suz1015
One Year since surgery
Oct 14, 2008
10/14/08 - Wow. I can't believe it has been one year already. It has passed so quickly. Where to begin? Sadly, just a few weeks after my surgery Mrs. Emery passed away from Ovarian Cancer. Thankfully I was able to make the trip back home to be with her family. It was an incredibly sad time. It still is. She was a wonderful woman and person - someone whom I respected a great deal. Her loss is great. I am thankful for the chances we had to speak (about the surgery, life, her daughter) before her passing. I will cherish them always.
To date, from my first consult, I have lost 120 pounds, from my visit with the surgeon 109 pounds and from the day of surgery I have lost 103 pounds. Incredible. I can not express how wierd it is to think I was 100 + pounds heavier than where I am today. I could not have accomplished that w/o having the surgery.
So far, I have not suffered any ill side effects. Of course, about the 6 month mark I began to shed some hair. I didn't go bald, but did have some moments in the shower where I kind of stressed. By 9 months, the loss stopped. I attempted to stop taking the daily Prevacid, but within a few days I began gettig some real 'gut pain' as I called it, so started it again, and all is fine. I have recently been struggling with some days where I am just out of gas - exhausted for no reason. Literally can't get off the couch, could sleep all day. I am not sure what exactly is going on, and will discuss with my surgeon. I have heard this from others on the forum.
Basically the most significant side effect would be the emotional - as they do warn. I still don't feel comfortable sharing my journey with people I barely know. Don't know if I ever will. It is such a personal thing for me. I have gone through stages if you will, of emotion. I felt shameful and embarrassed by the extreme nature of what I needed to do to get control and healthy. I feel shame that I was so heavy. I now feel down on myself which is ridiculous, b/c I have not lost enough weight yet, and worry if I will reach goal. I see others who have lost much more, in the same amount of time. Now that I am far enough removed, and healed, the 'head hunger' is creeping back a bit. The desire to snack sometimes can be overwhelming. So that too causes me to feel shameful and guilty. Then you have the people who just dig at me about 'how' I lost the weight. It is incredible what near strangers will actually say! They should be ashamed! I struggle with that too - like I said, I am not comfortable sharing such personal stuff with people who are not intimately involved in my life, yet I feel like I am lying when they ask me 'how I did it' and I respond with 'I needed to get serious and healthy'. I know people are curious, but most of the time, it is just being nosey. I hate it when people say "How did you lose it? The easy way, or the hard way?" - ugh, people!
So, on to the very positive side of it all! Much better... So, I am now in a size 12 bottom / Large top. I am loving clothes and shopping :) It's pretty great that mostly anything I put on looks good - fits more importantly! It is incredible. Sometimes I will catch a glimpse in the mirror and be amazed how 'small' I am now. Still have a ways to go, not small by any means, but from where I was... incredible. I have acheived the goals to wear knee high boots, and crossing my legs. I definately move easier and better. I can run up the stairs, I can run down the road! When I play with my God Daughter and nephew I play comfortably. Don't feel rolly-poley anymore. I have begun running within my walking workout - and can do it, and like it. It feels good. Sex.. much better :) I can feel my heart beat stronger, my lungs take in more air, I breath easier, sleep easier, move easier, my skin is clearer, I don't feel heart palpatations any more. I fit in to public bathroom stalls, I can tie my shoes w/o effort or cutting off air to my lungs, I can take a bath with water over me, I can give myself a great pedicure, I can bend and stretch. The difference is amazing really. My spirit feels better. I am not so self concious. I have the spring back in my step.
Considering how much weight I have lost, my skin is not too bad. Some areas I am not liking (arms, upper stomach especially) - but, it was to be expected, and I did expect it - and the pay off, well, it goes without saying. Incredible. Like I said, thus far, not too bad. I am actually quite impressed with my boobs and lower stomach. Of course, my boobs aren't all of a sudden perfect - but hey, who's are at my age right? But with the decrease in size, they are smaller, and do seem a bit perkier (.) (.) - my lower stomach has a little bit present (skin), but it's flat, and there is not a lot of skin. So overall, pretty good at this point. I will have my one year appointment with the surgeon on Halloween. Will give an official up-date then.
To date, from my first consult, I have lost 120 pounds, from my visit with the surgeon 109 pounds and from the day of surgery I have lost 103 pounds. Incredible. I can not express how wierd it is to think I was 100 + pounds heavier than where I am today. I could not have accomplished that w/o having the surgery.
