sonatasmom1

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Unbelievable - but I forgot that my surgery anniversary was yesterday.  Three years...and I'm still going strong.  Not losing - but definitely maintaining! 

People who didn't know me before have no idea where I've come from.  If I show them my before picture - which I still carry around in my wallet - they stare at it blankly and have difficulty connecting the person they see in front of them to the picture.  I'm active in a number of things - my church, a community choral group, drama.  I wear make-up and nail polish (and am discovering the fun in nail design...LOVE, LOVE, LOVE doing my own design!) 

 

Look at me - I am two years out from surgery.  So much has changed in two years.  And on top of everything, I'm famous!

I was laid off at the beginning of November.  I was truly afraid that I would begin to eat - and undo all of the good that I have done over the past two years.  But I HAVEN'T!  I have thought about - no question - but I have immediately thought that it won't make me feel better.  And through all of this, I have maintained.

I was working at a temp job - and there was a lady who came up to talk to me asking if we knew each other.  I didn't know her.  A few days later we got to talking during lunch.  It came up that we had both had had bariatric surgery.  Then she asked if I was on OH - THAT was where she knew me from!  How cool was that!

I have been asked if I'm ready to move on - to forget about the surgery.  I sure hope not!  While I don't have the fears that immediately followed surgery - I do still have to work at this.  As a recovering food addict - I will always have to examine what I put into my mouth.  I will always have to think about the "why" - and the "what."  And there will always be people who have questions for me - either about my journey - or thinking about their own journey. 

Do I have any regrets?  Only that I waited so long to do this.  Would I do it again?  In a heartbeat! 

This has been an amazing weekend. First of all, I got to see a wonderful friend for the first time in several years. I picked her up at the airport. She walked right past me. I called out her name – and she stopped to look for me. She scanned the crowd once, then again, and finally locked onto me the third time! She knew my voice – but didn’t recognize me – even though she had seen pictures. Reality is so much more powerful! Then she teared up – we hugged. She cried again, and we hugged. Then we hugged and she cried again. Later she told me that the last time she saw me, she was certain she would never see me again. The heart failure was so severe, my color was gray, and I was so swollen from the excess fluid. To see me standing there – vibrantly healthy – glowing complexion – well, she teared up every time she thought about it all weekend. What a testimony to this journey!

Now for the speechless part. Remember how my poor Lulu was stolen a couple of weeks ago? A good friend allowed me to borrow his truck for a couple of weeks. That was such a blessing, because I didn’t have to rely on somebody else to take me everywhere. But last night he called and said that he needed to come get his truck. I was expecting this, but I have to say, my heart was heavy when I thought about going back to bumming rides from everyone. I was tired from the weekend – and already in my nightgown – so I asked Dave if he would go out and thank our friend profusely, and explain that I was pretty tired.

After a couple of minutes, Dave came back in the house – and told me I needed to get dressed and come outside but he wouldn’t tell me why. I throw on a sweatshirt and a pair of jeans over my nightgown, and head out. The friend (who sings in Dave’s gospel quartet) and another friend (who also sings in the quartet) are standing there. They said that they had received word from my insurance adjuster about my car. I replied there wasn’t any insurance on it – other than liability. They hand me an envelope – and said it wasn’t right that Lulu got stolen, and they had talked to people in the church (where Dave had his ministry) – and people in our new church – and people in my Dad’s church. They had all gotten together, and purchased a car for me.

In the envelope were two sets of keys – the title – and all of the paperwork to a 1992 Buick Park Avenue, with 139,000 miles on it. She’s a light tan color, inside and out. There is one tiny ding in it – but you wouldn’t even see it if you weren’t looking for it. The interior is spotless and in great condition. She has a rebuilt engine (one of the cylinders was missing – as in not firing, not as in gone – so they replaced it.) 

I didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry! (I think I did both!) I hugged them – and said, “Thank you” – but it sure didn’t seem like enough. I am completely overwhelmed by this incredibly generous gift! They said I needed to take it for a spin, so I drove Dave to quartet rehearsal. And then I went immediately to buy “The Club.” There is NO WAY I want anything to happen to this car!

These friends said that having THE CLUB installed would probably be enough deterrent to keep anyone from trying to steal this one. Thieves are looking for something very fast to break into – and dealing with The Club would take too much time. 

I still don’t know what to say. I’m humbled by such an enormous display of kindness and love. I’m grateful to know people who care so deeply. So, to anyone and everyone who had any part at all in this, I can only say, “Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!” You mean the world to me.

The Club - $35; ¼ tank of gas - $10; having your own set of wheels – and friends who are generous beyond belief – PRICELESS! 

