sweet_cyanide

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i'm just not feeling my fill any more :( i dk what's wrong with me

i have an appointment with my doctor scheduled for this thursday, except i need to reschedule for saturday. i've emailed them but am still waiting. i should find out then if i've lost any more weight since the last time i've been. i'm assuming i have at least a little, and i think if i haven't i'm going to be disappointed.

i've been thinking a lot lately, about my eat habits. yesterday i ate mostly meat, and some carbs. i've been having problems resisting pastas, rice, and potatoes. i used to be better, but it seems like lately marc always wants to go out to eat and i never know what to get any more. i know i can't blame him though. i choose, not him or my band. i always feel like i'm eating too much also. but i don't think it's all as bad as i think it is. at the same time i wonder if maybe i'm just in denial? i'm not sure, but i need to start weighing out my food or measuring it out. that way i know precisely how much i'm eating and of what. i think that'd help me worry less about everything.

despite my previous claims to "not try to eat healthy" i still somewhat do. i eat more vegtables now than i ever have. which still isn't a whole lot since we never seem to have any on hand, but it's a start!  even if i do still eat starchy foods, i at least eat my protien first. that's always a must for me.

i've gotten better at working out. i work out with our recumbent bike, and really push myself. the most i've burned is 726 calories in 25 minutes. it kills me sometimes, and i regret it the next day when my hips hurt. but i just can't let myself do any less. i feel like i have to be extreme with it, so that at least i do something right with this whole thing.

i need a new scale. the one here is permanently stuck at 310 when i step on it, which is always off from the doctor's scale. the one here just needs to have a sledge hammer taken to it. that's all there is to it.

i went for my second fill almost two weeks ago already. the doctor was surprised that i had lost 7 pounds despite not drinking protien shakes. i hate those things, even the ones they sold me that were supposed to be good. i try to eat a lot of meat tho, since i love meat any way lol. i eat it first before anything else, because i know i need it. i keep forgetting to take my multi-vitamins. i guess if i took them out of my purse and set them on my bookshelf i'd remember haha.

any way, i'm excited to be losing weight. i've been working out (4x a week) with our recumbent bike and i'm beginning to kick ass at it. the most calories i've burned so far were 560! sometimes i wonder if maybe that's too much? i always hear people saying "you have to eat so many calories in order to burn calories" but what if you burn a lot more than you consume? because apparently (according to a weight loss tracker i signed up with) i burn over 3,000 caloires a day just sitting on my ass at home. i'm not sure if that's true or not, but even if it isn't i still burn a little less than half of what i consume.

i'm not always good about food either. the second night after my fill, we went and got whataburger after a few drinks. i was kinda messed up so i ate my little chicken sandwich fast. it kept wanting to come back up, but i kept pushing it back down. it was like a yo-yo in my esophagus :( i really should've let myself spit it up but i couldn't. i've been kind of worried since then that i'm still eating too much. but yesterday we went out for lunch at my favorite chinese buffet, and i couldn't even finish my one and only plate. i didn't get a whole lot either. gauging from that i think i'm doing okay with my portions. i think it's just that sometimes it's hard for me to gauge how much i ate because of what i eat off of. i think i need to get a univeral bowl/plate thing or something. anything that will help me relax a little, because i worry all the time lol.

i'm out of a job again. it really totally and utterly sucks! i have nothing to do but sit at home and play on facebook and it gets so old fast. i tend to go nuts on marc a lot when i'm jobless, so i've been trying to be good to him. i've realized more and more lately how amazing he is. i'm really lucky to have such an amazingly sweet and caring guy. he'd bend over backwards for me if i asked him to, which is precious to me. not that i would ask him to or anything, but just the fact he's so dedicated to me is so heart warming. i really cannot wait to marry him

i skipped out on my SAT test today.... i'm just utterly afraid still to try anything academic because i'm worried i'll fail miserably. i don't feel like i'm ready for that sort of test any way, i need to brush up on SO many things and relearn some stuff. plus, i really don't want to go to the college here and see my ex friends. i just can't bring myself to go up there. i guess part of me still believes that they are somehow better than me, which isn't true.