So far, I have not suffered any ill side effects. Of course, about the 6 month mark I began to shed some hair. I didn't go bald, but did have some moments in the shower where I kind of stressed. By 9 months, the loss stopped. I attempted to stop taking the daily Prevacid, but within a few days I began gettig some real 'gut pain' as I called it, so started it again, and all is fine. I have recently been struggling with some days where I am just out of gas - exhausted for no reason. Literally can't get off the couch, could sleep all day. I am not sure what exactly is going on, and will discuss with my surgeon. I have heard this from others on the forum.
Basically the most significant side effect would be the emotional - as they do warn. I still don't feel comfortable sharing my journey with people I barely know. Don't know if I ever will. It is such a personal thing for me. I have gone through stages if you will, of emotion. I felt shameful and embarrassed by the extreme nature of what I needed to do to get control and healthy. I feel shame that I was so heavy. I now feel down on myself which is ridiculous, b/c I have not lost enough weight yet, and worry if I will reach goal. I see others who have lost much more, in the same amount of time. Now that I am far enough removed, and healed, the 'head hunger' is creeping back a bit. The desire to snack sometimes can be overwhelming. So that too causes me to feel shameful and guilty. Then you have the people who just dig at me about 'how' I lost the weight. It is incredible what near strangers will actually say! They should be ashamed! I struggle with that too - like I said, I am not comfortable sharing such personal stuff with people who are not intimately involved in my life, yet I feel like I am lying when they ask me 'how I did it' and I respond with 'I needed to get serious and healthy'. I know people are curious, but most of the time, it is just being nosey. I hate it when people say "How did you lose it? The easy way, or the hard way?" - ugh, people!
So, on to the very positive side of it all! Much better... So, I am now in a size 12 bottom / Large top. I am loving clothes and shopping :) It's pretty great that mostly anything I put on looks good - fits more importantly! It is incredible. Sometimes I will catch a glimpse in the mirror and be amazed how 'small' I am now. Still have a ways to go, not small by any means, but from where I was... incredible. I have acheived the goals to wear knee high boots, and crossing my legs. I definately move easier and better. I can run up the stairs, I can run down the road! When I play with my God Daughter and nephew I play comfortably. Don't feel rolly-poley anymore. I have begun running within my walking workout - and can do it, and like it. It feels good. Sex.. much better :) I can feel my heart beat stronger, my lungs take in more air, I breath easier, sleep easier, move easier, my skin is clearer, I don't feel heart palpatations any more. I fit in to public bathroom stalls, I can tie my shoes w/o effort or cutting off air to my lungs, I can take a bath with water over me, I can give myself a great pedicure, I can bend and stretch. The difference is amazing really. My spirit feels better. I am not so self concious. I have the spring back in my step.
Considering how much weight I have lost, my skin is not too bad. Some areas I am not liking (arms, upper stomach especially) - but, it was to be expected, and I did expect it - and the pay off, well, it goes without saying. Incredible. Like I said, thus far, not too bad. I am actually quite impressed with my boobs and lower stomach. Of course, my boobs aren't all of a sudden perfect - but hey, who's are at my age right? But with the decrease in size, they are smaller, and do seem a bit perkier (.) (.) - my lower stomach has a little bit present (skin), but it's flat, and there is not a lot of skin. So overall, pretty good at this point. I will have my one year appointment with the surgeon on Halloween. Will give an official up-date then.
9 months
Jul 23, 2008
Had my 9 month check up with the dietician yesterday. Official weigh in is 189.5. (105 total!). She was happy with my progress and said the loss will start to slow at this point. Still have more I want to lose. For them, I have another 15-20 pounds to goal. For my personal goal, I have about 40-50 pounds more to lose. I am not going to be careless. Just want to be at a normal weight. I am feeling great regardless, and still so happy that I was able to have this surgery, without complicaitons, and be healthy, for I hope the rest of my long life. They did a breathing test to calculate my resting metabolism. According to the results - I burn 2074 calories at rest. The dietician said that was "unusual" for someone my age, weight, etc. Hmmm. Oh well. I will take it! Imagine. Me with high metabolism.
Did some shopping and it is a pleasure again. I had so many clothes, that all looked good. Had to choose, b/c I am still changing sizes, and still hope to often, so didn't want to spend alot of $. But, so happy with what I did buy. I found myself just smiling when I was trying on clothes. It's hard to believe those are my hips in the mirror - in the size 12/14's.
