Heather B.

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ok so a lot has changed since my last post.
i got approved from my insurance the first time out and i couldnt be happier. i was the first one to get scott and white insurance to pay for WLS. im so glad HEB got this option. still dont know exactly how much i weigh but i dont really wanna know either. my family has decided to accept that im having surgery and they cant change my mind. they try at every chance they get though. its always something different they come up with. still havent taken a recent picture of myself.
thats about it i guess. i have my surgery on feb 23rd. start my liquid diet on feb 9th. ill try to post more often. but no promises.
im on facebook a lot. friend me if you wanna keep in touch. facebook.com/starfishfatty just put obesity help friend in the note that way i know who you are

i joined OH a couple months ago but im just now getting around to writing something.
my name is heather. i have 2 children. how at my size i safely had 2 kids ill never know but it happened.
i started the process of WLS a couple of years ago. at every door i come to i get turned down. im always prepared for the disappointment of not getting approved.
i have lots of thoughts on the subject but i just cant seem to put them into a paragraph. so im just gonna write random things.

i really want to have a VSG. i tried to get a medical loan but got denied. i have a private daycare but they dont consider that income. i tried using my husbands credit but we had just bought a new car a previous year so he got denied. so now i have a big pickle jar in my room that says fat surgery fund. it has $165. everytime i put my weekly wages in said jar saomething always comes up and i have to take from it. at this rate ill never have WLS. ive never wanted something so bad in my life.
i have been keeping my plans a secret from my family. my husband and mother know but no one else. probably cuz i didnt want to know their opinions. but at a family dinner one night it came out. and then i got an earful. basically im a bad mother for wanting to go through a life threatening surgery. how could i leave my kids motherless if i were to die on the table. another comment was, im selfish for saving money and not giving it to my household. my kids need stuff more than i do.
i am the biggest person out of my whole immediate family and extended family on my side and all of my husbands side. that doesnt make me feel better.
i dont like to go outside of my house or drive. if i need something i order it off the net or make my husband go get it.
im afraid if i do get surgery, once i start losing weight i will look even uglier. kinda like a deflated balloon.
i hear the comment all the time that if i just lost some weight i would have a really pretty face.
my family doesnt like the idea of me going to mexico to have my WLS. but its the only thing i can even think of possibly affording.
scott and white insurance sucks!!
the profile pic yall are seeing is of me 6 years ago. that was the last time i think i took a picture. or atleast smiling in the picture. i have over a 1000 pics in my camera or hanging in my house. im in 13 of them. some are of my arm, my shoulder,  my hand, or the side of my face.
i dont know how much i weigh. the scale at the gym maxes out at 450. i dont want to pay a $20 copay for me to go use the scale at the docs.

more random thoughts to come at a later date........