Carol M.
So you're saying I'm normal??
Jan 24, 2010
I had my psych eval last week. I met with Dr.Petersen who is part of the NMH (Northwestern Memorial Hospital) Bariatric Program. I have to admit, I was worried. I know I have issues. I like to be in control of EVERYTHING! I hold grudges forever and I know that I emotionally eat. And it's not one specific emotion, it's any emotion. You know how it can be, I'm sad so I'll eat to fill that emptiness. I'm happy, so let's celebrate and eat! I'm bored, hey lets eat to keep myself busy. I am aware of this and I'm working on it.
I went into this appointment more nervous than I've been for any appointments in my past. Dr.Petersen was very nice and very soft spoken. Kinda unnerving, it weirds me out when people speak in very even, controlled, low voices, don't know why, but it does! We discussed my dieting history, why I now am seeking wls surgery, and then we delved lightly into my emotional history.
Of course we discussed my childhood. Being a kid didn't suck entirely. I was diagnosed extremely young with Rheumatoid Arthritis. Honestly I didn't even really think I was 'different' until I went to public elementary school. I was 'mainstreamed' into the 1st grade after spending all of my early childhood education in a specialized school for children with physical and mental disabilities. I remember my 1st day of school and the lunch lady screaming at me because instead of sitting at the table and waiting to be dismissed to throw my garbage out, I DARED to get out of my seat and throw my garbage out without her expressed blessing. I was 6 years old and she called me 'stupid', in front of the ENTIRE SCHOOL. I think that I pinpoint that specific moment when everything went straight to hell for me socially. After that my classmates were ruthless. I was called names, I was left out of all their reindeer games, I did not have playmates. It sucked ass. It really did. So naturally I have issues stemming from that part of my life. But as I've grown I've realized that by dwelling on the ignorance of my classmates I was giving them power over my life. I was giving them the right to make me feel like crap and that is not right. Noone should have the right or the power to make me feel less than a human. It took maturing to get there but I did it. But to be honest, if I saw any of those kids now, I would love to smash a pie in their face for shits n giggles.
Then we talked about my support system for after surgery or as I like to think of it as 'who will put up with me when I bitch and moan after surgery'? I told him about my uber-patient husband who will be there, my Mom who has been by me through every hellish moment of my arthritis and taught me self-reliance and is my best friend, and of course the online support groups that I log on to and also my fellow Moms from the boys school who are always so happy to pitch in. One Mom was so nice last week, we had a horrible ice storm and the school had not salted the sidewalks. This Mom saw that I was having a hard time making it from my minivan to the school door and came over and held my arm to help me feel more balanced and make it to the door. That is how kind the parents are in our kids school.
Then dear Dr.Petersen went where I was hoping he wouldn't. He asked about any siblings I might have. I had sworn up and down that I was NOT going to cry at this session. I was going to be the prime example of self confidence and preparation for this surgery. I was going to wow him with my total togetherness. The SOB had to bring up siblings.
Yes, I have a sibling. One. An older sister who I have not seen or spoken to in 4 years. I was hoping he would leave it at that. Of course not, he's a psychiatrist, it's his sworn oath to go into the dirty dark depths of our human psyche. No matter how together we wish to portray ourselves.
That's when I ALMOST lost it. I teared up but did NOT allow a tear to fall. I refuse to cry over this lost relationship because I DID NOT want to give the relationship that much power. This is the history in abridged fashion. My sister is 5 years older than me. As children we never played together, as teens we did not hang out together. Once I was in my early 20s my sister went from distant but approachable to raving lunatic with one phone call. Seriously, one phone call started the catalyst. I called her to tell her I was engaged and her words were "Well don't get excited, he'll dump you eventually due to the arthritis". .....seriously....she did say that. It spiraled from there. She went on for 4 years telling me or anyone who would listen that her childhood was ruined by me and my arthritis. That she got no attention all because of me. Then it went total psycho when she started blaming me for what was wrong with her life at the present! She lost a job, it was my fault. She even lost a child and it was my fault. If I reached out to her, she would say I was doing it just to make myself look better. Finally I had it, I could not take being blamed for things I honestly had no control over. I wish I was omnipotent, but sadly I am not. So 4 years ago I told her that I wished her luck in her life but I no longer wanted to be in it in any way, shape or form.