Life is better. I am able to move better. I am running (during my walk) and have increased the time every time I go out. Best thing is, I enjoy it. I am hoping to keep increasing and being able to run, my entire walk. It's about 3 -4 miles round trip. I feel better about myself. I feel better about life. I am losing the guilt I have suffered about my weight. Guilt of not being able to do things, or wanting to do things b/c of my weight. I no longer hate looking in the mirror, or at pictures of me. I no longer dread people seeing me. I am not feeling embarrassed of my appearence. I am feeling pretty and sexy again. I am feeling the self worth that I had lost. I am happy that I can be the woman my man deserves. That of course comes from my own perception. He has always loved me. It's just that desire we all have to be pretty and have our man be proud to be with us. Like when I was meeting someone he knew for the first time. I was embarrassed that I was who he was introducing. Worried what they would think of him. (why is he with that fat cow?) The changes have been welcome, and I look forward to the the future.
Did some shopping and it is a pleasure again. I had so many clothes, that all looked good. Had to choose, b/c I am still changing sizes, and still hope to often, so didn't want to spend alot of $. But, so happy with what I did buy. I found myself just smiling when I was trying on clothes. It's hard to believe those are my hips in the mirror - in the size 12/14's.
Life is better. I am able to move better. I am running (during my walk) and have increased the time every time I go out. Best thing is, I enjoy it. I am hoping to keep increasing and being able to run, my entire walk. It's about 3 -4 miles round trip. I feel better about myself. I feel better about life. I am losing the guilt I have suffered about my weight. Guilt of not being able to do things, or wanting to do things b/c of my weight. I no longer hate looking in the mirror, or at pictures of me. I no longer dread people seeing me. I am not feeling embarrassed of my appearence. I am feeling pretty and sexy again. I am feeling the self worth that I had lost. I am happy that I can be the woman my man deserves. That of course comes from my own perception. He has always loved me. It's just that desire we all have to be pretty and have our man be proud to be with us. Like when I was meeting someone he knew for the first time. I was embarrassed that I was who he was introducing. Worried what they would think of him. (why is he with that fat cow?) The changes have been welcome, and I look forward to the the future.
8 months
Jun 11, 2008
6/11/08
Well I am 3 days away from the official 8 month mark. I can't believe it has been 8 months. Today I weigh 199 pounds - over the past week and half the scale moves between 195 and 200. So, that means, to date I have lost 95 pounds from my consult, and 79 since surgery day. I am now in a size 14 and have lost many inches! 18 from my chest alone ~
As silly as it sounds, I do feel I am losing slowly and wonder if I am doing something not as efficiently as I could be. Since I am wondering that, I must be, so what to do? I have paid attention, and do think I may eat too many carbs. I don't eat them everyday, but have been having them just the same. So, will be paying extra close attention to that detail. I feel great. My health has been well, I can tolerate most foods. I know what I can / can't eat, and manage them well. It really is a God send. A blessing. I would not have been able to do this without surgery. I am now at the point in my weight loss where I have been evaluating myself and the reasons I got to where I was. It is weird to wrap my brain around the fact I have lost close to a 100 pounds b/c that is a lot of weight! I can't believe I was carrying an extra 100 pounds so far on this body of mine. I look in the mirror, and it's still me. I don't see a big difference really, which of course is silly, but it's me! Plus, I am by no means a thin woman. I still have another 50-60 pounds to lose to my goal. I am not sure if that is feasible, but it is where I think a good healthy weight is. But, anything beyond what I have already lost is a blessing. So many wonderful things - I move better, easier, more graceful. I am feeling like a woman again. I can look in the mirror, and not be disgusted with myself. I have begun running! It feels good. My body craves it. It craves the movement and the burn. It's weird. But, when I am out running, I feel alive, good. I guess it's true about exercise - it is good for you! Don't get me wrong, there are still days I need to make myself get out there, but that is not too often. I want to . I enjoy feeling my muscles working, my heart beat. It inspries me. I pay attention to the movement of my body - and it is a miracle.
Well I am 3 days away from the official 8 month mark. I can't believe it has been 8 months. Today I weigh 199 pounds - over the past week and half the scale moves between 195 and 200. So, that means, to date I have lost 95 pounds from my consult, and 79 since surgery day. I am now in a size 14 and have lost many inches! 18 from my chest alone ~
As silly as it sounds, I do feel I am losing slowly and wonder if I am doing something not as efficiently as I could be. Since I am wondering that, I must be, so what to do? I have paid attention, and do think I may eat too many carbs. I don't eat them everyday, but have been having them just the same. So, will be paying extra close attention to that detail. I feel great. My health has been well, I can tolerate most foods. I know what I can / can't eat, and manage them well. It really is a God send. A blessing. I would not have been able to do this without surgery. I am now at the point in my weight loss where I have been evaluating myself and the reasons I got to where I was. It is weird to wrap my brain around the fact I have lost close to a 100 pounds b/c that is a lot of weight! I can't believe I was carrying an extra 100 pounds so far on this body of mine. I look in the mirror, and it's still me. I don't see a big difference really, which of course is silly, but it's me! Plus, I am by no means a thin woman. I still have another 50-60 pounds to lose to my goal. I am not sure if that is feasible, but it is where I think a good healthy weight is. But, anything beyond what I have already lost is a blessing. So many wonderful things - I move better, easier, more graceful. I am feeling like a woman again. I can look in the mirror, and not be disgusted with myself. I have begun running! It feels good. My body craves it. It craves the movement and the burn. It's weird. But, when I am out running, I feel alive, good. I guess it's true about exercise - it is good for you! Don't get me wrong, there are still days I need to make myself get out there, but that is not too often. I want to . I enjoy feeling my muscles working, my heart beat. It inspries me. I pay attention to the movement of my body - and it is a miracle.