i really need to work on my self-esteem issues. but i never know where to begin. dana always told me to be nice to myself, but it's so hard. growing up, so many people were mean to me. the kids at school, my sister, and especially my mom with all her emotional abuse. so it's really hard for me still to be kind to myself. i've gotten a little better but i think this journey of loving myself is going to be much more than just losing weight. i always dreamt that if i lost weight i'd magically believe in myself. i know that's not likely or logical at all, but i really did believe it. i think the weight loss will help a lot, but at the same time i know i'll find more things i don't like about myself. i'm just kind of at a loss here... i need to see dana again i suppose.

that's all i can think of for now, not much else is going on. i try to get marc to have us hang out with friends as much as possible because i have nothing to do at all and it feels so unfair. it doesn't always work but when it does it's always fun. i hope this next week brings better things.

so i finally got a job. i get my first pay check tomorrow. i found out all the stuff i need to do to take the program i want that the college is finally getting. we got marc's probation stuff paid off and his hours are almost done. my fill appointment is now less than a month away and i can finally start to lose weight.

marc called today to speak with his probation officer about his community service hours, because the zoo was saying he stilled owed 10 hours. she told him that he only owes 7 so that's not so bad. but she also told him he failed his last drug test. this makes for his second violation of probation. so now, he'll have to go to court again. which means more fees. and if he gets the same ass hole judge, he's bound to get a lot more jail time and even more probation on top of the court fees.

i'm so incredibly upset and frustrated. why is that when finally, after so fucking long, things have to mess up again? i feel like we're never going to get out of my parent's house, and we've been stuck here for over a year. i hate this. we're supposed to be getting married next year.

i feel like everything is ruined and i want to hate him so badly. but i can't. that's probably the worst part. all i can do is sit here and cry because i feel like we're going to be stuck in this stupid cycle over and over again because he can't stop smoking pot long enough to pass his drug tests. i feel like nothing i do is helping at all, because he just messes it up again.

i just want to give up on everything. i already don't like my job because i have to stand all day and it kills my feet. i've torn the muscles in my heels and i have to take a bunch of asprins at night just to sleep. my hips tend to hurt a lot too. but i can't get my fill unless i have money. so i'm trying my best to make it through each day, even if it does seem like it takes forever. all the stuff i have to do for college is so intimidating and i'm so worried i won't be able to do it, or that if i get in the program i'll flunk out. and now this. now after i've planned all his payments out and helped him get everything in order, it goes down the shitter.

i'm just at a loss right now, i'm going to go sit in the shower since it's the only place i can really be alone and relax.

okay so this last friday (the 16th, exactly a month from surgery) i went to the doctor's office to get weighed. i've only lost 5 pounds. i was really upset, i finally felt like things in my life were finally getting better. but this felt like a major setback. thanks to some helpful people on the forums (i'm really glad i joined up here, because i get help!) i realized this is actually not as bad as i think. my goal in life isn't necessarily to eat better, as bad as that may sound. but that's because my taste has changed and i don't enjoy the same fattening things i did before, except for a few. i feel like now i have better control of what i'm consuming and since it's less (even with no restriction it still is for me) i don't feel so bad. maybe that's not the "right" way to go about it, but it's how i want to.

i've been working out for almost two weeks now. i skipped a few days but got back on the horse today, as they say. we have a recumbent bike and i ride that. i started out with 15 minutes and have boosted it up to 20 starting with the second week. i burn about 420 calories now with the 20 minute ride. it's kind of hard and i sweat more than i ever have doing anything else but i guess that just means it's working, right? i use a program that builds up and then comes back down towards the end. it's right by the tv so i either watch tv or if someone else is watching something i don't feel like watching i listen to my ipod.