Dr.Petersen asked how I felt about that. How do I feel about that? Well the first thing that came to mind is:
It sucks.
It really sucks.
She's my sister and she hates me so deeply we can't even be in the same room.
I am not interested in fixing it at this point. I've tried, I think she needs to fix herself before we can even attempt a relationship.
Thankfully that was the end of the session. PHEW!! So I made it through the dark and murky and he still said that he felt I was more than ready for the surgery! YAY!! A professional thinks I'm normal!! I want to frame the paper stating that in case there is ever future wonder about my sanity.
Next step is my first Nutrition Class at NMH, very excited to start learning about the nuts and bolts of eating after surgery.
In the meantime I've started working on the things the nutritionist had mentioned about my current lifestyle. I've cut out my lovely bubbly so sweetly wonderful Diet Pepsi. It took me a week, with only one fall off the wagon. But despite the caffeine headaches I made it to the other side.
I also stopped grazing after dinnertime. That one is harder. After 8pm my hubby has to leave for work and I'm all alone with just me and the refrigerator. My kids are all tucked in bed and it is so quiet. But I am making a good effort at not grazing. What is frustrating though, and it's totally pissing me off, is that without the soda and the grazing I THOUGHT I would have lost some weight, like at least a pound! I weighed myself and I weigh exactly the same as I did a week ago. DAMNIT!! But I won't let the scale rule me, I will continue to steer clear of the kitchen after dark and drink my crystal light instead of soda.
One night when I was realllllly wanting a soda with a side of whatever is in the fridge I made a list of things I want to do once I lose the weight, here's a few of my dreams:
1. Go skydiving and not worry about being under the weight limit.
2. Go TRY to rollerskate with my kids (TRY, I will still have arthritis so not sure how my joints will feel about this venture)
3. Buy a bunch of sexy shoes and matching purses just cuz I can! I'm sure I could do that now, but feel it would be more special by waiting.
4. Go snowshoeing
I made a longer list but these were amongst the top ten. My hubby saw my list and said that now he is thinking he should 'get his arse in gear to keep up with my little wife!' He keeps saying he hopes I don't leave him in the dust. I won't though! I'd be a fool to lose a guy who has been through 2 hip replacement surgeries, ankle fusion, 3 c-sections and the wildest pms this side of the Mississippi. He is far from perfect, his snoring could wake the dead on the other side of the globe, he leaves his shoes in the middle of the floor, and he hogs the computer. But I love him.
Ok enough lovey dovey. It's time to face another week, a week of running kids to school, Tae Kwon Do, guitar lessons, hockey practice, laundry, cooking, Cub Scouts, Confirmation meeting, ACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!! I need to clone myself.
My wls goal for this week is to maintain not drinking soda, not grazing but this week I am going to add finding a way to exercise. Something that I can do without hurting my knee (just getting over having NASTY bursitis) and that will make me feel like I am doing something. Our local Y has open swim and water exercise class in the mornings, I'm hoping to be able to get into that.
Til next week, who ever is reading and enjoying my babbling, have a great week and thank you for joining me on this ride.
Carol
0 comments
I went into this appointment more nervous than I've been for any appointments in my past. Dr.Petersen was very nice and very soft spoken. Kinda unnerving, it weirds me out when people speak in very even, controlled, low voices, don't know why, but it does! We discussed my dieting history, why I now am seeking wls surgery, and then we delved lightly into my emotional history.
Of course we discussed my childhood. Being a kid didn't suck entirely. I was diagnosed extremely young with Rheumatoid Arthritis. Honestly I didn't even really think I was 'different' until I went to public elementary school. I was 'mainstreamed' into the 1st grade after spending all of my early childhood education in a specialized school for children with physical and mental disabilities. I remember my 1st day of school and the lunch lady screaming at me because instead of sitting at the table and waiting to be dismissed to throw my garbage out, I DARED to get out of my seat and throw my garbage out without her expressed blessing. I was 6 years old and she called me 'stupid', in front of the ENTIRE SCHOOL. I think that I pinpoint that specific moment when everything went straight to hell for me socially. After that my classmates were ruthless. I was called names, I was left out of all their reindeer games, I did not have playmates. It sucked ass. It really did. So naturally I have issues stemming from that part of my life. But as I've grown I've realized that by dwelling on the ignorance of my classmates I was giving them power over my life. I was giving them the right to make me feel like crap and that is not right. Noone should have the right or the power to make me feel less than a human. It took maturing to get there but I did it. But to be honest, if I saw any of those kids now, I would love to smash a pie in their face for shits n giggles.