6 months ago...
Apr 16, 2008
Yesterday was the 6 month mark from my surgery. So far, I have lost 75 pounds! I can't believe it really. Of course I recognize I am thinner (size 16!) but to comprehend I have lost 75 pounds from this body can be overwhelming. Wow.
Overall I have been very fortunate. I have felt very good. I have had some bouts of nausea and vomiting, but have that well under control at this point. I have mostly figured out what I can eat. I have started to lose some hair. I would say at about the 5 month mark I began to notice extra in the shower. So far, I guess it isn't all that bad. Don't get me wrong, I don't like it, but I think it can be worse. I am thankful I have a lot of hair, and hope I will only suffer a small loss. My B12 has dropped so will have to increase to taking every other day now. Besides that, all labs looked good! "Extra skin" has not been a factor quite yet either. I am noticing a few areas that I think will be trouble spots for me, but I am not going to worry about that yet considering, I am not done losing, so I have no idea what it will be. I just lube myself after a shower with lotion, eat what I am supposed to and exercise. The rest is out of my hands. I will just have to wait and see. I am praying and hoping, that it won't end up being a real issue for me as surgery really isn't an option for me. I can't afford it, nor do I tolerate it (surgery) well. So, we will see where I am next year at this time!
In the last 6 months I have had to learn how to eat again - eating for a "thin" person, "normal" person more importantly. This surgery has certainly given me the tool I need. The way I am looking at it is, I have been given a second chance at life. I had to go to such extremes to get healthy, and I owe it to my body to be and stay healthy. I am not saying that I am healed of my addiction. Far from it. I have a long way to go before I am that far removed from it. What I will say is, I am trying and make the concious choice and effort to treat my body well. I pray for healing and that I may live the rest of my life free from the addiction and troubles that caused me to overeat.
I am just feeling so much like myself again. Someone I have missed. I haven't really suffered from low self esteem. I mean, I guess I must have for not taking care of myself, but overall, I was (and am) good with myself. Now, it's just I feel my outsides are matching my insides... it's kind of nice. Again, I have a long way to go, but I am on this journey, and loving it.
So, what are some of the changes I personally have noticed ?
1. The way I feel - not just physically, but mentally. I feel happier, more positive, more alive, more like myself
2. I am crossing my legs
3. Pedicures - I am able to paint like Michelangelo! No struggle getting my leg and ankle bent so I can see and do it! No more pain while doing it. I can paint every corner - neatly - it's a beautiful thing.
4. I fit in to a size 16 pant and xl shirt (presently), and can wear a 7 1/2 shoe...
5. (see #4) - this means I can shop in most any store. No more plus sizes for me! Wow.
6. Not as tired doing physical things. Breath easier. Don't feel so sloppy.
7. No longer classified as morbidly obese or obese. I think the term now (and for now) is overweight...
8. My BMI went from 51% to 32
9. No longer the 'fat friend' or the 'fat girl' - not that any of my friends considered me like that - but I am sure, others did. Now, just me. I will get credit now when being described for who I am, things I am doing or have done
10. Not hiding behind my weight.
So, as it stands, I started with wanting to lose 140 pounds. The surgeons expected me to lose at least 100. So, I am 1/2 way to my goal, and quite close to the surgeons. I think that is a pretty good accomplishment so far!
Overall I have been very fortunate. I have felt very good. I have had some bouts of nausea and vomiting, but have that well under control at this point. I have mostly figured out what I can eat. I have started to lose some hair. I would say at about the 5 month mark I began to notice extra in the shower. So far, I guess it isn't all that bad. Don't get me wrong, I don't like it, but I think it can be worse. I am thankful I have a lot of hair, and hope I will only suffer a small loss. My B12 has dropped so will have to increase to taking every other day now. Besides that, all labs looked good! "Extra skin" has not been a factor quite yet either. I am noticing a few areas that I think will be trouble spots for me, but I am not going to worry about that yet considering, I am not done losing, so I have no idea what it will be. I just lube myself after a shower with lotion, eat what I am supposed to and exercise. The rest is out of my hands. I will just have to wait and see. I am praying and hoping, that it won't end up being a real issue for me as surgery really isn't an option for me. I can't afford it, nor do I tolerate it (surgery) well. So, we will see where I am next year at this time!