I got the blues. Nothing serious. Just tired of staying where I am (on the scales) blues. I can talk a good talk about being patient – and how plateaus are part of the journey – but the truth is, I’m not finished with this journey – and I want to get where I’m going so badly! I figured that I would stop losing eventually. I had just hoped that it would be later rather than sooner – and much closer to my eventual goal. I have tried changing things up – getting back to the basics. Increasing the exercise. I stubbornly stay within 2 or 3 pounds. Gain a little – lose a little – over and over and over again. I have said that if I stay where I am, I will be content – but deep in my heart of hearts, I know that isn’t true.  A friend wrote the other day that “fat people are NOT happy with their bodies” – no matter what they say. As a fat person – I have to agree with her. I want to wear the cute clothes – I don’t want to have any hang ups about what I look like – I WANT to be free from all of the stuff surrounding obesity.  There was a Dr. Phil show the other day where a mother who had struggled for decades with her weight was trying to keep her young adolescent daughter from going through the same thing – and frequently put her on celery and water diets to achieve that end. She couldn’t see that the message she was sending her daughter centered wholly on what she looked like – and not anything on the kind of person she was becoming. I know that what I look like is not THE thing. Who I am on the inside is far more important. But the inside is wrapped up in the outside – and even though I have lived much of my life separating the two – in reality, it is difficult to detach one from the other. The good thing about the blues? Admitting to them often allows other people express that they are feeling the same thing. And knowing that I’m not alone really does make a difference. It also helps knowing that the blues are not the destination – just a brief stop on the journey!

I went to the doctor on Tuesday for routine blood work and my annual flu shot. My doctor called me last night – personally – to go over my test results. Usually when a doctor calls, it isn’t good news, but this time was different!  He was delighted to inform me that everything he checked was well within “normal” ranges: cholesterol, thyroid, kidney function, potassium, etc., etc. The only exception was my uric acid level (that nasty thing that causes gout), which was slightly elevated at 7.2 and they want it under 7.0. When they measured this back in June, it was 12.2 – and they immediately put me back on the medication to control it. So it has come down significantly, and the doctor decided to let it ride as is to see if it comes down the rest of the way.  This report, coupled with the great news from the heart doctor back in July, tells me that I have accomplished my main goal with the weight loss surgery – that is, to get healthy. For at least the last decade, but if I’m honest, for a lot longer than that, I have been absolutely unhealthy. Problems with diabetes, cholesterol, kidney function – well, the list goes on and on. So, I am crossing this off my list! Get healthy – CHECK! Of course, I am well aware that this is not something you can do once and forget about it. Staying healthy means continuing to make good choices. But having this great news just encourages me to keep making those choices. I am SO excited! I have made real changes and it has affected every part of me. So, many thanks to everyone who has supported me with encouragement and advice, and has kept me focused on my main goal. “They tell of the power of your awesome works—and I will proclaim your great deeds. They celebrate your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of your righteousness. The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.” (Psalm 145:6-8, NIV)

Non-Scale Victories. The Obesity Help website is really pushing people to think about NSV’s this week. This makes sense. The scale is an important tool in measuring progress, but there are so many NSV’s in my life that I decided to list a bunch, in no particular order:       My failing heart has improved significantly.        I needed a new driver’s license, because no one recognized me in my old one.        My hips don’t stay bruised anymore, because I’m no longer bumping into the edge of desks, etc.

For the rest of my list, visit my blog:  http://sonatasmom1.blogspot.com/2011/08/nsvs.html 

Check it out - http://sonatasmom1.blogspot.com/

I started this blog two weeks before my surgery.  It has been amazing tool to explore my relationship with food. 

And yesterday - I did it!  I have erased 200 pounds total (140 since surgery)!!!  I did the happy dance all day long.  I put up a poster in my cubicle with "200" in gold, glittery stars.  My boss suggested I wear some of my old clothes over my new clothes, but I have already given them to charity - so I did the next best thing - I brought in the one thing I have from my biggest size - a soft, warm, fuzzy bathrobe.  I had it hanging in my cubicle, and if anyone asked what the "200" meant, I could jump up and show them just how big the robe is on me now.      (All that dancing has to help, too, right?)

It occurred to me last week that I don't like saying, "I've LOST xxx pounds."  When I "LOSE" something, I either have the desire or the expectation that I will find it again.  I am certainly NOT naive enough to think that I CAN'T gain this weight back, but I sure know that I DON'T WANT to gain it back.  So, I'm trying different words - and for now, "erased" seems to suit just fine. 

There have been a LOT of plateaus along the way.  I will be the first to admit that I have not always been patient with the stalls, but I have come to realize something.  In a masterpiece painting, it is both the light and the shadow combined that make it so beautiful.  In a piece of music, it is both the notes and the rests that create the whole.  In the journey to weight loss, it is both the times I drop, and the times I maintain, that make it complete.  My body needs time to adjust.  It is the cycle of life, and it is part of the journey.

I'm not quite there yet - but I'm getting there!  55 more pounds.  Look how far I've already come!

Total Lost:  191.4

Since Surgery:  131.6

Total Inches Lost:  123 (10 feet, 3 inches)

I've lost 181.6 pounds total.

I've lost 130.6 pounds since two weeks' pre-op.

I've lost 121.8 pounds since surgery.

I've lost 112 inches - (9 feet, 4 inches).

I'm in size 20 bottoms and large for tops.  TOO COOL!

18.4 pounds until my next goal - lose a total of 200 pounds!