my destiny, and therefore I plan to take charge and do it... Yesterday I had chicken and rice for dinner, and a certain person made a comment about my eating. The comment was, "If you are eating like that then why are you even bothering to have the surgery?" I could not understand why such a harsh comment was made. It truly hurt my feelings because I had two chicken wings, and a small helping of rice. I guess being judged by my family is something I should be used too, but it still hurt me... Oh well I have to keep on keeping on, and not let ignorant comments or statements stop me... I am on my way! Friday 8/31/07 at 8:30am is the day that will change everything...
Take care until next time, and thanks for all that have responded to my emails... Have a wonderful day!