my therapist thinks i need to start a food diary, and i gave her my book on food addiction so she can read through it. sometimes i feel like i can't control myself and keep eating. but i think that's partially because i smoke weed. i've been eating before i smoke lately and that helps a lot, or i just won't have any food at all in the room. i'm going to stop smoking tho. i might be getting a job soon and they do drug test. plus honestly i'm getting a little tired of being stoned all the time. the only thing it does is keep me from going insane, but i think i can handle it (or so i hope). i think once i get a job it won't be a problem at all. i've never been one that's been addicted to any kind of drug, so quitting cold turkey won't be so bad. i did coke in high school, and used to drop extasy sometimes after i graduated. but neither really did much for me, and x was a terrible come down. weed has been the only thing that's stuck with me, but i only started smoking a lot when i met marc. honestly sometimes i wish he'd quit. i don't think it's a matter of growing up like his mom says, but i think it's a matter of learning to be happy and such on your own. i really don't know if he's capable of being happy without it. he says that if he didn't smoke he'd be an asshole and grouchy. but i think it's all in his head. i told him that if he ever gets busted and goes to prison after we're married i will divorce him. i love him to death but i told him that he can't do that to me, especially if we have kids.

it seems like every day has just been a waste, i do the same thing every day! i get online and play games on facebook until i have to cook lunch for marc, or wash dishes, clean the kitchen or our room. and i don't clean the room all that often, but now that i think about it maybe i should. it'd give me something to do and somewhere to take out my pent up OCD-ness and frustrations. i really want to go to college, but i'm afraid that i'd do horrible. or i'm going to get stuck having to see one of the two people who i can't stand the most since they're going to the local college too. i know it's silly and that i shouldn't let people from my past who have hurt me keep me from college. but i feel like soon i'm going to burst out of this cocoon i've built around me and be the beautiful woman i want to be. and i'm afraid for them to see me again before then because i don't want them to think that they have anything over me. it's hard because one is my ex best friend who replaced me with the other person i don't like. my ex best friend had the same surgery i did but way earlier than me. i guess what bothered me the most about it is that at the time i didn't feel like she deserved it. i was completely jealous and i'll admit that. but also, i hate that she has everything handed to her when i've had so much crap given to me. her dad's insurance paid for her surgery, and he's paying for her college. she doesn't know what it's like to have to go without or pay bills. living in my apartment, even if it was for a short time, opened my eyes even more. growing up i watched my parents fight endlessly about finances and they still do. seeing someone be spoiled over and over even tho they haven't done anything to deserve it is frustrating. and because she was spoiled and i couldn't spend time with her she replaced me so easily. the person she replaced me with is a complete fake and two faced. so of course that broke my heart too. i miss my ex best friend sometimes, even to this day. but i think she needs to grow up a lot and ditch her pathetic new best friend before i'd even think of speaking with her.

so i should really just stop being afraid of the past and go to college. but i dk. sometimes i think i'm just too terrified of failure to do anything worth while. the only thing i've ever really had it in me to go for was marc an that was because my heart wouldn't let go. i wish i had that same desire for other things in life, but sadly i just don't . i don't have much motivation at all. maybe it's because i've never really believed in myself. growing up my parents hardly ever told me they were proud, and in school all the kids made fun of me for all kinds of things. for being fat, for wearing glasses, for having curly hair, for being shy and quiet, for being smart... anything and everything it seemed like. when i hear people say good things about me it feels nice, even if i don't always understand why they say the things they do. so many people tell me i have such a kind heart and soul, and for the longest time i didn't understand that. i at least understand that. i just hope that after all of this is settled and i'm at a weight i can be happy with, that i'll finally be able to love myself.

i see my therapist again tomorrow, and i think i'm going to ask her how i can improve my self-esteem. it's gotten better over the years but not nearly enough. i've become more comfortable with my body, but again not nearly enough. i hope also she'll be able to help me with my food problem. i'm so glad she's been there for me for all these years. she's become the mother i never had, and needed for so long. i know i wouldn't be the person i am today if it weren't for her.

any way, i'm glad i finally got so many things off my mind. i've been kind of depressed and frustrated lately, i guess because i'm being imaptient. but i guess i just need to chill and stop being in such a hurry. oh and some lady tried to tell me that 1-2 pounds of weight loss in a week is normal with the band and i think that's complete bull shit. especially since she said she'd lost 70 pounds in 4 and a half months. that makes for almost 4 pounds a week. so she's full of it or something. once my band is filled i expect to lose about the same as she did and will work for it. i can't wait to be smaller and as long as i no longer have to shop in plus sizes i'll be happy.