Then we talked about my support system for after surgery or as I like to think of it as 'who will put up with me when I bitch and moan after surgery'? I told him about my uber-patient husband who will be there, my Mom who has been by me through every hellish moment of my arthritis and taught me self-reliance and is my best friend, and of course the online support groups that I log on to and also my fellow Moms from the boys school who are always so happy to pitch in. One Mom was so nice last week, we had a horrible ice storm and the school had not salted the sidewalks. This Mom saw that I was having a hard time making it from my minivan to the school door and came over and held my arm to help me feel more balanced and make it to the door. That is how kind the parents are in our kids school.
Then dear Dr.Petersen went where I was hoping he wouldn't. He asked about any siblings I might have. I had sworn up and down that I was NOT going to cry at this session. I was going to be the prime example of self confidence and preparation for this surgery. I was going to wow him with my total togetherness. The SOB had to bring up siblings.
Yes, I have a sibling. One. An older sister who I have not seen or spoken to in 4 years. I was hoping he would leave it at that. Of course not, he's a psychiatrist, it's his sworn oath to go into the dirty dark depths of our human psyche. No matter how together we wish to portray ourselves.
That's when I ALMOST lost it. I teared up but did NOT allow a tear to fall. I refuse to cry over this lost relationship because I DID NOT want to give the relationship that much power. This is the history in abridged fashion. My sister is 5 years older than me. As children we never played together, as teens we did not hang out together. Once I was in my early 20s my sister went from distant but approachable to raving lunatic with one phone call. Seriously, one phone call started the catalyst. I called her to tell her I was engaged and her words were "Well don't get excited, he'll dump you eventually due to the arthritis". .....seriously....she did say that. It spiraled from there. She went on for 4 years telling me or anyone who would listen that her childhood was ruined by me and my arthritis. That she got no attention all because of me. Then it went total psycho when she started blaming me for what was wrong with her life at the present! She lost a job, it was my fault. She even lost a child and it was my fault. If I reached out to her, she would say I was doing it just to make myself look better. Finally I had it, I could not take being blamed for things I honestly had no control over. I wish I was omnipotent, but sadly I am not. So 4 years ago I told her that I wished her luck in her life but I no longer wanted to be in it in any way, shape or form.
Dr.Petersen asked how I felt about that. How do I feel about that? Well the first thing that came to mind is:
It sucks.
It really sucks.
She's my sister and she hates me so deeply we can't even be in the same room.
I am not interested in fixing it at this point. I've tried, I think she needs to fix herself before we can even attempt a relationship.
Thankfully that was the end of the session. PHEW!! So I made it through the dark and murky and he still said that he felt I was more than ready for the surgery! YAY!! A professional thinks I'm normal!! I want to frame the paper stating that in case there is ever future wonder about my sanity.
Next step is my first Nutrition Class at NMH, very excited to start learning about the nuts and bolts of eating after surgery.
In the meantime I've started working on the things the nutritionist had mentioned about my current lifestyle. I've cut out my lovely bubbly so sweetly wonderful Diet Pepsi. It took me a week, with only one fall off the wagon. But despite the caffeine headaches I made it to the other side.
I also stopped grazing after dinnertime. That one is harder. After 8pm my hubby has to leave for work and I'm all alone with just me and the refrigerator. My kids are all tucked in bed and it is so quiet. But I am making a good effort at not grazing. What is frustrating though, and it's totally pissing me off, is that without the soda and the grazing I THOUGHT I would have lost some weight, like at least a pound! I weighed myself and I weigh exactly the same as I did a week ago. DAMNIT!! But I won't let the scale rule me, I will continue to steer clear of the kitchen after dark and drink my crystal light instead of soda.
One night when I was realllllly wanting a soda with a side of whatever is in the fridge I made a list of things I want to do once I lose the weight, here's a few of my dreams:
1. Go skydiving and not worry about being under the weight limit.
2. Go TRY to rollerskate with my kids (TRY, I will still have arthritis so not sure how my joints will feel about this venture)
3. Buy a bunch of sexy shoes and matching purses just cuz I can! I'm sure I could do that now, but feel it would be more special by waiting.