In the last 6 months I have had to learn how to eat again - eating for a "thin" person, "normal" person more importantly. This surgery has certainly given me the tool I need. The way I am looking at it is, I have been given a second chance at life. I had to go to such extremes to get healthy, and I owe it to my body to be and stay healthy. I am not saying that I am healed of my addiction. Far from it. I have a long way to go before I am that far removed from it. What I will say is, I am trying and make the concious choice and effort to treat my body well. I pray for healing and that I may live the rest of my life free from the addiction and troubles that caused me to overeat.
I am just feeling so much like myself again. Someone I have missed. I haven't really suffered from low self esteem. I mean, I guess I must have for not taking care of myself, but overall, I was (and am) good with myself. Now, it's just I feel my outsides are matching my insides... it's kind of nice. Again, I have a long way to go, but I am on this journey, and loving it.
So, what are some of the changes I personally have noticed ?
1. The way I feel - not just physically, but mentally. I feel happier, more positive, more alive, more like myself
2. I am crossing my legs
3. Pedicures - I am able to paint like Michelangelo! No struggle getting my leg and ankle bent so I can see and do it! No more pain while doing it. I can paint every corner - neatly - it's a beautiful thing.
4. I fit in to a size 16 pant and xl shirt (presently), and can wear a 7 1/2 shoe...
5. (see #4) - this means I can shop in most any store. No more plus sizes for me! Wow.
6. Not as tired doing physical things. Breath easier. Don't feel so sloppy.
7. No longer classified as morbidly obese or obese. I think the term now (and for now) is overweight...
8. My BMI went from 51% to 32
9. No longer the 'fat friend' or the 'fat girl' - not that any of my friends considered me like that - but I am sure, others did. Now, just me. I will get credit now when being described for who I am, things I am doing or have done
10. Not hiding behind my weight.
So, as it stands, I started with wanting to lose 140 pounds. The surgeons expected me to lose at least 100. So, I am 1/2 way to my goal, and quite close to the surgeons. I think that is a pretty good accomplishment so far!
3/10/08.
Mar 09, 2008
It's been a while since my last post. Happy to say, all has been very well. I have been feeling great - thank God. So far I have lost 65 pounds total which I am thrilled about. I am somewhat of a slow loser I guess, but I am keeping my head up and just doing what I am supposed to do. My body will do the rest. Kind of glad though b/c if the end result is going to be the same, I think it is healthier to lose slower. But regardless, I am so thankful for this surgery, and hope my good health continues. I will have my 6 month (can't believe I am almost that far out from surgery already!!) appt next month, so I will know what my labs look like. That will be the real teller of my health. Will post again with that info.
My journey
Dec 10, 2007
9/14/17. Have been feeling a bit anxious the past few days. Sometimes pretty intense. Am I doing the right thing? Will I be ok? Am I creating problems with my health (negative side effects, etc.) that I could potentially suffer from for the rest of my life? I have been worrying about so much. I worry about losing my hair, saggy skin.... I am doing this 100% to be healthy and normal, but of course I want to look and feel good. I don't want to remain horrified to get naked, or wear shorts, or a skirt, or bathing suit. I don't expect to have a rocking body, but I do want to look in the mirror and feel good about what I see. To be ok with what I see, and get on with my life. I do feel like I am getting a second chance. I just pray I will be granted this chance without adverse reaction. It is exactly 4 weeks to surgery. Not long at all. I am thankful to still have 4 weeks to ponder and accept all this and all that will be. I am so hopeful to living a full and active life. To feeling attractive again. To fashion! To being who I feel I am. I pray God will watch over me, and keep me safe.