Well, I'm nearing my three week mark. Our scale is a POS so I have no idea if it's right or not, but I feel like I’ve lost more weight. I’ve been a bit bad with my post op diet. I’ve had some chicken noodle soup, with really soft noodles and I chewed everything very well. Marc and I were out of town so I didn't have much else to eat and was really hungry. So I didn't feel too bad about it. However, he made his amazing Italian pasta and I had some. It probably would've been okay if I hadn't eaten the one piece of sausage he put in there for me. It was a small piece and I cut it in half to eat it. I chewed it very well, along with the pasta. But my tummy felt a little weird after that. I don't think it messed anything up because I wasn't in any pain. I think it might've been acid reflux. I hadn't had it yet post-op, but since the hunger is different for me I’m guessing the acid reflux should be too. So I think that's what it was. I’ve been good since then out of paranoia. I’ve been pretty paranoid about things actually. Today I had some cinnamon-sugared almonds I bought when we were out of town. I chewed them really well also and they didn't bother my stomach at all. The good thing is, I eat about 4 and then can easily put them back because I’ve had plenty of time chewing them all into tiny bits that I got to enjoy the flavor. I feel like little things like that help me avoid doing the worst things like eating sausage lol. 

I found out the other day at the grocery store that Campbell’s makes creamy chicken with herbs. I bought two cans, and made one for lunch yesterday. It was absolutely delicious. I think it might’ve been even better than the potato soup Marc and I made for me the other day. I also bought some powdered broccoli and cheese soup mix. It doesn’t have any big chunks in it, and I like to add crushed potato chips. That may sound weird, but I miss potato chips and they’re my favorite flavor (cheddar jalapeno, and they’re kettle cooked!) so I put some in a baggie, crush them up and throw them in while it’s cooking. They get soft and add a potato-y flavor and spice to it. I usually throw in extra cheese as I love cheese. I did eat one of those little wax covered wheels of cheddar cheese. It was very soft and I let it melt in my mouth. Its little things like that that help me keep on track. I also eat chocolate, but only dove because it melts easily in my mouth. One piece is usually enough, but I am still a woman so I’ll have two sometimes. I feel like I should feel guilty or something, but at the same time I think if I were extremely hard on myself I’d do so much worse. 

I keep forgetting to take my vitamins though. Marc bought me some chewable ones (similar to the centrum chewables) but they’re icky! I was hoping he’d get me the Flintstones vitamins lol. But I didn’t get the chance to tell him when he texted me, so I’m stuck with this giant bottle for now. They’re orange flavored but you can clearly taste the vitamins. I’ve always hated the way vitamins smell, and tasting them is just so much worse. I haven’t been exercising much, but I’ve been getting extremely bored lately so I think I’m going to go for walks again like I did pre-op. They said I should at least do that while I’m healing, so I know I need to. I’ve been stressed still because there are practically NO jobs here. I’m contemplating applying at Taco Bell at the end of the month but am not sure if I want to wait till I lose more weight to get a job like that. I worked at McDonalds in high school and it was hell on my feet, legs, and back. So I’m worried it’s going to be that kind of crap all over. 