4. Go snowshoeing
I made a longer list but these were amongst the top ten. My hubby saw my list and said that now he is thinking he should 'get his arse in gear to keep up with my little wife!' He keeps saying he hopes I don't leave him in the dust. I won't though! I'd be a fool to lose a guy who has been through 2 hip replacement surgeries, ankle fusion, 3 c-sections and the wildest pms this side of the Mississippi. He is far from perfect, his snoring could wake the dead on the other side of the globe, he leaves his shoes in the middle of the floor, and he hogs the computer. But I love him.
Ok enough lovey dovey. It's time to face another week, a week of running kids to school, Tae Kwon Do, guitar lessons, hockey practice, laundry, cooking, Cub Scouts, Confirmation meeting, ACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!! I need to clone myself.
My wls goal for this week is to maintain not drinking soda, not grazing but this week I am going to add finding a way to exercise. Something that I can do without hurting my knee (just getting over having NASTY bursitis) and that will make me feel like I am doing something. Our local Y has open swim and water exercise class in the mornings, I'm hoping to be able to get into that.
Til next week, who ever is reading and enjoying my babbling, have a great week and thank you for joining me on this ride.
Carol
And so it begins.
Jan 12, 2010
January 13, 2010
I guess I should start with some background about me. I am 34 years old, married, and Mom to 3 boys ages 7, 6, and 3. I was diagnosed with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis when I was about 18 months old. It started in my right ankle and quickly spread throughout all of the joints in my body before I was the age of 6. Back in the 70's the treatment for my type of arthritis was severely limited. Basically I lived on massive doses of aspirin and prednisone. One side effect was weight gain, and boy, did I gain it.
While already dealing with a body of an old person with aches, pains, and swelling, I was still a kid who wanted to be 'like everyone else'. Kinda hard to do when you can't run, you can't jump, and your face is puffier than the Stay Puf Marshmallow man. Kids are cruel, there's no two ways around it. I was called all sorts of interesting names, "carol the barrel" being the one that still sticks a knife in my heart when I remember it. I was told that I had a "brain disease" by the boys on the bus. Everyday I was tortured physically by my body and emotionally by my peers. So to deal with it, I ate. I would sneak food, I would eat seconds or thirds. I would just eat.
By the time I reached the end of highschool I wasn't the 'largest' girl in the school, but I wasn't a good weight either. My freshman year of college I was depressed. I didn't know I was depressed, but looking back on it, I so was. I made up a little diet of my own. I worked out 3 hours a day on a Nordic track and only ate tuna fish, crackers, plain pasta with parmesan cheese. I would starve myself for days at a time only drinking diet pepsi. I somehow managed to loose quite a bit of weight this way, going from 200 to 150 pounds. But I was far from happy. I was miserable, well heck, I wasn't eating enough of the things my body needed! Sure enough I fell off the deprivation wagon, but I was happy. I got out of a horrible relationship, made new friends, and transferred schools.
Then my arthritis kicked into overdrive. I dropped out of school because of the pain I was in I couldn't keep up with my classes. I worked jobs here and there. Eventually I moved and met my husband, we were planning the wedding when I found out I needed my hip replaced. After that surgery I gained more weight. A year later, I needed my other hip replaced, I gained more. Then I had my 1st son, more weight. 2nd son, even more weight. 3rd son I hit my highest weight, 235lbs. I tried Weight Watchers, I tried Jenny Craig. I would lose a little (at most 20lbs) and then gain it back faster than ever.
I finally hit my limit when I realized that there were times my kids were in danger of falling or getting hurt and because of my weight, I couldn't move fast enough to help them. I had to depend on people standing nearby to protect or help MY child. NO WAY, I could not let this continue. I started thinking about all the things I do for other people, wether it was at home, or at work I usually will do whatever I can to help other people, but I won't do that for myself. Why not? I'm worth it. I'm smart, I'm strong, and gosh darn it I like myself!
I started attending WLS seminars. The 1st seminar they looked at my insurance card first and said, nope, we don't take public aid. Fair enough. Then I found a seminar that said that they did take public aid. I went to the seminar, read up on the subject of lap band and was scheduled for my first consult. Went to my first consult only to find out that they do take public aid, just not MY public aid. I have Medicare and Medicaid. If I only had Medicaid, they would do the surgery, but since I ALSO have Medicare, they aren't a center of excellence, so they wouldn't be covered by Medicare.