10/14/07. It's the night before the surgery. It's 10:30 pm and I have to be up by 2am. The hospital is 3 hours away and I have to be ther for 6:30. Sleep won't come easy tonight. I have so many emotions right now I can't begin to express. I am scared I won't make it through the surgery (anesthesia, surgeon hand, all the things that can happen) - it is on my mind. The thought of that makes me just sick. I don't want to cause that sort of anguish on Steve, my family and friends. Am I being selfish? They are already spending time being worried, and axious. Steve has expressed his worry. Asking me what happens if I die? How do you answer that? Ijust said, I am not going to die! I want to live, that is why I am doing this. I swear, if God carries me thru this, and let's me live, I will succeed, and I will live a full life worthy of him. Of course, I'm no saint, but I will live better, and love better, and try harder, and just be better. My life is very full. I have a wonderful man, who I know loves me. I have terrific friends, who I just adore, and cherish. I have my parents. A wonderful family. My dog. Our home. Our business, Maine, all my experiences, and travels... my hobbies, everything. I am happy. But my weight has reached dangerous and epic proportions. I don't want to be bed ridden, disease ridden, confined to my home. All the things that can happen when your obese. It has taken me a long time to get to this point of knowing I need help to get healthy and to a normal weight. I still am hoping it is the right thing. I am praying it is the right thing. I do believe God has led me to this, and I do believe he will continue to lead me in the direction I am traveling. I spoke with Mrs. Emery tonight - a woman I have known since I was 4. Her daughter was (and is) one of my closest friends. She is dying from ovarian cancer as I write this. She called to wish me well. She told me I was strong, and beautiful and that she believed in me and knew I would come out of this. She knew I was doing this for all the right reasons. She told me she was saying a Rosary for me. She has done more for my state of mind than anything right now. Here she is with so much of her own thoughts, and she wanted to call me and offer me her guidance. If she can do this in life, I believe I can. I have been wanting to call her, just had not found the words yet. I pray for her, and I pray God will give us time, so she and I can talk once again. I really need to. So much I want to say to her. So much I want to say to everyone. I don't want to die. I want to live.
10/19/07. It is Friday, 4 days after my surgery - and I am feeling great! (knock-on-wood) I can't believe it. I have been home for 2 days already, and have been getting around ok. Though I am feeling good, I am taking it easy, as I don't want to over exert myself. So about Monday. Somber ride to the hopsital. We arrived at the hospital about 6am. Once they called my name, to begin pre-op procedures, they told me Steve could not come with me. I wasn't expecting this. From my experience, the usually allow a guest to be with you until they are ready to wheel you in to the OR. Neither of us were ready to say goodbye at this point, so it was tough. When I got in to the back, I began to bawl. I didn't expect that either. I was just so emotional - all the build up to surgery, the reality of it, and then having to part company with Steve... it was all very overwhelming. The attendant was sweet. Today's weight was 278 pounds (sigh). So, on to the gurney where I was given medication to relax me, plus anti-nausea meds. Dr. Toder was very creative dealing with the issue of anesthesia sensitivty - not only did I reciee medications for it, she also arranged for me to have the sea-bands applied to my wrist (pressure point stimuli) and a patch applied behind my ear. Whatever she did, it proved successful, as I did not get sick from the anesthesia. Hallaluah! The first night was the worst. I had a lot of pain in my stomach. My back was killing me, and I had developed a migraine, and was suffering from some bouts of nausea. It was torture b/c the pain medicine was not effective at all. Even the nurses couldn't believe nothing was helping. I was very lucky to have had a wonderful and compassionate nurse taking care of me. (Rachel) She stayed with me through-out the night applying cold compresses to my head and neck and just giving me the TLC required in this situation. I wasn't alone. Nobody should be when they are helpless and suffering. I am not being a baby. That was the case. By the next morning though, I was up and walking laps around the nurses station! It's incredible. For the next day or so, I had severe pains in my sides. I was told this was gas, and would go away. So I walked laps and rested, and did it again. Since then, everyday has gotten better. Dare I say, I hardly have any pain. I have some of course, but have been only taking pain meds at bedtime to help me sleep comfotably, b/c it is hard to get comfortable. On Tuesday they allowed me to sip 1 oz of h2o per hour. It felt good to have my mouth wet. I was so dry. They started me on Wednesday (day of release) with 4 oz shake. It was gross and warm. I drank about 2 oz, and that was all I could do. That afternoon, I sipped about 2 oz of warm broth, and headed home. Since being home I have introduced protein shakes, broths, and yogurt smoothie. The yogurt smoothie didn't sit too well. Not sure if too much sugar or something, but won't try that again for a while. I think my stomach is still too tender. But handling the broth and shakes well. The most I can comsume is about 3-4 oz. Then I get the burps and some pain in my chest. I am slowly figuring out how to consume that much h2o. It is hard b/c before, I could drink 8oz in one sip, now it is just sip, sip, sip as they say. But it is going well. I have had a BM everyday, though they are loose. I will call the surgeon to report. I am happy that I am going though as I hear about the opposite effects, and that is not fun! Steve of course was thrilled to get me back home. He has been wonderful. He is a wonderful care giver. He is so sweet and caring. This actually may have been some sort of crazy turning point for us too. I think just reminding us how precious it all is, and how much we mean to one another. So, I'll take it. If this will bring us to a better place in addition to the other benefits of good health, then all is a success.