Plus, I live with the following people: my mom and dad, my uncle (mom’s brother), marc, and my best friend Monica lives with us as well. I’ve hated living here ever since I had to move back over a year ago already. My uncle has brain damage from a motorcycle accident years ago before I was born. He acts like a ten year old and I often want to strangle him. He’s so incredibly annoying and immature. He’s always trying to convince my parents to kick us out, as if we have any where to go. But my dad has already told me before, he doesn’t consider my uncle his family and since I’m his blood he won’t kick us out. I know he hates having my uncle around too. As far as my mother goes… well she wants us out too. But I don’t even really talk to her unless I have to. She’s a very manipulative and emotionally abusive person. She loves me when it’s convenient for her, basically. My uncle seems to be more of her pet than anything. She tells him what she thinks and he always agrees with her. Especially when it’s something negative about Marc and I. We have a white board on the fridge and they both love to talk shit to us on there about various things. Mostly, my uncle loves to write on there for us to move out. Both of them are so passive-aggressive (or maybe just cowardly) that they can’t say anything to our faces. I know Marc wants to beat the crap out of my uncle, and I’d love to let him because I know he can. Except that he’s still on probation and knowing my uncle he’d call the cops and tell them we’re all a bunch of pot heads and of course we’d get arrested. So basically I’m stuck in a mad house. 

Monica is cool, except for when she brings her loser boyfriend over. He started staying the night all the time and I had to tell her that he couldn’t because Marc and I didn’t feel comfortable with him around. He’s a fucked up person and the dogs ALWAYS bark at him, which is just further proof of that. They say animals always know what kind of a person you are and act accordingly. I told her he can only stay now if they’ve been drinking and he can’t drive. I feel like it’s a fair condition and it helps keep the last bit of sanity I have left intact. 

I’ve been having problems sleeping again. I have insomnia on and off a lot, and it seems to be on again lately. I sleep normally when I do. I haven’t been having nightmares any more, which is good. For a while there I was having one every week or so. But I can’t seem to fall asleep, even when I’m tired. I had some herbal sleeping pills that I would take but someone misplaced them around here. That’s another annoying issue, the fact that nothing can he left alone in this house if you ever wish to see it or use it again. So I’ve been out of a way to fall asleep. It’s especially made worse on Sunday and Monday nights because on Mondays and Tuesdays Marc has to be at work at 7 in the morning. So he has to go to bed early, and I usually wake up around noon. He has trouble sleeping when I’m not there (we’re both really attached and in love lol) so I often lay there till he falls asleep and then get up to get on the computer until I get tired. I guess it works out okay since I have a few online games I can play and keep up with. But I still wish I had some kind of normal sleeping schedule.

I found a doctor that does fills in several different towns nearby here. Actually, for a decent price too. I’m really glad because I was worried I wouldn’t be able to get it done since I had my surgery in Mexico. I hope that when the time comes, somehow I’ll find the money for it. Not having a job really blows. I’m tired of it. I’ve been unemployed for almost a year. But at least the fill thing has been sorted out. 

As you may be able to tell, things have been hard for me over this past year. Last month made it a year ago that I got fired from the best job I ever had for the stupidest reason ever. It broke my heart losing that job, and the one after was shit. The only good thing that ever happened was that I finally had Marc in my life and now I’ve finally had the surgery I’d been wanting for so long. I may’ve lost a few friends, but I feel like I’m okay. I just really want things to really get better. I feel like things are going so very slow at getting better. I know the surgery wasn’t a magic fix for my life, but I know it’s going to help me get a normal job that I can actually handle physically. Once I do that, we can work towards getting a place and getting out of this shit hole. Then eventually when the local college has the program I want, I can go to school and have a real career. I just hope that somehow we can afford our wedding next year. I’ve found a lot of things I want for it and all at the cheapest prices. So that at least is good. 

Any way… It’s almost 3:30 AM and I’m not even tired. I’m just sitting here waiting to be tired. I don’t hear Marc snoring but I hope he’s asleep. I always feel guilty when he can’t sleep if I’m not there, even if it’s not my fault. I wish I could give him my energy so that I could sleep and he could go to work feeling well rested. But it just doesn’t work that way I guess. I’m going to go back to play Sorority Life on Facebook, I don’t have much else to do.

September 20, 2009 - Sunday 1:03 PM

Okay so I really meant to write a blog yesterday... But it didn't happen lol. I got back Friday night from Tijuana. There really isn't a way to put it in a few words. Not with everything that happened...