I was devastated. I cried in the elevator ride down to my car. I wanted this so bad. Now it wasn't just so I could move better, I was tired of the pain from all of the extra weight on my joints. My joints are already so screwed up from the arthritis, a disease that I have no control over. But weight is something I COULD control given the right tools. My body had betrayed me already when I was a child, now as an adult I can take that control back at least in this one way. I have suffered enough I DESERVE to have this chance. I called my husband from the car, still crying uncontrollably. He said "I know you, this isn't the end. We will get you what you need." God I love my husband. By the time I was home he had already searched online and found out all about these Centers of Excellence and called and found out which hospitals in our area were elgible. Turns out that the hospital where my rheumatologist is has a bariatric program accepted by Medicare. I called and was able to go to their seminar the next day.
I always believe that things happen for a reason. As painful as it was to be denied by the other hospital I think there was a reason. Dr.Nagle was the speaker at the seminar and I was impressed by the way he presented the facts and information about not only lap band, but laprascopic RNY surgery. Citing the statistics and pros/cons of each surgery I felt more informed than ever. I filled out my initial paperwork and decided on pursuing the lap-RNY. I discussed it with my Rheumy who supports the idea and is able to work with me and my medications as we go along. Currently I am not on any NSAIDS, I am on injectable Enbrel and Methotrexate. My pills are Vicodin for pain, Omeprazole for acid reflux, Folic Acid (methotrexate causes malabsorption of this so I need more), Lexapro for generalized anxiety disorder and Micardis for highblood pressure. My BMI is 40.9 close enough to 41, and I have enough comorbidities to qualify for surgery (at least in MY opinion I do!).
I see the Nutritionist and Nurse Practioner this friday (1-15-2010). I simply cannot wait. I am hoping that this process goes smoothly and quickly. Not only am I stubborn, I lack patience. So now I'm impatiently waiting, reading the entries on the message boards here and of course looking at the Before/After photos eagerly thinking about when I will be able to post one of my own. I go to Walmart for errands and catch myself looking at the smaller sizes and thinking, just wait, one day I'll be able to wear something like that. I told my husband he may have to watch out so I don't develop a shopping addiction.
Besides the outer 'beauty' of it all, I'm looking forward to playing with my kids without huffing and puffing or having to sit after 5 minutes because my knees are screaming in agony. I know that this surgery will NOT resolve my arthritis. I know this. But I do know that in my mind I will feel more at peace with dealing with the disease if I know that I have done EVERYTHING I can to help my joints. Losing this excess weight will do that. I look forward to knowing when I am at the park with my kids I will be able to keep up with them and if a situation arises I feel more confident about my abilities to protect my kids than I do now.
Looking forward to friday!
0 comments
I guess I should start with some background about me. I am 34 years old, married, and Mom to 3 boys ages 7, 6, and 3. I was diagnosed with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis when I was about 18 months old. It started in my right ankle and quickly spread throughout all of the joints in my body before I was the age of 6. Back in the 70's the treatment for my type of arthritis was severely limited. Basically I lived on massive doses of aspirin and prednisone. One side effect was weight gain, and boy, did I gain it.
While already dealing with a body of an old person with aches, pains, and swelling, I was still a kid who wanted to be 'like everyone else'. Kinda hard to do when you can't run, you can't jump, and your face is puffier than the Stay Puf Marshmallow man. Kids are cruel, there's no two ways around it. I was called all sorts of interesting names, "carol the barrel" being the one that still sticks a knife in my heart when I remember it. I was told that I had a "brain disease" by the boys on the bus. Everyday I was tortured physically by my body and emotionally by my peers. So to deal with it, I ate. I would sneak food, I would eat seconds or thirds. I would just eat.
By the time I reached the end of highschool I wasn't the 'largest' girl in the school, but I wasn't a good weight either. My freshman year of college I was depressed. I didn't know I was depressed, but looking back on it, I so was. I made up a little diet of my own. I worked out 3 hours a day on a Nordic track and only ate tuna fish, crackers, plain pasta with parmesan cheese. I would starve myself for days at a time only drinking diet pepsi. I somehow managed to loose quite a bit of weight this way, going from 200 to 150 pounds. But I was far from happy. I was miserable, well heck, I wasn't eating enough of the things my body needed! Sure enough I fell off the deprivation wagon, but I was happy. I got out of a horrible relationship, made new friends, and transferred schools.