11/5/07 Had my two week post-op visit - I lost 15.5 pounds since the day of surgery. Not bad. The dietician said I would have lost more if I didn't take in so much protein! I was doing real well with that getting in about 80- 100 grams a day. I am trying to avoid hair loss and just wanted to be healthy. Oh well, she recommends about 60 per day for me and said I could get that in with my meals. I am ok'd for soft/solid foods. The past week has been difficult in some ways. The food issue was good for the first week. Now, it's getting a little harder. I have been really suffering with severe pains. First in my back, now in my stomach. I am being told it's "probably gas" - but nothing is helping so far. Gas x, walking... they have been pretty intense at times. I just hope this will pass... (no pun intended) b/c it's making it hard to do anything - including eating. It hurts and I don't feel like it. I don't want to get sick. I have been doing so well!
12/10/07. It's been a while since my last post. Spoke to the surgeon after the last post - felt I had an irriation in my stomach and prescribed Protinix. Worked like a charm. Pains were gone the next morning! Could have been the combination of gas and an irritation, but it healed. Thank God.
Mrs. Emery passed away on November 16th, I did speak to her several times since my surgery. Again, found great inspiration. She remained strong and funny right to the end. The world is a lesser place.
Had my 6 week appointment (at 7 weeks) down 30 pounds officially. I consider it more than that b/c of the weight I lost pre-op, but officially it's 30, and that is good. I am noticing the difference in my clothes now which keeps me motivated. For a while, wondering if I really ahd the surgery. I feel I am losing slower than others, but my group is happy with the rate of loss. I am too, just hard not to look at someone elses rate of loss and question your own. Oh well, I am feeling good and healthy, that is all that matters. Having some bouts of nausea and vomiting. Mostly due to eating too fast, too dry, too much (at a time). All part of the new way I am continuing to learn.
10/14/07. It's the night before the surgery. It's 10:30 pm and I have to be up by 2am. The hospital is 3 hours away and I have to be ther for 6:30. Sleep won't come easy tonight. I have so many emotions right now I can't begin to express. I am scared I won't make it through the surgery (anesthesia, surgeon hand, all the things that can happen) - it is on my mind. The thought of that makes me just sick. I don't want to cause that sort of anguish on Steve, my family and friends. Am I being selfish? They are already spending time being worried, and axious. Steve has expressed his worry. Asking me what happens if I die? How do you answer that? Ijust said, I am not going to die! I want to live, that is why I am doing this. I swear, if God carries me thru this, and let's me live, I will succeed, and I will live a full life worthy of him. Of course, I'm no saint, but I will live better, and love better, and try harder, and just be better. My life is very full. I have a wonderful man, who I know loves me. I have terrific friends, who I just adore, and cherish. I have my parents. A wonderful family. My dog. Our home. Our business, Maine, all my experiences, and travels... my hobbies, everything. I am happy. But my weight has reached dangerous and epic proportions. I don't want to be bed ridden, disease ridden, confined to my home. All the things that can happen when your obese. It has taken me a long time to get to this point of knowing I need help to get healthy and to a normal weight. I still am hoping it is the right thing. I am praying it is the right thing. I do believe God has led me to this, and I do believe he will continue to lead me in the direction I am traveling. I spoke with Mrs. Emery tonight - a woman I have known since I was 4. Her daughter was (and is) one of my closest friends. She is dying from ovarian cancer as I write this. She called to wish me well. She told me I was strong, and beautiful and that she believed in me and knew I would come out of this. She knew I was doing this for all the right reasons. She told me she was saying a Rosary for me. She has done more for my state of mind than anything right now. Here she is with so much of her own thoughts, and she wanted to call me and offer me her guidance. If she can do this in life, I believe I can. I have been wanting to call her, just had not found the words yet. I pray for her, and I pray God will give us time, so she and I can talk once again. I really need to. So much I want to say to her. So much I want to say to everyone. I don't want to die. I want to live.