So Tuesday, we head down to Corpus. We were set to fly out from there to Houston, and from there to San Diego. It doesn't make much sense really, but it was cheaper to do it that way than to fly out of Victoria. Any way, we get there at the airport and they tell me that because one of the tickets I bought was in Marc's name, my dad couldn't fly unless we bought him another last minute ticket. Which is COMPLETE BULL SHIT. I was so incredibly pissed. I had to call my grandpa and have him buy it for my dad, because it cost over $800 and I only had about $260 on me for the whole damn trip. It wasn't even first class either, and he ended up getting the same seat that Marc's ticket had on almost all the flights. So basically I paid twice for the damn seats, as well as paid for an extra seat for me so I'd be comfortable.

Any way, we get that mess sorted out in time luckily and we leave Corpus. I HATE flying. Not even because of the absurd prices or the stupid security bull shit. But because I hate heights and flying is scary for me. It wasn't so bad I guess. In Houston, my dad and I stopped for some food and then boarded our next flight. The San Diego flight was too long for me, about 4 hours. At that point I was really trying my best not to cry because I really missed Marc like crazy and I'd been stressed out. The whole thing was just draining and frustrating. And I'm serious, I will never fly again unless I absolutely have to.

We got to San Diego on time and it took us a bit to find the driver for the surgery clinic. But we found him and took off. Getting into Mexico was so easy lol. There was another guy getting the surgery that had got there the same time we did, and his mom was with him. At the border they just had his mom and my dad scan their passports and as long as it went green they didn't have to search our bags. Apparently, that night there were fireworks and such and the streets were a bit chaotic. But I didn't know until the next day that it was Mexican Independence day lol. So I had my surgery on their holiday and came into town the night before during celebration.

They have things like we do, McDonalds, Carl's Jr, Costco, Sam's Club... But then everything is in Spanish so it's weird, almost like another dimension lol. The drivers are INSANE. Someone in a tiny VW beetle decided to run a red light when the huge van we were at was coming straight for them. I'm pretty sure the driver was Mexican tho, because he handled the traffic very well every time he took us somewhere.

I stayed at the Marriott hotel there, and it was nice. It was supposed to be five star but I'd say maybe it was more of a three or four. It was nice, don't get me wrong. But it wasn't that fancy. Most of the people working there spoke at least some english, which was nice. Everyone was very friendly and helpful. The bell boy actually spoke english really well and gave us advice on where to go shopping and what to see and stuff.

Of course, I had trouble sleeping. Apparently since my dad lost weight he doesn't snore any more. I'm so used to Marc sounding like a chainsaw sometimes at night that I actually missed it lol. I had to get up at 6 the next morning and head to the hospital. I was really surprised at the place. It was more of a private clinic than hospital, but still fully equipped. It was very clean, very well constructed and again most of the people spoke at least a little english. I had blood work done first, which I expected to come back saying I'm still anemic. But I guess it didn't because they said it all came back good. I talked to the nutritionalist (she was really cool, and got excited that Marc and I eat fideo like they do down there lol), then the cardiologist. After that they took me back to my own little room thing. I think I liked the room there better than at the hotel. It had a flat screen tv with directv service, as well as a small couch, recliner and a small fountain on the small table next to my bed.

There were a total of 5 people including me getting the surgery that day. So I got to wait around for a bit while they gave me my IV (which I hated because it burned!) and other medications. I talked to the doctor beforehand and he was really cool. He was crazy actually lol. But in the good way. He was honest with me, but not brutally honest which was nice. They took me in after that and I was expecting them to do the whole mask anesthesia thing but they actually just used my IV and put it in there. So I was laying there thinking "I feel fine... when am I supposed to pass..." and that was about it lol. The surgery took about 30 minutes, and they made 5 incisions. Most of them are pretty small, an inch or less long and thin, except for one that's about two inches. They must've done most of the work on the left side because that's the side that hurts the most and is bruised pretty bad.