Then my arthritis kicked into overdrive. I dropped out of school because of the pain I was in I couldn't keep up with my classes. I worked jobs here and there. Eventually I moved and met my husband, we were planning the wedding when I found out I needed my hip replaced. After that surgery I gained more weight. A year later, I needed my other hip replaced, I gained more. Then I had my 1st son, more weight. 2nd son, even more weight. 3rd son I hit my highest weight, 235lbs. I tried Weight Watchers, I tried Jenny Craig. I would lose a little (at most 20lbs) and then gain it back faster than ever.
I finally hit my limit when I realized that there were times my kids were in danger of falling or getting hurt and because of my weight, I couldn't move fast enough to help them. I had to depend on people standing nearby to protect or help MY child. NO WAY, I could not let this continue. I started thinking about all the things I do for other people, wether it was at home, or at work I usually will do whatever I can to help other people, but I won't do that for myself. Why not? I'm worth it. I'm smart, I'm strong, and gosh darn it I like myself!
I started attending WLS seminars. The 1st seminar they looked at my insurance card first and said, nope, we don't take public aid. Fair enough. Then I found a seminar that said that they did take public aid. I went to the seminar, read up on the subject of lap band and was scheduled for my first consult. Went to my first consult only to find out that they do take public aid, just not MY public aid. I have Medicare and Medicaid. If I only had Medicaid, they would do the surgery, but since I ALSO have Medicare, they aren't a center of excellence, so they wouldn't be covered by Medicare.
I was devastated. I cried in the elevator ride down to my car. I wanted this so bad. Now it wasn't just so I could move better, I was tired of the pain from all of the extra weight on my joints. My joints are already so screwed up from the arthritis, a disease that I have no control over. But weight is something I COULD control given the right tools. My body had betrayed me already when I was a child, now as an adult I can take that control back at least in this one way. I have suffered enough I DESERVE to have this chance. I called my husband from the car, still crying uncontrollably. He said "I know you, this isn't the end. We will get you what you need." God I love my husband. By the time I was home he had already searched online and found out all about these Centers of Excellence and called and found out which hospitals in our area were elgible. Turns out that the hospital where my rheumatologist is has a bariatric program accepted by Medicare. I called and was able to go to their seminar the next day.
I always believe that things happen for a reason. As painful as it was to be denied by the other hospital I think there was a reason. Dr.Nagle was the speaker at the seminar and I was impressed by the way he presented the facts and information about not only lap band, but laprascopic RNY surgery. Citing the statistics and pros/cons of each surgery I felt more informed than ever. I filled out my initial paperwork and decided on pursuing the lap-RNY. I discussed it with my Rheumy who supports the idea and is able to work with me and my medications as we go along. Currently I am not on any NSAIDS, I am on injectable Enbrel and Methotrexate. My pills are Vicodin for pain, Omeprazole for acid reflux, Folic Acid (methotrexate causes malabsorption of this so I need more), Lexapro for generalized anxiety disorder and Micardis for highblood pressure. My BMI is 40.9 close enough to 41, and I have enough comorbidities to qualify for surgery (at least in MY opinion I do!).
I see the Nutritionist and Nurse Practioner this friday (1-15-2010). I simply cannot wait. I am hoping that this process goes smoothly and quickly. Not only am I stubborn, I lack patience. So now I'm impatiently waiting, reading the entries on the message boards here and of course looking at the Before/After photos eagerly thinking about when I will be able to post one of my own. I go to Walmart for errands and catch myself looking at the smaller sizes and thinking, just wait, one day I'll be able to wear something like that. I told my husband he may have to watch out so I don't develop a shopping addiction.
Besides the outer 'beauty' of it all, I'm looking forward to playing with my kids without huffing and puffing or having to sit after 5 minutes because my knees are screaming in agony. I know that this surgery will NOT resolve my arthritis. I know this. But I do know that in my mind I will feel more at peace with dealing with the disease if I know that I have done EVERYTHING I can to help my joints. Losing this excess weight will do that. I look forward to knowing when I am at the park with my kids I will be able to keep up with them and if a situation arises I feel more confident about my abilities to protect my kids than I do now.
Looking forward to friday!