10/19/07. It is Friday, 4 days after my surgery - and I am feeling great! (knock-on-wood) I can't believe it. I have been home for 2 days already, and have been getting around ok. Though I am feeling good, I am taking it easy, as I don't want to over exert myself. So about Monday. Somber ride to the hopsital. We arrived at the hospital about 6am. Once they called my name, to begin pre-op procedures, they told me Steve could not come with me. I wasn't expecting this. From my experience, the usually allow a guest to be with you until they are ready to wheel you in to the OR. Neither of us were ready to say goodbye at this point, so it was tough. When I got in to the back, I began to bawl. I didn't expect that either. I was just so emotional - all the build up to surgery, the reality of it, and then having to part company with Steve... it was all very overwhelming. The attendant was sweet. Today's weight was 278 pounds (sigh). So, on to the gurney where I was given medication to relax me, plus anti-nausea meds. Dr. Toder was very creative dealing with the issue of anesthesia sensitivty - not only did I reciee medications for it, she also arranged for me to have the sea-bands applied to my wrist (pressure point stimuli) and a patch applied behind my ear. Whatever she did, it proved successful, as I did not get sick from the anesthesia. Hallaluah! The first night was the worst. I had a lot of pain in my stomach. My back was killing me, and I had developed a migraine, and was suffering from some bouts of nausea. It was torture b/c the pain medicine was not effective at all. Even the nurses couldn't believe nothing was helping. I was very lucky to have had a wonderful and compassionate nurse taking care of me. (Rachel) She stayed with me through-out the night applying cold compresses to my head and neck and just giving me the TLC required in this situation. I wasn't alone. Nobody should be when they are helpless and suffering. I am not being a baby. That was the case. By the next morning though, I was up and walking laps around the nurses station! It's incredible. For the next day or so, I had severe pains in my sides. I was told this was gas, and would go away. So I walked laps and rested, and did it again. Since then, everyday has gotten better. Dare I say, I hardly have any pain. I have some of course, but have been only taking pain meds at bedtime to help me sleep comfotably, b/c it is hard to get comfortable. On Tuesday they allowed me to sip 1 oz of h2o per hour. It felt good to have my mouth wet. I was so dry. They started me on Wednesday (day of release) with 4 oz shake. It was gross and warm. I drank about 2 oz, and that was all I could do. That afternoon, I sipped about 2 oz of warm broth, and headed home. Since being home I have introduced protein shakes, broths, and yogurt smoothie. The yogurt smoothie didn't sit too well. Not sure if too much sugar or something, but won't try that again for a while. I think my stomach is still too tender. But handling the broth and shakes well. The most I can comsume is about 3-4 oz. Then I get the burps and some pain in my chest. I am slowly figuring out how to consume that much h2o. It is hard b/c before, I could drink 8oz in one sip, now it is just sip, sip, sip as they say. But it is going well. I have had a BM everyday, though they are loose. I will call the surgeon to report. I am happy that I am going though as I hear about the opposite effects, and that is not fun! Steve of course was thrilled to get me back home. He has been wonderful. He is a wonderful care giver. He is so sweet and caring. This actually may have been some sort of crazy turning point for us too. I think just reminding us how precious it all is, and how much we mean to one another. So, I'll take it. If this will bring us to a better place in addition to the other benefits of good health, then all is a success.
11/5/07 Had my two week post-op visit - I lost 15.5 pounds since the day of surgery. Not bad. The dietician said I would have lost more if I didn't take in so much protein! I was doing real well with that getting in about 80- 100 grams a day. I am trying to avoid hair loss and just wanted to be healthy. Oh well, she recommends about 60 per day for me and said I could get that in with my meals. I am ok'd for soft/solid foods. The past week has been difficult in some ways. The food issue was good for the first week. Now, it's getting a little harder. I have been really suffering with severe pains. First in my back, now in my stomach. I am being told it's "probably gas" - but nothing is helping so far. Gas x, walking... they have been pretty intense at times. I just hope this will pass... (no pun intended) b/c it's making it hard to do anything - including eating. It hurts and I don't feel like it. I don't want to get sick. I have been doing so well!
12/10/07. It's been a while since my last post. Spoke to the surgeon after the last post - felt I had an irriation in my stomach and prescribed Protinix. Worked like a charm. Pains were gone the next morning! Could have been the combination of gas and an irritation, but it healed. Thank God.
Mrs. Emery passed away on November 16th, I did speak to her several times since my surgery. Again, found great inspiration. She remained strong and funny right to the end. The world is a lesser place.
Had my 6 week appointment (at 7 weeks) down 30 pounds officially. I consider it more than that b/c of the weight I lost pre-op, but officially it's 30, and that is good. I am noticing the difference in my clothes now which keeps me motivated. For a while, wondering if I really ahd the surgery. I feel I am losing slower than others, but my group is happy with the rate of loss. I am too, just hard not to look at someone elses rate of loss and question your own. Oh well, I am feeling good and healthy, that is all that matters. Having some bouts of nausea and vomiting. Mostly due to eating too fast, too dry, too much (at a time). All part of the new way I am continuing to learn.