I woke up crying. I knew that was going to happen, except that I assumed it would be because I missed Marc and wanted him there. But when I woke up I was already crying and I have no idea why. I don't think I was in pain, but I know the oxygen mask confused the hell out of me. I didn't stay awake for too long. I passed out again after that. I woke up later because I felt like my stomach was cramping bad, so my dad had the nurse give me some pain meds. I passed out again after drinking some water and capri sun that they'd brought me. I guess I just needed the rest. They wanted me to walk some, which wasn't so bad. But the second time I did it, I thought I'd walk twice up and down the halls. But on the way back we stopped to talk to two of the guys that had come together. I started to get dizzy and nauseated so I had to go lay back down. I decided to just stay the night just in case. I slept better there than I did in the hotel and kept the tv on the spa music channel since it was soothing. I left the next morning and went back to the hotel.

That next day, we went down to revolution avenue and did some shopping. I was actually feeling mostly okay, and didn't hurt too bad. The most painful thing for me was of course the incision furthest to the left, and when I have to burp. The air coming up is still painful, even now. But it's not as bad. And mostly I just itch now lol. Any way, I didn't get to use too much Spanish, except for "cuantos?" which means how much (and only on the cab driver, the shop keepers spoke english well) and then spelling out Marriott so it would be easier to understand lol. I bought a bottle of pure tequila, rather than the blended stuff they sell here. My dad got some that's white tequila and almond liquor together that he tasted and liked a lot. I also got an amethyst ring with small agate stones around it set in pretty good quality silver for $25. Two carved onyx cat figurines for Marc's mom's birthday coming up, two shot glasses that say Tijuana, an ash tray shaped like a sombrero, and some lucha masks for Marc. I also got two free keychains that say Tijuana from the guy that sold me the ring. I think he liked me o.o, which was kind of creepy lol. I didn't get too many pictures, I guess I just wasn't thinking about it much. But I did see a zebra and I was mad I didn't get to take a picture lol. I know Monica would've been like "yay zebra!" lol.

That was pretty much the only fun day lol. The next morning we got up even earlier so my dad could go down and have breakfast. I am officially on a liquid diet for 21 days lol. I have to wait a week alone just to add liquid yogurt and creamy soups. The way they do it is they sew the band in place and you have to let it heal before you start to eat real foods. Otherwise the band could be ripped out of place or slip. I really don't think that'd be a good idea so I'm sticking to it no matter how grueling it may seem. Plus I know the longer I stick to the recommended stages the better that I'll do in weight loss.

So any way, the day we left was stressful as hell too. Crossing the border took us a bit and I was worried we'd miss our flight out of San Diego but we made it, despite the fire alarm at the airport going off for some reason lol. However, when we landed in Houston, another plane was taking forever to get out of the way. So we had to wait. And then we had to try to hurry to our flight allll the way across the other side of the damn airport. Just my luck, we fucking miss our flight to Corpus. So I'm standing there crying like an idiot in front of all these people because all I wanted was to just go home and see Marc and get some real sleep in my own bed. So the lady at the desk gets us another flight an hour later. I was still incredibly mad tho. I decided while waiting for our flight that 9/11 happened because the airlines are complete crap and everyone hates them.

So that was the horror of my flight experiences, and my decent stay in Tijuana. My dad was with me the whole time and tried his best to make sure I had everything I needed. So at least I had someone there with me. I definitely do not think I could've done that all by myself lol.

I'm so itchy right now lol, and I keep feeling like I have air stuck. I have the feeling I'm going to get the side effect of extra gas like my mom has from all this. Mostly because burping now officially sucks lol. Although maybe once I heal it'll be easier and I won't have to worry about it as much.

I'm gonna end this now, we have a little kitten here that we're taking care of until some friends of Marc and I can take him. He's only a month old but he is very playful, talkative and friendly. He demands attention a lot so I should probably go make sure he's not getting into trouble with the other cats lol. I'll put the few pictures I took up soon, if I don't forget lol.